Licensed Sex Therapist here, let me help you

Explain your job more and what you actually do.

I'm quite affectionate and like to feel like I have something truly special during and after sex. However, only the women I DON'T cherish like this ever show prolonged interest.

Now to skip the nice guy, ass hole bs, I'm wondering if I'm right in linking the two. Should I cut down the touchy feely affection with girls I'm into?

Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy — a general term for treating mental health problems by talking with a mental health professional. Through sex therapy, you can address concerns about sexual function, sexual feelings and intimacy, either in individual therapy or in joint therapy with your partner.

That is the medical definition, in reality, i'm my clients mother, ex, possible future desire and anyone else he feel he/ she can talk core issues with

Depends, as a woman I can say getting too lovey early is scary, as a therapist, I don't know the time frames, so would need a bit more info

I'm a 28KHV, reasons being, abusive childhood, illness (depression, anxiety), and disinterest.

Had my life ok for a a while now, in shape, average face, tall, freelance work that pays well, hobbies (few social other tha gym). Don't really have friends though.

In the past two years my disinterest has waned and I want to try pursue sex and relationships. I feel a bit of anxiety regarding this and I find the potential shame and abasement that comes with pursing and having sex very unappealing, especially being 28 with no experiences.

*Any advice on how to deal with this? Also advice on whether I should tell women i'm a virgin or not?

What does it mean when all I can find off Tinder is girls who want to go out, meet again and have sex, then meet sporadically every now and then for more sex?

What am I doing wrong? Admittedly, none of these girls have girlfriend potential for me. I don't feel any spark there. The girls I have felt that little spark with say they're busy after the first date...

Help.

My friend (21) had a minor breakdown and now lives at home with his parents and is a NEET but is mostly psychologically there and very functional. His mom sleeps with him in his bed every night. Is this abuse?

I would find a older woman and basically be taught, this will restore some confidence and also give you much needed endurance while not suffering shame.

I've actually considered writing a report on this, call it tinder sated depressive disorder maybe? Basically tinder guys with high success rate suffer disinterest and self loathing. You feel empty and craving more but your main source of potential mates does not crave this interaction.

Ok, i'll try find someone older.

I'm dating a girl now (we met in class this semester, been hooking up/going out for about 3 weeks) and I'm already bored of her sexually. I want to make it work because she makes me happy, how do I maintain interest?
Just for more details
She's super hot, but not down to do things like give oral, and I've gotten with a few freaky girls before this that never had limits like her (which I want to respect)

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So its a 'thing'? What is your hypothesis? Am I exuding the wrong vibes to the 'keepers'?

I don't even know if those girls who rejected me after the first date were in fact 'keepers'? I just thought they were more wholesome and homely types of girls. I have no idea why they rejected me but it stung a bit. I have rationalized it in my mind since the latest one told me, before meeting, that the last guy she slept with was a guy she was seeing in October 2017... so shes obviously very picky and not like typical girls of today.. thats why I liked her though.

Surely its not because she didn't find me unattractive? I mean, I have banged 10 women off Tinder this year? Maybe it could be I seemed like a player-type?

eat her ass

My ex-gf was pretty abusive and since we split 2 years ago I've had absolutely no drive to date again. When I've had opportunities I've always made excuses to avoid getting involved.
I'm 29 and I feel like I should have gotten over it by now. How do I fix this?

I usually try to limit it to what these girls offer me. I try not to be the initiator of new dynamics of affection. For example one would stroke me, I started to do the same, she'd try and spend time with me when we weren't fucking, I offered to do the same and she ghosted.

The girl who still tries to get me months later I never cuddled, never treated kindly and never made much effort with.

I don't want this to sound like I'm bitter about what I don't understand but it has confused me. I'm thinking its best to stay the way you were when you first meet them, maybe?

I think you could be or "the keepers" could simply not exist in that format, while tinder is evolving to a social platform, the majority of people on there are not looking for emotional connection, I would argue some are incapable of it

My mom abandoned me and then died of cancer when I was around 4 and then 9. I have mommy issues and I just realized this lately. I'm trying to move on

I think you can evolve into a more caring person and not stay rigid but there is faults in both.

Example one of my early clients was a guy named Terry, now Terry was your typical early 4channer. He was nerdy, hermit and a social anxiety mess.

Terry fell in love with a girl named Meghan, Meghan was all he thought about but she was rich, smart and waaaay out of his league.

Terry decided if he couldn;t have Meghan he would change to be what she wanted. He hit the gym, started smoking and basically acted like a "chad"

Meghan suddenly did want him but he no longer wanted her, in his state of changing for her, he lost what made him want her at all.

He was a mess and took years to not go to his "other" self just to feel normal

Follow up to Meghan, she ended up doing adult films

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And what did you do to help? Are you really a doctor or just a therapist who took a 3 mouth course about sex?

Is it true that it's mostly women who get emotionally attached from sex?

In his case it was anxiety medication and helping him understand that some of that charming personality was him all along

Women release more Oxytocin during sex than men, this makes us more prone to bonding. I would however argue that modern bonding could include fwbs

I was sexually abused as a young teen for quite a while by a friend. As I've grown older, I've realised that I mimic some of his behaviour with the partners I've been with and it disgusts me. How can I stop this?

I've been with my deaf girlfriend for 7 months and I'd like to make things more interesting with her in bed. Most of the time we have sex facing each other or from behind in front of a mirror so that we can still communicate via sign language. What are some interesting or unusual things we could try? I'd like to try bondage but obviously I can't restrain her hands, and even positions like doggy can be difficult for her to talk to me from.

So do some women reject guys based on some judgement they make of them even though they might find them attractive and nice etc? Aka, hes a player though...

My wife has a rape fantasy, how can I help her fulfil it?

I don't like masturbating before a date, because I have ED fears (had it a while ago, but nofap helped), but on the other hand if I don't, I get so nervous and tense that I feel I'd cum if she so much as touches me. How can I keep my dick under control in times of nofap?

I made this thread Any thoughts on this situation?

Never had sex. No sex problems whatsoever. Life is goooood.

I love my gf we have been dating for almost 3 years and she is my first gf, I am scare of she being my only gf and regretting it later, but also I don't want to end a good healthy relationship for such a stupid shit, what the fuck do i do?

I asked this in another thread, but as soon as I like a girl, I start cumming too quickly. It's because I get off on her pleasure. As soon as she's about to orgasm, it sends me over the edge which means I cum like right before she does, which is frustrating as hell.
If I don't like the girl, I don't care and I can fuck her as much as I want, but when I do like her, it's like I get all soft and squishy inside and I can't fuck her properly.

How do I control or quell my attraction to little boys? I've tried no porn (not exactly it was more so that my internet went out) but after it came back on I went straight back. maybe it's just a bad habit, i don't really know what I'm attracted to in terms of adults

Yes women measure nesting factors even with men they may find attractive

Start slow, few rough actions, see if she likes reality vs fantasy

Relieve yourself 2 days before the actual date If your content than what’s the issue? If not you could take a break or suggest s poly but note I personally have never met a happy poly couple

She sounds like a sexual volcano ready to blow, she may be faithful or prudish but that is shifting hard

So what can I do to maximize my chances?

Also, would a woman go on a second date if she wasn't sexually attracted to a man?

This other girl I was seeing was saying I'm good looking etc after our first date and told me she wanted me to take her fishing. So we went the next day and then she told me she was still hurting over her ex (which she mentioned the week we were still chatting on Tinder) and its too soon for her to date. I took it as a rejection and figured maybe she wasn't attracted to me but its probs my low self-esteem...

?

She just wanted sex, like I said tinder is ripe with people self medicating with sex hormones. I’ve been on dates with men where the moment I made my intentions of no sex they went from attentive to passive ignores. Antedota yes but I feel people do the same thing now when relationship intentions appear

I’ve heard deaf people have sex user, unless she’s mute, you can still hear her, she just may sound like a in Estes bufffalo

She is mute.

I am hopelessly addicted to strippers, whores, and camgirls. They are the only women who give me any sort of sexual attention as I am disgusting and ugly. I want to stop but I also can't give up that touch.

How do I kick this habit? It's ruining me.

How can I change my mind to platonic love of my friend rather than pining for what will never be? I’ve known him for many years. Help!

Then use non verbal communication, head nodding, blinking, a clicker like full sensory depo people use during sex

How much do you charge men to talk about fucking?

You are only as ugly as statistics say, in other words you probably have standards that are high as hell due to idealization of a common beauty standard

I don’t charge so much as draw a baseline, I’m employed by the state, not a private practice, maybe someday

I cum too fast, what do?
Women i've been with, laugh at me when it happens and start avoiding me afterwards.
And for the record, yes I do plenty of foreplay but they start begging for cock when they are horny enough but I'm not able to please them with my poor performance.

You don’t? Meaning you don’t need to categorize every interest but you should also not obsess, if you feel you need to limit yourself due to blow back that’s ok but usually a career or social obstacle is the only reason to codify

How can I help my gf feel better about her body? She's 240lbs, 90 more than me, and she's self conscious especially if I want her to get on top of me.

No, I am legitimately ugly. If I wasn't ugly I'd have at least some success with women but I don't. Ergo the strippers and whores.

More activities, if she goes on a diet you do too, if she expresses a outdoor interest you do too, if you see a outfit you would like on her get it in her size without making her feel picked on. Make her feel desired and this will improve your bonding as well

No one is the ugliest person in the world you are probably average and going for 10s, start small and with confidence and self improvement

Great, thanks. Any advice for the short term though? Things I could say or do tonight to give her a boost?

Sudden date and home made dinner? That’s always a quick fix

I'm at my very very best a 3. You know, nevermind. I'm sorry for even asking, user. Nobody can help me

See you don’t want to lower your standards or start at a lower social price point, that’s ok but you are
Limiting yourself no one else

It's really only when she's naked and in bed with me that she's self conscious about her body, but dinner is a nice idea.

How does one maintain sexual interest in a partner over the long term? After you’ve had a 1000+ blowjobs the returns are diminishing. It’s just not sexy to see you’re partner doing taxes and then before bed getting a blow job. It turns me on more to jack off to Instagram whores than engage with my partner . For me, I just prefer a new conquest. I’m always going to cheat.

So I'm doomed to only get people as horrible as me? That's my fate? Fuck

Emotionally ready for down turn? It’s not that, personally I can’t be bothered with the banality of a relationship. I see no real reason to maintain a long relationship. Of course I want a relationship until I’m in one.

I’m 33 and live with my parents lol

24/M

I've turned down every opportunity for sex/being in a relationship throughout my life. The catch-120 is that I have a super high libido and think a relationship might do me good emotionally.

I know somethings wrong with me but I just can't pin it.

Originally I held off those values due my domestic violence home life growing up because I was too afraid to drag her down by exposing her to my trailer trash home life. I also want to say its because I'm ashamed of by body but even when I got Jow Forums a few years back and was proud of what I gained I still turned down opportunities. My current excuse this time is that I want to focus on my career; I'm in college, also work an manual labor overnight job, and am trying to start my own business on my off time.

I just want to be better.

You have to be direct with a woman like this, tell her to suck your cock. Otherwise dump her.

People in lust tend to fade, it’s even worse when one is in love and one is not, may I ask if you have some self issues? I notice interest fade is huge in bpds individuals

This is wrong mindset, a average looking girl could be the best talker in the world, a unconventional attractive partner could blow your mind in bed. Don’t impose standards on others that you fail to meet yourself

There is nothing more depressing than fucking a girl who you don’t find that attractive

I know people with advanced medical degrees who live with their parents, home buying isn’t always easy

Bpds? Self issues? I don’t believe in a “self”

I’ve dated men who look like Romanian carnival fortune tellers, They rocked my world

Bi polar as in you love bomb people but quickly lose interest

Interest fade is not the right term, it’s just routine that bites. Sex becomes a part of life, like doing the dishes. When you’re dating you don’t see your women warts and all, and once I have seen those parts I lose sexual
Interest, my partner becomes a mother like figure.

>at best a 3
That's pretty average.

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I wouldn’t say quickly. It’s gradual.

And I assume this makes you feel restriction and nagged

Gradual as in 3 months?

No, I just meant in the way I’m not attracted sexually to my mother, once I see the domestic side of my partner I lose interest. I don’t feel restricted there is just nothing sexy to me about a women in her sweats watching jeopardy and doing dishes wanting to give a me a blowjob for the 500th time

No like 2 years after and you know the person and have shared everything, a relationship

I see it as you feel domestication as wrong and I feel this has a deeper core root. If you truly feel for a partner regardless of situation you should find them desirable but in this case I feel there is a deeper issue, probably deeper than I can explore in this ask Abby format we have here but what is your family relationship like?

I don’t know how to read this

How many times has this occurred?

Again what you're saying is to only go for people as bad or worse than me just in a different way.

>If you truly feel for a partner regardless of situation you should find them desirable

This is not true. I don’t feel that domestication is wrong, I like it in fact, I just don’t want to fuck my partner as much as some sexy new girl. I don’t want to watch jeopardy with the new sexy girl, but I do want to fuck her face.

Every time.

how do I use my little 4.5" (erect) penis? or am I screwed?

If that’s what you see that’s what you see, I think there is more about yourself you should improve before you worry about looks

When resources (blowjobs) are scarce they are valuable, when they’re abundant they’re not. At some point blow job from your partner is no different than jacking off

Looks are important

That is some circular logic so round it makes my geometry eyebrow twitch

Looks aren’t what’s keeping you from finding a girl user, I’m not the only one who is getting that vibe