Help me please

Hey Jow Forums

I have dug myself into a horrible situation.
But before I get there I need to lay some background because it is quite complicated.

I was abused as a child by my stepdad. Slight physical abuse (spanking , kicking, cold water on me while showering, forced to stand against the wall with hands up) and psychological. I was treated as if I was an adult. My stepdad would take me to to beach and start swimming far away. So far away that it was way too scary and dangerous for me. (I was 12) when I of course wouldn't swim that far, he would act as if I had ruined the trip completely and take me home acting very angry resentful and dissapointed. More of these things happened. Too many to count.

Anyway, after that youth I was very vurnerable, and got bullied in my first year. My mom then sent me to a special school for kids with behavioral problems or social problems. (My stepdad had left)
There I met him. My "friend". Nothing worth mentioning happened at that school with the two of us. We bonded over the fact that we had both terrible childhoods. He had been in different foster homes all his life.

We graduated and not really spoke much until I was about 18. Then we met up again and started having discussions.
We were both under the impression that we were gifted and had and very high iq. He had the tests to back it up and I didn't. My previous school had put me in a high iq programme without testing me. But our conversations spiraled out of control. We were becoming more and more isolated and resentful. We shunned all outside contact and only spent time talking to each other. Together with me listening to stefan molyneux, and my friends lack of a family. I decided to cut contact with my own family. We moved to a neighbouring country to study there on a university and study philosophy and physics at the same time.

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There, out unhealthy relationship took a turn for the worse. I was extremely immature and passive and caused and bunch of financial problems by not working. Bur he also put me under tremendous amounts of pressure. Pressuring me to agree with him or to present arguments of the contrary. So I was left stuck in a friendship in financial codependance, where I didn't agree with all the things he said bur was unable to present good arguments to defend myself. So I started conforming more and more to him. I was becoming scared of him and started lying and lying just to survive. He was genuinely looking for all friendship with me but I had become all pathological liar from the fear of angering him or dissapointing him.

He got two dogs and we agreed to care for them together all though I never wanted any dogs and they were his dogs.
While all this was going on, I developed a combination of fear and hatred towards him that became stronger and stronger.
I was too scared to express myself or leave.

Our plans crashed and burned and in large debt we moved back. Now I work full time paying the debts. And he studies. Bur he cannot loan enough to finish his studies. Because I didn't work and sort of caused the debt and after a lot of conversations about how I had lied so much to him and coming to the conclusion that I was at fault, we agreed that I would pay 11 thousand of our debts. And 9000 over a span of three years, to fund him finishing his education.
I also watch his dogs when he needs a dogsitter.

I feel extremely depressed anxious and trapped. I have managed to see him for only once or twice a week. But I still face constant criticism and he is starting to notice my stress and resentment.
I am still a child inside but live in a situation wich is insane. The money I can handle. But the pressure is just too much.

I am afraid that this will bring me to end my life eventually. I can't live like this.

Help me please Jow Forums

Sorry for the long text.

Ouch. I am a pretty cold fuck but reading the stuff about your fucked up family did hurt. Sorry you had to deal with that shit, user. And props for making out of the mess.

That "friend" of yours sounds like a manipulative fag, though it's hard to tell how much of it is intentional and how much just not giving a fuck about your wishes. Don't think there is a way around telling him to chill the fuck out. And tell him keep his dogs while at you're at it. Hell, it's even in his interest to ease up if he wants you to be able to pay of the debt.

Thanks user,

The ethinb is I'm totally unable to tell him to chill the fuck out. Hell he might even be right about me. He's much smarter than me and a can't stand up to him at all.

Also user. Another hard thing is, I can't just blame him. He's been asking me what I wanted to do and how I wanted it, lots of times. He is not out to get me. Every time I try to explain what's going on, he just cuts me off and says to finally take responsibility for what I do. I don't know what's going on and I can't grasp what the hell I should do or say that will fix this or just get me out of this.

Even assuming he is smarter (which is pretty questionable), it doesn't really matter here. "Dude, no" doesn't take a genius and you don't have to engage with his arguments if you don't want to. (Being good at that is another skill in itself, but a philosophy-fag would know I guess) Too much is too much and in the end, he's the one wanting something from you, so has to rely on shit-tier manipulation and guilt trips; while you're actually in a better position. If you off yourself over stressing too much over this shit, he's the one who's fucked.

>He is not out to get me.
It doesn't have to be an active desire and can happen sub-concisely. Some people are so used getting what they want out of others and use all means available without too many thoughts about how it can really affect the other person. You don't need ill intent to cause harm.

>I can't grasp what the hell I should do
Getting some control would be a start, so setting boundaries. If you accepted paying the debt and say that this is something you can handle, focus on that. That's taking responsibility. If you don't want to deal with his constant criticism and the damn dogs, it's another thing not really related to the first.

Play out the worst case scenarios in your head, sort out your thoughts, prepare some clear words and don't back down. Obviously easier said than done, but jeez, after the shit you've been through, it's not much in comparison.

Thanks for the advice user,
I'll have to start gathering the courage. But I do believe he's got some sort of truth. He's handling life better than me. He has an actual iq of 130 and I have one of 111 so that's a fact. I'll try to do this, but if I don't dogsit he is quite fucked.
BTW he is not the kind of dude who let's you decide you don't wanna talk anymore. I tried this once and he came to my dad's house. He burst in and demanded me to come with him to talk it out.

>He's handling life better than me.
Clearly not good enough not to depend on you.
>He has an actual iq of 130 and I have one of 111 so that's a fact.
All memes. Feynman had a pretty average one and didn't do that badly.
>I'll try to do this, but if I don't dogsit he is quite fucked
What happened to his own responsibility? You agreed to help him under completely different circumstances, and if he's that smart, coming up with a solution would be child's play.
>He burst in and demanded me to come with him to talk it out.
"Fuck off, dude, I am not feeling like it now."
It takes two to tango, and his slick works because you accept it. (Though don't get me wrong, it's seriously fucking hard to break out of the mindstate, and while you attempt it, your brain will work against you, due change in usual behaviour and all that crap)

I'm so fucked.
I need to see a psychiatrist. But I have like a 27 week waiting list. Thanks for the support user. I'm having a phone conversation with him in like 15 min

Good luck, mate. And start believing in you more, so far you did damn good with the cards you're dealt with, can't really overstate it.