Want to be a stay at home mom

>be me sophomore in college
>accounting major
>it’s okay, nothing i would rather do college wise but nothing i want to spend my life doing
>extremely depressed, use substances to cope
>very unhappy overall, typically sleep 12-16 hours a day when i’m not at school or studying

lately i’ve been thinking about what would make me the happiest in life

for me, it’s having a few kids and taking care of the house/the kids while my husband works, kind of a more traditional but extremely controversial role for women in today’s society

if i choose to do this it brings problems with it

A. my parents would essentially shun me, and they look down on any woman who chooses to make this decision

B. less income overall for the household, and i feel like i would be wasting my talent (i’m a fairly smart person)

C. my boyfriend (the man i’ll be marrying after i graduate in a few years) isn’t too keen on this idea. my accounting degree will bring in more money and we need it living in new york

am i an idiot for wanting this? has this worked/not worked for your family?

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Are you sure you're not just lazy?

>want to stay at home mom
>extremely depressed, use substances to cope
>very unhappy overall, typically sleep 12-16 hours a day when i’m not at school or studying
I'm sorry, but you would make a very poor stay at home mother (or frankly, any mother) and in all likelihood your kid would be damaged. Sort out your issues before even thinking about motherhood. Being a parent is a serious thing.

>depressed junkie wants babby

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i mean yeah i wouldn’t have kids for another 5 years but before i would have them i would have a home/no issues with the depression and shit

Do you not understand how depression and having and a home work?

I’m a 32 year old man that wants to be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately it sounds like you have just as much of a chance at this as I do.

It sounds like you went for your major with the absolute wrong intentions in mind, which usually lead to depression, which results in ultimately terrible decision making.

You're not idiot for weighing out your options, but you have very asinine options to begin with.

nah i’m not a junkie i just drink more than i should

i would never drink whilst pregnant

Depression isn't something with disappears with time....

With your current mindset, you are doomed. You need to get your mind and emotion in control before you can control your life, and then the life of your children.

the accounting major being asinine or wanting to stay at home with a kid?

or both lol

If your boyfriend is smart, he won't marry you and definitely won't put a baby in you.

i usually snap out of depression when i feel at ease with myself which would be if i chose the route that would make me happiest in life

my depression has only returned because i moved back in with my parents and they put a lot of pressure on me

That's not how depression works. Please don't bring another person into the world until you get your shit together

aww cmon now i’m assuming i’ll still go on to finish my accounting degree and get my MBA i’m just saying it won’t make me happy/it won’t make me feel fulfilled

i’ve had depression and will always have it come and go, but i don’t think it disqualifies me from having a kid especially since my boyfriend is healthy

either way, i’m looking down the road here i wouldn’t have a baby until at least 25

Like I said, a junkie

Very young, very ignorant. I'm not trying to be rude but I will be frank.

If you honestly feel as though you can "snap out" of depression every once and a while, it sounds like you don't really have it at all. More like an annoying funk that persists off and on.

Get your life in order, seek guidance from those who have a good head on their shoulders because it seems like you've been steered in a terrible direction. I would be frustrated, confused, desperate if I spent years of my life for a degree whose sole purpose is to pay a few bills.

whenever i seek guidance from people that have their shit together they just tell me to continue with the accounting degree (my family, my boyfriend)

i never disagree with them because i don’t really know what else i’d be doing (i dislike everything in college that isn’t a business degree)

all i know is that whatever i’m doing is making me extremely ill and anxious

personal question, but what do you do for a living and how did you stumble upon it? trial and error? do you like it?

I am software engineer who dibs and dabs into freelancing work. I thoroughly enjoy and love the work that I do, I couldn't have asked for a better career and sing the highest praise to any and all who show the slightest of interest. I wouldn't say I discovered it through trial and error but it wasn't something that I knew from the jump that I wanted to do. Hoping from major to major wasn't abnormal for me either, hahaha. But I do not regret a second of it.

Seeking guidance can be tricky, for sure, but the ones who around the most can end up being the most toxic of all.

Cliches may seem to be dull and overused, but at the root of them all, there is a genuine purpose.

Maybe it is time for a new (or perhaps another) change of scenery? Try venturing outside of the city and spend sometime learning yourself. You may be surprised with what you find.

my dream is to travel the U.S. by car for half a year or so but i know that my parents wouldn’t allow it/would freak out if i tried

one time i mentioned it and they said that i was just running from myself

i don’t think i’m running from myself i just want to discover myself... i’ve lived in the same goddamn place for 20 years i’m going insane

i need a new perspective

I was born and raised in the big city, moved from one big city to another big city and to another.

It wasn't until I moved to the land of trees and rain that I finally discover the beauty of life, the body, mind, energy, and flow of frequency. My mother thought I was daft for wanting to move to Oregon, but needless to say, she and I don't talk very much.

My quality of life has increase tenfold and I can't imagine spreading my roots elsewhere. Of course, this state (or any in the US) may or may not provide the same experience it has for me, for you or for whoever. But what I can tell you, is that the refreshing change of scenery does something wonderful, dare I say short of a miracle, to the human psyche almost all of the time.

Of course, none of this wouldve been possible without my soulmate, but like I said, a change of pace can't be so bad, hm? ;)

Man if I learned my future wife wanted to be a stay at home mom I'd fuckin quickly would stick my dick back in her and suck my sperm out. There only would be one income and a lazy ass doing little work and mooching off me. This on top of the fact that raising a kid takes a fucking lot of money and if I'm the only one making money with my mediocre job I'd want to die. What I'm trying to say is stop being a damn drunk and work. Back then it was acceptable because shit was cheap and women were shunned from the workplace, but now it's the exact opposite. Also NY is the shittiest place to execute this, since cost of living is higher than my nonexistent expectations in life

You need to sort your depression out before you go clinging to an idealistic fantasy of being a housewife. And judging y your posts it seems to me that your family are being very overbearing and causing you to be unhappy. While they might be trying to help, they're probably causing you more anxiety because you can't do what you want and make your own mistakes. You need to try to break away from their influence just a little at a time without going over the deep end and cutting ties completely.

Being a stay at home parent is very good for your children. My wife is full time parent to our four kids. Sure, we have a bit less income, but it's offset somewhat by less costs for childcare, and provides a good, stable primary caregiver for your children. It means that you don't have to use breast milk substitutes, which are harmful and expensive. The kids get socialised just fine as well. I get to enjoy very few or no jobs that need done around the house when I get home, which means that in the evening we have a lot of time to spend together or on our own hobbies.

I think your idea of stay at homes being lazy is not entirely unfounded, but it depends on the person. You really need to lay ground rules and hammer out the details first, so that everyone's expectations are in line, or else there will be resentment. And I think that you're maybe overestimating the cost of children.

>am i an idiot for wanting this?

Take a hard look at the cost of living in your area and realise that single income households are less and less of a reality for our generation. You will need to balance work and having a family until your boyfriend is more toward the middle or higher end of his career if you want to survive comfortably on his income alone.

You could always work part time while looking after the kids, 2-3 days per week, to supplement the income.

But as someone who's not really a fan of women choosing to be stay at home parents at an early age I think I can speak for your boyfriend when I say that him not being especially keen on the idea means that he will come to resent you if you force the issue and do this without his explicit blessing.

You're not marriage material.

Mom of 3 here. I can honestly tell you that having my babies has been the most fulfilling, important and happiest part of my whole life. I had all 3 in a row and stayed home with them when they were little. My oldest is now in school and I plan to go back to work once the other two start school too. Babies need their mother and daycare is so expensive it has worked out best for us that I stay home with them for their baby years. I work from home a little now as well to supplement out income. Really though you will regret it if you miss out on your babies first years to be at work, or at least I would. You can work your whole life but you only get like 4 years that your baby will be home with you 24/7 then they start school and your days are free to work again.

I'm a married man with one daughter. So let me say this...

Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. And the mom does many good things. But this next part is very important: working and bringing in money is more difficult, more stressful, and more important than the parenting of the child. No money: no house, no car, no food, no anything. The money is pretty goddamn important. And someone in the house has to make it. With the costs these days, both parents usually have to work. So if you have a man that makes enough that he can support the whole family AND is okay with you not working, then that is great, but these days that is gonna be maybe 1/10 men.

In my house for example I make 70% of the income, and my wife makes 30% working part time (3 days a week). But she makes up for the imbalance by doing most of the child care. So it's a fair relationship. If my wife said, "well I don't want to work at all, I just want you to make all the money" I would be fucking pissed. That would not be a fair arrangement at all.

I've worked and I've watched a kid. Watching a kid is way fucking easier than going to work. One day my wife said "I would rather watch our kid on her worst day, than go to work on its best day"

Also thanks to feminism, the workplace is a fucking hell hole of women thinking they should be the business queen and it's really just an HR nightmare where almost nothing gets done.

But really OP as far as your post, you put in there, your boyfriend does not want that anyway, so that's not a good sign either.

A woman saying "I just want to watch the kid" is like 2 people stranded on an island trying to survive, and one says "I'll just keep this fire going while you hunt, build us shelter, make us clothes, and try to find a way off the island"

Consider yourself very lucky if you can find a man to put a roof over your head and ALL he wants you to do is parent the kid.

This is so true, I have worked and ice watched my 3 kids, I would rather watch all 3 of them while they threw fits then go to work. Heck is rather have a baby every year, go threw all the pain of pregnancy and child birth over and over and take care of 10 kids and the house work then go work some shity factory job again.

Fellow parent user gets it.

I'm always annoyed when they talk about being a mom like it's so hard.

Yes it can be hard and is important, but fuck going to work and getting your soul sucked out of you.

If feminism were true, and women weren't just bullshitting, you would see relationships were men stayed at home and women worked, but you ALMOST NEVER see that shit.

Why? Cause the burden of survival is on men. And women still complain.

Well to be fair the whole process of pregnancy and birth are recovery after takes a roll in it to but your pretty much right. Taking care of kids is hard as hell, my oldest is special needs but you get to be home all day, your time is mostly your own. You can go lay on the floor and let your kids play around you if you feel like shit that day, you don't have to get up get dressed and go out into the world for x number of hours. I guess if you have a great job you actual like doing it's not so bad but if your stuck at a job you dislike but have to do because money is necessary then it can feel pretty unfair that your partner gets to sit at home cuddling a baby all day. That's why I make a point to still work from home even woth taking care of my kids. I don't want my husband to resent me or feel like I'm taking advantage of him. Kids are a big financial burden, they are 100% worth it but it's not fair to expect only one person to be responsible for that, unless it is really their want for it to be that way. Some men feel really strongly that that's how it should be and that's fine but it's not right to force that onto someone if they don't want it.