Is a cheater always a cheater?

Long story short, I'm getting pretty serious with a girl who informed me that she's cheated in almost half of the relationships she's been involved in. She alternates between betas she's not very sexually attracted to but who treat her well (the guys she cheats on) and assholes, who treat her like shit. I pretty much fall in the middle of these two categories.

Nothing is locked in thus far, and I'm still assessing my options. She says she's ready to settle down and so am I. I have quite a few years on her and she respects me.

She says it takes her more than just a physical connection to get off, thus the guys she's cheated on her BFs with were consistent side line flings with old school friends, exes, etc. I don't believe she was a mad hoe, but she could be.

Am I completely blinded by love or do people deserve a second chance. My brain says run but my heart says otherwise. The fact that she told me is a good sign, no?

Fyi, she's 9/10, educated, smart and kind (left wing af though)

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In this case, yes. She only wants you to be aware of this fact so that you'll keep her entertained at all times.

>she's cheated in almost half of the relationships she's been involved in
I would abandon the ship. I can sort of understanding cheating once, but she is a pathological cheater for sure. If you don't enjoy getting cucked, drop her.

>The fact that she told me is a good sign, no?
No, it just means that she will be able to blame you for her cheating. She will tell you that you knew what you were getting into.

she's being honest with you, which is good, but she's definitely going to cheat on you, so either be prepared to get into an open relationship with her, or dump her the second you start to catch feelings.

>left wing

>compulsive cheater

It's actually a pretty good assertion


How can you be so sure? I mean I get it, I felt the same thing to start with, and I almost called it, but now I genuinely believe that she's had a shitty run with dudes and I could potentially be the one to set her straight.

Are there any tests of sorts I can run before I invest time and energy into this potentially destructive force?

user, it always goes like this. I don't want to burst your bubble, but when the feeling kicks in the reason departs, so it's only natural that you try to justify her cheating and convince yourself that you will be her special guy, the golden exception. It's so unlikely though, that the risk isn't worth it. Getting cheated on hurts like a bitch and can really fuck up your self-esteem and worldview.

jej, sorry forgot to mention
>pic related

To my knowledge, I've never been cheated on, but if it did happen it wouldn't be good for any parties involved.

You're on the money here, and I kinda expected these responses. I thought maybe there'd be one autist out there who'd justify my foolishness

She cheats because she is terrified of intimacy and as soon as she gets too emotionally close in relationships she does something to sabotage the relationship and escape. Its actually quite sad if you think about it. Autists and raging incels would lead you to believe that cheating is the product of some kind of moral failing and in a sense it most certainly can be but chronic avoidance of intimacy is typically caused by trauma and/or a breakdown in parental relationships as a child. If at any point in the early development of a child a parent or close adult abandons, neglects and/or does anything to instill in the child that they cannot trust the people around them people like this woman are created; women who never learned how to truly be vulnerable in relationships and are compelled to ruin every good shot at true commitment they get because the prospect of opening themselves up to hurt again is terrifying. If she gets therapy and is really open to working on her intimacy issues then sure, she has a shot. Keep in mind that these kinds of things take years to work through in therapy and that, chances are, if she feels you are getting too emotionally close she'll do something to sabotage your relationship. She destroys the good things in her life before they have a chance to destroy her. Its a rather simple, base human defense mechanism that takes on many shades of complexities in the context of adult relationships. If you have a good feeling about her then I doubt she is a genuinely bad person. It sounds to me as though she's just genuinely broken. In her current state she is incapable of giving you the relationship and commitment you want.

user, thankyou for you well written reply. To the best of my knowledge, her parents are still together and she has a very good relationship with her father and mother. On the contrary, she is extremely intimate and open about having a future with me. From what she tells me, she's cheated when she knows the relationship has no future, and she is very agreeable, thus would rather stay in a shitty relationship than end things and face an 'uncomfortable' conversation. It's a BS excuse, I know. I've never once cheated in my 30 years of existence and had many opportunities to. I think her first relationship was quite damaging for her, or so she says, and this would explain her fear of abandonment. To my knowledge she more or less gets into another relationship - or friends with benefits type scenario - before they break up so what your saying makes sense in a lot of ways. Just not the intimacy thing I guess.

Also, let me just add that I grilled her for about 3hrs on this subject and bascially told her she was a piece of shit and she agreed with me. I think she's genuinely sorry and feels bad about what she did

Something happened to her. It may not be overt or something she is even willing to admit but a normal, well adjusted person who is comfortable with intimacy and emotional vulnerability does not behave the way she does. She's feeding you an excuse that, apparently, she has even convinced herself is true. From your input its obvious that she isn't yet ready or willing to face whatever inner conflict she has that causes her to sabotage relationships. Cheating to end relationships instead of facing uncomfortable conversation is a purposeful creation of chaos. That isn't the habit of an emotionally healthy person. In essence, her reason doesn't make any sense.

Also, understand that whatever happened to her happened before her first relationship. People don't become scarred because of dysfunctional relationships. They enter dysfunctional relationships because they are already scarred.

The last thing you should understand is that this is all about intimacy. She says that she cheats when the relationship "has no future". What do you think perhaps causes her to determine a relationship has no future? For people who are chronically adverse to remaining in committed relationships for any amount of time do you think its a mere coincidence that around the time they sabotaged the relationship they also discovered that it had "no future". A relationship having a future requires true intimacy. She's the one who robs her own relationships of a future, user. Convincing herself they have no future is the only way she can justify ruining them. You really need to wake up and start living in reality.

I hate to say it, but you're dead on the money here. I really need to take a step back from this one for a while.

The only inconsistency in what your saying is the intimacy thing. She's EXTREMELY intimate all the time. And not just physically she's very sweet and attentive to my needs. Can you explain this to fit your theory?

Yep, she isn't a psychopath. She can feel remorse. It doesn't matter that she won't cheat again tho

I hope she does cheat on you, if only to teach you a lesson about being this retarded and 'accepting'.

Not previous user but it's possible that she uses attention, affection, and intimacy as a method to try to keep you happy. She may be afraid of you leaving, and so she resolves to be "perfect" to make it so you never want to leave. If so, she can't maintain that level of attention and perfection, because nobody can. Eventually she would run out of energy and be unable to maintain it. This can in turn cause relationship problems. She's been giving so much and she can end up both disappointed in herself because she can't keep it up and disappointed in her partner for not being able to support her to the same extent or not being happy with the real her. Her partner feels something is wrong because she's suddenly not paying as much attention, so obviously she doesn't love him as much as before. This leads to tension and blame, which leads to more mistrust and lack of attention, which spells doom for the relationship.

I'm talking a little out of my butt here, I don't know if this is something she does. But I've seen this before and it could be the case here.

>She's EXTREMELY intimate all the time. And not just physically she's very sweet and attentive to my needs. Can you explain this to fit your theory?
I think you need to reassess your understanding of intimacy. When I say "afraid of intimacy" I don't mean "cold" or "distant". Someone can be very physically affectionate and attentive and still be adverse to true intimacy. True intimacy is not hugs and kisses and passionate nights where you talk about your future together. True intimacy is follow-through. True intimacy is MAKING that future together even when its hard. True intimacy is going through really dark, not so affectionate times with your partner and coming out the other side still committed to being with them. True intimacy is being willing to remain consistent in your commitment to your partner even when the initial spark has worn off. True intimacy is work, user. From what you've told me she's willing to do just about everything except for work; the actual part of relationships that isn't always fun and sweet and full of hugs and kisses.

I have no doubt that she can be very physically intimate and affectionate but that isn't what sustains relationships, is it? It sounds as though that is the kind of intimacy she thrives on. Because she's never learned what true intimacy is she somehow believes that when the new relationship excitement wears off and the initial sparks have subsided then the intimacy is gone and the relationship "has no future". As soon as she decides that there is no future she sabotages the relationship she's in and jumps to a new one where the physical affection and relationship "spark" is new and exciting again. Does that make sense?

In your mind, what is it that someone like this is desperately searching for if not mutual respect and physical and emotional intimacy?

We've spoken about this subject at length, and I'm willing to give it a shot or at least try and penetrate whatever lurks inside her. We do have amazing lines of communication, which is a good start.

What would you suggest I get her to focus on, you do you think it's a lost cause?

Again, I appreciate your sentiments senpai


A cheater is, in fact, always a cheater.
No matter how you do it they'll find a way. Snapping nudes has never been easier with all these apps for it.

tryna be subtle user?

Generally I lean towards yes, for the reason that unless the cheater has had a really good reason to have such a shift in attitude (which is almost never the case) then there's no reason to actually believe them.

Like some cunt who drink drives, crashes and almost dies and that's what convinces them to stop. However try getting said drink driver to stop without any real consequence will achieve little, usually.

Some people, believe it or not, are just pieces of shit for no reason other than they just are.

That's exactly what psychopaths do. They fein emotions to manipulate people. You have zero ability to know whether she really does feel remorse and with women, there's very little between them and psychopaths.

If she was so good at manipulating human behavior she would have lied from the get go. Her having a shitty past hasn't exactly made me trust worthy


Honestly, I created this post because I was mildly concerned but right now I'm fucken petrified. Still, there ARE nuisanced behaviours that one can only describe by witnessing it with his/her own eyes, and I like to believe the girl when she tells me she's changed (proofs in the pudding, I get this 100%)

She is very left wing and her virtue signalling would also explain her need to desperately fit in with people due to a lack of self confidence.

I very much agree with user above that she's very damaged and she's probably the one who cheats when she realizes the relationship has no future or whatever. I don't understand what it is she's lacking in these relationships though.

I personally have no morals, and will sit her down for an hour and ask her "what the fuck happened in your past to make you such a shitty person?" Is this a good idea anons?

avoid like the plague.

Some things are not worth the effort and not worth the gamble.

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Depends on why you two entered a relationship. From her past behaviour, it seems as if sex is high on her list of priorities in a relationship. If this is the case, then you can't expect her to be faithful, because she can get sex from anyone, not just you. When she inevitably gets bored of having sex with you, she'll look for it elsewhere.

going down with the ship aren't we OP?

Your heart has fucked your head and you've lost all ability to reason. You are trying to find any little thing to support she'll never do it to me when the probability of her doing it to you is 90%. You've been warned and we cannot save you from yourself.

how can it be possible that every guy she's dated has been shit? she seems like the common denominator here
similar to how some girls claim they cant hang with other girls because they "hate drama", but then it turns out that they're addicted to male attention or are petty and jealous
t. girl

>I'm ready to settle down

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So basically go for it. Fanks bruv

Who is the girl?

All of the advice you've given here has been on point and I appreciate it.

Basically we're meeting up overseas for a few months for some sexy times, hiking and site seeing. This starts from tomorrow btw. I'm well aware that the chances of her following her shitty ways are very VERY high and you've reinforced my need to keep my guard up and not get too involved.

When the time is right I'm going to let her know that I could never trust her in a relationship and our moral code is worlds apart and just see how she reacts. If she says "it's different this time", it won't be enough for me. The only realistic option is if she goes and sees a shrink and sorts out her internal issues. If she's really commited to me that then that might be enough. If not, it's done.

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Idk, some roastie


Bruh. Why you still dating her. Forget her

Cheaters are more than twice as likely than non-cheaters to cheat in their next relationship. If she's cheated as much as she says, there's no reason to think she'll stop, especially if she doesn't feel bad (it sounds like she's blaming her exes, which should tell you she's fucked in the head). Interestingly, people who get cheated on are also more likely to be cheated on in future relationships.

People cheat for a lot of reasons. They might be insecure and seeking validation, they might be chasing that thrill of initial attraction or doing something forbidden, they might do it because they're sociopaths or just broken--the fact that she openly admitted to cheating in half the relationships she's been in suggests she's broken. None of this is for you to figure out or cure, leave that to some other unlucky sap she ensnares; you need to back out because she absolutely will continue cheating.

Run, don't walk.

We're not actually dating. We met overseas, had some good times, and things have been progressing via distance since then. No strings attached, no exclusively. As I said, we're meeting up tomorrow for a month or two to "hang out" basically.

True words. I'd like to think I'd never leave myself vulnerable to be cheated on and wouldn't take the plunge without her going to a shrink and sorting out her head issues. She has a lot of good traits that I haven't discussed, and I think it's worthwhile at least seeing where this thing leads if not just some good times, then we can call it a day.

Funnily enough, I just got off the phone with her

>she can tell I'm noticeably different
>doesn't know that I've been getting red pilled by you cunts and also my mates from back home

I told her that we need to take a step back because we have a lot if "things" to discuss before we get too deep. I guess I came here because I knew I needed a kick up the arse and you cunts didn't disappoint.

She sounded very disappointed over the phone and I'm very much leading towards her being extremely damaged. Still, I think everybody deserves a second chance IF the damage to yourself can be mitigated by certain controls, etc. Although I might sound like a beta boy, I can assure that I'm not about to get cucked by some lassy. Amercian chick actually

>smart and kind (left wing af though)
>smart and kind
>left wing
Pick one.

Weak bait/10. Your incel cuck literotica sucks. Far too many giveaways that you have in fact never even talked to a woman in years.

Intelligence doesn't always=wisdom

With what possible incentive you neckbearded virgin faggot?

>betas who treat her well
>aggressive alphas who treat her like assholes
This whole scenario is built on incel memes.

>She has a lot of good traits that I haven't discussed
Don't get into that mindset. She might be smart, kind, funny, insanely hot, but ultimately she isn't relationship material if she can't stop fucking other guys. She says she sees a future with you, but how do you know she didn't say that to every other guy too? You're only setting yourself up for heartbreak and self-pity down the road if you get attached.

You make it sound like she's only gonna be there a bit, so go fwb for a month if you want. But don't date her.