Hey Jow Forums, got a story and something I think I already know the answer too, but I need help wrapping my thoughts around something that happened this weekend:
Preface: >bf of 5 years, 32, lives with mom and dad. Doesn't have to pay rent but complains about doing chores. Hates dad for being a weirdo and hates his mom for being a couch potato(note:both parents have jobs and go to work. Drink and smoke cigs but arent methheads or some shit) >Mom has schozophrenia and really bad insomnia so she has to take pills to fight both off, otherwise she will legit see shit and stay up for 3+ days at a time
Now: >Mom has foot surgery for hammertoe? So she can't put weight down on this foot at all. She is on pain meds and is high af at all times >Has a scooter to rest her knee on and scoot herself outside, but needs help getting onto it >She needs to use it and I see my bf move the scooter to her, but she falls right on her fucking foot, so I run over to help her up >I ask what happened and he said he let her try to get up all by herself because she needs to learn self-reliance >The fuck? >I help his mom with the help of his sisters all day while he is impatient af with her, who is too high to make heads or tails of shit rn >around midnight his sis helps her outside to smoke but he bitches about it and I call him out for the shit he pulled earlier but he doubles down on it and even now he has yet to apologize to at the very least his sisters for that shitty attitude.
As someone who is trying to take care of 3 failing parents atm, it completely broke my fucking heart that he did that. Mommy issues or not, even in the most selfish interpretation of it, I don't want that happening to me when we are older.
How do I reinforce my view on this with him? If he runs away from the convo I'm worried I'll have to walk away from him, even tho things are otherwise going well. This was just fucking monsterous and I don't know how to reiterate that, because I cannot look at him the same.
OP here, to clarify: This is his mom, not mine. Mine passed away some years ago and my dad is a disabled methhead, my grandma is losing her memory and my aunt has been in/out of the hospital for heart attacks over the last two years so I am pretty unporportionally biased about this, so if I am looking at this overdramatically, I don't mind hearing that out.
Angel Roberts
>bf of 5 years I will never understand why people do this.
Luis Phillips
Don't be a bleeding heart. You aren't supporting him. As someone with parents issues myself, I would drop any partner so fast if they sympathized with my parents beyond "that's how they grew up". You should probably just walk away because you aren't loyal to your man if your heart is broken by him refusing to help someone who never helped him.
What, have boyfriends for so long without tying a not? Or having a boyfriend at all
Thomas Hughes
My dad is a meth head and he systematically ruined my family's livelihoods. I don't take joy in knowing he isn't dead in an alley somewhere like he deserves to be, but there is a humane issue with a.expecting someone who is high on meds in a way that they can't even help to connect a and b and "learn self-reliance" and b. acting like that when they, like I said, let him live there for free and don't wreck his ass over not doing any housework at all. I don't intervene when he complaons about his parents or even when he gets in arguments with them, but letting a mentally and physically incapacitated woman "walk it off" is incredibly fucked on a humanitarian level.
William Bennett
The former. You're sinking time into a dead end relationship, and from the looks of OP it's going to fall apart soon.
Lincoln Mitchell
He sounds like an entitled manbaby. Does he have a job?
Nicholas Davis
Yeah, he actually makes quite a lot of money too. His parents are particularly well off though, but they're about to retire. I pay rent or my grabdma loses her house, so it irks me a little but every family is different so I kept the hell out of that conversation, but this is making me reevaluate all of that. Maybe if he didn't realize it, or he apologized or even tried to consider her condition in this, that'd be one thing, but he still thinks he is right by this.
John Rogers
Even if a woman being a 56y/o couch potato after work was something to answer for, this is clearly not the time for him to be playing doctor and letter her fall and fuck up her foot operation.
Gavin Moore
Why does he still live with his parents at 32, if he could afford to move out? He's got some kind of complicated, fucked-up thing going on with his parents. For some reason, he hasn't fully "grown up" and become independent. He resents his parents because he's around them so much, and because he's still living like a child long past the point he should've left the nest. Even though they allow him to live rent-free.
None of this is good. The way he treated his mother in that moment is just a sign of how deep this goes, whatever the hell is going on with him.
Thomas Powell
Well I'm in the same boat you are, your story pissed me off, but I have taken care of close family members too so it hits close to home. I'm assuming his mom did her share of taking care of him when he was a little kid and was sick. I would remind him of that. If she was even half a good mom to him he won't ever be able to ever repay her for all the things she did for him, but he can at least do this for her.
Isaiah Hall
>why aren't you going to Mr. Goldberg's apartments and paying rent? Why are you saving money? Stop it, goy!
Carter Flores
This man is a loser and I know you love him but its time to let him go. People here always come asking about how their partners do this terrible shit to them and the people around them and try to wave it off like its nothing. Dump him.
Joseph Murphy
I'll back anyone up in this day and age about living with their folks still, particularly if you are paying rent or are specifically saving up for something like a car or a house if your own, but it's mentally dangerous to not pay rent. It's like not having a job/schedule. Fucks with your head too much.
This sounds like he is having issues with wanting to be the man of the house and not having a house of his own to do so.
Blake Morris
If he had a healthy relationship with his parents I would totally agree with this, but it sounds far from it.
Wyatt Torres
He is only lucky that he has never been too fucked in the head from pain medications. It's an incredibly scary situation to be in, and inhumane to take advantage of that and sick his just desserts in her. He is either getting off on her suffering or he simply treats anyone like that, but it sounds like a power move on his part.
You already know that he'll do the same shit to you when you're older. If you have any sort of treatment, one little hangup you two had before hand and bam, ripped stitches under your tit because he made you sift shit because you are on your own.
David Ramirez
Oh definitely. I ain't out to justify the boyfriend, but even if it were strained, it's clear he isn't making any efforts to patch shit up, and it's clearly not bad enough that a 30 year-old man of some small wealth wouldn't move out as soon as he could.
He is a parasyte and dragging up potentially decades-old excuses to justify that so he doesn't feel less of a man. Further, he is acting on it and punishing a disabled woman like it's gis big chance to gloat.
Jordan Perry
I mean my mom maybe wasn't as bad as this guys, but that behavior is unacceptable to me. Family is all you will ever have. His parents can't be that bad since they let him live their rent free, he seems entitled as fuck and a little bit like a manchild for a 32 year old. Like Jesus Christ, I'm 21, and he honestly sounds pathetic to me. I would bail desu. How old are you?
Owen Adams
>Parents let him live in their home rent free at 32 years old (downright pathetic if this is in the US) >Refuses to help his ill mother I don't know, maybe it was because I was raised by a single mom, but I would bail so fast if my gf treated their parents like that. My mom has done some shitty things to me that really affected my social development, but I would want to beat the shit out of anyone who treated her poorly. At the same time, my mom helps my Grandma out a lot and they have a very strained relationship, but still understand the importance of family.
It doesn't sound like this guys parents were seriously abusive to him, especially since they let him NEET it up in their house at 32.
26, degree, paying off student loans while pitching in for rent at my own house, and yeah I was absolutely devastated by it. I just spoke with him on the phone and he's not budging either and have no business telling him to he can his family, like he is convinced that he already is. I'm just... really fucking disgusted with him over this. (he was spending the day recording a podcast with a friend of his, and now I can only imagine his sisters stayed downstairs and took care of his mom all day. One sister lives with them and the other drives all the way over to come help. They are both twins and my age, maybe a bit younger).
I have had to live with "the man of the house" flaking because of mommy issues with my dad, and goddamn if I want to relive that 30 years down the road because he is bent out of shape about his mom being a netflix addict. (Their dad works all day as a cameraman so he is gone longer hours than most, but shit he's there with her as soon as he is home.)
Carter Wilson
Whoops, my typo game is fucking outta here: "I have no business telling him how he can take care of his family."
Michael Morgan
Yea, I don't know it seems like you might be able to do better. Find someone closer to your age in the same sort of league and go from there. I think that's very telling. I'll get into arguments with my mom but it's always followed by a profuse apology and I would certainly never be so unconcerned about my mother's well being after surgery. I get worried about my Mom driving home on the freeway when she drops me off at the airport.
I don't know, I'm very high so take my advice with a grain of salt. You ultimately know him better than any of us, so we're obviously seeing a more negative side to him than the whole picture. I just think respecting your elders, especially within the confines of family, is very important.
Lots of people don’t like getting married dumbass. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a decade and have no intention of getting married till she either has a kid or it actually benefits us financially.
James Diaz
Oh, for sure. I am grateful people are reading it and I appreciate the grain of salt. I do still love him obviously, but I can't let that blind me after something like this, which is why I want people outside of my social network to look at it. Frankly, I need all the 2cents I can get. I don't want to throw him out suddenly right after 5 years, but this turned into a thickly moral issue right quick.
Imagine having all your relatives die or never contact you, parents on the verge of dying, and your other siblings are fat lazy cunts and enter you the only responsible person helping out said ill parents. You have no room for irresponsibility, your own family back stabs you, mother tried to get blues to shoot you, dad is a sociopathic alcoholic and pathologically lies about his rehabilitation. His parents are related to a corrupt government and never truly lived a life in the third world, naturally raised by socalist ideas takes advantage of aperger wife to pay for everything. Its hard not to think of re rolling when given the circumstances. Idk I was raised in a nice, suburban home, I don't know what its like to struggle when one of your parents are just outright willing assholes. The only solution seems is to work harder until its truly over and you get some kind of liberty for once.
Spoiled cunt like the rest of them. Being responsible sucks but most people say its worth it cause you win in the end for always taking the high road. Im starting to see it now but ffs I wish I was stupid or got lucky for just one day.
>32, lives with mom and dad Seriously? No woman has to dip this low for a guy and cannot get my head around the type of woman that does. If they were infirm and he the primary caregiver, its different but this is not that.
Brandon Harris
If you bring it up he will get defensive. I guarantee this. He needs to move out and his anger is rooted in his insecurity for not being independent. If you are going to stay with him and want results in this area then get him to move out.
Joseph Gray
This guy sounds like a dime a dozen loser without any real grasp of the fact other people have complex feelings and life experiences just like he does. Some people go their whole life without figuring that out, and since he's 32 (my age) the chances of him figuring it out aren't all that great -- and it's not something that just POOF happens.
You're 26, at the point in your life where you're just starting to really become an adult. You have to really think whether this is the person you want to spend your life with. I sure as heck wouldn't.
Jace Wilson
I stopped at the part when you said your fucking bf lived with his mommie. Find another bf
Luis Harris
My own mother is schizo and growing up under her roof made me hate her. She had paranoid delusions and inflicted her illness on my sister and I. Everyone that meets her says she's 'weird, but nice', but its just a mask.
Don't judge your BF too harshly, being raised by someone with a mental illness is incredibly taxing. Schizos do not make good parents, and he's probably been through a lot of shit because of her. If you want to help her out, then you are a kind soul, but he likely has some damage that won't heal for a long time, maybe ever and resentment can burn stronger than familial love or parental bonds. A lot of people can't let go of that hate.
