Hey everyone. I'm in quite a pickle. I'm a woman. My boyfriend refuses to have sex with me...

Hey everyone. I'm in quite a pickle. I'm a woman. My boyfriend refuses to have sex with me. I've been keeping track and we only have sex once a month or two, and only when he initiates it. If I try he either gets angry, clams up or looks at me with a straight face and says, "i'm not in the mood". If I attempt to be cute or try to get him in the mood it only makes him angry. its been going on for about two years. In the beginning of our relationship he loved sex, but one day I tried initiating it and from then on he's been incredibly insecure. I've read a lot of articles about how to get him interested in sex again, and he's agreed to try stuff out, but the most he'll do is give me a peck kiss, and if I try to get a longer kiss me longer he gets angry. When we cuddle he insists on keeping a blanket in between us, so I rarely get skin on skin contact. Sometimes he only cuddles with his back hardly touching mine. I feel like my heart is going to explode. I talk to him about it occasionally and every time it just makes everything worse. He says he doesn't like feeling vulnerable and I'm too pushy. I don't know what to do. I feel selfish for wanting sex so badly but I can't avoid letting it make me feel unloved. Has anyone ever been in this situation? What happened? Did you fix It? And how?

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>i'm in quite a pickle
>first world problems
>a bait this bad

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I have no input other than to say that this is some weird ass behavior on the part of your dude

Let me add gasoline to your already vulnerable mental state by stataing that perhaps he cheated, and got an STD or something and doesn't want to pass it to you..

I wish this were bait, I'm terrible with words and I'm minimizing a huge problem to make myself not feel as bad as I could

why does he feel vulnerable when having sex?

From what he says, sex opens him up emotionally in a way that makes him vulnerable to emotional attack. He's admitted that it's irrational and that once sex begins he does enjoy it and doesn't know why he avoids it. I don't really understand it myself but I try.

has he been raped ?
just talk to him about your needs and try to figure something out. get him to stop masturbating if he is

>get him to stop masturbating if he is
how to break up with your bf 101

He is gay and fucks you to keep you as his beard

No, he hasn't been raped. But I think he's had rocky relationships in the past. And he's also said he masturbates too much, so I suggested that even if he wants a quickie that I'm up for it but so far he hasn't taken up that offer.

just start both or just him with no masturbation and then only holding hands, hugging. The next week kissing and more intimate. The next week a little more and so forth until you both enjoy sex again.

Seriously convince him to stop masturbating. He alienates himself from you only more with it

Thanks, I'll try this out.

He just likes cocks

I feel like he's maybe just not in love with you no more could that be it ? Or maybe he feels guilty for screwing someone on the side ?


I dont know. He can only watch porn with women in it. He's offended by penises.

I've considered that he's in denial. But when I suggest we break up he almost cries. But that still could be denial. Attachment to a person can be hard to overcome. But I don't think he's cheated. There aren't any signs. But anything's possible I guess.

do you get any love from him in any other way? Do you actually love him? Have you spoke to him and questioned why he feels emotionally vulnerable when starting sex? Does he just not understand it himself?

He pats my shoulder, says I'm pretty and occasionally buys me small gifts. But I don't really like when people buy me anything, and pats on the back make me feel like a pet. I used to 100% love him but now I feel bad most of the time and when i think of him its just him being annoyed of me. And he doesn't understand why he feels vulnerable.

>I'm terrible with words
You are right on this one

Whatever it is, it's obviously a very deep issue he has and nobody here is going to give you a sure answer by guessing. It's something you need to get him to open up about and calmly communicate over. There are too many possibilities for it to be efficient to ask here.

OP, how do you typically react to things you don't want to hear? It could be something very basic, but it's an issue of yours and he doesn't want to start you into a bad mood that he has to deal with.

my honest opinion and advice is to end the relationship and find someone better.

You might just be overweight/ugly

I'd break up with him. There is plenty of men out there who will love you and definitely have sex and want to pleasure you. I think he needs to figure himself out. Either gray or not attracted to you or has deserves. Or has been sexually abused.

have you gained weight? I lost interest in sex and broke up with my last girlfriend after she gained weight and then refused to lose it.

>refused to lose it

I was your boyfriend last year.. If he isnt interested no magazine article in the world is going to help you fix it, and the more you try shit the worse itll get.
Let me ask you, hows his life? Job? Finances?

Mine was in the trash. I was actually diagnosed with major anxiety and had to get therapy. Im gonna assuke for sake of post thats the problem just remember it might not be... Once i treated my anxiety everything got better. Anxiety is the bodys reaction to thinking theres looming danger. Whether there is or not, thats what your brain thinks is happening. A symptom is not wanting to be touched and reacting angrily to a violation of the boundary.
I dunno about you but if a cheetah is coming at me I dont want my wife tugging my dick.

If this sounds right help him relax. Forget sex for now and focus on supporting him in new hobbies and release. Unfortunately though you cant make him do shit. This is all up to him.

Youre kidding me right? Different fag. Male even. Have you been in a relationship? Your partner being unexplicably cold and distant for extremely long periods of time is fucking soul crushing.

Are you fat?

I get that. That makes sense. He is under a lot of stress. I just need to find a way to support him and avoid badgering him.

Thanks everyone for you help.

I'm 15 pounds over weight but I'm obsessively trying to lose it. He's over weight too. We're both insecure about our body weight and I think that adds to the stress.

Well. I acted like your bf do during my last relationship.
Until one day I realized I am not in love with her anymore. Not saying its the same thing, but turning back in bed, and minimum sex life is not a good sign.

>psychologically torture your partner for two years so you can avoid having a conversation that might ruin your night
people who do this should be shot

He sounds like he not only has no attraction to you OP, but he doesnt care enough about his partner to make any effort to fix this. He shouldnt get angry at you for anything youve done - even if he genuinely has issues and cant get into the mood he still should talk to you about it/make effort/etc. Not take it out on you.

I would break up - dont stay in a relationship where it's not 100% clear he cares about you and wont take out his frustration on you (emotionally as well as physically).

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If your own bf cant deal with being emotionally open to you then its a serious issue. If you really want to make this work and not end up leaving you two actually need to try couples counseling/talking it out.

No relationship can survive with trust issues, lack of communication, and a total shutdown of affection.

It might be that after 2 years its just hard for him to break away

- if youve already gotten to the point where you suggest breaking up, its 100% time to OP. Youre not really loving him at this point, youre both just attached and afraid to change.

Some of the best advice here

Maybe he’s asexual? Ask him about it and see if anything like that comes to his attention. Or maybe you’re just boring while having sex? Get kinky look at his porn or something.

Maybe he wants to hide them with his ass.

>I feel selfish for wanting sex so badly
That's sort of correct, although it would be more accurate to say you should just feel bad for being a degenerate.

I'm sorry. It feels bad when your man takes his affection away.

He's guilty about something. What it is I cannot tell you. But that's why people pull away. He's betrayed you somehow. He could be gay, or maybe cheats... Who knows. I wouldn't out yourself through any more torture... Just confront him about it and rip the bandaid off. He's already emotionally unavailable go ahead and kick him out of your life if he won't check back in.

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If not bait he knows you cheated.

So we had a heart to heart talk last night and it turns out I'm just an asshole. I'm too blunt so I accidently offend him a lot, I'm terrible at kissing from what he says too. So I'm just going to try not be nicer and lose 20lbs and find some way to not care about sex but also get better at it.

I agree with this guy. Not wanting sex is one thing, getting angry at someone for trying to work out an issue is a big no, no matter what the issue is

Ah what the fuck OP, he's just going to convince you you're the one in the wrong. Try being really really not nice and just break up with him

it sounds a lot more like your boyfriend is the asshole, not you

this is pretty terrible advice desu

Takes one to know one, right? Right.

Either he's insecure about his sexuality or he's been abused. 100%

He's cheating on you, no energy to do it again on the same day