how do I stop being insecure about not having friends?
during the time I did have friends I used to always hate having to go out and be social. it eventually lead to depression because it felt like I was living a lie and forcing a facade.
even now when I have to go out and be social I hate it such as being dragged out to go to the work Christmas party or if someone from work is having a BBQ and invited everyone or if I have to go to a wedding or something.
yet at the same time I'm extremely terrified and would be absolutely be humiliated if my co-workers found out. it happened with all my past gf's too where once they bring it up or verbally acknowledge my no friends thing it just kills the relationship and makes me have to break up with them?
why am I so embarrassed about not having friends when I prefer to not have any in the first place?
like I can get on well with people and I'm pretty sure I'm a likeable guy but once people start wanting to invite me out I start to distance myself or I find excuses not to go.
From what I can tell you are an introvert. I used to feel the same way, sometimes I still do. Unfortunately if a person wants to have friends one has to do things that are not necessarily fun. That's the nature of socializing. Just think that you want to be with person A or B or C and don't think about where. That's what I did and it worked.
And then I just start making small talk with people and talking about things I like and usually they go with. Most people feel lonely or introverted too but make the effort to go out and meet other people because that's what humans are supposed to do. Eventually you meet some people you connect with and then they become friends.
Colton Brown
If anyone asks, just explain that, IN YOUR EXPERIENCE, having friends has not been worth the effort. It's a perfectly rational decision. Nobody can question your "lived experience", as the cool people say nowadays.
If the other person presses you with something like "Oh, that just means you haven't met the right people yet!" you can gently but firmly reply that you think your past friends have adequately run the gamut of personalities.
Liam Peterson
Are you me? Like i have fine social skills but i just dont get on with people and going out. I like being alone. Ive travelled a lot ive known many people but seriously im all good. Was engaged to my fucking dream woman and only person i ever could spend unlimited time with without getting bored. She left me. A lot of reasons but at the very top of it all was the no social life thing. She gave me a chance too. I started going out on my own, making friends being social and got bored and went back to hanging out at home and it was done. 5 years bros.
Henry Long
You need to find that one mate you click with. I had one, we used to chat and meet up practically all day, even for 30 minutes to chat on a bench in the park
At the end, it turned out he was a cunt. He got mad I found a gf and that I spent more time learning than with him. Now I'm at uni and he's a neet, supposedly going a "gap year"(sitting at home and playing games, guess it's a matter of time before his parents chuck him out).
Despite that, I don't think our friendship was wasted, I had a good time.
Gavin Roberts
Why dont you try to impress the man in the mirror instead of others?
Please, what is the source on that webm? or girl's name
Tyler Turner
Bump for you mate
Owen Collins
op here. I just feel really drained once I have to go out and stuff. maybe because I deal with people all day at work that it's the last thing I want to do in my me time.
plus I have this weird thing where I like to do on one thing a day. so if I have a work day I have no intention or desire to do anything besides chill at home. I can only do groceries and errands on a day off. if I need to clean the house I will plan to do it on a day off and once I'm done that is the only activity I will do besides chilling at home.
I find it very bothersome to deviate and spontaneously stop by and do something if it wasn't included in my plans for the day. eg if I spent the day with a gf, I would find it really stressful if I was asked in the middle of the drive home to quickly stop by the supermarket to grab something even if it is literally on the way home.
You cannot understand how much I understand you, I was you. I have seen young people like you with the same problems over and over. Those problems solve themselves as you complete your human tutorial. I know you think you're smart, as though that meant anything. I know you think time is running out, as though THAT meant anything. I know you see people your age that you think have their shit together, maybe one in a hundred actually do, the rest are just better at bluffing.
All the old people look at you and smile behind your back so we don't hurt your too-fragile pride. We've been there, years from now you'll be here. Chill the fuck out.
Samuel Harris
Your dream woman was trash. Good riddance.
Liam Lopez
>You need to find that one mate you click with meh, don't think it's going to happen since I'm already 28
last time was in highschool but I guess it worked since we kicked the shit at school then went home. didn't hang out every weekend or anything but once we became adults and we all started to drive they always called to go do something even on the weekdays and pretty much always wanted to do shit on weekends.
it literally got real old for my within like 6 months and that's when I realised we just were starting to lose things in common. I tried to keep up but it just lead to me being low key depressed since it felt like I was just living some lie trying to act like I was some social butterfly going to clubs and shit. when I kind of brought it up with who I thought was my best friend at the time he basically ratted my concerns about depression to the other guys and basically got ragged on for being an emo soft cock. ever since then I just eventually hardened up, played the facades and ultimate drifted away completely.
don't get me wrong I tried to get back into friends again but I just get the same feeling of feeling drained having to go out for dinner all the time etc.
I just feel better being on my own chilling at home but at the same time afraid of people finding out how I live because it's not how you are "supposed to live" if that makes sense
Blow it out your ass. Poetic know it all. Even the oldest fucks stay as useless and dumb as they were born. I know silly teens better than me and old experienced fucks that I was superior to as a teen myself. Age does way less than it is usual ly claimed.
Jacob Brooks
You're almost 30, and you're still worried about what people think of you?
William Harris
>Legit you need to grow up
in what way? what steps can I take?
Bentley Perry
yeah I think it was a really problem when I was younger because with felt I had to live my life a certain way >go out for coffee, movies, dinner every night >go out clubbing and to bars from Thursday to say
just because that is what was expected of you and it lead to me living my life as a lie. I guess it would be similar to how a closet gay would feel about living their life as a straight man or something.
don't get my wrong I have gotten a lot better and I am in a way happier state that I am living more truer to myself these days. it's just this one aspect of people finding out I don't have any real friends that for some reason I care about people knowing the truth about.
Luke Walker
Not the same guy
Start with small steps, do the list of things you can clearly improve on.
We all have a deep sense of the things we dont like ourself to do but that we do anyway.
Make a list, every time you do something that you know you shouldnt be doing write it.
Then order them with the most frequents ones (white lies is really common) and the one you can fix the quickiest.
Pick one and try to fix it in a day to day basis. If you manage that then expand to the other ones on the list.
If you cant manage that you will not be able to grow in a more noticable manner
Aiden Kelly
You can't just tackle the problem of "not being socially competent enough" in just one day
You need to think of it rationnaly and efficiently
Decompose the problem, desect it, and always go for the things that get you rewards the fastest
Dylan Campbell
>white lies when people ask me how my weekend was I've been being more honest now and just saying I had a quiet weekend at home or whatever. or that my plans are to just watch chill at home for the weekend and watch sports.
I'm getting self conscious though that my plans are always the same of "having a quiet one" that people will get suspicious and guess it's like that cos I don't have friends.
Jason Turner
Then just tell them that you dont have many friends. Its way better to actually come out about thoses sort of things than just telling obvious and repeated lies over and over again until nobody trust or listen to you anymore.
Nathaniel James
im also an introvert desu And ive come to peace with myself that half of my weekends are usually about vidya and animes.
But i love electronics music so i try to go out to a place where i can enjoy myself once a week (concert mostly)
but also because because i feel good about doing something socially productive from time to time. it rewards your brain thinking "ha im not just doing nothing"
Juan Brown
Literally orgasmed by this girls facial expressions OP.
>I'm ashamed of having no friends so I broke up with my gf what the fuck? you don't need friends if you have a gf go see a psychiatrist
Jose Gonzalez
This is dogshit OP. Literally, just some oldfag wagging their finger at you while saying, "I've been there" at the same time and offering you no actual advice.
Jaxson White
it's probably why I prefer message boards and forums
I feel like it's how I prefer my social life to be but not sure if that's healthy or not?
Well, I'm 19. As I said, he got upset I started spending more time on studying. We don't speak anymore. Despite his cool and laid back outside, I think he was simply too needy. Call your old friends mate. Or try to hang out with your neighbours if they're cool.
Or chat with a cool mate from work or something.
As I said, I'm 19, I moved to the UK by myself 3 months ago to study. First job I had I met a dude. He's 33, I had some of the best laughs ever with him, I know I can call him up whenever and despite the 14 year she difference, I regard him as a good and trusted acquaintance.
The difference between us is huge, by the way. He was kind of poor, he's finished tertiary education, works full time, has a kid and a gf(doesn't want to marry for some reason but whatever). I'm a student, I come from an upper middle class family and we just click as well.
Jack Howard
Age* difference
Lucas Green
Bump for you mate
Jackson Mitchell
yeah felt humiliated that she acknowledged it verbally
