Offering Advice

Returning after long absence;
Married almost 27 years; 51 years old
4 adult children who are all doing well, 2 children still at home
I have screwed up enough to know what not to do

Need advice?
Ask away

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How to keep a new relationship fresh and fun

also how to not be a boring cunt

good morning married old faggot,
i am 30s married with children
why the fuck do you have 50% of your adult children still in your house? how do i avoid this fate?
also, dumbest shit you ever did?
and also, closest you ever came to divorce?

Long and specific sorry..

My ex bf whom was/is dear to me has been stalking me. It's a strong word to describe his actions because he didn't harass me at all, but still technically stalking.

He refused to admit to it.
It has been going on for years, I didn't even realize until a year after we had reconnected again. It was social media that no one could know who is who, it is a journal site to practice foreign languages. He had an account or more(?) reading my journals, sometimes correcting and commenting on them (our native languages are different so he corrected when I was learning that language)

Even now as a coping/hoping to express myself to him he will log in to read the messages but ever reply or do anything with the account.

I don't know what to do.
If it is really him I wish he would own up to it or just stop but he won't.
It really isn't fair that I can do nothing to change he situation. I have to always wonder who it is and why they are doing this.

My messages have been very very personal, I never know if he will read them but he has read them, all the recent ones, that say that I am confused about everything. But he still won't say anything.

How can he think it is fair that he can read all my thoughts while acting like a ghost in my life? I'm not even mad at him. I told him that. I don't understand.

And I can't leave the site because I need to use it, for language and as an outlet for my emotions, and they don't allow new accounts anymore. I only have my own account now.

Don't settle on yourself as is: keep growing.

2 of my children are under the age of 16 - I was unclear: 4 adult children and 2 children-children.
Closest to divorce? Never very close, really. Probably when I had a job where I traveled 3 out of every 5 work days all day

Thank you

how do oyu entertain 16 yr olds anyway theyre like add easily get bored types

what is the journal site, sounds interesting

Tough.
If he is not causing you harm or harassing you, etc., perhaps consider it a form of friendship where he is an anonymous-ish helper? Almost a ghost, in a way.

Keep them well-fed with protein if boys, give them chores to do that have tangible results (mowing, cooking, etc.) and make sure they are intellectually challenged

No i mean thru online and texts

we watch movies online and we send memes from time to time, but the in between is lacking

Unfortunately they won't allow new users but some people post journals with access to non users, so you could read some.

lang-8

That's how I feel about it, it is comforting sometimes but other times it feels like a constant reminder that I wasn't good enough for him to be in his life, but he can come and go as he pleases, and thus is emotionally difficult. How can I communicate this if he doesn't really do what I ask anyway?

girls btw, and not in a father-daughter sense, like a playful-teasing friend sense

Oh!
Read the same books so there is more dept of things to discuss, perhaps a hobby

Use the journal to discuss a similar sentiment so it is clear. he has to read it or move on

I tried.. nothing ever changes.
He will never stop following me nor will he talk to me. I'm left feeling stuck in this kind of purgatory. I would even be okay with it if he explained that was what he was doing. Or was less obvious about it. I think that's what really bothers me. That I don't have his sincerity or honesty, like what I want matters less than what he wants.

Idk it's too complicated, but thanks for listening anyway.

He sounds like a real weasel.
Something similar happened with my wife a looooong time ago. A guy from HS that crushed on her was always finding excuse to call her parents or her, etc.
So I invited him for coffee and a talk.
Never heard from him again.

Do you have a BF/husband/male friend?

lunch, back soon

I dated a girl 4 months and found out she was two timing me with another guy, stopped talking talking to her in bad terms 2 months ago.
Every time I see her at any social gathering I think she gets self conscious because she inmediatly leaves after seeing me.
I think she is dating the other guy because her profile pic on instant messaging is a pic of her and the dude.
Recently she started to like and rt a lot of shit on tw and see every story I upload on instagram and Im kinda annoyed and confused.
Im about to move abroad in 2 weeks so I thought maybe she wanted attention or some shit before that.
Is she trying to get my attention, trying to a reaction out of me or acting like she is all over it and doesnt give a fuck? I need some insight

No, I am single. I want to focus on myself for a while. But I still feel something for him, because as it sounds is not the whole story, and he isn't a terrible person.
I don't have any definite proof that could change anything. And if anyone contacted him to talk to would be pointless. I already had a lawyer contact that I let him have to talk to. I already confronted him in person, O already talked on the phone, I already told him the emotional damage makes me feel.a bit suicidal sometimes, I already told him my side and explained that it is not his fault but that I need time.

I'm afraid to post the whole story online so I guess I just wondered how I can be anymore clear after everything I've already tried. I'm so tired. Sometimes it really doesn't bother me but sometimes it does a lot. It's my problem.

She wants validation that you still think about her.
that's probably the end

If your story is accurate there *is* no way to be more clear.

Oldfag how do I get into the dating game when I have no connections? Online dating hasn't been working out.

That is always tough; you have to be around people and get to know them. Churches, book clubs, cooking classes, hiking groups, that sort of thing always helps.

Oi Married old fag, after two breakups that each hurt as much as the other (mind you I've got an adjustment disorder) I've started to believe it is not better to have loved and lost, it seems like the great moments in the relationships were nothing to how bad I felt when it ended. logically to me it doesn't make sense to set yourself up to go through that kind of thing, so I'm done with relationships I think, what say you?

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What are you supposed to do when your spouse is outright defensive over even the smallest things? We've been together 7 years, married 3.

Our relationship is well-rounded for the most part, but if I seriously mention something he hasn't or doesn't do, he immediately jumps to projecting blame onto me for unrelated things.

Neither of us are perfect, I know I am not and I am willing to admit that I don't necessarily do the best job of cleaning up or I'm not the best communicator, you know. Just simple stuff on both sides, really. He won't readily admit his mistakes and feels a need to turn the tables immediately, whether it's warranted or not.

I get the reasons for him reacting the way he does, but I don't understand how I'm actually supposed to bring up anything that paints him in any sort of negative light (no matter how minor). He just shuts the discussion down immediately, and then later admits he was wrong.

This is an ongoing issue and it stresses me out.

Well, Im going to continue what Ive been doing so far: ignoring her. Im already fucking other girls so I dont need to come back to her.
Thanks oldanon, I needed the clarity. Hope you are having a good day.

You are in charge of you, not me. If you think that's best, who am I to argue?

I was looking for your experience based opinion to see if perhaps its just a juvenile way of thinking, but with that response it seems perhaps not, thanks mang

Find a neutral territory and time. Do you wait until you're stressed out and tired (and he is, too)?
Perhaps lead with asking him to help you with your issues - can he help you schedule cleaning, does he have suggestions? Is there anything you could do better? How can you help him?
Use that as an excuse to set up a once a week thing where you approach it fresh (during the day, when both are fresh, awake, etc. on a Staurday works) and ask him for his feedback and give him yours.
No raised voices, no blame, a nice glass of wine, a sunny day, and helping each other. Include praise for jobs well done and end with plans for something nice in the upcoming week.
make sense or did I misunderstand?

Keep on keeping on and I hope you're good, too

don't really need advice, have a question though
almost everyone i talk to (at least between ages 20-30) says "i hate people", while i don't ever hate people (i can't hate people i have no respect for and i lose all respect for people who treat me very badly).
what's your point of view and did it change over the years?

Hmmmm.
I'm old, let me tell you a story.
My dad told me this.
The overwhelming majority of people are good people. Decent people. When the chips are down, they are there helping, comforting, etc.
But 99% of everybody isn't thinking. This isn't bad - when you are used to walking, you don't think about it. When you get used to driving you don't think about it. So we all drift around doing things we are used to and not really thinking. Fine.
Remember 'when the chips are down' above? Yeah - when things snap people out of it and people HAVE TO think most of them are awesome.
Some freee.
And a few are *really pissed off* that they have been forced to think.
So remember that most people (including you!) are on autopilot, that most people are good, but you have no idea who the bad ones are until things go sideways.
So I like people, but I really *trust* just my family about about 6 others because I know what happens with them in a pinch.
Make sense?

[man, my typing sucks. Sleepy after lunch]

I'm 18, I've had my first girlfriend and we've been together for 6 months. Everything is going mostly smoothly, but she is a very anxious person, to say the least. Very small things and often irrational fears can make her go from extreme joy to extreme sadness.

I always try to cheer her up when I can, but it can become quite stressful when she has a "down" and she cries every day of the week.

I suggested that she should consult a psychiatrist, but she did have a bad experience with a previois psychiatrist, and so she doesn't want to consult another one.

I don't want to push her too much, but I'm afraid I'm going to "break" eventually. What do?

(Ps: It's not social anxiety, she's just afraid that she'll receive bad grades, or that she might give a bad first impression, but at extreme levels...)

That isn't a healthy level of anxiety. Could be depression. Encourage her to discuss it with her medical doctor, first
Most people cry for a few minutes for anything less than death, so....
she needs to speak with someone

off to a meeting;
thanks, all