Am I too picky?

My memory is hazy, but roughly three times of my own accord when it was offered for free in college, and three times when my parents forced my then-NEET ass to go. The first one was a student that had just started her training and she was frankly not the best imo.
That’s what I’ve heard, but I’m impatient. I would prefer it I could see an intuitive genius therapist I could trust that could tell me my exact problem without sugar-coating and exactly what to do about it, but I suppose that doesn’t happen.

Look, there's only so much we can tell you. If you're not going to do what we advise you, then I don't know what you're expecting from us

I’ve suspected the same for a while now, which scares me because I don’t want to be a narcissist, and a true narcissist will never want to change.

I spent all my years until now not even thinking about the possibility of dating or fucking girls, I'd just talk to a girl if she talks to me and not go out of my way to meet them. Now I now better but I already fucked up by not having any acquaintance. I'd take any girl who's not fat at this point, if she just wants to spend time with me.

So my question is: how do I meet weeb girls?

Go to conventions or something. Discord servers. Any shops that sell weeb shit. Those are your most likely chances. They're normal human beings who you could find at a coffee shop, but think of it like finding a lion outside of its natural habitat; it is possible, but if catching a lion is your goal, go to the jungle, my friend.

Insight perhaps. I take the therapy idea very seriously, but I don’t think I’m ready for it yet.

Thanks mate, I'll probably try it. Maybe one will be willing to settle for me.

What do you think is in your way from making you 'ready' for therapy?

Embarrassment over admitting to anyone I know that I have issues (and I couldn’t hide going.) Not trusting what therapists say. For example, when I last went my therapist told me that I might be depressed or I might have some anxiety disorder, but I honestly disagreed, so we agreed that I had too many depressive and anxious thoughts, and he wanted to convince me that they weren’t true (? I’m struggling to remember this part), but I wasn’t convinced so in the end I convinced him I was really alright and I just needed to quit being a NEET, but that ended up being only slightly true.

The issues preventing you from going to therapy are the issues fixed by going to therapy.

Therapists don’t and shouldn’t tell you a magic formula to fix you, because and precisely due to your issues, your brain refuses to agree and see the answer. The problem itself is that your mental processes don’t work “properly”, so of course your brain rejects it. To you it seems logical, but that’s because the machine you use to determine what’s logical is broken.

For therapy to work, you need to accept that what your brain tells you isn’t necessarily what’s right for you, that your very way of interpreting things and your perspective might be skewed by mental illness, and be open to changing things. You’ll feel like its useless, it doesn’t help, it’s not for you, it takes too long. You’ll honestly believe that, but that’s because you’re fixing your very brain, who is in charge of those decisions. Ignore your opinions and ideas and preconceptions and theories, go to a therapist, and tell them everything: how you feel, what scares you, what makes you happy, what troubles you. The therapist, being unbiased and not mentally ill, will recognize the obstacles you yourself don’t see and they’ll steer you towards the path you can’t see right now. All that’s required from you is openness to change, humility, openness and patience.

Yes, you are too picky. You also have a fear of intimacy maybe?
Think about it, arranged marriages work out pretty well. It doesn't matter "who" it matters "how" you relate.

I never thought about therapy quite like that, but that makes sense. That sounds very hard, but I’m sure you agree. I think I’m very logical and open minded about factual things, but when things become personal, I can consider doubts (maybe I’m not stupid? maybe I’m not worthless?) as much as I want, but these thoughts never go away, even when I suspect they’re exaggerations at best. I actually cling to these thoughts. Sometimes they really go away and I feel like an idiot for doing this, but that doesn’t last long. I don’t understand how I can be so seemingly aware of this problem but still persist in doing this. That is very confusing. I feel stuck.

It is very hard. Very scary, very confusing, very vulnerable. The idea that mental illness is not a voice in your head, or conducts you can even recognize, but instead it’s those things you can’t even see from within. A computer doesn’t know it’s malfunctioning from inside itself, it’s blinded by the very malfunction. Good luck and strength to you.

I am too picky, gotta stop that or I’ll be alone forever. I can already see it coming. I wish I was more ok with that idea like that other user, but I don’t want to die lonely and broken. I definitely fear intimacy, although I’m not sure why. I like the idea of getting an arranged marriage, except the part where the woman is forced into it, because it removes the emotional vulnerability and fear of rejection from the equation. It also removes my fear of being judged by others for having the audacity to pursue a woman. How do I get an arranged marriage type relationship without an actual arranged marriage? We don’t do that where I’m from.

Thank you user. I think there’s a name for this bias we have. I’ll try to look at that scientifically and maybe then I’ll accept it and be able to go to therapy and get something out of it.