So the usual kind of problem. Getting super old at 35, and recently out of LTR and feeling a bit lost. Approaching girls within extended social circle or at random social events is failing hard, as pretty much all the attractive girls are already in relationships, so I go 0 to friendzone in 30 minutes every single time. The ones who are single are mostly not exactly relationship material.
I tried a few speed dating events, but getting anything going in 3 minutes in hard mode, especially in all the noise. There's all those swipey apps, where if I understand correctly as a guy they won't even show your pic to many girls unless you pay them some tinder bucks or equivalent, so it's basically buying lootboxes with girls just to even get a chance to message someone. I remember using some online dating sites back in the day, but they're all gone. okcupid still exists, but it seems it turned into a tinder clone now.
What's the best ways to proceed? I'm probably missing something important. Are the free or subscription dating sites still a thing worth trying out? Should I pay those tinder bucks, or get some professionally shopped pics? Is there some secret places where attractive single girls hang out I missed?
You're one year my senior, so should be able to give you some advice, with the presumption that you won't run with it in any way irresponsible or cynical. I'm not a moralist, but I draw the line at 22, when it comes to dating younger women. Let's start there.
Given the fact that dateable women the same age as you will either already be single mothers, or be in a hurry to get knocked up, when they end up in a lasting relationship, it's not really a good idea to get involved. You might want children (I'm assuming that you don't already,) but I think it's quite important to give it at least a couple of years, before deciding whether a partner is suitable for that level of responsibility. tl;dr Don't go for women older than 32.
If you can't relate to women in their early-to-mid twenties, that's fine - but believe me, there are enough of them out there, who won't mind dating someone in their thirties - I've been banging a chick for over a year now, who's more than 10 years younger, and it's going great - I think dating women who aren't stressing to have kids within the next couple of years, are ideal. 27-30 is the perfect age for someone like you. There are other benefits, apart from not having to start a family straight ahead.
I'll get into the dating app thing in the next post.
Grayson Rivera
There's an art to tinder. I can't promise you that it works for everyone, but I can guarantee that breaking the rules of the algorithm - which most users do, because they don't understand how it works - will make it seem like you have to pay, to get anything out of it. I'll try to make this short, and will explain in further detail, if this isn't clear enough:
How active you are in terms of swiping will tell the A.I. how desperate you are Which women you swipe right (yes), will tell the A.I. what standards you have. If you right swipe a lot of female profiles that aren't popular with high valued male profiles, the app will eventually stop showing your profiles with the female profiles who are popular. Likewise, fewer and fewer hot women will show up in your feed. You're basically training the app to understand your value. Basically it's a good idea to create an account in the early afternoon, to give enough women a chance to discover your profile, but avoid swiping anyone yourself in the first 24-48 hours. When you start swiping, try to keep the number of profiles you swipe either right or left, under 10-15. In reality, more less attractive women will swipe right on you, than the more attractive ones, but for every attractive woman who swipe you, your chances of keep showing up in their feed increases. If you never right swipe a less attractive woman, they won't show up in your feed that often. Again, I'm not going to promise you anything, since I don't know what you look like, and obviously choosing the right images is also important, as is your text game, but at least you won't get trapped by the algorithm, if you follow this advice.
Brody Barnes
Totally agree on that. Most of my female friends are in late 20s, and I get along with that age group best. I even asked them if they have any single friends to hook me up maybe, but that didn't really led anywhere.
Definitely not getting anywhere near single mums. I'm totally open to having children. Most single women my age I meet seem to be really career obsessed not family obsessed, but that's basically just as bad.
Grayson Gray
Furthermore, you might consider that the reason why you're failing hard at picking up women from your extended circle or from cold approaches, boils down to your ability to hold a conversation, pick up on social cues, and build attraction.
How long is it since you were last single? Men who get out of relationships that begun when they were in their early twenties, are pretty much clueless. A lot has changed in the age of social media (dating apps included), and they were most likely not that into understanding women to begin with.
I'm tempted to suggest looking into certain PUAs, like RSD Tyler - not to become a PUA yourself (again, don't run irresponsibly with my advice,) but to get a few pointers on what might work with most women, in initial stages of dating.
When talking to women, the first crucial thing to check, is that you won't get outcome-dependant. In other words, don't inflict shit tests on yourself, and don't fall for theirs - let alone, never resent them for testing you. They can't help it.
Elijah Torres
Yeah, if you want a family one day, you'd want to go for a woman who'd like children *one day*, not desperately looking for a sperm donor, or career driven to such an extent that she'll be 37 before even realising it's getting late.
Hunter Jones
>old >35
Sebastian Stewart
I'm awful at building up attraction, that's a fact.
What very often happens when I cold approach someone is that we end up chatting for hours or going out for a coffee or whatever almost right away, so girls seem to really enjoy chatting with me. It just very rarely goes anywhere sexual. Then again, most of those girls are not single, so maybe I never had much chance. I made a lot of cool friends this way at least I guess.
So I tried apps to maybe hit on single women to avoid at least this issue, but I'm getting close to zero matches, and I'd need a lot to get back into text game and so on.
Not too ugly (6'2", not fat, sadly started to bald a bit), but I only tried some random generic selfies, and I guess that's not good enough these days.
Jeremiah Sullivan
>Getting super old at 35, Can guarantee you're not even 20
Sebastian Hernandez
>Definitely not getting anywhere near single mums Different user here. Don't completely rule single mothers out. When I was single and 37 my best date was with a 27 year old single mom. I started dating her and eventually we got married. I found most never married-no kids late 20s and early 30s women to be extremely self centered. They were used to everything being exactly the way the wanted it at all times. If they were hot, they were used to always being the center of attention and expected me to dote on them. A mother on the other hand, is used to living with the complete narcissist which is a kid. It allows you to see exactly what type of person she is. In my case, she was an extremely nurturing person who likes to care for others. Since I am the same way, it made a better fit for me than the club girls.
Chase Long
By the way. I met her at work. She was an office girl at the courthouse and I had a job to do in her office. I spent all day going into and out of her office and she started chatting with me and when I was on a break, she came out to talk to me.
Make a habit of chatting with any reasonably cute woman you come into contact with that isn't wearing a wedding ring. A friend of mine met his wife when he was grocery shopping. She made a joke about what he was buying and he joked back.
David Brown
While I also like RSD in general they are extremely susceptible to spending 20 minutes rambling about "you can totally do this" or telling a random conquest story for credibility. Usually a video has a 30 second sprinkle of good info. One day I should make a no bullshit infographic that summarizes all their stuff.
Levi Evans
Please provide the numbers. How long since you got out of the LTR, and how old were you when the relationship started. Also, how much did you date or hook up with girls, before you met your ex? I need context, buddy.
Going for coffees with women who aren't single, is harder mode than speed dating - not saying that keeping hot female friends is a bad idea, I do the same, but I keep reminding them that I'm a sexual man, so they won't mistake me for a female. Of course this means that they won't want to hang out as often as they do with their girl friends, but when ever they do want to catch up, I know I can trust that they appreciate me for the right reasons. Friendzone doesn't apply.
Adrian Cooper
Good for you user, no interest in single mums myself.
I've seen tons of PUA videos, youtube just loves throwing them at me, so I sometimes watch.
I don't generally even know if they're single when I approach, if only people in relationship all wore like rings or something so I could skip that and get to the single ones.
Dylan Johnson
I can get behind this. Although I'm not exactly looking for a single mom to date, the ones that I have met fit this description. I might have a bleeding heart for single mothers, but I prefer very young women to women in their late 20s to early 30s, possibly for the reasons you stated-- haven't really reflected much on it. Thank you.
I agree. It's a good idea not to get lost in the vast ocean of content out there. I got a handful of videos I usually link people who are looking for advice like OP. Let's do that now.
>I don't generally even know if they're single when I approach So for how long do you talk to women, before getting to the subject?
Ethan Carter
Timecode didn't work. Start at 19:50 and watch about 5 mins 30 secs
Michael Nelson
Thanks user, I'll take a look.
Not soon enough apparently. We just chat about whatever, I don't usually throw "so you single?" out of nowhere. Perhaps I should, then I could move on to another girl earlier.
Andrew Morris
>35 lol kys
At least I know I won't be alone that long.
Carson Brown
The devil is in the details.
"So you single" translates to "I want to smash"
"So does your BF and you share a lot of the same friends?" translates to "I'm just getting to know you". If she doesn't have one, you can proceed with "wtf not" or "no way!", and *joke* about it like "if I knew, I wouldn't have acted so cool around you", or whatever. Play relaxed about it, so she knows you're not rushing into opportunities. Don't get too serious. Again, show that you're outcome-independant, and don't make the conversation about the fact that she's single, (you're allowed to ask how long she's been single,) but instead learn more about her by asking about what she does with all her free time. This will tell her that you assumed she was more busy than she actually is, whilest showing her that you're interested in what she does, thus making for an easy transition into suggesting doing some activity together one day soon etc., either a shared interest, or something she's never tried before.
Brayden Mitchell
Anyway anons, getting back to the main subject, what else do you recommend if tinder won't get any better for me?
Jaxon Cooper
Try to date in real life. Most people on tinder are shit tier. Take up a hobbie or go to the gym Go to cafes or bars where girls would be. Library is another good one 35 is not old but you're too old to be too picky. I'm 32 and my girlfriend is 37, I met her while she was with her friends, things have been going strong for 3 years. I have 2 kids, she has 1 but it works for us
