Eh, could just be a passing thought. Could be you’re not as gay as you thoughts.
I think this shit works in spectrums rather than as binary definitions.
I’m a straight dude, I don’t find guys sexually interesting or appealing. But I have absolutely no qualms saying a hot guy is hot or attractive or that he has a nice ass or whatever. To me it’s like commenting on a nice blouse.
I like the blouse, that blouse is interesting, but I would never *put on* that blouse.
I’ve got a lesbian friend. She’s been out as gay since 17. I’ve had many, many, many a discussion with her about how she decided to come out, How before she kissed her first girl, nothing ever felt right, how she hates almost all guys and the way they act, how she is proud to be gay and women are so much better.
But she’s hooked up with a number of guys since I’ve known her. She’s also not the only lesbian I’ve known to try hook up with a guy from time to time, or that’s even approached me.
My girlfriend is bi. She has always liked men more than women. But she has also had crushes and a girlfriend in the last because certain people just attracted her in a certain way, regardless of gender.
Don’t get too caught up in definitions.
This is especially true because you’re 19 and haven’t really had enough time figure out what those definitions are supposed to *really* represent or be based on.
Words are just words. They are imperfect ways we use to describe the world around us, and we often require literal dictionaries worth of them in order to explain a single concept. Words are formed around beliefs or understandings.
They do not work the other way around.
A word *should never* form or define your understandings or belief. If it does, you risk way too many misconceptions because a single word is much too imprecise and flat to ever directly express everything *any* concept is meant to hold.
Chill out. Stop overthinking. feel what you feel.