Old one's dying

She is so pretty interesting and kind... but so is my gf.

It makes it harder to know how much she wants me, but I just feel torn between two people even though I would never leave her for you. I'm sorry.

I can't fucking stand the fact that I tried every possible way to get a gf and yet I have none. Meanwhile people around me are in happy long term relationships, getting engaged and married. And I'm in the same spot I was 5 years ago, i.e. lonely and depressed as hell.

Even when people try hooking me up with their female friend it doesn't work. Fuck me fuck FUCK

Girl is giving me mixed messages.
Friends and family tell me to run because she doesn't know what she wants.
How do I distance myself so she can have the space she clearly wants but doesn't want to ask for because she still wants me around.

You don't know enough about relationships to make them work. It's like trying to drive a plane if all you've ever driven is cars. Failure only begets success if you can understand what went wrong.

I suppose that's correct. I tried to understand it though. I observed, I talked to people, read up on all that, analyzed shit. I suppose I've been alone for so long that at this point it's really irreperable damage. Girls aren't interested in me anyways...

No its never irreperable.
You know, what you need is confidence in yourself. That's what girls look for more than anything else.

No, user. I am confident. It doesn't really change anything though. All possible attempts are a failure. Girls just don't like me in "that" way. They're okay with me but they're just not interested in being with me.

And honestly at this point I don't even know how could I actually BE with a girl. I've never gotten past the point of dating for a month, and that was with a girl that was heavily displaying interest in me.

trips have spoken. but please don't just start over. move somewhere and be a waiter and just make it work. the struggle is fun if you are free from the burden of feeling bad that you are wasting your talent.

C's get degrees dude. just work hard enough to pass this course and work hard on the things you can actually do well.

jet fuel can't melt steel beams

Just like love can't melt the ice gathered up in my heart.

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Just kidding. It can melt it, I'm just not getting any love or warmth in my life, beside that of a shower with hot water.

That's what I thought too user.
Hang in there.
I've been blessed with seeing how wrong I was. Now I get to live life again feeling love and joy for the first time in years.

I don't know, user. My life has been pretty shit so far with this year being extremely hard on me by far. Not a single good thing has happened to me in 2018, it's been a downward spiral so far. I feel like life is testing how hard it can curb stomp me before I just snap and kill myself. I've been rather close to it already and it's not getting any better.

But you are still alive.
That which doesnt kill us makes us stronger.
Hang in there. Things will get better. Maybe not today or this week or this year. But they will get better.
Only 2 months left to this year. I believe in you.

>That which doesnt kill us makes us stronger.
I don't feel stronger user, I feel weaker. I'm a lot less motivated to do anything, I generally have less energy and am even more scared of interacting with girls. My life feels like I'm just vegetating at this point.

>Hang in there. Things will get better. Maybe not today or this week or this year. But they will get better.
I doubt it. Like I said, it's been a downward spiral. It just doesn't get any better.

>Only 2 months left to this year. I believe in you.
Yeah that's what I thought a year ago too. But the first day of 2018 was already shit and I just knew it's not gonna get any better. It didn't.

>Jerks off to any kind of porn everyday for 11 years
>Everytime I go out and look at stuff, I begin to contemplate and over complicate the philosophy behind a certain thing, person or building I look at
>Suddenly, my brain fabricate certain scenarios of how I have sex with a person or thing I lay my eyes upon
>What in the actual fuck
>Can't stare at a thing for just 10 seconds without having a giant boner
>Trashcans? transforms into a woman and how I fuck it. Random old lady? Brain gives me a disgusting sex scene with her. EVEN A FUCKING CHILD COULDN'T DOUSE MY BRAIN'S ABYSSAL LUST FOR PORN

I don't go out my ways and stick my dick on every thing I see, but my brain wouldn't control itself.

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I've written a letter that I want to send rather sooner than later. But it needs more time, so I must wait until the end of october. After that, probably until the end of november. This is killing me, although I think that the letter will be useless anyways. It's driving me insane...

Don't. I also sent a letter. She didn't even receive it (literally told the postman she doesn't want it). I just burned it when it returned. I fucking cried when doing that.

I'm a pathological liar because I'm a self conscious coward and now that various things in my life are on the downswing (loved my ex who didn't love me back, about to graduate with no prospects) I've got nothing to fall back on since most of my identity is based on lies.

Feels like I'm in free fall right now

Soon to be 24 and still no gf. I can understand how this happened but Im still sad.

Well, it'll be an eMail to be precise and I fully expect no answer. But it will bring me closure. I'm cried a lot, so it won't be that bad.

The amount of hate and vitriol in my chest that I supress sometimes makes me physically sick.

I live in a small island country, corrupt as fuck and the people are angry but complacent. Government entities and rich bigwigs overdevelop the land and do what they want with the rule of law. I understand the way of things here is that "everybody knows everybody, so appearances and reputation are paramount" to the extent that it goes full retard but.. how can some sort of "justice" be achieved?

I admit, the only way I can think of is violence. How many peaceful protests, calls for resignation and petitions need to be ignored before someone just flat-out stabs a policymaker? We have almost no greenery left on the island, the land keeps being sold to build more high-risers, malls and complexes, even in the middle of residential areas where nothing goes beyond 2 stories. The noise, the dust, the lack of safety regulations and the cavalier attitude of everyone in the construction industry.

What is left to do when your country is being sold out to construction magnates and mafia bosses?

Finding out who approves these projects and putting a few knives in their guts with a stern warning to quit that shit is the only way I can see things changing for the better. Nobody will stop if they don't see a good reason to stop. A clear threat on your life is one nobody can ignore.

Am I wrong? How can it be done differently?

A, I treasure our time together. Drinking, talking, cuddling, kissing. I've never been able to be myself around anyone else, but with you I can. We're two kinds of fucked up but I think we just get each other. Thank you for being you. You are amazing and special, and I care for you very much. Meeting in such an unconventional way, I was not expecting to have these feelings, but the universe had other plans. I am not sure what the future will bring, but I hope we can enjoy it together, always. -A

Are you me? I too have a letter. It too has waited a few weeks at this point. I might just give it to her in person, but I thought a mid-day, feel good letter could be a solid move.

No. Don't email unless you do not know the physical address. No one writes letters anymore. You get bonus points for the thought and time invested.

Interesting point! Yeah, why not. Gives me something to do. But she doesn't lives alone, so I'm scared that she doesn't get the letter...

There won't be a closure. Don't do it, user.

Wew lad, your problems are a cut above most of the relationship bullshit on this forum.

You've got fire in your heart, use it. Violence begets more violence, and it does have the power to change things for better or for worse. Use the energy from that anger and work the system first, try to change things from the inside. If that fails and you still burn for your country then violence may be your answer

Dear M,

I want to know you. To understand your fears. To live in your shoes for a day. I want to show you the same, of my life. Not to expose you to the fear I have but to explain what I've been through. How much pain I've seen. And how dispite everything you always Always without doing anything Just by existing You make me so happy I can't even express it in words properly.
It's like I was a prisoner, unconscious in my own body. I was afraid to live and I was letting pain seperate me from doing the things I love.
Now all I want is to bring you joy. I don't need anything else from you. You already made my world into a world again. You gave me my life back. Let me keep making you smile.

I respect you.
R

As I said, I don't expect her to answer the letter nor appreciate it, this isn't even needed. I just need to get a few things off my chest to be in the clear with MYSELF. I can't go on like this. It keeps me awake at night. I just want her to know. Of course I'm also trying to win her over again, but if not, that's okay, I understand that. After that I can let her go in peace.

Just give us the letter instead. You'll only hurt yourself if you hold on to this hope. If she wants you back she'll come find you.

Addressed to her name, at said address. Put it in a card, send via postal service, stamp and all. You can falsify the return address or use none at all if you think it would get filtered by a roomie. Why would someone tamper with the other's mail? They don't know your card from a grandmothers birthday wishes, etc.

Yes, it could get lost anywhere, USPS (if you are stateside) is abysmal in my opinion.. but.. it speaks to a simpler, slower time. And if this letter hits home in a good way, she (assuming) now has a keepsake, and not a digital item to forget.

Addendum to my post.. if she lives with a BF or husband then that's a totally diff story.. and I've no further advice for you there.

user. I did that too, she didn't even read it. Don't bother.

She doesn't give a shit. Literally everyone I talked to about that told me not to send her that shit and not to look for closure. I sent it anyway and it hurt like hell. Spare yourself the pain.

*golf clap* Leave out the fear/pain sentence, and go fucking tell them it all! Letter, email, skywriting!

Yeah heh, I don't often post because nobody can really help with this kind of shit.

I understand violence begets violence. I don't believe it should ever be used first, but I believe it is still a tool. I'm torn though, I care, a lot, but I also care about living my own life separate from these problems (so much so, I'm emigrating). I never really said I would be the one doing such acts. I'm just frustrated and trying to philosophize a different method to achieve a goal, but I always end up at "they will not listen due to how my people are built, culturally".

History kindof answers my question though now that I think about it. A huge chunk of goals have been won through violence. Always with consequences. It could be the intended outcome: Bigshots calm down, people are happy, country back into a good course. But could also turn it into a police state, more surveillance, less rights for the people from paranoid politicians. Maybe the violence would be decried by the people and the person who does these acts demonized and labeled an insane extremist.

One question, too many fucking answers.

I can't translate the letter (it's non-english obviously). Also 'getting her back' is secondary. It isn't even that important anymore.

They would temper with it, because they would know instantly that the letter's from me. To protect her, I suppose.

Oh well, I will just drive by her place and hand it to her, given the time I guess.

Tell me what happened, user. What was the point of your letter?

Sounds like you should leave her alone. You're being super creepy if 3rd parties are trying to protect her from you. Try to be tiny bit less selfish and let her go.

>Tell me what happened, user. What was the point of your letter?
I just wanted to end our relation on a good note and wanted to send her a letter wishing her all the best and saying that despite some bad shit between us I still think she's great and how she was wrong about me (she said she thinks I fell for an imagined version of her, not real her, which isn't true). I also wanted to send her a little token, which would remind her of me one day.

I can't yet or it'll ruin everything. Things are still a bit unclear between us and she has some thinking to do of her own. She's trying to get over an ex and doesn't want to emotionally attach to me as a bounce back.

I'll say it eventually. Right now she needs time and space. I'll keep patient and keep making her smile when I can in the mean time. That's enough for me.

Ah, no, sorry, not a native speaker. I don't stalk her or some shit. I keep her blocked and I don't message her. What I meant was something like: Oh a letter from that guy, better trash it right away and don't say anything. If she does it, fine. That's cool. If someone else does it, it's not good. I could do a hail mary and just send it, but it would feel wrong.

It's the other way in my case. I broke up, she wanted to end it in a kind and warm way, I dropped atomic bombs on her, which was inappropriate. I just need to apologize. When she read it or heard it, that's all I want and need.

Let go, user. Let it go. If you fucked up then it's even more likely she won't want to read it and will just throw it away without reading.

Forgot to add: She was always open to apologies, never rejected then, even at our worst times. If she rejects it now, then all is lost and I must live with it. But there's a chance she will accept it. That's all I want. To hope for more would be foolish.

>just live with the fuck up
>get a 'Fuck you' from her

I choose the latter.

Should I really add her on facebook? I have nothing on my feed and I don't want to get ignored...

dont cut yourself hun

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Hm. Wonder if I'm in the same boat. I get mixed signals... and I have very similar feelings as you do for my crush.

Probably user. Show interest but not too much interest. Always put on the air that you will be okay even if they're not around, not in a dickish way. What worked for me was taking the spare energy I get when I think about her and transforming it into exercise and meeting other new people. If you just snub conversation with others to talk to her that's a bit too much. But do try and include her in it. If she wants to spend personal time with you she'll ask. I didn't think my crush would but she has multiple times now.
Patience.

I left the girl that I love in another city. I lived there with her for over a year but I couldn't make it work because I don't have any real skills that I can trade for a decent income. I couldn't work enough to afford to live there while also studying and still be fun to be around. I broke up with her and moved home because I had no future in that city but I would have had a future with her if I didn't fuck around so much when I was younger.

I'm living with my parents again and trying to figure out what I'm alive for. I'm trying to reclaim the parts of my head that she changed. I'm trying to decide which changes are adaptive. I'm trying to look at life and myself in a different way and find something worthwhile.

At least I'm learning to do things that will lead to a career and decent work life balance shortly.

I don't have trouble seducing other girls. I'm good at going through the motions now but I always end up hurting them because they want more than I can give at the moment. I don't like using people but I don't see any way around it right now.

I'm worried that I won't find someone who can make me feel like she did but the process of trying is exciting.

I'm worried that I'm not doing the things I need to change my situation. I don't want to have to give something up because I don't have the means to chase it ever again.

I've been jerking off 3 days in a row now. I usually did it once a week or whenever I felt really horny. It's quite nice actually, I no longer feel like lusting after bitches at my school.

To all the girls that liked me and I didnt ask them out, Im sorry
I only got the courage now, dont take it personally. I was a pussy

It's strange, it's like my feelings are being recycled over and over; the fire needs kindling and the sun is up without you today, at least in my head.
Good for you not leaving her. No one asked you to.

I hope you’re happy.

I’m unlovable. No one wants an ugly little manlet like me. God I hate myself so goddamn much that I can’t stand even looking at myself in the mirror. I just want to die. There is no point of someone like me to even live

I don't know if I love you anymore

They didn't like you, user. I had the same feeling and one time I actually decided to act on it. She wasn't interested after all.

I honestly hate everyone.

No you don’t.

just leave. you don't need all that stuff to be happy but you staying where you are pressured to meet exoecstions for others is unhealthy. if they cant support you doing what you want to be happy then they don't matter. life is better when you live for yourself and not society. I realized a lot of what I wanted to do was because people wanted me to do it. I'm happier now.

In all honesty if you tried to reconnect with me I would tell you that I wabt you in my life as a friend. That we should really get to know each other and start over, not jump into anything. But perhaps you are afraid to hear that which is why youre acting like you are. It's so cowardly.

Is this a response?
Are you M?

No, you just don’t like them.

I tried that. You gave me the impression you thought we could be more, which I was open to, and you laughed. Fuck me for trying but no thanks.

Hey Em.

I saw you again today. I liked talking to you again, I've missed you so much.
My life just isn't the same without you, and I wish I could have you back. It's like you took all the colour out of the world when you went.
God, I miss you so fucking much.
Can't wait to see you again

Yes, I do. If you don’t agree with me, it’s not for you.

What about you?

I don't know. I think we know each other well enough and you seem pretty determined to keep me at arm's length.

I have an irrational fear of putting my name on the organ donation list because I think it'll be used as a kill list for the rich and powerful one day.

I'm R

Oh, don't worry about that. They'd put your name on the list retroactively after they kill you if they wanted you for spare parts badly enough.

>things you can actually do well
y-yeah

RESPIND! FUCKING RESPOND ALREADY!

I wanna fuck that big fat ass so badly tomorrow and need to know if we're still good. Last week you were sick. You've never given me any reason to doubt you but of I don't get an answer/get another "lol something came up", then I will have lost the best pussy I have ever had in my life and will all be because of that cunt that I tried to go serious with only for her to "get a gut feeling". No matter what, I'm not doing anything serious for some time and just want to fuck.

Imagine instead being O negative and being kept alive so they can continually harvest your blood.

Go fuck yourself.

If you two actually love me that much maybe we should talk about it over a cup of coffee

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you can do better

My head is killing me right now. Its not even a headache kind of pain, its literal stress and tension all around my head. Its been almost 3 weeks. Trouble sleeping, can barely put on a straight face anymore at work. My thoughts have been tearing me apart, and anything i try to do to distract me gets immediately blocked out by these constant thoughts. I really dont have anyone to go to, i dont have anyone for even abit comfort, and i dont have magic pills that drug me out reality or put me to sleep like you do. I live with it all, and i feel so hopeless, and it feels like every bit of effort i've put into anything has never amounted to anything. I constantly have to be considerate and put thought behind everything for everyone, i always have to sit down and listen and be there, but who is even there for me? who is considering me, or whose putting any thought in to me. Nobody ever wants to listen to me or consider how i might feel. I just get blamed for everything as soon as it gets bad, without even a chance to get a word in. When im trying to understand what your thinking and how your feeling, but you never take a minute to think about what im thinking, even when i flat out spell it out. You end up getting heated, and attacking me with so many things, and i still stick with being patient and respectable, balling up everything i want to say because i care about things alot more than you do.

I fucking hate women who get offended by self-disclosure of successes.

Should I break up ? I don't really know, I wanted to be with you, we get along so well and have so many things in common, but your depression making really hard for me to justify being with you
when I am with you I am happy but when I am not with you I feel like I could you leave you because is a pain in the ass dealing with you
What should I do ? Tell me Jow Forums

M or F?

Male

Can't wait to see you

>when I am with you I am happy

I don't see a problem then- except with you

Sure.

Yeah that's the shit
I know is something weird, when I am with her i am fine
The hard part for me is that sometimes we can't see each other to often because she is depressed (like at most 5 week at a month) and right now I am stressed as fuck with the uni and she is depressed, I think I am only feeling lonely
What ?

I hope you fucking rot.

>like at most 5 week at a month
She is depressed 5 days a month at most *

When the fuck did everyone become so fickle? People who are supposedly my friends make no effort to ever contact or hang out with me, and all they care about is getting shitfaced. It's even worse with girls. Girls flake on dates left right and center. Even girls who I get really close to will just up and fuck off when they get even the slightest bit of discomfort, as if I'm not even worth the ten second conversation it would take to clear the air. Do I really have to go around assuming the worst in everyone? I don't think I'm unreasonable for expecting common courtesy from others, but I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment if I expect that kind of treatment.