Is my wife right?

sounds like she was bullied as a kid and is still paranoid about it

girls and boys can be friends

My best friend is a girl and im a dude.

Your wife sounds nuts. I'm a girl and my first best friend was a boy. In high school, many of my friends were boys. I got a little shit for it, but literally every kid gets a little shit for SOMETHING. Parents should strive to raise kids who are resilient to that sort of bullshit, not shield them from it altogether. The fact that your wife, a grown ass woman, is having a melt down over something so petty is worrying.

And just my two cents on that last point, but that sort of over-reaction from a parent can have a real impact on a child's self-confidence. My mother wasn't a full on melt-down type, but she does excessively worry, and as a kid I internalised that. If your parent who's supposed to lead you through the world thinks something is worth being afraid of, a child will generally trust them. And by acting like every potential failure would crush me, I internalised that she really can't think highly of my ability to take it on the chin. So I came to believe that I was a weak, fragile person who can't handle things, and learned to pre-emptively worry. This led to a fuckton of missed opportunities because I was afraid to even try. The further into adulthood I get the more I realise there was nothing to fear in the first place, and it's really disappointing to think about all the experiences I missed out on. I now realise that these fears my mother had weren't a judgement of my abilities, but came from her own fear of seeing me hurt. And that's natural for a parent, but you can't put that on your kid. They're gonna get hurt sooner or later, and you owe it to them to give them the tools to handle it, instead of just falling apart yourself, essentially emotionally blackmailing them into avoiding risk and experiences for your own comfort.
So don't let your wife project her unfounded fears onto your child. Don't teach your child that the world is terrifying and that they're too weak and useless to face it, teach your child to be brave and not sweat the small stuff.

I actually wonder if it's exactly this, that she wants to give our child some exactingly ideal life. I spent way too much energy reigning her in because she wants to put our daughter in expensive clothes and hire professional photographers for children's birthday parties and last week I fucking caught her googling children's etiquette lessons and had to give her a whole "let kids be kids" lecture which she pouted the whole way through.

I can kind of understand worrying in high/middle school (even then you cant just tell your daughter to stop hanging out with dudes cuz people will think shes a slut) but kindergarten? Really dude?

Jesus. This is how you turn your child into a soulless hoe that hates her parents or at least a mentally unstable teen with an inferiority complex

Yeah this is 100% it. It comes from a good impulse of wanting the best for her kid, but she's taking it way too far and being controlling over things that aren't even problems, and this will do more harm than good.

Ah feck. We can't have any more children due to complications with the first birth and my wife took it pretty hard.

Probably should have seen this coming as my wife is already pretty vain. For all her good qualities her vanity stands out like a sore thumb.

Is this a counseling kind of thing? I don't want our daughter to be some pageant girl whose mum lives vicariously through her. I want her to be able to grow up on her own terms like I did. She might break and arm or get her feelings hurt or fail at something she likes but holy shit if those things don't make you a better, more rounded person.

>Is this a counseling kind of thing?
Could be. One way or another, she needs to get the message that her daughter isn't just a prop for her perfectionist tendencies, she's a human being that will have to live her own life. Maybe she'll be more inclined to take the advice if she gets it from an expert

...Did you guys ever actually discuss parenting styles at all before diving into having a kid? Or in the 6 years since?

No, and it hasn't been a problem until recently.

I don't mean to be a dickhead about it but I don't know many people who have a clue what it's like having that first kid. If we'd known that discussing parenting styles was something we should have done of course we would have done it, but it's just another on a long list of things that you can't really know the first time around.

As far as I can tell up until she started school our daughter was getting the same kind of upbringing as me. Mum is a hoverparent and I am not, this means that she doesn't drown in the kiddie pool while I'm away at work during the week, but on the weekend I get to be the cool parent and let her stay up late.

OP, you have a daughter dating another boy? Are u just a fucking cuck? 1. You have a daughter, 2. She’s already a toastier.
C U C K E D

>I don't mean to be a dickhead about it but I don't know many people who have a clue what it's like having that first kid. If we'd known that discussing parenting styles was something we should have done of course we would have done it, but it's just another on a long list of things that you can't really know the first time around.
Not to be a dickhead back, but I don't even have kids and that's like the one thing I know is really fucking important. Might as well bareback someone without any discussion of birth control or STDs, or sign a contract without reading it, seems like common sense.

Also, leaving your wife to play the hard ass while you get to be the cool parent kind of sounds like a dick move. I mean, your wife sounds pretty uptight so maybe she's into it, but it's not necessarily nice to always be the 'wet blanket' who gets shat on for keeping everything from falling apart, while your partner gets all the accolades for being irresponsible. It might even be feeding into why your wife is fixated on avoiding any sort of harm coming to your kid and doesn't respect your opinion on the matter, because you're just "the fun one" and she's been cast as the actual authority figure.

Wife is delusional, let your daughter be who she is.

ah fuck I just read this and realized I've been doing this with my son

Just now I went and told him he could take off his dress if he didn't want to wear it no more, thanks for helping me see the light user!

From what shithole are you from?

Ew, controlling parents. Wait until she is 15 and is on chad dick to rebel against your wife. If you didn't have controlling parents you wouldn't understand

I would say let the kid decide.

Mostly I am afraid of this sort of thing because I can see the long term outcomes of being the kind of parent who tries to force their daughter into being some archetypal popular girl based on the idea that this will somehow make a small proportion of her life more enjoyable.

I know what she'll say. Thing is I get what my wife is trying to say in her arguments. I have a family friend who's son grew up as a massive pussy due to hoverparenting (of a different kind) and he ended up with a lot of female friends which only increased the amount of bullying he received. I just don't think it's relevant to primary school.

I had friends who were girls when I was a kid. Now I post on Jow Forums. Do that boy a favor and generate some distance between those two.

Don't listen to him he's jealous tbfh

I guarantee you its not the little boy your wife has the problem with, its that your wife and the boys father have fucked or about to fuck and this is too close.

your wife is insane. Let your kid be friends with whoever she wants as long as theyre not pieces of shit.

fuck your wife send nudes

Well I did that stuff with both male and female friends when I was little, and guess what? I still grew up to be a relatively normal person.
If kids start showing privates to one another, that's a good opportunity to teach them it's inappropriate. No real harm done

Maybe she's exaggerating but she may be right,have you tried setting up playdates with girls in the neighborhood?