Why do people ghost each other? Why not just confront the person, or dump them?

Dude, friends drift apart, you are overreacting. Calling it "ghosting" is making yourself a victim of a normal life situation

Most poeple don't ghost their husband or their 4 year boyfriend.
Maybe someone they went on a couple of dates with, or chatted for a month. And even then, I feel like it's a little rude.

it is not exclusive to romantic encounters

it has become common behaviour to block on social media when one side wants to flag a breakdown in the relationship

That's my current point of view, but it's happened to me often enough that I'm starting to think there's something wrong on my end. It's nice to have shitty people weed themselves out, but I'm wondering why do I attract so many. It could also just be coincidence, but idk.

It's mostly about romantic encounters.

>it has become common behaviour to block on social media when one side wants to flag a breakdown in the relationship
It hasn't. I had some people block me after we had a crazy huge argument, but that's it. No one blocked me because they got bored of taking to me, and a lot of people ghosted me.

My gf of 4 months ghosted me.

My ex boyfriend of 6 months and best friend of 5 years did as well. But it's not the norm. Most people aren't them.

I'm a ghoster. I don't have many friends. I don't really need many social relationships to be happy in life. If someone who I actually let into my circle breaks a cardinal rule they get ghosted. Lie to me? Byebye. Childlike, immature, or inappropriate behavior? Bye.bye.bye.

I'm an adult. I don't have time for that shit.

>I'm an adult
Your post begs to disagree. You sound like a fucking child.

Is rude

if it helps the sorts of people to ghost usually then go on to backstab and lie about the situation

contrary to what people have said here i was ghosted by someone i had known for 4 years
i thought we were close
they did not care to talk to me and explain
over a year later they have contacted me
their reason for ghosting me was they feared i would not get along with one of their new friends

this is not the first time this has happened
i can think of 2 other instances where long term friends have gotten a new friend
subsequently they have decided to no longer be friends with me

every time it happens i start soul searching desperately
part of me hopes i can identify whats wrong with me and fix it so i dont have to keep losing friendships
they never explain why i was not worth keeping around
so i just have to look aimlessly and hope i find something
right now i want to cut myself off from the world
but the dependent part of my lizard brain wont let me because then i just think about the aching more and more

so you say there is no damage
but it hurts

Ghosting isn't drifting apart. Forgetting to make new plans and realizing it's been 4 months since you saw your friend is drifting apart. Doing stuff weekly then suddenly having someone stop responding to texts and not picking up calls is ghosting.

Hey fuck you buddy I got ghosted by a friend a year or so ago and I would much prefer she had just said something rather than leave me hanging not knowing what I did wrong

You can't hang out with someone 4 times a week and tell then they're the only person you trust completely then just ditch them when shit gets tough

I feel that user

>every time it happens i start soul searching desperately
part of me hopes i can identify whats wrong with me and fix it so i dont have to keep losing friendships
they never explain why i was not worth keeping around
This is what hurts the most about being ghosted on. I wish more people would realize this before ghosting other people.

the combination of being ghosted or otherwise betrayed for convenience has left me with the belief
people are only worth what they can provide to each other
because every time it feels like they have asked me for something i have obliged to help them
but then they drop me without explanation
or stab me in the back and twist the knife

so now i dont believe i have more value than what i can offer them
and even then if i am inconvenient in the process it is just fuel for their vitriol afterwards
the world feels very empty and lonely

you do not get a chance to change
so if you are unaware that they are unhappy
they will just cut you off

husband ghosted me and ruined my life in the process. people are awful.

Holy fucking shit, can you people read a sentence from beginning to end?

MOST people do NOT ghost their husband or wife, or people they are seriously emotionally invested in.
SOME people do it but it's a small minority.

hello
i too use vague hedging to qualify my statements
it makes it harder to prove them as falsifiable

most people dont have tails
some people have 6 legs
the sky is not pink most of the time

see how modality is a really stupid way to prove your argument

I feel that pain

thank you jews for brainwashing all the dumbass goyim

cause millennials and below are stupid zoomer goyim trash.

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Would you honestly prefer if girls told you 'im not attracted to you because you are a loser that doesn't make enough money, his interests are only videogames, you can't talk, you can't flirt, and also im talking to chad atm and im sure he can make me cum 30 times harder than you lol'

Answer honestly. Also women can't know how you'll react. They may be scared youll chimp out and pull an eliot rodger or sandnigger happy acid time on them. Better for them to simply ignore you.

As for coping? Just don't give a fuck. People will respect you more for it.

Much better if she says "sorry but we have to break up" instead of ghosting and leaving you to wonder what went wrong. You are obviously a kissless virgin incel from Jow Forums.

hello
i know we have been seeing each other but i dont think this is working for me
i am going to start seeing other people
i hope you find someone that suits you better

its almost like you just have to tell the truth without being vindictive
but you would rather justify your cowardice with mental gymnastics and i suppose that is ok too

I would prefer if people would be honest.

I have an ex friend who was a real-life Ben Kingsley in “Sexy Beast”. Simply confronting this person with “Fuck off, you’re a co-dependant psychic vampire who spends his life finding problems, but never listens to practical advice to solve these problems” as every single response would be a variation of “But why?”, “yeah, but you haven’t told me why tho” or some gaslighting shit.

Some people can only be excised like an in growing toenail slowly by making yourself invisible and boring to them to the point that they lamprey onto some other poor sucker. Sometimes ghosting is the only non-violent option.

right in the feels

>people are awful

Sucks to be a pussy millennial. Suck more rapper cock and post about it on normie gram you double nigger.

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>ghosting
>not being an absolute hedache cause its funnier seeing them get pissed at you rather than saying nothing.
>aka shitposting

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>not enough money
The worst part is when npcs fucking lie and say "its not about the money,"

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in law there is a principle called lie by omission
it is where you fail to tell something truthful
justify your actions however you need to
but you are lying by omission
you do not give them a chance to change
you do not create any form of dialogue
you could simply say you dont like how they behave and you dont want to be friends anymore

but you are too cowardly

>right in the feels
if i had any guts i would have learned to fly off of a cliff face
but in truth i would just be humouring a morose desire to end what i feel
it would just be a cry for help from people i do not believe can or will help
very pointless
life does not feel valid without someone for whom you care

>how to deal with ghosting niggas
ur supposed to dab on em

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OP, why is this the best advice I've read here. Thank you

youre not smart

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exactly, yeah. we understand each other at least. i hope you're able to find peace user.

np yo-sef

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i hope you are never tried to this extent
have a better future than me user

Stop samefagging your shitty post.

You sound like a teenager or a woman

You sound like a weenie

>
yeet.jpeg

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Ghosting is justified whenever you get ghosted.

it isn't for no reason that we understand each other unfortunately. if things continue along their current trajectory then where i am now is where i'll stay. my future has been taken from me. whether i get it back isn't up to me.

It’s like you didn’t even read my post. I did all that noble shit previously. It doesn’t work when the person is simply unwilling to accept your criticisms and rejection. The 100th response of “Yeah, but WHY!” just invalidates coherent conversation, thus negates any possibility of personal growth. It’s like hammering a circle peg into a square hole.

Instead of trying to find ways to prove I’m wrong, open your mind to context.

i used to be complacent about a small social circle
now i think i would be happy to have a conversation that left me feeling human

hold onto what you have user even if it is small

When I've realized that there is no hope for any retrieval of relationship in any capasity. Never attached myself to anyone nor anything.

>you could simply say you dont like how they behave and you dont want to be friends anymore
i am doubtful you put this step in
it is good you told them those things though
perhaps they were working on change at some level
perhaps they were not

i am also willing to bet you were not willing to engage directly
i suspect you voiced your concerns as agentless declaratives or otherwise passives
it is nothing against you
it is just what people do
which is a poignant example of the above
because it feels more polite than saying
i think you pussed out on letting the things you were saying belong to you as an opinion
so maybe they did not read into your disapproval

>It doesn’t work when the person is simply unwilling to accept your criticisms and rejection.

Sure, but why?

>I'm an adult

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>It’s like hammering a circle peg into a square hole.

Squaring a circle.

>i am doubtful you put this step in
it is good you told them those things though
perhaps they were working on change at some level
perhaps they were not

whoever takes enormous measures to cut you off from their life, there is little to do at this point; personally I think there is nothing to make up for someone who's putting themselves into position where it'd get easier to be civil atleast, can't find good example when it's reasonable to ghost anyone unless they are nuts.

The only time I've ghosted people is when we were never that close to begin with. I let us drift apart further by talking less. I don't think that counts as ghosting people you've formed an actual relationship with.

It's okay to ghost anyone who has ghosted you before too. Dude, you haven't hit me up in six weeks and now you're asking me how I am? Nah, I don't respond to that shit. I will do a retaliatory ghost.

In general, people who ghost are manipulative cowards. They know that giving people the silent treatment is wrong, they just don't give a shit. They don't care about anyone besides themselves. Their personalities are inherently weak or spineless, and they lack the courage to be forthcoming about anything. In abusive relationships, the abuser likes to alternate hot and cold and ignore the other partner, because they know it leaves someone confused and bewildered.

When someone ghosts you, thank Yahweh or mother nature or whatever that you have one less shitty person who doesn't care about you in your life.

there's a huge difference between drifting apart and ghosting. Drifting is natural, ghosting is fucked up. Ghosting is when you were in contact with a person regularly, daily, and you trusted them a lot. Then they disappear one day without any indication anything happened.

people who ghost long term partners are the worst kinds of people.

This thread has a few people who have been ghosted by their long term partners. It's the shittiest possible thing.

>whoever takes enormous measures to cut you off from their life, there is little to do at this point; personally I think there is nothing to make up for someone who's putting themselves into position where it'd get easier to be civil atleast, can't find good example when it's reasonable to ghost anyone unless they are nuts.
i have cut people from my life
they are people that went to great extents to hurt me
they know they are cut out of my life
you are correct that at that point there is nothing to be done
however this act is not used sparingly between people
people cut each other out for inane and trivial differences

>When someone ghosts you, thank Yahweh or mother nature or whatever that you have one less shitty person who doesn't care about you in your life.
this is not how it feels when it happens
i am not thankful for the times it has been done to me
it always hurts when people you care about consider you so worthless that they wont even acknowledge cutting you off

I know it feels awful when you're ghosted, but there are 7 billion people on the planet. For every person that ghosts you, there are a dozen who will recognize your worth and be loyal to you . Don't settle for anything less

>For every person that ghosts you, there are a dozen who will recognize your worth and be loyal to you . Don't settle for anything less
platitudes fall short logistically user
that is all well and good said
but when you do not know these people
and you have bad experience after bad experience
you dont know how to recognise what might be considered good
because you thought what you had before was good
and there will be a continuing sense of self questioning
not quite sure if you did something wrong

after so many times you just feel dead and empty
i could meet the best person in my life tomorrow and i would be blind to them

my social circle consists of my family, my parents' neighbors, my two friends, and user, all of whom i can't help but feel like just a massive burden to now. i'm grateful beyond measure to them but they shouldn't have to put up with my misery, it's not right.
>i would be happy to have a conversation that left me feeling human
right in the feels x2. i stumbled across such a conversation a while back. nothing but gratitude and love for it since but i'm not sure if it was worth it in the end. it might've messed something up. and if it did or didn't, i think i don't deserve the kindness i was shown anyway. this whole ordeal...it feels like i've been turned into poison. i hate that this is my life now. i hate hurting people and whether i hold onto or not it seems like that's the only possible outcome i'm capable of bringing to bear anymore. i don't know how to be this, i just want it to stop

I started ghosting a friend a few days ago. We live in the same building. Whenever we meet, I just completely ignore him as if I didn't even notice him.

This

They probably have, but i'm sure they think you're a huge bitch and immature that you couldn't say "hey, I don't think we should be friends anymore".

I say this because ive been ghosted by someone whom I thought we were cool until she randomly dropped me with no explanation.

well user i am not wise or oratory but i would like to offer just a little of my experience

you should not decide peoples association with you based on virtue ethics
it is senseless to apply your self evaluation to someone elses perception of you
what they see is a vertical slice of you
they do not hear your inner voice
they do not see your every move
they see the personality you present and they hear the register you choose for them
but do not fool yourself into thinking that disassociation with others is a favour to them
it is a trap of your own cognition
allow them to decide for themselves

i do not know what struggles you have user
i cannot give you past nor prophecy
but try to imagine the image each person has of you based on the interactions
and not what goes on inside your head

i too try to do the right thing
i believe that if we dont then we end up playing a vicious zero sum game
the right thing is right because it allows for a positive difference in spite of negative numbers
but just know that doing the right thing will not necessarily bring you happiness
i tortured myself for a long time by trying to distinguish between the right and wrong thing to do
because i had personally lost whilst trying to do the right thing
and my cognition struggled with that because it was easier to believe i must have been doing the wrong thing
but now i am confident i did do right
i just lost while doing it

Personal value of others tends to spike when you realise possibility of healthy relationship, works in inverse too. When you expose yourself to others, who cares the least 'll not react in any way, hance reciving positive or negative reaction is indication of something more.

I don't know what you're trying to say, but if it's that there are lots of not shitty people out there to be friends with, I agree with you

I think I was confused on the meaning of ghosting, going by this thread's definition we just drifted apart. We didn't talk for a few months and when they wanted to reconnect I just ignored them. That's life, I think it would be cringy and weird to give him a speech about why he's a faggot and I don't like him anymore, it's not like we were dating.

>it's not like we were dating.
>We didn't talk for a few months and when they wanted to reconnect I just ignored them.
>I think it would be cringy and weird to give him a speech about why he's a faggot and I don't like him anymore.

Hence I left dude stranding. Explain this in depth. If you're able to.

there's nothing there i disagree with you on. the issue is that association with others isn't a favour to them either. i've a problem i've repeatedly failed to solve that none of them can help me with and that only gets harder not easier to bear as time goes on. in normal daily capacity i'm barely functional. there's no lightness to interacting with me. it wears on them too. i've no trouble distinguishing right from wrong. while doing the right thing may not necessarily bring me happiness, i try to anyway because it's the right thing to do and doing the wrong thing definitely does not bring happiness to me nor anyone i care about. i'm not torturing myself, i'm being tortured. i don't even necessarily care about happiness anymore, i just want to stop hurting. at this point, relief > happiness. this sudden senseless cruelty has utterly destroyed me, and the fact it would be so so ridiculously easy to bring it to a halt and repair the damage only makes it that much worse.

Pretty much this. There's really no point in confronting somebody about the fact that you don't want to deal with them anymore (lol I'm going to meet/talk with you to tell you that I don't want/talk to meet with you)

>Byebye
>Bye.bye.bye.
stop quoting nsync songs you fagalot

well user i am sorry my advice has not been pertinent or useful
i do hope you find a resolution to your situation

i can empathise with your desire for relief
recent events have set me back into suicide ideation and i am starting to experience dissonance
my body no longer feels like it is mine and at times feels cold stiff and painful
i am noticing my cognition sliding as i have previously mentioned each time these things happen it worsens
i have been trying to find a way out of this mindset
hence i was eager to shoulder the burden of responsibility and try to learn what i was doing wrong
but i cannot find a pattern to these happenings
nothing concrete that binds them together
and i suppose that in knowing and trying to break the mindset i was fearful that eventually i would not have the willpower to resist it
each time i have felt myself losing something as these situations anger me less and less
eventually if nothing is resolved or changed
i will devolve into apathy that will allow me to rationalise doing something terrible
i just hope that i will have the salience left to ensure that awful thing impacts me and me alone
relief found not in the harm of others as some kind of grim catharsis

please forgive the frustrating formatting of these posts
it is a form of linguistic obfuscation to depersonalise the content

A ghost for a ghost makes the whole world 2spooky.

>but i cannot find a pattern to these happenings

but

>eventually if nothing is resolved or changed.
i will devolve into apathy that will allow me to rationalise doing something terrible.

a pattern of sorts

melancholics ultimate desire is not to desire

Suum cuique. Relief is as shallow as happiness. One of them is addictive, but I'm sure you know which.

I had a "friend" who was taking shit behind my back and generally just being a douchebag, so I ghosted him. We were really close for many years and he's the type who desperately tries to hang out to any and all acquaintances, so I know it'll eat him inside for a good long while. He deserves it.

oh no please don't be sorry, i appreciate your words and the effort and sentiment behind them, it's just that.....well hell i mean this is basically why i'm such a drag. nothing helps and it's bad enough that i can't mask what it's doing to me.

>suicide ideation
iktf. it's gotten exhausting.
>my body no longer feels like it is mine and at times feels cold stiff and painful
stuff stops seeming real. do you get that too? it's weird af.
>noticing my cognition sliding
what are you doing to fight this? you gotta fight it. i'm for sure not firing on all cylinders and under certain circumstances stuff all short circuits and scrambles, but i suspect it'd be way worse than just that if i didn't try to fight it.
>eager to shoulder the burden of responsibility and try to learn what i was doing wrong
same. the not knowing why it happened is what really fucks you up the most. leaves you disoriented and unsure of everyone and everything and what your place is among them.
>i have been trying to find a way out of this mindset
same. i've given up hope that i'll find one but i can't give up and stop trying altogether. as you say, devolving into apathy from the state we're in seems unlikely to have anything but disastrous results.

>please forgive the frustrating formatting of these posts
no worries at all m8

it's been so long since i've felt either i don't know my arse from my elbow anymore in that regard. also you forgot the first part - honeste vivere, alterum non laedere. what is it i should rather aspire to if relief and happiness are too shallow to be worth pursuit?

Here's a few reasons;

1. Because they don't have a relationship with you. People get this idea that because they matched on Tinder or friended on Facebook that this is equivalent to a relationship. It isn't. Trading a few words on an online platform with a stranger isn't a relationship. Socially, terminating communication with someone you have a relationship with requires cause. Terminating a relationship with a stranger does not. I think the inherent sensitivity of a lot of the "ghosted" posters makes them forget about that fact.

2. Not everyone is super comfortable with confrontation. Telling someone bad news is never easy. Telling someone that you essentially don't like them and don't want to see them is never easy. In a perfect world everyone would just be honest about their feelings and intentions 100% of the time but that just isn't how the world works. People here may characterize it as cowardice but lets be honest, everyone here has weaseled out of difficult conversations more than a few times. Unabashed honesty doesn't come as easily to people as the dudes here make it out to be.

3. Confrontation can be dangerous. I can't tell you the amount of women and, to a lesser extent, men who have reported to me just how terribly wrong rejection and confrontation can go. A lot of people are scared. A lot of people have had bad experiences. I knew a woman once who rejected a guy she barely knew and he ended up setting her car on fire.

Long story short, "ghosting" is immensely more complicated than cowardice. Just another case of Jow Forums oversimplifying human behavior because its easier for autists to digest.

People in the majority are new to the internet and still flaunting the fact that things can end in a split second here. Except they're acting like that shit doesn't also stay on the internet forever.

Balance < perfection. It really depends on your current experience. The idea of perfection includes in better part imperfection. And I don't mean do everything perfectly, but to strife towards it, learn to prioritize your goals. Feelings are suppost to be reserved imo for things of great importance, learn to project them onto situations or dismantle those which blurr your cognitive abilities. Try not to waste your time on things that 'd not gain you anything in the end.

>stuff stops seeming real. do you get that too? it's weird af.
i am passed that
my body has stopped feeling like it will do as i wish it to

>what are you doing to fight this? you gotta fight it. i'm for sure not firing on all cylinders and under certain circumstances stuff all short circuits and scrambles, but i suspect it'd be way worse than just that if i didn't try to fight it.
i keep trying to find a way to beat the patterns laid out
but i think this morning when i awoke i lost that
i think that my last days are coming

>same. the not knowing why it happened is what really fucks you up the most. leaves you disoriented and unsure of everyone and everything and what your place is among them.
i am at the point where it does not matter where fault lies
only the reality of the situation

During an episode of psychosis I ended up breaking up with my gf of 2 and a half years and after a couple times meeting her ended up unintentially ghosting her. There was a lot going on at once. I had to withdraw from my university classes, was rushed to take medical tests (blood work and brain scans), went to the hospital for 5 days. It is not that I didnt care about her, it was just that I could not explain anything that was going on. It was like my soul strings were severed and I had to reattach myself back to the world. There was also some shit between our parents. I didnt understand what was going on but they were blaming each other for why I was acting so different. With all that crap going on it felt like the best thing to do was create some distance, one to protect her, but also to figure things out and help myself. Yeah I severed contact with her, but at the time it was thing to do. Still feel bad about it though and wish things would have turned out different.

if you had a break of psychosis then i do not thing you should characterise what you did as ghosting

I only really said that because it could be taken that way from my ex's perspective. Even to this day she make is out like she was the victim. I loved her though all her problems- self harm, suicide attempts, divorced parents- but that moment I wasnt strong enough to help her because I had to help myself. You need to be strong before you can help others. She took my withdraw of affection and unyielding love pretty badly because I was the closest person to her. But when I started to separate myself she didn't try and help me as I did for her.

It was a complicated time. Now 4 years later she still hates me but it's alright. Also today, October 24th was our day. Probably the reason why I am still awake and not sleeping or working on my paper for tomorrow

i am sorry user
it hurts when your actions lack reciprocation
even moreso when they create a dividing line between someone you love and someone you thought you loved
though today may be painful i hope you have found support and loving people since then
it is important to have people who are meaningful in your life
it becomes very difficult to continue when you are so isolated that not even the scenery can reach you

I've ghosted unstable and angry people because i don't want to get beat up or murdered. I've also ghosted people i didn't have much of a relationship with, as in i went on 1 date with them, because i don't want to get in a text argument about why i didn't give them a chance. It's always in the news, some guy kills his ex because he's mad she broke up with him.

The last time i tried to break the news gently to an unstable person, he started insulting me for the next hour or so and told me i was the other woman. I'd only dated him for 2 weeks. So that was pleasant. I try to hang around pleasant people now.

I appreciate the kind words. Truely. Luckily my heart doesn't hurt like it used to. I have just grown used to being without her. But it's ok. I have some great friends and family. I am still working on the person that I want to be. And i still stop to enjoy the secnery and nature. Tonight's full moon is particularly beautiful.

Sunflower by Post Malone has been on repeat for the past 2 days.

Don't know why I still care so much even though she burned the letters that I would write to her nearly every month on the 24th.

Thanks user.

it is good you have found stability in your life
especially if mental illness is a considerable factor
though you may be improving yourself take time to appreciate who you are today and how far you have come since
she may have burned them as an act of catharsis but this does not burn the time you spent together nor the memories made
good luck user

>The last time i tried to break the news gently to an unstable person, he started insulting me for the next hour or so and told me i was the other woman
you do not need to stand for abuse
refusing to tolerate abuse is not tantamount to ghosting
as long as you create that dialogue you have done your diligence to them

Thank you, yeah that was when i was younger and didn't think i could just leave if they started any abuse. I know better now. My spine is pretty nice now. I wish more people could know that they can just leave if they don't feel comfortable and they don't owe anyone

I wondered about that endlessly when I got ghosted by my ex last year. Fast forward to today and I've since ghosted the last person I was seeing, and suddenly I feel like I understand now. I didn't wanna deal with her anymore, but she wasn't a bad person and she didn't really wrong me. My priorities just changed and I couldn't see a long term term as being sustainable for me for a while so I ended up distancing myself.

I ghosted a guy after telling him to fuck himself. He was manipulative and liked to play games and tried to push me away from other friends and a friend group of 8 years. He still tries to contact me to this day. He can still go fuck himself after all this time. Sometimes it isn't worth the confrontation and stress. Sometimes things can't be hashed out.

>I ghosted a guy after telling him to fuck himself
this is not ghosting
confronting someone and subsequently cutting off contact is not ghosting
ghosting is where you drop contact unilaterally