The only girls that ever interest me are incredibly out of my league

Well at least you recognize it's a problem. If you get lonely enough your priorities will change.

Yeah I guess I'm just anxious in every direction with this. I feel bad for not desiring her more because I'm so fixated on those girls, I feel anxious that I'm missing out on a good match because of that, on the other hand I feel anxious about consciously pushing past it and getting involved with her because then what happens if a girl I really would desire strongly comes into my life, I'll feel like shit is what.

I've never ever been with a girl I really found "hot" except for one hookup when I was 29 and I kind of really want that. In the past I always did ens up going for girls that were cute enough but that I didn't see that way. Now I'm in my 30s and I still haven't ever felt that way about a girl I was with. I think that's why I'm too picky. I feel incredibly jealous of other guys who do land relationships with those women, and I feel like I'm always settling and feel sad I won't experience that. So I have a strong urge to keep my options open unless it's someone who is basically my fantasy girl. But then I'm also aware of how self defeating that is.

RELAX. Lighten up a bit already.

It's not like you're debating moving in with this girl. Clearly you're at least a little interested or else you wouldn't be asking us about it. Just go out with her already and if you end up liking her you end up liking her and if you don't you don't.

/thread

I'm this posterI think you're waaay too picky man, and overthinking, right now it sounds like the only thing that stops you from getting a girl is you, I read your other post where you said you never really had a "hot" woman and to that I repeat myself and say, if they're cute and not fat or disfigured then they're good, they don't have to be "hot" that's a novelty, it comes and goes really quick and the only thing you're left with is the person itself, because she's the one you get to deal with every day of your lives, through good and bad, so personality matters so much more, and until you get that - you'll continue suffering, so you can make your mistakes and keep on lusting after those highly sought after, most likely arrogant sorority girls who will fulfill your little fantasy, but then you'll see that it's just that, a fantasy, in reality you'll just be better with an obedient loving girl who went for you than one you had to work for, especially if they're the young hot "popular" girls who will most likely make your life hard.

Sounds like it's going to take you to "succeed" and get that they're just people until you let go of that feeling that you're going to regret being in a relationship with a good person and feeling "trapped" in it, I hope by that time you won't be in your 40's, best of luck though

OK, you know, you're right. I'm probably just psyching myself out about someone actually liking me and finding excuses to scare myself off because it's been a while and because I was burned pretty hard by my relationship with my ex failing.

>So in the case of this particular woman I should pretty much relax, neither question myself for not feeling that strongly about her nor let my fear of getting into a mismatched relationship hold me back, just go with the flow and go for it if I feel like It?
And yeah that part is true, you put it perfectly, just relax go with it and see for yourself the good that is having a woman who pursues you and wants you

Sweet modest qt3.14>some random conceited Insta-slut

I mean that's the thing. I don't see myself "succeeding" at that, I'm aware of how toxic this complex is, and yet, I feel very little or no desire towards women who are more in my league, I just want one of those young hotties so desperately, and it's fucking me up, and in particular having someone right in front of me who might "on paper" be a good match and feeling hesitant at best towards them really makes me conscious of how unhealthily obsessed with this I am, but I can't seem to let it go. But I don't expect to actually succeed at chasing those girls either, I mean like I said I am decently attractive and social but it's just not happening for me. So I'm kind of caught in this toxic loop, and I can sit back and see how it's not working for me, but it's a feeling thing as much as a thinking thing, so being aware of that doesn't really make me more motivated to e.g. pursue this girl I'm talking about.

The whole thing makes me pretty uncomfortable because I *know* I would have been eager to take a shot at her when I was younger, so it really disturbs me how picky I seem to have become.

That said this isn't causing me to actively reject her, just a lack of motivation to reach out/being very passive. If she were to actively pursue me I don't think I would say no.

Well it's a shame dude but I think you know no advice can help you with this of your already know the situation, it means that only you can take you out of this rut you're in, I'm sorry to hear that dude, but I sincerely hope you do try with that woman because no matter how she dresses - if she gives you love and attention you might just understand that she's better than those hit fantasy young girls, I've been where you were for a little while, where I really really wanted the hot young ones and felt like if I don't get them then anyone else is just considered a personal failure for me, but then I've realized how much I appreciate companionship, I've been with a really really super hot girl who fucked me up really hard cheated on me through our whole 3 month relationship, lied to be constantly, was very demanding and condescending the whole time sometimes rude as well and did not feel a single inch of regret for what she's done, she's had relationships behind my back while with me, it helps to understand that beauty doesn't matter, although I knew that already because my gf before that had a butterface and we were together for a year and a half and loved each other dearly, truly I don't want you to get hurt and dragged along as some pretty highly sought after girl's plaything, but if that's what you gotta go through then go, but remember the only thing you actually lose here - is time, time is all that we have.

Yeah.. time is something I don't exactly have a ton of at this point, which is why I'm very alarmed about how I feel. There's a real chance I'm going to let opportunities like this go for lack of motivation, and then turn around and spend a ton of time and energy that I really don't have continually trying to pursue women I have very little chance of even dating.

Yeah and then you're too old and then what? You'll get young men from Craigslist coming over to suck your dick because that's the only option you have left at that point, better go for something than nothing dude you're only getting older, and no woman will want to feel like she's second priority to your fantasy so you better make a change and really let that complex go otherwise you'll hurt whichever girl you'll end up with

…I know, and this kills me. This actually feeds into the complex significantly, because it creates this frame of "you have so little time left, you only get one lifetime, you already fucked up your chance to be with a really hot girl in your twenties by spending them in relationships with average girls, if you don't do it now you never will." In fact I think the older I get the younger the girls I'm crushing on, which really disturbs me.

Don't wanna end up like those guys on to catch a predator with Chris Hansen, just find any girl who's interested and don't feel like you're "settling", you're not settling for anything, I know that you want the best, you want "everything", we're men we have that desire for perfection, but think - before, you had nothing, and now you have something, better something than nothing, remember that.

> can't find girls his age
> "there's this girl from my class I studied with the other day and will again tomorrow, and she has a sweet personality and is decently fit .. [and] an older student like me and she dresses modestly"
What's wrong with you?

That's why I posted this thread - objectively, I should be all about it, but instead I have very little motivation to pursue.

Part of it, I think, is I was hurt pretty badly by my last relationship, she didn't cheat on me or anything but we just had fundamentally incommpatible goals in our lives and I kept trying to make the relationship work long past the expiiration date, finally left in a long drawn-out breakup when I got too frustrated with it, and felt absolutely devastated doing so. I think I'm just a bit gun-shy, but if I'm attracted to someone "enough" it starts to kind of override that, which I then interpret as myself being "picky" when really a year and a half out from leaving my ex I just don't want to jump into a relationship again that badly and yet miss being in one at the same time.

Waking up this morning and looking at this again, I also kind of had a realization that I'm internally judging every woman's physical attractiveness by the hottest one I've been with and rejecting all who fall short.

I mentioned that the one and only time I've been with a girl who I really thought was "hot" was one hookup when I was 29. She was amazing. 19 years old, asian-american (vietnamese), incredibly intelligent, super athletic (competed in amateur martial arts points sparring and intramural volleyball), artistic, and literally one of those aforementioned popular sorority girls. I only saw her a few times and slept with her just once. I want to experience that again so bad. I want to feel about my own girlfriend the way I felt about her. But you're all also correct in ascertaining that that is lust and limerence, not love; I'm caught up in a fantasy of that that's holding me back from dating now. If I could let go of it, things would be so much better. But emotionally, I desparately don't want to admit that it's enormously unlikely at this point I could have a relationship with someone like that.

If it happened once it could happen again, but please please please don't just reject this other girl on account of that, it makes me wish I could slap you over Jow Forums for being such a fool.

I decided I'm going to try to relax about it more and just take it slow and see if anything happens with her. Like I said I think I'm just hesitating after getting hurt in my last LTR and interpreting my own feelings through a critical lens and calling myself picky more than anything.

Just go for somebody who is hot(to you) - the girls who are wanted by everybody are often not a viable option unless you're in the same ballpark(favorable clique dynamics included). As for wanting younger chicks - you're not old at 33.

Regardless of age, it's important how you look and come across. There are men who were never young a day in their life and others who held it together till older age.

If you got the qualities the option for young poon are there but do not expect some sort of relationship... most importantly do not expect anything - ride the wave and see how it goes.

When I attended classes I was way beyond 30 and the girls were between 19 and 21. Not one cared that I was older - you're simply not seen as standard fare boyfriend material, which is a huge advantage. Another "colleague" was over 40 and had two to three great looking ones that were "hanging out" with him more often than not. Dude was interesting to talk to and had style aplenty though.