What happened to your relationship with your SO after you got married?

When my wedding was over, I heard a voice in my head say, "Everything's different now." and it honestly was. Getting married was the biggest mistake of my life. We had been together for the last 10 years before we decided to get married. Two years later, we divorced and he as in bed with another woman less than three weeks. I hated my experience. I've since moved on and been with my new SO for the last 4 years. He's asked me about marriage, but I'm not interested. One and done on the topic.

It's not about being noble. It's about wanting to be with that person. Why didn't you want to be with your spouse anymore?

christ it's a wonder anyone gets married with so many people bitching about it.

Not really. Marriage as a symbol and a concept has a long history and it's hard to escape the expectation that two people SHOULD get married after they've been together for [x] amount of time.

Even if one person in a relationship doesn't really believe in it the other probably does. Two people who both have no interest in marriage getting together are the minority, and even then they have to escape the pressure that they'd get from their family and friends to not just say "fuck it we might as well if only to shut them up" and stick to their guns.

How did you deal with it? My first girlfriend slammed me on the floor with the whole lesbian thing. I don't miss her, she was a bitch, but i think that's still fucking my brain.
I don't know a single story about a happy marriage.
My parents divorced when i was 13, been trying to do it since i was 10, maybe even earlier, but that's when they told me (on my bday no less).
They haven't slept in the same room since i was 4.
I don't have any memories of going on vacation together, i have pics from earlier. But every year mom would convince me to nag dad to come with us. She manipulated me and used me in all sorts of ways with the purpose of trying to fix the marriage. It only left me feeling guilty for a long time.
They just weren't good for each other, they were too different. And i'll be honest, my dad has no idea what the fuck he's looking for. Dad's on his 3rd marriage, but i'm still the only kid (thankfully), tho i always feel like he's too impulsive to sign shitty pieces of paper due to "social norms".
Mom hasn't fucked anyone since, but she gets boomer dick picks on facebook, so i guess that's something.
My dad's experience has made me skeptical of the institution of marriage.

If you love someone then more power to you. But if the love is gone then there’s no shame in ending it and enjoying the memories instead of cradling the corpse of a relationship.

Jesus Christ. I gooe she somehow realizes how much shit she put you through.

I dealt with it by letting her know my feelings, got super depressed to the point that she saw what she was doing to me and she ultimately decided that she would rather me be happy vs her be lesbian. Ever since I've been the fucking model husband (not that I was a shitfag beforehand) by doing everything I can to show my love.

>20526031
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>I dealt with it by letting her know my feelings, got super depressed to the point that she saw what she was doing to me and she ultimately decided that she would rather me be happy vs her be lesbian. Ever since I've been the fucking model husband (not that I was a shitfag beforehand) by doing everything I can to show my love.

My mom was raised by her grandmother. Her grandmother was born in the early 1900's and was of the old "women need a man in order to be relevant" mentality. Thus my mom began her man-hunting journey at 17 and married my dad the second she found out she was pregnant with me. They divorced shortly there after and 8 marriages later, (yes, you read that right.) she and her current husband are trying to make their marriage stay together.

I fucking hate the concept of marriage. The only reason to get married is for tax or insurance purposes. You don't even need to marry the person if you have a child with them. Just don't do it. It's not worth it. It doesn't work. It's a concept based on religious beliefs and was a way for men to make sure that the child he gave birth to was his. (Before paternity tests existed.)

That's it. Don't get married. It's been programmed into our social psychie that marriage is a milestone that we all reach for in life, but it doesn't have to be that way anymore.

You can just find a partner you like/love and buy a house and a car and do shit together without getting the law or religion involved.

Watch Corey Wayne dude, your life sound like the examples he always gives about bad marriages

I hope she sticks to that. Good luck user.
My gf just threw me under the bus. I should have been worried when she told me she was with a dude for 4 years and was still a virgin. So i lost it with my 2nd gf. We had oral.

>good luck indeed my friend

So far she's been reciprocating feelings back with me, she essentially ghosted me for the 8 months after she came out, saw what it was doing to me and came back for me.
>note I lost 83lb in 7 months, teeth started to break from stress and night terrors and I became distant to EVERYONE all from the news

It's always a fear that things will change drastically when married. My first marriage was a Jekyll and Hyde affair. I waited 8 years into a relationship before getting married again and honestly it's better. No one rules the roost, it's a partnership. You realize neither of you are perfect and win and lose some battles, communication is the key. This time around will be for life, I couldn't see myself without this person, no kids too, so that's an added bonus, we get to spend the rest of our lives bitching about grey hairs and old age approaching.

Been married 9 years, it's pretty neat.
Roughly the same, really. We still have tons of sex, we still have fun, we are even more in love with each other than when we started dating.
It's a lot of work to keep the flame alive, but I wouldn't want to do anything else with my life than being his wife and have his kids. Marrying him is the best choice I made.

Women didn't really have the same legal or social rights; marriage was essential to a stable life.

>"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."
Marxist 'deconstructions' of marriage need not apply--to them it's just a given that everything is in terms of economics. While it's obvious love being integral to marriage was not always (and is still far away from) the case in practice, the foundation of mutual consent and love in marriage goes back very far.
>asking for marital advice on Jow Forums
You're either going to get bitter oldfags, raging degenerates, or actual teenagers responding. This is not the place to be if you want representative answers to your questions, unless you are also in one of the aforementioned groups.
>and the chemicals wear off and you both realize you settled
This isn't an issue with marriage itself, it's a consequence of you having been degenerates.

Never got married for the traditional reasons. I dont care about what it represents. Waited til I was 30. Sleptswith too many women before marriage, had a shit load of fun. College, jobs, travel... then one day I got to know my (future)wife. Something clicked, my mind said "lock this hussy down"and 7 years later, shes still as rad as when we started dating. I think my experience is rare these days, but I wasnt looking for a wife and I think that's key. Looking for marriage will make you settle. Stumbling upon a situation that you never want to change is lucky, but pretty fuckin cool at the end of the day.

Same thing as Living with my wife was no different than living with her as a girlfriend. Tons of fun, not a ton of issues and even they are something I knew well enough before or are miniscule imo.
Honestly best thing that ever happened to me.

The trick to a happy relationship/marriage is to have leverage. That's why marriage makes fat, sexless, lazy wives. They know they have the man secured and he isn't leaving easily and they're not going to try harder than they have to.

You have to act as though if things aren't going your way, you have no issue leaving. She has to be a positive thing in your life and bring happiness, otherwise what is she there for.

And for God's sake, stand up for yourself. I can't tell you how many married guys I know are the biggest pushovers when it comes to their wives. They let them win every argument and have their way all the time, and just sit there like a puppy getting yelled at. Women don't respect a man who lets his wife constantly berate him, and she certainly won't feel attracted to a man she doesn't respect.

>no shame in ending it
Yes there is. Marriage is a racket. That's agreed. But when you sign on the line as an adult. You are symbolizing a life long commitment. Should be a given that there will be ups and downs. Ive had years at a time when things are shitty but they are better nokw than they were the first year. That is what is supposed to be cool about it is that you go in knowing that things are going to suck and you decide to do it anyhow.

>This is not the place to be if you want representative answers to your questions
If this isn't the place to gauge whether marriage is a smart move, then what is? I can't go around asking random married couples about their marriages because let's be honest, none is gonna be honest about the state of their marriage to a random person. They would rather keep the truth to themselves and just say ''everything is great!''.

Also, looking at the divorce rate isn't exactly reliable either. The rate of divorce doesn't take into consideration the married couples who stay together but are unhappy in their marriage nonetheless.

Good on you

Married my SO after 10 years of being together. Literally nothing changed, except she came to live with me for most of the year.

great
probably one of the few here, or out there in general, but we waited with sex, living together and all that stuff until marriage
our relationship has basically only improved since we now have that as well
other than that, no real changes
10/10 would do again

I miss my wife so much. It's been a month since I've heard her voice. I just want to tell her how much I love her. My heart just wants to go home but I can't.

To some people it isn't that big of a deal. People get divorced every day. But my wedding vows were sacred to me. All I had to give her was myself. And I did. I was completely, endlessly hers.

I still believe in the sanctity of marriage. I still pray for her without ceasing. I still love my wife, and I always will.

I hope you find the person you've always dreamed of, and I hope they stay with you. My advice is to marry the person you love more than anything in the world, because they're the only one that's even remotely worth the pain that love brings.

TLDR; Get a dog

If you weren't allowed to fuck her before you got married then i can imagine how getting married is an improvement to your relationship lmao.

Women are selfish whores and will always end up leaving you and destroying your family and your kids mental health, just to suck a new dick.

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Sorry but she isn't thinking about you, she is too busy spreading her legs for another man.

>getting married

first 2 years after marriage were good and everything was normal then the relationship slowly died off, we started becoming more and more distant from each other. cant really explained why or how, it just happened i suppose. after 3 years it ended when she slept with someone else.

Same. Got married on our 10th anniversary at the court house. Nothing changed, still happy.

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Having a kid is way more of a change than getting married. Turned out well for me, though.

Marriage isn't the problem. The problem is that most people in our era lack compassion, understanding, and altruism. When you put two extremely selfish people in a relationship together, what do you expect to happen? It will fall apart. We live in a dark ages of the mind, where from birth to death, people truly live in mental darkness, not wanting to understand others, let alone understand their own mind, filled to the brim with selfishness.

My current girlfriend will be my wife one day. She is selfless and goes well out of her way to please me, and I do the same for her----so that all there is in our relationship, is me, giving joy to her, and her, giving joy to me. All we want is what the other has to give for us. That is how a healthy relationship works.

All the failed relationships ITT, are ones where one or both partners are selfish, and where there is no unity of two people wanting what the other has to give. Instead, they each want their own things, not wanting what the other has to give---or, the other does not want to give at all.

If you don't feel this giving nature from your your lover, don't marry them. Don't date them. Get out.

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10 years here and still going strong the problem is that once marroage happens people let loose and don't pay attention or try to woo their lover after marriage which is a pretty fuckin bad mistake.

>And for God's sake, stand up for yourself. I can't tell you how many married guys I know are the biggest pushovers when it comes to their wives. They let them win every argument and have their way all the time, and just sit there like a puppy getting yelled at. Women don't respect a man who lets his wife constantly berate him, and she certainly won't feel attracted to a man she doesn't respect.

People always say that but i bet noone of them has been in that kind of relationship before. I know this because i used to think the exact same way

Its literally imposible to win arguments without escalating the shit out of the conversation. Sometimes is better to have their way so you dont have to deal with all the shit that comes otherwise.

You got some mental health to take care of

>mfw i enjoy when me and my wife argue and get sad if we don't fight once and awhile
Am i fucked?

Are you a kid ?

>Did your relationship with your SO change after you got married? What changed?
so far nothing really
>Was it for better or for worse?
right now better, wife is a lot easier to say than fiance

I don’t believe that anyone’s life improved after getting married.

Marriage is a terrible institution to keep you around once you met your reproduction requirements.

Don’t ever get married.

What a pussy, you escalate to the point that you smack her, then she'll stfu

I regret it. After giving birth to three kids, my wife isn't attractive anymore. Her vag isn't as tight, she has saggy tits, and stretchmarks. I'm not attracted to her at all, I have to fuck her with the lights off. I work hard to provide, and honestly I think I deserve better. I deserve an attractive woman. I'm not getting anything out of this marriage.

I'm 27 and time is running out to meet wifey and have a normal happily ever after story and I truly beleive people can be happily together forever because I've seen it but it's so fucking scary.
This one guy says 10 years went great, last 2 didn't
I'd prolly get married if 4 years went great! So fucking terrifying.

>If this isn't the place to gauge whether marriage is a smart move, then what is? I can't go around asking random married couples about their marriages because let's be honest, none is gonna be honest about the state of their marriage to a random person.
You've hit the nail on the head. Nobody in a functional marriage wants to discuss it with you;the broken people do.

>Did your relationship with your SO change after you got married?
It was nice getting our families and friends together, friends I hadn't seen in a while were all there.

>What changed?
We owed money because the wedding and honeymoon was expensive, we had to change my wife's surname AFTER the honeymoon so the plane tickets were valid so even on our honeymoon she still went by her maiden name.

>Was it for better or for worse?
Better I guess? it didn't change the dynamics of the relationship as we already lived together and had a mortgage together. My wife loves going over the wedding pictures from the professional photographer, her friends who have a fancy camera, from family and friends on the day, we have about 4000 photos from the day, many were pulled from facebook and other social media, most don't even have us in them, there are loads of selfies from other people that she looks at to reminisce the day and seeing those people.

You get married to cement the relationship, it makes your partner feel more secure in the relationship, I don't think my wife is any less likely to leave me because she wears a ring but she still likes to refer to me as her "husband" 3 years on (it was a really big thing after we said "I will").
Being engaged made a bigger difference but I think that's because she was giddy that she would get her dream wedding day which was "fun" right up until the week leading up to the wedding where she stressed over everything.

I can fuck her for you if you want.

Not married yet but engaged after she put the pressure on me for the last two years and I finally gave in last spring. We were already in a relationship since halfway through high school (roughly 8 years now).

I have been thinking a lot about this lately since we're planning the wedding and honeymoon and looking at houses, whether this can really work forever. I'm not super attracted to her anymore and she's not super attracted to me either, although I know on principle that she wouldn't cheat and neither would I. The sex isn't great. Neither of us really have any friends anymore, she's isolated me from my family and brought her family even closer to us. We get in fights all the time over stupid shit (the way I proposed was lackluster, I never do housework [I do it all], I take too long getting to bed at night [I'm cleaning everything up and walking the dog which she never does], etc.). It's happening more often than ever, and anytime I stick up for myself in any way, I'm a) twisting her words, b) yelling at her (when she's been yelling for 20 minutes to an hour), or c) making it all about me (when it's all about her 24/7). It's miserable and the only way to end it is to just apologize, which makes me feel disgusting. I'm constantly having violent thoughts about her when this shit happens. It makes me feel that because she knew me as a boy, she'll always view me as that boy and not a man to be respected. This is one of the main things that makes me want to jump ship and start again because it kills me daily.

1/2

There are certain things she wants for our future that I absolutely fucking dread. I feel like I can't be honest with her about what I really want out of life. I've been living her life plan for at least 5-6 years now and starting to really regret it.

I saw my friend in the supermarket the other day and realized that the way I was describing my life (career, apartment, her career, future, etc.) all sounded like dreadful duties in the sense of "well, what are you going to do?". When he pointed that out, I realized then that convinced each other there's nothing we can do; we've trapped each other in a life that feels like we have no say in what happens, and I just don't have it in me to break out of it.

Of course, I "grew up" with her into adulthood, I care about her well-being due to her anxiety and depression, and honestly she is at this point the only person I'm really close to.

do you both work full time?

Yes. This is one major point of contention. She feels that her job is more demanding than mine (it is, physically) even though I make more money. I listen to her bitch and moan about it day-in and day-out, and when I get tired of hearing it I tell her if she doesn't like it, quit or move to another area (which is very possible). This makes her even more mad.

We could make it on only my salary, although it would be harder due to debt.

I feel that her arguments are riddled with double standards, however if I said what I was really thinking and pointed these out, things would escalate to the point of no return (it has happened a few times before, and I was ready to leave, but she stopped me every time).

Any time I try to propose a solution to her problems, she gets angry thinking that I'm dismissing her feelings or saying what she feels is invalid. Any time I try to point out the inconsistencies in what she's saying, I'm "mansplaining" or not listening to her, talking over her. Anytime I get the slightest bit angry, she throws something, storms off into the room and locks the door, or gives me the silent treatment.

I want to fucking die. But other times it's happy and good, so again. "What are you going to do?"

God, I can keep going and now I feel like I have to.

Anytime I explain my actions in any way I'm making excuses. Anytime I want to buy something (which is very rare), she says that we need to save our money for the future, but when she wants to buy something and I say the same thing, she makes excuses for why she needs it and then gets angry at me for not letting her treat herself to this thing (she deserves it after all!).

She constantly berates my family but also constantly facebook stalks them to the point where I cringe from it. We only watch the tv shows and movies that she wants to watch, anytime I suggest something it's "turn that shit off I want to watch X".

She is miserable in every circumstance. Nothing can make her happy. And it's almost as if she gets angry when I am happy. When my coworkers are meeting after work, in the rare event that she "allows" me to go, she is mad when I get home and had a good time.

She never wants to hang out with people together and wants me all to herself, but she hates my company and doesn't like to talk about things. I enjoy discussion and analyzing shows, movies, music, etc., but any time I do this I'm "nitpicking" or ruining it for her. This is a phrase she uses a lot -- "you ruin everything".

The worst part is that now that we're planning a wedding, she says she doesn't even want a wedding and just wants to go to the courthouse. I however would like to have my old friends and my family (who I actually don't mind being around) there to celebrate.

Anyway the worst part is that even though I do care about her, I know I could move on pretty easily and get over her and start a new life. I think she knows this too. This is why she's constantly piling on layers of guilt that I need to feel for my existence.

Ah fuck I can't type any more of this out I just want to die.

lol

It's not about winning arguments, the upper hand is, in fact, that when it comes to arguing with your wife you get to settle in a state you are comfortable with, it's a constant haggle that comes with some degree of mental manipulation (like when you make her believe it was her idea all along), it can be really healthy for both when you find the balance.

Now, what to do to make your wife not go lazy, fat, and take you for granted. It depends of the situation when it comes to the How, but the idea is crawl the idea in her brain that she can lose YOU any time, even if married. Wich means, as i see it, to take the role of leadership, being attractive up until your sexual desires are null (like old-old), high self steem, not go fat, taking care of your skin, hair, face, ignore her once in a while to spark her desire by anxiety, not being too emotional in front of her, among other things.

It's dem mental games that keep them from losing interest and getting "bored". And yes it's a fucking chore and always makes one wonder why even be on a long term relationship if it takes all this effort, but if you trully love her you should be able to do it.

Looks like you need some kind of professional help to leave your women, family intervention works

Man a lot of these problems are things you probably should have had worked out before getting married fellas.

Dude how the fuck did you not know this about your wife before hand? Seriously people don't "flip a switch" with marriage she would have given away obvious signs that she is just waiting to get married so she can be a lazy stay at home mom. I think guys that get into bad marriages aren't thinking it through enough maybe thinking with their dicks.

Don't worry I probably never will.

You want advice about marriage the best advice is to learn what kind of person your wife is before getting married. Don't jump into marriage from social pressure it is a huge commitment and isn't easy to exit. You need fucking lawyers to break up. Seriously with a good relationship you will already know how marriage will go with each other. It will just be a stressful/exciting event that passes by and now your life continues as normal but you have some economic benefits now. That is how a good marriage will start and continue on. Good relationships make good marriages.

not him but they actually do
people can change so much during certain events you would not believe

I thought I always wanted to get married and die with one man. When I got married I now want other men.
Marriage is indeed the worst meme ever created, people shouldn't be monogamous, whoever ordained this is retarded

It sucks but it is what it is, I want other dicks.

Nobody ordained anything but you are just a slut.

I could forgive everything but the mother in law sticking her face in our lives frequently. Fuck that

Fuck that’s dark man

>people shouldn't be monogamous
If you are a slut, doesn't mean every woman should be

If your life goal is comfort then stay single. If you want more from life you have to work hard end of story.

What about getting married to someone you want to be with who’s an immigrant? Because I’m seriously thinking of either having them live in my country or going to live in their country and becoming a citizen. Most likely duel citizenship.
I remember as a kid I told myself I’d need a good reason to get married and duel citizenship sounded good to me if I was happy.

Holy shit there are so many fucked up people in this thread. Why do you torture yourself with these broken relationships? Are you commited to fixing them or do you just not love yourself enough to end the charade and live alone or try to find someone else? Love is something you build, something forged by overcoming life's trials and tribulations hand in hand with someone else.

Some people think a relationship is settling for what you have, instead of growing as people together like a team.

Been married for 4 years and our anniversary is coming up in a week, together for 7.
Nothing really changed, we mainly did it for the financial gain and because she wanted to experience a wedding.

Dude gtfo, you know it's just going to get worse. You have your entire life in front of you and so does she, you will both benefit from this

What people think I have no idea. I'm not sure these people knew who they were with, or unrealistic, what can you do if one person gives up. We're engaged, we think of marriage as a life long commitment, that you'll work things out no matter. Knowing its we not just me, that's nice. Love and practical, we discuss all of this, everything. Both sides of our family are still married, I just wonder if that has anything to do with it.
So marriage is a commitment to love, companionship, support, and practicality because we want the same things and we're going to achieve it.

Got to put it in her butt more.

You're naive.

People only usually change like that if they experience real trauma. Marriage is not traumatic enough to flip someone's personality. I guess someone could be faking interest in order to just get married but I still think you could see that coming. What do I know though.

>not relishing in the damage you've done to her body
The fuck are you doing man?

wise words

This is a really good post, I hadn't read it.