Confront her about it and dump her. The fact that she's seriously entertaining the thought means that even if she doesn't do it now, she will eventually, how can you ever trust her now? It's fucked up. Find someone better.
Lincoln Jackson
That's a "i think we shouldsee other people"
Ryder Perez
This relationship isn't salvageable. Just ghost her
Aiden Clark
I understand your reasoning here. But I have already made the decision I am willing to work towards rebuilding my trust from square one if she doesn't go through with it because of the strength of this relationship otherwise.
My only thing I question right now is if I should actively intervene now, or watch and see what unfurls.
Jason Hughes
It doesn't matter dude. Even if she doesn't do it now she will eventually if she's seriously considering it.
You're basically asking if you want to be cucked now or later.
Charles Mitchell
I should clarify, they haven't exactly been on and off setting plans to fuck. It hasn't gone that far. But they've flirted with regards to each other's looks and made passing comments, and they've made plans to hang out, which she then backs out of - for now.
I'm still in the mindset that something's going on in her head out of the ordinary. We've been dating shy of six years, I know how this girl works in typical fashion, and I just can't read this situation.
I'm still of the mindset she could end up shutting this down and realize what she's doing is fucked up. Not out of blind hope, but out of understanding of her otherwise.
I get where you're all coming from. My line in the sand is clear for me. Physical cheating is my line in the sand. Emotional cheating isn't.
Connor Nguyen
Okay well either way confronting is probably better.
Brandon Green
Okay, I appreciate that. Why do you feel that's the better approach?
Charles Taylor
Because it's clearly something that's bothering you. Personally I think direct approaches are always better than "wait and see" in relationships. Better to make yourself clear and just cut out the bullshit.
Kevin Smith
I agree. Communication is key. We've always been fully open with each other before this.
The problem here is we have a clear breakdown in communication because of this.
Double down on it and force her hand is your take then.
My only reservation is confronting her could cause her to backdown from the act, not from her desire to salvage the relationship but because of her fear. I don't want to waste my time rebuilding trust either if she only didn't do it because it was thrown in her face.
It's a difficult choice.
Logan Peterson
Yeah. Wait and see could work too if you just want to be certain she wouldn't, but personally I just don't enjoy waiting for that shit, and even if she didn't do it I'd still confront her about it after.
Josiah Myers
Time to break up. If she's thinking about it, she's either already done t and she's testing the waters by only telling you she's considering it, or she's about to do it and it's only a matter of time before the right person shows up at the right time and gets her cheating like a lifelong c-student in a calculus class. I'm speaking from experience. I've been both the guy that got cheated on and the guy that a girl cheated with (I had no idea at the time). If she's "thinking" about it, she's already pretty much done it and you need to gtfo town because she's a crazy, shitty bitch that wants to fuck you around.
Owen Smith
She's getting confronted about it no matter what, you can be that. It's just a matter of my approach in the now.
With the wait and see, it's also hard to define a period of how long I can "sit" on this with the wait and see approach before being confident she's backed down from it, as it's bearing a significant burden on my mental wellbeing.
Grayson Ross
She has not told me, I knew something was up and investigated. Never once before have I suspected her to be up of something before. This is her first time actually doing something like this, I feel quite confident in that.
Angel Robinson
Yeah if that's the case and it's a mental burden on you just confront her and get it over with.
Ryan Campbell
Just dump her ass out of the blue. If she's fucking around on you or even considering it without telling you she's already out the door. I wouldn't even tell her that you know about her potential cheating. Just say you don't see a future together. End of story. Quick, easy, and preemptive.
Nolan James
I still recommend getting the hell out. Situation sounds unbelievably volatile just from what you've shared. Again, even if she's just "considering" it, that shows how little she thinks of you. A woman that actually love (anybody that actually loves anybody) will know better than to cheat on them and betray their trust. Even if there's only a level of sexual attraction and no romantic or emotional feelings, someone that loves you will know better than to betray the trust you have with them and go behind your back like that. If somebody really, truly cares about you on any level, other people won't enter the equation at all. You will be exclusive to them and vice versa. If this isn't the case, your relationship is fucked and you need to pull the plug on it.
Jordan Taylor
Wouldn't work. We've been together six years. We have talked about out futures together extensively. I would need to own that I know for this to make any sense.
Cooper Nelson
I agree, she has emotionally cheated on me and it's wreaking havoc on me mentally.
But I would be willing to rebuild trust from square one if she owned up to me about it of her own accord.
I don't know if she will. That's probably the only salvo that could really stop this from ultimately ending at this point.
Parker Moore
Mention that before confronting her. I don't think she understands the gravity of the situation
Josiah Baker
I don't know why you're feeling a need to be honest with her when she's clearly not being honest with you.
Jayden Campbell
Frankly, stupidly, love.
Outside of this one singular instance, we have been entirely open and honest with each other about our lives and a fantastic couple.
I can forgive one transgression if it doesn't pass into the physical, and I believe in taking the higher road. If I end it with her because she goes through with it, she's going to know why, including the negative that led up to it (invading her privacy to verify my suspicion). Not proud of doing it.
Austin Diaz
Where’s the line though? What if they do meet but don’t have sex? Is it cheating? What if they hold hands? kiss?
Aaron Hall
Physicality is key. I would say kissing onwards is an instant end.
If they just hold hands and she doesn't back off from it, same story.
Carter Clark
Broski, I genuinely feel for ya. If I could see you face to face, I'd buy you a beer, roll you a blunt, and let you just cry it out on my shoulder. You've gotta do what's best for you and I hope that whatever decision you arrive at makes you happy.
Brayden Green
Thanks man, I appreciate that.
Hope you have a life void of these troubles from here on out.
Parker Ross
>Do I wait to see if she has any moral fiber to pull out >Or set it all alright and let the fire burn as it may
Sounds like you want confirmation that 1. She isn't a dirt bag whore, and 2. That she loves you. I understand.
Fact is however, that if she did have any moral fibre it wouldn't have gotten this far. It's over OP. Never forgive degeneracy, or begin to "rebuild" upon a rotten core.
Rip the band-aid and move on.
Blake Reed
Let her go user. The relationship will not last, dont tend to this garden, move somewhere more fertile, a place where you will be loved and appreciated.
Alternatively, fuck the thot, fuck the guy she is talking to and then leave lmao
Liam Young
Feel for you OP because I've been there.
Don't confront her, you need and so does she, to know what her decision will be without you jumping in and stopping her. If she resist on her own and puts an end to it all you got a keeper but if not then you blast away and walk away. One caveat however. Put a time limit on this, say one month and if she's still playing a game with this guy then you need to work on your exit plan and make the decision for her.
Chase Campbell
If she is considering it, she doesnt see why it is wrong. The only thing stopping her is the feeling of guilt. Dump her.
OP you need to dump that bitch right now. Send out screencaps of her flirting with this guy to her parents.
Carson Smith
If you confront her about it and she had any intent to cheat you will never know because you've given her the ability to deny it completely. Furthermore in future instances she will be more careful to not have you notice.
If you're not going to end it, see it all the way through. That way if she ends up cheating you she can't weasel her way out. You also then have the card of "I knew what was going on, but I let you make your own decisions as a sign of trust."
You obviously know what your in for, don't try to force it in your way. Things will take it's proper course now or later. You will just delay the inevitable if she has it in her to cheat.
Brandon Russell
Its not really guilt thats stopping her its she's worried about getting caught. The dumb ass is already caught though. Funny
Blake Hughes
>you got a keeper >even tempted in the first place It's one thing to be out and about somewhere and think "Oof, that girl/guy is pretty hot. I wouldn't mind jumping their bones". It's something completely fucking different when you're actively texting, messaging, and almost slipping down that road. If it ain't gonna be this guy she decides to cheat with, it'll be someone else down the line. I won't tell OP what to do, that's for him to decide. But myself? I would've instantly cut her out of my life the second I knew she even CONSIDERED it. She'd be dead to me.
Tyler Lopez
OP, I ultimately divorced over a similar situation but was smart about this. I also knew this was going on and wanted to know for sure what her decision would be so I remained quiet.
Even though my wife was on the fence she still stayed in constant contact with a coworker knowing what he wanted so I assumed she wanted it as well and only waiting for the right opportunity.
Instead of letting her know I went to a divorce attorney and let him see what was happening and we formulated a plan should she decide to fuck him. Divorce papers were prepared, I kept my mouth shut and monitored the situation and sure enough two weeks later I discovered they had plans to leave work early and meet at a hotel. I promptly told my attorney and we were ready. It took all I could not to stop it but I reminded myself that even if I stopped it the intent, the deception was still there. All I did was confirm with a drive by her car was at the hotel, it was, and placed a call to her, she didn't answer, so I left a message I knew where she was and with whom. She came in about 2 am drunk and shouting I was crazy. I said nothing and never disclosed how I knew. The next day she was served divorce papers at work.
I wasn't nearly as distress about this as I imagined and I think it was because I wasn't fooled by her and gave her all the rope she needed to hang herself. If you have to stop someone from cheating on you it is no victory. Use whatever information you have to protect yourself and never tell them you know.
Grayson Robinson
Third, just ghost her and look for a new life. (If you live together put her stuff out on the step and change the lock.
The fun part is you never have to tell her you know.
Luke Carter
The thing is if she intended the no to mean never she wouldn't keep going back and the guy knows that. He knows all he has to do is keep asking and she'll make it happen.
Brayden Powell
If she actually meant no then she would've cut this guy out of her life. No matter what mental gymnastics you go through all the signs point to a walking time bomb.
Nolan Clark
I've been there, I got cucked. Maybe you'll be luckier. Expect this to take a huge toll on you either way.
Asher Rodriguez
I wouldn't say "break up immediately."
What you should do is ask her, up front, "why" she's entertaining this idea. If she gives you some lousy shit like not being interested or excited by your anymore, drop her and get a fucking adult. If you actually did something that made her extraordinarily disillusioned with you, or if she's got some crazy bullshit from her past that's making her act as self-destructively as possible, you might be able to salvage the relationship by talking it out. "Might" is the key word. Don't do anything that will be bad for you and your future love life.
If he asks her the first thing she will do is lie and then get angry when he tries to offer proof for spying on her and not trusting her. She'll also dismiss it because she has said no though there is no excuse for continuing with a guy that keeps asking her to fuck.
Ethan Taylor
Eh, she'll just figure out how to sneak it below your radar next time when you let her get away with it. And that's because you'll put yourself in a position where there's things you want to hear and they'll placate you. Already she's got a side man and you're on back burner and you're indecisive. The moment you show her she got away with this, she'll get away and keep going.
But hey, it's you, not us. We're not the ones who live with any decision you make, so weigh the possibilities carefully.
Anthony Gray
This.
If it where me, I would be blocking her as I type this...
William James
>blocking I'd just tell her if she wanted other mens' attention so goddam bad she could'a told me months ago and we'd have both saved each other a lot of trouble.
But people who know me know I have a zero tolerance policy for having and eating the cake. So for me, it's a smoother scenario. It seems like OP is kind of a wet blanket who thinks there's 'always a chance,' who's going to 'rebuild it and have another go.' The truth is, that's just round two for her. Of course, she'll stop for eight months or so-- when you dangle the carrot in front of yourself you can convince yourself quite easily that the current state of affairs is, in fact, favourable.
Just look at OP. Telling himself 'it can be fixed' and look at him go. Why wouldn't the girlfriend just tell herself 'it can be done again'?
Evan Torres
Some people love drama. I hate it, so my way is to just ghost and move on because she knows what she did. Not ending with a fight really burns this type of girl.
Jack Russell
I've just been in a similar situation OP, and I kept trying to salvage the relationship because "we've been together so long" or "we're so good together when things are working" but ultimately the fact that this has happened has killed the relationship. SHE has killed the relationship.
All the things that you're saying sound so familiar to me because I thought the exact same thing at the time: it's hard to have perspective when it's happening to you right then and there. You make up endless rationalisations and reasons why it might be OK (I mean a penis didn't actually go inside her did it!). Looking back on it now we've been broken up for a month I realise it was over the day that shit happened and we lived on in a husk of a relationship for far too long. You're just delaying the inevitable by not ending it and she will not respect you for it.
Owen Edwards
You need to cut your losses now OP. I did the same fucking thing. I confronted her and we "rebuilt" our trust. she told me she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and start a family. We started a family and now just 6 weeks ago she left me for a co worker. Took my 3 yr old daughter with her and I only get to have her 2 nights a week. Nothing but pain and anger and my life is fucked for the foreseeable future while she gets to dump my daughter on grandma and go out multiple nights a week to spread her legs.
Learn from my mistake OP. Don't let her back in. I truly loved that girl and believed the same thing you do. This will only end bad for you. Just show her you know and then cut contact. It's gonna suck but you'll be a better man for it and find someone better down the road
Jaxon Gomez
we were together for almost 8 yrs
Kayden Perry
based bro
Nicholas Gutierrez
If that's your decision, then actively intervene. We are all animals with blood, bones, and brain and stuff like that. We have weaknesses and are temptable. Help her and show her how to resist. Actually, you have a chance here to be very loving and compassionate. Teach her the value of morals and virtue and how they will tale her farther in life than pleasure. Let her know you don't judge her and that you understand. I'm actually impressed with you OP.
Angel Turner
Hold onto her only if 1) she's priceless, 2) you're sure you can police her behavior going forward, 3) she has a valid excuse, and 4) she's remorseful anyway. If you have been neglectful or cruel toward her, that's a valid excuse, but only if you can honestly feel her position. If this is a thought you have to try to convince yourself of, it's not genuine and you should reject it.
On the other hand, if you were with her 8 years without marrying or having kids, I think there might be an uneasiness embedded in the situation, and this might be a good time to part ways regardless: >I've figured out that you're about to do something that's going to hurt me and ruin things between us, so let's end it nicely before that happens. Frankly you are the least upset person I have ever seen post about cheating or the end of a relationship. Maybe she finds you cold. Or maybe she's just a massive slut and she managed to hide it until now. Stranger things have happened.
>strength of this relationship otherwise What strength are you speaking of? She and another man are at the beginning of a courtship. That part where he likes her and she likes him and tentative steps to go on a date and become sexually intimate.
Christopher Turner
Have to admit my divorce attorney helped me stick with the plan, that and needing to walk away with my dignity intact and money in the bank.
You have to deal with reality.
Jackson Murphy
You should have a talk with her, and if there's nothing that can be done about it, you should consider dumping her
Juan Sanders
>The way I see it, I have two options >neither of them are dumping her
>when Jow Forums was >tfw no gf, but now Jow Forums is >tfw have no balls
Levi Sanders
OP should dump her and if she asks why then OP can tell her. If she wants to keep OP let her fight for him. Let her tell OP everything she'll do and how fucking sorry she is for encouraging this guy. Then OP can decide to tell her to fuck off forever or not.
If OP goes in first it puts him on the defensive and in a position to believe or not believe her lies. She needs a shock and wake up call not a honey what did I do wrong that made you want another man.
Levi Jenkins
Passive:
- do nothing and act only when its brought up - act indifferent and have a "your loss" attitude
Reactive:
- go batshit jealous and confront her - dump her then and there
Levi Davis
Brah just leave the thing behind and try something/someone else. Ejecting out of a relationship because there is trouble is retarded but leaving because there is no trust is reasonable and you should do it.
Chase Richardson
im posting this fully aware that i'll be called a cuck
honestly man i've thought about cheating on my girlfriend (meaning it has crossed my mind) but i've never gone through with it because that's a shitty thing to do to her and having sex with whatever girl i wanna get with is not worth throwing my relationship away.
At the end of the day I think it's what decision she ends up going with (i.e., cheating vs not cheating). Temptation is everywhere and if she ends up not doing it even after considering it, i'd be even more inclined to trust her (since she doesn't know you know, that would be a completely unbiased, honest action).
tldr i would just wait it out because what matters is whether she does cheat or not. thinking about it happens to everyone and isnt wrong
Mason Rogers
Your done Cuck. Do yourself a favor fast and dump this stupid bitch.
Talk to her. Let her know that you know but don't attack her. Just ask her what's going on. Why? Because she's thinking about doing it for a reason and if you know what it is you can decide how to respond. Gotta tell you that half the time I think I know what my husband is thinking I end up being wrong.
