Compulsively give away money when anxious

I have generalized anxiety disorder and recently applied for a new job. Just turning in the resume and cover letter had me in knots. I hardly slept last night.

A friend i haven't seen since highschool posted on Facebook that his phone busted. Impulsively, I messaged him asking if I could give him money to help him buy a new phone. We haven't spoken in years and he definitely thought it was weird but he let me paypal him $20.

I immediately and irrationally felt relief from my anxiety giving away the money. However, the anxiety came back compounded by the fact that i just gave away money for nothing in return. I feel the same impulse to give away more to alleviate the anxiety.

Why am I feeling like this? I've had the impulse before but have always ignored it. Now that someone actually accepted pay, I feel like Ive opened a floodgate. I feel creepy and vulnerable. My impulse is self destructive but also valuable to others like the guy I paid this morning who has no connection to me anymore. What is this?

Attached: gty_man_stressed_money_thg_120123_wg.jpg (640x360, 36K)

Any advice would be appreciated beyond telling me to kill myself. Please.

How anxious would I have to make you to give me those 20$?

The anxiety is already there. The money part is practically compulsive.

Alright, do I just link my paypal here?

Im looking for advice or help. Im trying not to give away $

Advice from me costs.

I think i should go as this is risky for me and i cant delete the post at this point. Thanks anyway.

You're very welcome. Now you know how to avoid it.
There, I gave you a lesson for free.

Its harder than that and it does t address the issue.

For example, if i ask someone to let me pay them. How do i avoid that if i do it impulsively.

Just look at the situation from their perspective. Do you think they expect you to give money? If the answer is no then you do them no wrong by not giving any more.

I do still expect the 20$ though.

I don't owe them but I ask because i want them to say yes. It helps my anxiety for a moment but then makes it worse when i realize I'm out that money and I'm embarrassed for asking to give it. It doesn't matter if they don't expect it.

This may seem really fucked up but give your money to a relative and have only as much as you need to survive. Learn the value of money.

That's actually not a bad idea.

Kek

I fell like total shit right now.

Anxiety sucks user have you ever practiced mindfulness?

?

same. usually, it’s just to give people money to fix problems, even though I don’t have much. I think it’s because we feel like there’s a bit of control we have by giving it away. And that’s easier than focusing on fixing whatever issue is at hand. That and sometimes when i’m feeling really bad about myself, I give stuff away because i don’t feel as though i deserve it.

I can relate to that. I think part of it is like like telling myself to go fuck myself. And doing it in a way where someone else can see and acknowledge the self destruction.

Man I could really use some help getting a pizza I'm SO HUNGRY and I have no money....

You could also be doing it as "I am not worth anything so let me make myself useful so then I'll actually maybe be worth something".

Both of these things can work in conjunction.

Generosity is good, OP. I tend to lend and give nice presents and donate money because it makes me feel helpful. But you have to make sure you can support yourself, too. Don't dig yourself into a hole with your generosity.

If you want to continue to be generous and oyu have the ability to, you could always allocate a small portion of your income for generosity's sake, and restrict it to that amount. That way you can control the behavior.

I realize that I'm vulnerable at this moment. I don't want to pay a stranger for nothing but i don't blame you if i do end up paying you. It's my money, my problem.