Need female advice on sex and intimacy

A bit of background.
I'm 31, my wife is 28. We have been together for 7 years.

Lately, my wife has been rejecting all advances for sex and physical intimacy.

We used to be very sexually active with each other. I know she isn't cheating on me.

She has cited general things like "hormone changes", "stress", and has also directly stated that she finds sex to be unsatisfying (quote: "like being poked in the eye repeatedly").

I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of rejection (physically and emotionally).

I have also lost nearly all self-confidence in my ability to pleasure her. This has had disastrous effect of making me extremely nervous during sex. On the rare occasions that we do have sex (once every two months or so), it makes it harder to get and maintain erection (contributing further to unsatisfying sex). Additionally, because of the infrequency of sex and the general excitement surrounding it, I have developed hyper sensitivity leading to premature ejaculation.

We have both discussed this before, but I feel the conversation left us further apart.

-My standpoint was that the quality of sex would improve if we had sex more frequently. Additionally, I emphasized that communication is key in understanding what she wants/what satisfies her.
-Her standpoint was that sex was awkward and unsatisfying and that she should have to tell me what satisfies her because "it hasn't been a problem for anyone else" (sex that she has had with previous partners).


I'll give it to her that my sexual experience may be a factor. I've only had 1 sexual partner previously (a long-term relationship of ~5 years full of sex). By comparison, her partner could is ~dozen. Likewise for me, it wasnt a problem and I could easily make my ex climax (sometimes multiple times in a session).

By comparison, my wife is physically and mentally hard to please.

Attached: il_340x270.1624639753_8oru.jpg (340x270, 19K)

Other urls found in this thread:

nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml
reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/top/?t=all
reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/7x17a1/had_the_talk_with_my_wife/
logicallyfallacious.com/tools/lp/Bo/LogicalFallacies/173/Sunk_Cost_Fallacy
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

1) She cant orgasm through penetration. She is only able to climax through use of her vibrator, sometimes not even that. She doesnt let me use the vibrator on her because "I cant do it right". She gets no pleasure from fingering.
2) She hates receiving oral sex. She is extremely self-conscious and refuses to let me go down on her. I've had the chance to go down on her MAYBE twice in our relationship. Once again, I was able to make my ex climax...However, for her, she wont even let me try and get my technique down.
3) She hates light touching, caressing, etc. Basically any kind of tickling is out. This cuts down on variety of foreplay significantly.
4) She hates nipple play (tweaking, licking, light biting, etc). It doesnt turn her on, instead she says to avoid them altogether.
5) She doesnt really like kissing or making out. She has briefly mentioned in passing that she doesnt like the way that "I" kiss in particular, but when I ask her what she likes..once again, she says that she shouldnt have to explain it.
6) She has extreme body dysmorphia. She clings onto what her appearance was in High School when she was 115lbs (and people used to think she was anorexic). She is now ~180lbs (a bit overweight) and hates to be seen naked infront of anyone, including myself. I'm sure this is part of what is killing her sense of confidence/intimacy. i.e. she doesnt "feel" sexy (though I tell her how sexy she is to me all the time).

I assume you meant:
>she shouldn't have to tell me what satisfies her because "it hasn't been a problem for anyone else"
In which case I have to say: what a fucking bitch. Marriage over, she doesn't want to make it work.

In general, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells when it comes to physical intimacy, sex and "trying" to satisfy her. I feel like I go out of my way to avoid the things she doesnt like (because she tells me) and then on the otherhand its hard to know what she actually likes because she doesnt communicate it to me.

She takes the whole subject very personally. The most recent time that I have asked her if we could have sex, she ended up storming out of the bedroom yelling "If you're so unsatisfied, why dont you just divorce me then!" before slamming the door to the guest bedroom (where she slept for the night).

I thought maybe it was a problem with spontaneity (i.e. not being able to mentally prepare for sex). But even when I propose "scheduled sex" as part of a datenight a week in advance...she ends up withdrawing/not wishing to engage in sex at the end of the night.

To ensure that I am doing everything that I can, I had an appointment with a doctor earlier this week and asked for Viagra to help with the Erectile Dysfunction. Hopefully this improves the situation a bit (though no idea when/if we will ever have sex).


Any advice on how to improve things?
What are some methods of foreplay that I could employ?
Am I really in the wrong to think that communication is necessary...or should I somehow "know" what to do?

>We have been together for 7 years.
she said
>"it hasn't been a problem for anyone else"
what a bitch to throw that at you.

im in a similar situation. my wife is 31 and im 34, together for 9 years. from 4 to 1 year ago i complained about not enough sex. But in the last year i have not even been interested anymore. I think i broke or something because now i just would rather jack off in the bathroom once a day than have to even think about trying to initiate sex. Thats probably not helpful.

um, I can tell you that my opinion is its her fault, and that you're right.

oops you are correct
She has also stated in our conversations that because I am unsatisfied, she would be ok with me having sex with other people (basically...getting a mistress).

I flat out told her this was ridiculous and that I didnt want to have sex with anyone else.

>She cant orgasm through penetration. She is only able to climax through use of her vibrator, sometimes not even that.

its not your fault she is not able to get orgasms
me again btw my wife at least will orgasm through dick in vag sex every time we do it so please understand its not normal for your wife to expect anything more than that to get her off. If she isnt getting off its her fault, not yours.

Sounds like an asexual in denial or maybe abuse victim

You should have sex with someone else, who you are married to. You should get married to someone else.
I'm serious. I'm sure you're committed to making this work but she doesn't want to make it work. Meaning she doesn't want it to work.

Youre making an effort to improve something vital to your relationship.

She is not reciprocating. Your bottom line should be "reciprocate the effort that I'm putting into our happiness, or I'll find someone else that will"

I'm not married, but I've been in a relationship for 5.5 years. That's how I'd handle it.

It does not sound as though the problem is your sex life. The problem seems to be your relationship. A woman's sex drive is almost always indelibly linked to their emotional health particularly in long term relationships. If your relationship with her were very functional and happy and otherwise excellent and her sex drive was non-existent than it would be strictly a medical issue. Judging from your post it sounds as though her frustration and resentment is a lot deeper than simple sexual mechanics.

I'd encourage you to not focus on the sex. The sex is not the problem, it is merely a symptom of a greater dysfunction. Chances are she may also feel like your constant focus on the sex itself is not seeing the forest for the trees and only deepens her exasperation. I repeat, OP, this is not about the sex. I recommend seeing a marriage counselor and really trying to get to the heart of where her unhappiness comes from. You really, really need to put the sex aside and get some perspective on how she feels about your entire relationship. Generally speaking, people who feel happy and satisfied with relationships don't have these kind of visceral reactions to physical intimacy. Something is going on and its most assuredly emotional, not physical.

>Body dysphoria

This right here. Get her some therapy. The lack of sex will vanish once she is perceptually and mentally healthy.

In the meantime, try not to take it personally. I could not imagine what it would feel like to be in your position, OP. Just support her, love her, and push her bony ass to get some therapy and REAL help. If she refuses, you might need to start thinking about if you can handle being with her for the rest of your life. You're only 31.

Same problem here op, but with gf of 3 years and since beginning of our relationship
We're both our first and onlys, and she can only get off when im not with her (long distance relationship), also her sex drive drops to nearly 0.

As you mentioned, the body disphoria is a big thing one need to get out of the way.

I hope this thread stays alive for some time and more tips

Sorry to say, OP, but she's done with the marriage. It's not the sex, she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and she's trying to push you away. She's too cowardly to say it upfront, and instead she's trying to make you leave her.

Find another woman, and when you have, leave your wife.

This too is a topic that has been discussed..her general unhappiness with basically everything and everyone....for years

She has gone so far as to say that she thinks she has borderline personality disorder:
nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

A bit of background on her.
Her parents divorced at an early age (~9). Her biological dad cheated and quickly took to his "new" family. Her stepmom was quite abusive, and both the father and stepmom covered alot of their shitty behavior with "god" and religious zeal. She ended up living with mom to escape the situation.
Her biological dad was rich, and she had a VERY privileged (spoiled?) life growing up until the end of school (literally gave her a blank check to buy her first car at 17).
Her dad promised her that he would pay for whatever college she wanted. She got into an Ivy league school and then the stepmother reneged the deal (quote: if god wants you to go, he'll find a way for you to pay).

Her first boyfriend (right after high school) had Bipolar and basically went off the rails. She cut off relationship when it became toxic. He ended up killing himself. After this, she was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

She has generally always been socially awkward and lost friends easily.
From what I've seen so far, she burns about 1-2 major relationship bridges a year (work related). Somehow, she ends up saying things that make people dislike her. In general she comes from a very "academically sound" place when talks to people, but socially fumbles the ball hard (i.e. giving them too candid/honest of feedback/criticism).

She thinks that she might be on the autism spectrum.

Definitely a history of trust issues and abandonment.

From experience, BPD isn't worth it.

You're asking for advice on how to make a crazy bitch be able to feel normal about sex. You'll never get it. Move on.

Why are you with this trainwreck, as a boost to your ego for "saving" her? Get fucked OP. You're not a failure of a husband, you're a failure of a man.

I think a lot of the current issue is stress related to our financial situation.

I feel things took a turn of the worse this year when I had a major mental breakdown (work related). I ended up taking FMLA from work for 3 months and getting my own diagnosis of Bipolar Type 1.
3 weeks after I returned from work, I was laid off. I went from having a 100k job to being unemployed.
In addition to the financial hardship this has caused, she probably sees parallels between her first boyfriend and myself.

She is currently in the middle of obtaining her PhD. So in addition to her PhD work (~1 year away from completion), she had to pick up a job to help support us...whereas before I was picking up all the financial weight of the family while she attended school.

I'm not without my own issues.

We both value our relationship and marriage.

We are a team, both trying to help each other through life.

Op it's time to leave. She wants it, you need it, there's no happy ending other than divorce.

Honestly this all sounds fucky. I'm not one to encourage finding a source outside of marriage to fulfill one's sexual needs but, if you want your marriage to be saved, it might actually help to have a one nighter.

Breakup then if she doesn’t want to work through it then the relationship is over. Go find a mistress

>We both value our relationship and marriage.
>We are a team, both trying to help each other through life.
Nigga you're doing cpr on your marriage's corpse while you wife is stomping on its throat. You are not a team. You are not helping each other. You are supporting her while she picks away at your soul.

I'm also a woman who doesn't feel pleasure from penetration, fingering or breast play

I don't have the solution, all I know is that it's an extremely frustrating position to be in.

For years I experimented with sex and would feel very bitter and resentful that the people I had sex with felt pleasure and I couldn't.

So now I've just accepted the fact that the only pleasure I can get is from my vibrator.

Ultimatums in relationships never work out well. Tried it once (first relationship).

You don't need advice from us, your wife and you need to talk about the problem. It's not just sex, but you both need to try to get your whole intimacy back.
You're a team. Work together on it.

This relationship won't work out well.

Either she'll make more effort, or she wont.
Ultimatum is the only option here IMO

As a woman I can assure you that schedule sex is the worst idea you could have. You're trying hard, you really are, but you're missing the point. She doesn't need an erected dick she needs to feel loved by her husband. It sounds you're disconnected on a mental level, you're craving the same thing but you have different ways to get there. Focus on the intimacy, it would actually be an idea to give up on sex for a while and during this time just try to focus on physical intimacy besides sex. Otherwise any time you tell her she's beautiful, or you caress her face, she will think you just want someone to fuck. Which is true, but you want to fuck your wife and you want it to be good. You need connection for that.

>she shouldn't have to tell me what satisfies her because "it hasn't been a problem for anyone else" (sex that she has had with previous partners).
>She cant orgasm through penetration. She is only able to climax through use of her vibrator, sometimes not even that.
>She gets no pleasure from fingering.
>She hates receiving oral sex.
yeah calling bullshit on that first point that's supposed to be her standpoint on the issue.
>the other guys knew how to pleasure me despite me being nearly impossible to pleasure!
bull.
shit.

On one hand, I have to say that all women are 100% entitled to getting their own sexual satisfaction.

However, I have to admit that the lack of sex has driven me to try and find rationales by ruling out motivations/reasons.
I will occasionally check the iPad's history to see if she has been getting any action on her own.

Indeed, I've seen about a dozen times now that she gets off on redtube and pornhub, sometimes in the time during which I am traveling home. Sometimes in the morning right after I leave (by minutes).

I know her sexual desire and function is still there. It's just not directed towards me in any way.

I have not indicated to her in any way that I know she is masturbating with such frequency. I feel that calling her out on this would be disastrous. Besides...I masturbate in the shower/bathroom and sometimes when she isn't home.
It's her body, she can do what she wants.

On the other hand, I feel its a bit different...I almost feel cheated on in a way, because she will masturbate while i'm not home, and then actively reject my attempts at intimacy literally hours later.

>she needs to feel loved by her husband
Making a dedicated thread about a specific issue may be hyper-focusing a bit and give the wrong impression.
I am nothing but 100% supporting and loving towards my wife.

Especially now that I am out of work. I cook, clean, run errands, etc. I have and always try to do as much as possible so that she can de-stress and relax when she gets home (she doesnt really return in kind..ever)

I know she has low self-esteem, so I continually tell her that she is beautiful, pretty, smart, etc. Anytime I compliment her, she is quick to dismiss it and say that I'm lying.

>You need connection for that.
Throughout our relationship, she has never wanted what I consider to be "intimate sex" (looking into eyes, rubbing/touching, kissing, holding etc). The only kind of sex she seemed to enjoy/ask for amounted to "just put it in already" and hard/deep sex.
My gut instinct is that she has a fucked up idea of what sex is (trying to emulate porn).

When watching porn together (when she uses her vibrator), she always fast-forwards everything to go right to the hardest of the fucking (usually anal, DP, or gangbangs).


We have spoken about this topic: intimate sex versus "fucking" and have come to a difference of opinion.
I am the one seeking the intimate sex as a way of demonstrating affection.
She could care less.

I feel that as we each get older, its simply not possible to "fuck" like teens-20yr olds and that the nature and rhythm of sex evolves. An emotional and behavioral evolution that she doesn't really care for.

She's probably attracted to you but is resentful because you always get pleasure from sex and she doesn't.

No no no, read what she wrote better.
Basically should try cuddles. No-pressure-on-sex cuddles. And dates, maybe. No-pressure-sex dates

Also:
reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/top/?t=all
This sub is very negative but have sometimes good endings. This one is my reason to recommend cuddles.
reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/7x17a1/had_the_talk_with_my_wife/

I try to cuddle almost every other night.
She says its uncomfortable and prefers her body pillow (it usually separates us in bed).

At every turn it almost feels like she goes out of her way to remove any utility I might have in the relationship as it relates to physical affection/intimacy.

She recently bought a a device to hit the knots on her back...eventhough I offer to massage/rub her back all the time (definitely not in any kind of sexual/erotic way either)

>At every turn it almost feels like she goes out of her way to remove any utility I might have in the relationship as it relates to physical affection/intimacy.
She does. Get a divorce.

Do you have children together? No? Then what are you waiting for? She refuses to try anymore.

logicallyfallacious.com/tools/lp/Bo/LogicalFallacies/173/Sunk_Cost_Fallacy

Sorry

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I'm so sorry. That must feel awful. How is your relationship currently, outside of sex and finance ?

I didn't mean you are not showing her your love eh, it is clear you give a lot of shit about your marriage and her. It actually seems you're the one who's trying to fix it and she's not helping at all.
I still think no pressure on sex is the starting point, but you really have to confront her because you can't read people's mind and she needs to tell what could make her feel better.

What a far bitch honestly, and I really mean both of those. I would literally divorce and im not trolling, she sounds immature and awful

Time to check out, bud

Most women can not orgasm through vaginal sex. Physically can not. The dudes here saying that their wives orgasm ''every time'' vaginally are being lied to by their wives. All women know this. It is a biological fact. Call an obgyn and ask.

You MUST have sex with other girls

This is why you don't get married in case you aren't planning a child a year up until after the marriage.

also isn't the whole fucking point of being engaged, living together, fucking eachother just a way to indicate how the rest of your fucking life is going to be with that person? OP's a fucking moron and he deserves a shit wife.

also
>I know she isn't cheating on me.
yeaaaaahhh sure buddy

>I know she isn't cheating on me.
I wonder how you "know" that she isn't

Take a break fron seeing her.
In that break, just really enjoy yourself on your own doing heaps od fun stuff ON YOUR OWN.
After you finish the break and before you contact her again, decide if you want this relationship or not.

A good holiday heaps heaps about struggles like these. I should know since I had one recently and it helped me with a major career change decision.

>3) She hates light touching, caressing, etc. Basically any kind of tickling is out. This cuts down on variety of foreplay significantly.
How does she react if you hug her?
Let's assume she is standing somewhere in your home and you hug her without her seeing you first.
Does she welcome you?

You say she doesn't want to kiss you, so does that mean no contact at all?
It seems far worse than just a stale sex life.

Suggesting to her that she lose weight to get over her dysmorphia is not a good idea, but what you can do is improve your own health and see if she wants to join you. You should see a therapists about that.

Having read through all of this bullshit, your wife is a thot and you are a cuck. I'm not kidding or trolling, I mean it. I'm honestly wondering if this is an elaborate troll, because this woman exhibits just about every red flag imaginable. She's literally a spoiled roastie whore with daddy issues, and your dumbass married her. I'd give you advice, but based off of what you said it's too late. You probably won't listen to me and everybody else is going to call me an angsty bitter incel virgin despite being in a successful long-term relationship. Most people on Jow Forums are honest-to-God, reddit-tier normalfags, so they will give you generic shitty advice about "making her feel loved" and other shit like that. Your wife is a whore who doesn't love you, and you were stupid to marry her in the first place. Leave her immediately and dedicate your time to finding an actually good woman. It's already too late, just leave. The more time you spend with her the less time you have to find a woman who actually cares about you.

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This post is a good example of why people with limited life experience shouldn't give advice.

Was ur wife abused?

Ok it's clear now, she wants out of the relationship

>We both value our relationship and marriage.
find a couples counselor now OP. I am in a similar situation with my wife. I don't have time to get into the details, but you will be best served with an educated, sex positive third party referee for this. go to AASECT and find one.
there are lots of loaded issues here, and you need a game plan to figure out how to get into them without blowing up your marriage and relationship any worse than it already is

nah bro, its important to fuck your wife
married sex that's only love making gets BORING. You need to fuck your wife like a filthy whore every so often

What a bunch of limp dick faggots in this thread. Your woman isn't fucking you anymore? Either she's getting it from somewhere else or her cunts broken. Either you:
1) Follow Lenin's advice: "trust is good, but control is better". How do you really know if someone isn't slipping it to her?

2) Time for you to get some strange. Obviously be careful about it because the bitch can take more than half your existence but a man needs to fuck something. Also it will give you a major boost in confidence and she'll smell the pussy on you and improve her cunt behaviour. At the very least you'll stop giving a shit about her bad behaviour and you can demote her to roommate status.

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You have to be 18+ to post here.

You need to man the fuck up

I think that guy is legit

If she didnt want to be together, she would have already initiated the divorce herself.

chill out dawg, she's with me... don't worry about it, you support her financially, I support her tits from bouncing off the bed. It'll all work out mane

>If she didnt want to be together, she would have already initiated the divorce herself.
That could not be farther from the truth. I honestly hope you don't think its as simple as that.

Surely this is bait.
Why would anyone get in a relationship with a fat whale who hates everything physical?

She's fucking someone else.

Lmao, you absolute reddit cuck.
Drink your soi bitchtits.

>-My standpoint was that the quality of sex would improve if we had sex more frequently. Additionally, I emphasized that communication is key in understanding what she wants/what satisfies her.
>-Her standpoint was that sex was awkward and unsatisfying and that she should have to tell me what satisfies her because "it hasn't been a problem for anyone else" (sex that she has had with previous partners).
ah fuck m8, i've had the same conversation with my wife too. i'm about ready to toss in the towel over this since we've only fucked 2 times in 2018.

As someone who's been in your wifes position and your position; I assume one of two things is happening.

1. She's starting to lose interest in your relationship. It usually starts physically and moves on to mentally and emotionally after not being physically stimulated for a while.

If this is the case, maybe approaching it from a relationship health instead of sexual health would be better. Discuss how you feel about each other and what's causing this rift. In this situation maybe "spicing it up" would help.
Ask about her fantasies, things that turn her on. As her to masturbate for you so you can see how she likes to be touched, etc...

or 2;
She's depressed or having her own emotional struggle that would cause her to feel little physical or emotional pleasure. You can ask her about how she's holding up or stresses. Doing something sweet for her; like making her a favorite meal or getting her fun bath products would help the situation at least a little bit.

But for the immediate;
Maybe try to change up your sexual routine.
Try to get her in the mood before even touching her. Girls love emotional gestures, bring her some wine and chocolates, dim the lights, dress up and clean yourself up for her.
Enjoy her, kiss her sensually, act like this is a new love all over again.
And when things progress to the bedroom; pleasure her before you even think about getting your dick wet.
Holding her tight and making her cum with your fingers while you whisper in her ear will make her WAY more sexually excited than you just shoving your floppy dick in her.

I notice a lot of guys in long term relationships seem to forget that turning their partner on will get them way more sex than just waiting for her to be in the mood.
Give her a reason to be in the mood.
A simple gesture like giving her a little back rub can turn into sex real quick if you let your mouth involved.

Good luck user

>So now I've just accepted the fact that the only pleasure I can get is from my vibrator.
the absolute state of women in 2018 i swear to god by 2020 y'all will be using belt sanders

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>Sometimes in the morning right after I leave (by minutes).
jesus OP this is just brutal, sorry man
>because she will masturbate while i'm not home, and then actively reject my attempts at intimacy literally hours later.
how do you reconcile that? it seems pretty clear that she, and her feelings for you, is the problem here
this is no way to go on with life. she better keep the fucking house spotless and make great food - otherwise you're better off alone.

Either break it off or find someone else to fuck.

It sounds like the problem isn't physical. It's emotional. Start there. Focus on non-physical intimacy. Take her out. Wine her and dine her. Tell her she's beautiful. Send her flowers maybe. Flirty texts definitely. Try to recreate the intimacy you once had because for women that comes first and sex follows. If she's still shutting you out, then I would insist on marriage counseling because sex once every 2 months will not sustain a marriage.

>Focus on non-physical intimacy and relationship

I feel like I am doing everything that I can.

>Texting support and affection throughout day
>Since I am unemployed and home, I do ALL the house chores
>Schedule Friday dates, lunches, weekend activities
>Continually offer physical affection (hugs, massages, foot rubs, drawing baths, etc)
>Continually offer encouragement and compliments

For a while, I thought that perhaps I was TOO emotionally available. My thinking was that perhaps if I pulled back, she would do the chasing. Besides, being the continual "giver" without receiving any kind of reciprocation becomes extremely punishing.
When I did this, the relationship got worse and quite simply she started complaining about the various things not being done.

In an argument we've had, I've even brought up that it feels like I am the only one trying to commit any effort into the relationship. It feels like I continually bleed out and it's not reciprocated.

I believe the 100% true heart of the issues is the workload and stress that she has chosen to put herself through.

She is pursing a PhD...something that is #1 on her life goals
She is in a high pressure, very emotionally draining workfield.

Because of this....
She is CONTINUALLY in a state of stress
She has little to no freetime for our relationship (wakes up at 6am, gets home at 6pm, does homework, sleep, repeat)
She continually binge eats to deal with stress (leading to weight gain and further self-loathing)

Quite simply, she is a modern woman who has prioritized her career and personal growth over her relationship and happiness of significant other.

I absolutely honestly 100% want to support her and goals, but...
I cant do anything about her habit of taking on more responsibilities than she can deal with
I cant do anything about her lack of self confidence

My hope is that once the PhD program is complete, she will have more freetime and emotional capacity to take part in our relationship.

Additionally, once her freetime increases, she will have time to workout/get in shape to resolve her self image issues.

It just feels like there is little to nothing that I can do at this time.

Just fuck me instead, OP. I'll make a man out of you yet. You ever had your balls licked? How bout your ears nibbled, while a soft warm hand smaller than yours gently strokes and caresses your thickening member with its own juices?

;)

Tits or gtfo you larping dicklover.

This is a blue board baby. No tits necessary. Enjoy your hand.

TL;DR, seems that your problem is lack of sex from wife, and you want female advice? I'm sure the females here are just going to tell you to be more of a slave than you already are. Do more housework, do more chores, rub her feet more, etc.

Fuck that. She'll learn to use sex against you. Learn to go without and use that shit against her instead.

You can post tits on a blueboard, just not nipples. Kys faggot.

Oh shit, I just read your second post... You're done dude. She's nuts. You really should have seen this coming.

>just not nips
>post boobs but not even for pleasure

Who is the faggot here bruh
Post dick or gtfo

I'll sit on your lap if you want OP. Just sit. Just for a while, and we can talk about these things while I play with your hair and push your head into my breasts.

>have loving bf
>he had problems in the relationship that made connection difficult
>I loved him, but I was never in love
>struggled with sex and intimacy with him for over three years
>finally give up when he still wants to fight
>find a bf after
>amazing chemistry, we fuck and are physical all the time
as someone who comes from the other side, you married the wrong bitch. you already know it won't get better, you've tried everything. sometimes you need to know when to fold and get a new deal.

Welcome to marriage. I'm surprised the downfall took this long.

This is the story with most marriages. The man wants sex for many years, for life even. The woman loses interest in sex a couple years in. By year 5 you basically never have sex.

Your options?

Divorce or cheat.

OP the story you're telling is one I've heard dozens of times.

Also...

DO NOT have kids. If you're in a relationship where the sex is going downhill, when you have a kid the sex disappears forever

>Who is the faggot here bruh
The one roleplaying as a woman.

Kys rostie bitch

Reading the hatespew of things with penises raging against women while also crying into their keyboards and waifu pillows about not being able to have the touch of a virgin 10/10 white underage girl literally gives me life.

I think I'll just be happy and get laid instead, but thanks for the suggestion

How do you know that the chemistry with the "new bf" will last?
What happens when the chemistry with the new bf dies down?
Where do you stop in pursing "the fire"?

Also, as I said in the first post, we "used" to be very sexually active. for like 5 out of the 7 years of our relationship. It's within the past year or so that things have really hit a bad spot.

Once again, what seems to coincide with this dramatic downturn is the undertaking of her PhD program (and decrease in freetime/leisure time). I have also seen a dramatic increase in stress level and corresponding increase in weight gain/decrease in self confidence.

So I guess my question really becomes...

What can I do to help alleviate my wife's stress?

What can I do to preserve my own dignity/integrity?...as it feels like I am putting it all out there to the point of desperation to sustain out relationship during this rough spot.


Cheating or divorce are not options to me.
I am a loyal and committed husband to my wife.
I truly take our vows seriously: "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

I consider her stress, anxiety, and depression to be a form of sickness. It hasn't always like this, and I expect things will improve (even if they require effort).

She's just not into you OP. You sound like a defeated bitch. Women are very good at picking up on weakness. 3 million years of mammalian evolution and mate selection has made damn sure of that.

She finds her sex life unsatisfactory, she's not very attracted to you, and her sex drive has become lower as a result of these things. Your response to this has been to concede and whine. You need to do something drastic or your relationship is fucked. Don't "walk on eggshells" around her, because that's part of the reason you don't turn her on. Be a fucking man. Lift some weights, fix your mashed-potato body, and start acting masculine.

I've been married for 7 years. If my wife is ever "not in the mood for it" I fuck her anyway. It isn't up to her whether we are fucking or not. It's up to me. I am bigger than her and I am hornier than her. She married ME. She took MY name. She is my property. I will do what I like. And you know what? Her pussy is wet, swollen, and throbbing every time. Whether she wanted it at first or not, she's begging for it by the time I'm halfway into her. This kind of interaction speaks to a basic, instinctual part of the human brain. The uninformed progressives will call this chauvinism, patriarchy, rape, whatever. Biology doesn't give a shit about that. Be the man your wife wants.. or someone else will.

>My wife isn't sexual, what do I do?
Make her sexual, faggot.

This

WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!111

#
>uninformed progressives will call this chauvinism, patriarchy, rape, whatever.

Well then...that might be another factor.

Part of the PhD program she is taking has included coursework in progressivism, gender studies, equitibility, etc.
Sounds like Jow Forums trolling to say that she has recently been bringing up terms such as the "patriarchy", "rape culture", etc in our discussions of world affairs.

Has she indoctrinated herself against the ideas of a traditional/stable marriage?

You're on the right track, OP, stress is the most common way to lose your sex drive. I personally don't know what you can do to help her stress. You know her best. What's stuff that she has to do but hates? What's been piling up? What had to fall by the wayside when she started the program? Sometimes just having someone take care of something that has been looming is what you really need.

Make sure she gets enough sleep and nutritious food, too. If she's that wpund up she's probably not thinking about it.

I also recommend you two see a couples therapist if you can find the time. There's also a book called Come As You Are that I -highly- recommend. It talks about the biological mechanisms behind brains and sexuality, as well as providing real strategies for stress management to help improve the desire for sex. It could really help you both.

>Has she indoctrinated herself against the ideas of a traditional/stable marriage?
No offense, but as a woman, higher education helps you realize that you put up with a lot of extra shit from men that makes you unhappy. Plus, the fact you just dismiss those "terms," I dunno man, are you blowing off her opinions and what she's learning, even if it's dumb? If she's BPD or some equivalent, she doesn't need a reason to be crazy and have mood swings where she doesn't care about you anymore. Giving her one isn't recommended.

Has she cycled coldly against you with her BPD since before this? Think hard.

I dont dismiss the terms. In general, I listen daily to what she is learning and try to incorporate into our shared daily speech/vocabulary.

>Has she cycled coldly against you with her BPD since before this? Think hard.
Yes. About 2-3 times now. By this time, I've learned to stay clear when she's in one of her "slash and burn" moods.

It sounds like her mental illness is compelling her to discard you. If I know BPD, she's either feeling terrible at herself for not being able to enjoy sex and is using it to distance herself from you, or she knows this issue is a thorn in your side and will use it to torture you for her own narcissistic pleasure.

In other words, you're a fool to stay married to a bitch with BPD. If you had a non-scummy wife, you'd be banging way more often with the mind games only being about doing the dishes how she likes it. Instead, you have to deal with this as things never improve until one of you break under the pressure.

There's no advice I can give you. You can't fix a person that broken. You're doomed to be sexless until she has a love bomb swing to trap you back in.

Rim my filthy arse you fucking WHORE

smell my shit

>op is literally married to a fat, bipolar rabid feminist psycho who doesn't put out

Get some standards you cuck.

>Failed Husband
Stop this, right now. You are not a failure, just because your roastie-wife is being a bitch. Don't let her put you down like this.

Dude, why the fuck are you still here? Have you scheduled an appointment with a marriage counselor or not?

>unironically using the word roastie

Attached: 1375175580345.gif (180x200, 1.08M)

>unironically thinking it wasn't ironic
lmaoing @ ur lyfe

Ignore the trolls.

Actually a fairly common problem. Any couples counselor would tell you to take sex out of the equation for a while and spend some time just cuddling, to fins your ways back to how nice it is to feel the other one close. Then you can very slowly reintroduce sensuality, and then sexuality.

Google "How to cuddle"