Ever since we met I've tried to be more confident, less negative and hid my depression from her. I believe this played a large part in how we ended up together and her loving me. I was hoping "fake it until you make it" would ring true. But it's a year later now and when she texts me hugs or cuddles or that she loves me I feel like it's just fake, like she doesn't love the real me. I'm afraid if I shared my insecurities and anxieties she wouldn't like me anymore. Men are supposed to be the rock in the relationship.
I thought having her would fix me and I could become that, but I'm still the same. I'm wondering at this point whether I'd ever believe someone loves me.
So any guys here that shared your problems with your gf, how did it turn out?
Should I tell my girlfriend the truth?
>thought having her would fix me
You fix your own problems. No woman wants to be a mommy or psychologist for a man.
>and I could become that, but I'm still the same. I'm wondering at this point whether I'd ever believe someone loves me.
You are worthy of love. Just don't be a bitch and maybe you'll believe that yourself one day
>So any guys here that shared your problems with your gf, how did it turn out?
I shared my problems with an ex in all the wrong ways and she left me for being pathetic. Jokes on her I became better than her now and I rarely think about her anymore.
The exes after that were intimidated when I closed myself off and didn't reveal ANY weaknesses. Some felt that I was too "perfect" and as a result, apart from carnal physical attraction there was 0 intimacy and we broke up.
I'm currently with someone who has shared her insecurities with me and I shared mine with her BUT in small doses AND framed it as something Ive worked through ALREADY or am currently working through. It's ok to show a *little* vulnerability every now and then to remind her you're a human being but overdo it in the slightest and you're a beta bitch.
Prime example. My best friend killed himself this year and I had to tell his crying mother what the fuck was wrong with her son and who broke his heart at his funeral. Fucked me up real good and nightmares about it to this day. My girlfriend asks me about it regularly "how does it make you feel" and believe me if I told her how it's hard to wake up and I felt a peace of me, a kindred spirit is gone forever and I have confusing feelings of sadness and anger nibbling at me with every breath she'd think I'm some overly emotional beta and that's a Ding in her book.
I instead just told her that it's
difficult to think about sometimes, but I use it as a learning experience that I can grow from, and use it as a reminder of my own mortality, and keep moving forward. Some cheesy movie shit idfc.
Only women get emotional tampons.
>no woman wants to be a mommy or psychologist for a man
I already pretty much said that with "men are supposed to be the rock". What I meant was I thought after having her by my side long enough my problems would shrink away on their own. But they haven't.
>just don't be a bitch
Why didn't I think of this before?!
>(rest of post)
So basically, you're telling me I need to continue faking it? You seem to miss the point that because I don't share these things, I feel like she doesn't entirely know me and therefore can't actually love me.
>So basically, you're telling me I need to continue faking it?
If that's all you managed to extrapolate, then yes. Continue faking it. Nobody will ever love you for 'you' except maybe your mother. Deal with it.
I never had a mother sadly. Maybe that's why I'm in this position....
I frankly never want to hide any part of myself, even the 4 Chan parts so I don't get this problem if ever. Maybe, that's why I don't have gf
Listen to me man.
Don't do it.
What is gonna happen is she will stop being attracted to you, and she will leave you. And if you are like you describe you are(i'm kinda like that too) you have based your entire social life on her. When she leaves you will have nothing. Just a massive gaping hole, and you will hate this person because she won't be coming back.
Part of being a man is not showing weakness, no matter how much SJW crap is being pushed nowadays. Just hide it.
I've lost all my girlfriends from this. I date them, we are together for a long time, i feel like i have a person to support me and help me overcome these problems but they never do. It's extremely hard for me to not open up as well, i hope i won't make the same mistake in my next relationship. Truth is nobody wants to listen to your problems, people have enough shit on their plate as is.
I know you're right but it hurts so much to keep all my problems inside. Why is life designed so cruelly?
It is what it is man. You could be born without arms and legs. There isn't 'fair' in nature. I lost my parents, my grandparents, my girfriend all in 1 year. Was that fair? Nope. My ex lives next door to me and when we were together she told me she loved me , and recently she made out with me and we even went out and i had hopes of us being together, and 2 days later i hear her getting railed by another guy through the door. I could stay and cry about how unfair it all is , but i threw away everything that she ever gave me, blocked her from facebook, and basically deleted her from my life. She lives next door but she is a stranger to me now.
This is what you have to do with your problems bro. Take a good hard look at them, and if they can be solved, work on fixing them. If they are superficial, leave them behind. They are not important. You live such a short life.
Tell me why you are depressed. I'll help you.
It's a long, long story of practically my entire life that I don't dare to relay here in case I'm recognized by my gf or other.
Anyways you would get annoyed with my negativity and give up. It's like other user said, nobody wants to listen to your problems, people have enough shit on their plate as it is
but thats the beauty of this site user. hete you can say whatever you feel and nobody will judge you. there is 0 chance for your gf to be here,trust me.
please, do this for me. by helping you I help myself. let it all out.
im just a typical sad loser with a speech impediment that gives me social anxiety and no mother with angry father who had to raise me alone and made me hate life because hes always complaining and says he wants to kill himself and a sibling who bullied me from a young age
Wow, i knew women can be quite cruel- but this is even worse. How cold hearted are they even? I for one would never let my boyfriend down - and i would be happy if he told me about all his worries. I think its really sad and unfair that men have restrict themselves in this way. If your girlfriend really loves you she wants to help you. Because when you love you care in good an in bad times for your partner. Otherwise your girlfriend is a superficial bitch.
I wish you were right but the previous posts have reminded me of reality
>and she left me for being pathetic. Jokes on her
No. You WERE pathetic. No joke. Just what it was so own it and don't put the blame on her for not putting up with your shit.
You've obviously never dated a person who was seriously flawed to the core. My ex was a psycho bitch and the sooner I realized I couldn't fix her, the bettermy life became.
Don't go into relationships if you're fucked up. Get help and don't scar others during your self improvement journey. They're not your personal therapists or emotional sponges. It'll just drag them down and make them feel shitty.
We've been together for years. I had been unemployed and hopeless for a while, and told her I was thinking about killing myself. She supported me and made me go to therapy. She even helped me get a job.
She already knew that I was pathetic though. It really depends on the girl and how strong she is.
We need more troopers like you
This is actually a common problem for many men. I'm 31 and this is something I've struggled with since high school.
Most of the time I'm fine, but I can get really dark and negative sometimes and not want to leave the house for 2 or 3 days.
It's not something you tell a girl on the first date, but a woman must eventually see both your good side and your bad side. If she runs away after seeing your bad side, then you need a new woman, she was not for you anyway.
In life you will have struggle and your bad side will come out eventually. You are better off finding out a few months in then holding back your emotions for years. Selling a relationship on a fake you is a very stupid thing to do.
I agree with most of this post.
Unfortunately a woman will never be your pillow to cry on. But we must be their pillow to cry on. It's not fair.
So accept it and treat a woman like the servant she is supposed to be.
Women will be submissive to real men, not weak males like op. Go cry on your mothers shoulder.
Get therapy nigger. Get professional help if you are depressed.
I've been told therapy is just a meme. Also I don't have money for that anyway.
This is why men make up the vast majority of suicides. Women are monsters.