People I cut out of my life keep trying to get back in and act hurt when I tell them it's not happening, starting up a fresh cycle of why I dropped them in the first place.
I cut these people out because their actions were hurting me, and they didn't particularly care. They're people that have ignored me, lied about me, used me, you name it. They're out of my life for a reason. But somehow these people get it in their heads that it'd be a good idea to contact me and hope for something - maybe that I'd forgotten, maybe that I'd be desperate for them, I don't know. When they do this, I tell them it's not going to happen, and their response is one of surprise and offence like I'd just done this out of the blue.
It hurts over and over again. I've lost people I cared about, because I *had* to give them up knowing the relationship is completely asymmetrical. I would've been happier if there could've been some kind of symmetry that left me remotely satisfied. But then to have them come back, and get mad at me for not letting them back in, just hurts. I'm not exactly surrounded by people, I'm pretty friendless overall, but I have to refuse knowing that saying yes will only be bad for me.
I don't know what advise I'm hoping for; I guess a way to stop their actions from hurting would be a good step.
>person you don't like adds you >block them It's that simple.
Matthew Watson
I do man, they contact me via other means, they've approached me irl, they've used people to deliver messages as proxies..
Daniel Nguyen
They must be really desperate, then. Do they keep coming back after you've told them off? What exactly do they want from you?
Cooper Lee
They keep coming back and I don't know why. I tell them it's not happening, and then they get mad. It throws me off kilter completely when they pull this shit.
Kayden Hall
You could at least try asking them why they want back into the life. That should make it easier to reject them and give an explanation why now when you know their goals, or at least what they pretend their goals to be. Even if they get mad, so what? Sounds like they're awful people, why should you care what they think?
Jackson Kelly
Could try blowing up. I've been doing it a bit as an adult-- raise your voice, stare someone down, say exactly what you want to say (You have no right to use me and lie to me and then pretend there's an ounce of friendly intent in your entire godforsaken body) and just lay into them. Once or twice with this and people will get the message far and wide.
Benjamin Howard
>You could at least try asking them why they want back into the life. I don't care why they want back in, when I drop someone they're dead to me.
>Sounds like they're awful people, why should you care what they think? It's not caring what they think, at least I don't think it is. It makes me mad that they're trying to pull some shit all over again. It makes me mad that I'm reminded of that part of my life, where I eventually had to shut them out.
Maybe actually, yeah. I don't like feeling shit because they can't leave well enough alone.
Adrian Hill
Boy do I know this feel. Highschool friend who I let me use as a doormat for a year because of our friendship but intended to tell-off in the new year suddenly moved away during summer holidays. I was quite content that this prevented me from having to tell them in person to back off - until he started calling every. Single. Day. For a little over half a year, despite me deliberately missing all calls. Until the only and final one. Moments of happy "Finally I've reached you!" later, the condescending tone was back, so I dismissed the call shortly thereafter. Finally he got the message and moved on himself.
Another two childhood friends who got a bit fucked over in life tried to get back in touch too; never responding to their messages was enough for them though.
Just keep moving on user and ignore anyone who tries to reach out. I've only kept 3 people in my life from all old so called "friends", with 2 now being hundreds of miles away, yet we're still keeping in touch on an almost daily basis. That's true friendship, not shallow friendships who just want a squad to drink or party with.
Ethan Anderson
user, do you at least have lots of good people in your life to distract from them after the fact?
Josiah Rogers
I guess I'm gonna bump because I'm hoping for some other answer than burn the bridge harder.
Kevin Scott
If you believe they can be aware of what actions you consider inconsiderate be concise and clear in what they're doing, how it makes you feel, and that it is not okay.
If you don't believe them capable or truly willing to do so then why wouldn't you find people who aren't the same?
John Mitchell
Because I'm a shitty person anyway. I don't make many friends.
Jose Reyes
Perhaps you're not making the process of making friends happen. When you're judging your own capability to do something rather than taking the leap and do it when nothing is on the line and there's only enrichment to be gained you shouldn't listen to your judgements and should pay attention to the reward of your actions after you go out there, put yourself out there, and find a way to forge a friendship through some common interest or shared space like work and being easy to get along with.
Connor Martin
Y'know, I hear you, I don't really have anything to *lose* from trying to make friendships. I've seen some very unfortunate things, and been let down by a lot of people; I don't really have that intrinsic drive to seek friendship/companionship anymore. It happens by chance now and again, and I think to myself that maybe I'm getting over my past and am moving forward, starting to grow again. But then it usually ends in them doing something that forces me to put distance between us, and I realise I'm back at square one.
I'm not scared of meeting people, I'm not socially anxious, I'm just kind of an untrusting miserable bastard.
I do appreciate the thought of addressing the situation by having something more salient present at the time, but I'm not sure it'd work for me.
>Know somebody for several years >Have lots of frank conversations with them >Think that we must be friends of some description by this stage >They suddenly have a new friend >Suddenly I get ghosted >Can't even initiate a conversation with them, they won't even respond to a hello >Give up and stop trying to contact them >They send me a text ~6 months later >They're in trouble, it's bad for them but it's a fairly easy fix otherwise >Say they regret the way they treated me >Get the situation sorted out for them >They go back to ghosting me >Figure whatever, I didn't really lose much by sorting that out, just a couple of phone calls >Cut them off >They try to get someone to proxy message me 9 months later >Tell proxy no thanks, not interested >9 or so more months later (recently) >Cut off person changed their phone number >Texts me saying they're sorry for the way they treated me etc >Herewegoagain >Reply asking what the fuck is this, and unless they're about to kill themselves (it was a weird message), then I don't want to know
I knew they were using me the first time, but I figured fuck it, I'll give them what they need.
Caleb Green
Don't let the bad apples ruin the bunch. My best friend took advantage of my trust and in a bit of an egotistic move started telling lies for attention that played on my concern for their wellbeing. Half a year of lost sleep and constant wondering if I'll see them again all to attentionwhore when I would of given attention to a genuine, meaningful conversation.
The bad ones don't define everyone, and we're only human; we need meaningful relationships as social creatures to lead a fulfilling life.
Gabriel Allen
>Don't let the bad apples ruin the bunch. I can't help it user. I tried to get passed it a bunch of times, but it ends up fake, and it feels like work to me. Maybe I'll heal some day. I would love to sit around laughing with people, to have someone I could cuddle up with after a bad day, or ask someone to do something without immediately planning a contingency. It'd be fun to talk about hopes and dreams without deflecting every time it came to mine, knowing the only one I could tell them is my hope to move far away, somewhere I can blend into the background and be invisible. That's just not me, not right now anyway.
Ayden Campbell
Remain open but wary and let those you want to let in from making good acquaintances become new friends is how I try to operate. You can get no good out of isolation even if out of preemptive defense.
Cameron Diaz
Well, maybe it'll sound stupid, but my plan was to move to a non-English dominant country. Probably somewhere like China. I can easily get a job out there when I finish my degree. I actually like the idea of a language barrier because it means people will either not say much to me at all, or they'll only communicate what's essential, because it'd be hassle to talk too much with me.
I then get the added benefit of starting completely fresh. None of those people trying to use me just one more time messaging me; when they do, it tells me I'm only as likeable as I am useful, a concept that still hurts to think about.
Jose Murphy
>shallow friendships who just want a squad to drink or party with
I still don't understand how people can stick to this kind of association, it's one of the most perplexing experiences in college life ime
Colton Cooper
Well, I'm back. I've been thinking about this >Maybe I'll heal some day. And I'm thinking, what if that ship has sailed? What if my opportunity to change trajectory has come and gone? I've tried to steer myself right, but it just hasn't worked. I think I'm a pretty shitty person as-is, and I have this daunting feeling that the future is only going to make me worse. What if moving away isn't enough? I've done therapy, I've done medications etc. and I had no success with either.
