So I talked to a girl in my class yesterday, first time talking with her so I started slow I brought up the last assignment and how it went for her. She said yea I did pretty good but I got lucky I didnt study so I said yea I winged it also, but this new assignment is hard for me idk why I just cant understand it. Then she said yea im not too sure about it either I might just wing this one also lol. Now I started the conversation two times already and she hasnt started it yet at all. I take this as she isnt interested and is deflecting just to answer and be nice. Am I right to assume two times me starting a convo and her zero means she isnt into it?
When to quit?
If that was basically the extent of what you two said to each other, that's not much of a conversation. It could be that she was more interested in focusing on class, was thinking about other things, or simply didn't know what to say to keep a conversation going.
You can't expect someone that you don't know to be particularly interested in you. You can ask her if she wants to meet to work on the assignment. That lets you both have a chance to talk to her more where you actually have something to talk about, plus I feel like you could benefit from actually focusing on your schoolwork.
Okay but how can I shift convo to something outside of the classroom instead of did you have a hard time at working on this? Like whats the next step.
The common convention in trying to start a conversation is to make "small talk" that leaves openings to switch to conversational topics that one speaker or the other is actually interested in discussing or hearing about.
A good way to get to know someone is to be interested in them and to ask questions about them, especially when you find something that they are interested in. These don't have to be about anything major and you don't need to map out some sort of conversational strategy in advance.
Just simple shit like "what's your major" or "what's your favorite class" is a popular starting point.
But really you can talk about whatever you want. Your goal shouldn't be trying to figure out how to make someone like you, it should be to see if she does like you (and you should be trying to figure out if you actually like her).
Before you do all that this user is saying, let's back away for a second. This part is a problem:
> Like whats the next step.
Stop thinking about steps. Steps are part of a recipe, a plan when you have an end goal in mind. This is a human interaction. You can't go in with a plan in mind.
Talk to her like you talk to any other classmate and see where things are.
And what would be conventional signs to see if she likes me vs being friendly? I assume her starting a conversation is the obvious one. My biggest thing I hate when talking to girls is I start something they talk a little I respond and then it just ends and we sit there. I feel like if i start another conversation after some silence then its over lol
Yea you right, I cant think of this like a plan I need to let it flow or ill hit a wall.
>Yea you right, I cant think of this like a plan I need to let it flow or ill hit a wall.
Why do you lie to me? You are literally asking for pointers to develop a plan in the same post!
>And what would be conventional signs to see if she likes me vs being friendly? I assume her starting a conversation is the obvious one.
how is asking for signs a plan??
You want to say "If she does this, things are going well". You want to reduce a human interaction to a series of steps and signs.
Son, it hasn't even begun yet
Go on....
she is like it with erevyone?
You're talking about fucking assignments. What exactly do you think that signals to her? Jack shit, if anything she thinks you aren't interested in her at all other than those damn assignments.
talk of other things BRO ;)
College is so fucking ez mode op.
>assignment hard
>let's study together
You're just too afraid that she's not interested in you man. You're too afraid of rejections.
You should try doing some rejection practice. Try walking up to places, where you know you'll be rejected and give it a try.
Like try going to your local Four Seasons' (or any expensive hotel) and offer som obscure price like 50USD for their top suite. If the receptionist rejects, continue until they call the guards :)
The idea of practicing rejection sounds good but your example sounds horrible lol
>The idea of practicing rejection sounds good
Don't go down that road. Don't go ask girls out with the idea of being rejected. You would only be alienating yourself to the idea of women more and more.
> And what would be conventional signs to see if she likes me vs being friendly?
Ask her out when you get sick of being the conversation starter all the time and you'll find out just how interested she is.
No, that's not the way. Asking her out when frustrated won't get you anywhere.
No, he won't.
The thing is, he has to develop the "so what"-mentality and get rid of the "Omg, what happens if I say/do this.."-mentality.
Really, paradoxically the less you care about getting rejected, the more success you will have.
Start out with small things, my example was just to demonstrate what you should be able to handle down the road, and it's effect.
Try starting out with small lunch/sandwich delis, when you're the only one in the store, deliberately forget your wallet at home. Still, order something (preferably something ready-made, so you don't make them actually make the food in front of you.)
When you get to paying, act like you want to pay, reach for your wallet, and act like you're screwed/suprised - and don't worry, she won't suspect you're acting since this is masterful retardation at work, so no worries about overacting.
Say something casual like "whoops, forgot my wallet." She will say something like "Oh that's sad" and then you ask, if you can have it anyway. Be dead serious.
Then try while there are customers, no the same deli though. And then try when it's crowded, so it's a bit embarrassing. And then continue with more and more fancy places :)
>paradoxically the less you care about getting rejected, the more success you will have.
Not really. Caring or not caring doesn't change the fact that people are into you or not.
The thing is, when you don't obsess over it, you don't go asking everyone out and you let things happen more organically. That's how you get success.
Suck dick and die in a hole.
While it's definitely not a good idea to ask someone out when you're frustrated/pissed, it is a good idea to ask the girl out sooner rather than later.
Like just ask if she'd like to get dinner with you or get a coffee or something. Just something casual really, it doesn't have to be fancy.
If she says no once try again another time. The excuse she gave might legit be real. If she refuses multiple times then she's likely not interested in you. If she accepts then you know she's at least comfortable being around you, and you can continue from there.
>it is a good idea to ask the girl out sooner rather than later.
Not if you don't flirt first. Show what you can do and test the waters. Asking someone out when you don't talk to them is awkward and makes you look bad. It makes it seem like you are too nervous and you rush and force things, which won't make for a fun date.
I didn't mean for a relationship, just to literally get something to eat or something casual like that. There you then can have your opportunity to flirt and test the waters and get to know her better.
Don’t get discouraged OP. Keep making progress.
>There you then can have your opportunity to flirt and test the waters and get to know her better.
Unless you are on Tinder, you can get to know her in whatever fashion you met her. Asking out out of the blue is not a good plan.
OP here again with the million dollar question. What if I talk with her, shes nice and we talk back and fourth then I ask her out and shes dating someone. I have no idea if she is or isn't and I have no way of checking.