I fell in love with another. I've been in a very happy relationship for 5 years when suddenly a girl on facebook told me she likes me a lot. I pursuited her because of curiosity, how often does thst happen. I ended up in love with her too, we even had sex. I have no fucking idea why i did it, how to solve it. I tried comparing both. 1st is loyal, cute, vanilla as fuck, nice family, good education, smart, we can both judge people(its what we do). While being super vanilla, obedient to the point i dont get challenged even when i am clearly wrong(i need someone to realiry check me), doesnt like risks, almost no hobbies(she tries doing stuff i do now cause i confronted her, she really tries, but now that i threatened to break up) The 2nd is cute, interesting hobbies, smart, likes memes, likes movies, she too seems to want to settle with someone, i guess she is loyal(she had only 1bf who was a shit to her). Cons introvert(but less), new gf who might not be this way forever.
My family loves the first, i love them BOTH. If i come clean i will forever ruin vanillas 1st gf's trust in men and love...
Anyone else who had this experience, can you write it and tell me what you did? How can you betray someone and really hurt them?(yes i cheated, but my philosophy is if you dont know it doesnt hurt)
My said now, i implied, she only really found out when we kissed for the first time. She accepted being side chick then she said she cant do this anymore because she loves me and if i cant chose then "it must mean i dont love her"(while i do). I then told my actual gf everything that made me feel bad, she actually tries to change. But the problem is i told her many times before what bothers me(she has inhibitions as if i might judge her, but i NEVER EVER did something like that).
Thomas Bell
Yeah focus on your first gf you idiot. You're being an idiot. Avoid the other chick.
Robert Bailey
Im ashamed and feel guilty for betraying her love...
Also, 1st gf has no other friend other than me, even though i pushed her to find some friends.
Jeremiah Cox
Sorry writing from phone.
>My said now, i implied, she only really found out when we kissed for the first time She didnt know, i implied.
Owen Wood
You are literally manipulating your gf, you should absolutely feel disgusting. I really hope she gets to her senses and dumps you on the spot, but being in her shoes earlier in my life I know that will happen very slowly and painfully.
2nd one has a huge load of insecurity issues to even consider talking to you after this. The probability of her dumping you after she realizes that the same shit probably will happen again after she finds out that the major thing about her you find appealing is her "value" to other people and you will inevitably try to change her to fit your daydream.
Go off, I guess, but the problem in this situation is you and how you love neither of them, you just love their perceived value.
Grayson Rogers
Nothing we can say will sway your decision for A or B, your mind is clearly already made on B. I'm amazed your family didn't reprimand you for even bringing B into the picture at all.
You deserve neither and will likely end up with neither in the long run if you keep up this attitude. I was in the same boat in college, where I cheated and left my HS sweetheart for her friend who also went to my college. And that one decision spiraled into so much shit later on in life that I am now incapable of feeling happy with a woman again while I just keep finding new ones to fuck to fill the void I caused in myself.
Id say this is a warning message, but I know it won't change your mind, only the aftermath of you acting like a sociopathic cunt will give you the negative reinforcement you need. And even then, it's doubtful that will change anything about you either, other than just making you feel bad about yourself.
I didnt try to change the first one, but she doesnt meet me half way cause she is a noob on relationships. I tried reaching put to do stuff with me i like or to include me in anything she does. She doesnt do shit, just browse instagram, look at cats.
The 2nd one i value for her common stuff with me and her forewardness and balls for telling a stranger what she feels. Yes she is very insecure, but she faced her fears.
> is her "value" to other people and you will inevitably try to change her to fit your daydream I have no idea what that means, did i say that?
>sociopathic cunt Is this what i am? I really tried staying true to my feelings and my gf's.
Look, i am so sorry...
Mason Parker
I am sorry, user.
I didnt chose any of this, i wish my feelings for B would disappear. I wish my feelings for A would disappear. They both are really great humans, i have no idea why they would like scum like me.
Anthony James
Explain this attitude thing, i didnt chose. Shit just happened, i stayed loyal for 5years...
Justin Barnes
Yes, sociopathic cunt. You yourself said that your philosophy is that what they don't know won't hurt them. Their feelings aren't important enough to know about each other is essentially what you're saying.
If you decide to stay with either, doesn't even matter who, the only path to redemption here is to break up with the other first, and then fess up what you've been doing to the girl you choose, and pray to God she is dumb enough to give you a second chance.
She almost certainly won't. But at least you did the right thing and won't be crushed by the guilt. If she does, congratulations, you can maybe have an honest relationship, but that seems doubtful, you'll probably just cheat on her again most likely.
>I have no idea what that means, did i say that? In OP you state: >I tried comparing both. And you list their traits as if you're house-hunting, hey look one likes memes the other is smart though hrrrmmmm.... Then assuming by your writing, after you cheated on your gf, you decided that you should tell her all the things that are suddenly wrong with her which sounds a lot like gaslighting (but look guys, I find her boring, that's perfect excuse to cheat on her amirite, I can make her change though and I will be perfect person again). Now you say she doesn't meet halfway without ever bringing that up before, honestly fucking sounds like a backtrack to make you seem more reasonable, which contradicts your previous statement that she actually tried to change for you.
What the fuck are you really doing? Check yourself.
Nolan Diaz
Falling in love with someone else isn't the sin here. You were presented with a choice between staying with A or deciding you think you want to pursue B now. Either of those are fine but you chose to do both, and now you're playing with people's emotions.
Christopher Powell
I compared both cause maybe you guys can help, in my opinion one is the safe bet, but boring. The other is risky as fuck, but seems more fun. I hate boring but i value loyalty. I cheated cause i was weak, i said the thing about not knowing because if she fucled behind my back and i didnt find out i wouldnt really mind.
Bentley Morales
I kinda am househunting lol. I want a family with someone who is perfect. I just dont have the courage to leave B nor A. I want to confess and tell her that i will never do it. I NEVER wanted to hurt no one, not myself either.
Christian Mitchell
You think of them as objects. You don't think about them as people. This is why you're a sociopath. I disagree, you didn't cheat because you were weak, you cheated because you're an asswipe. And I strongly doubt that you'd not mind if she cheated on you behind your back, you're just saying this to downplay your own actions and because you're probably 100% sure she never did such a thing.
Dominic Morgan
True. But i want to change...
Evan Wood
My question is... is there a way to determine what your feelings are? I wish i could just die and not hurt them. I wont suicide or anything, but if you never happened to love 2 people at the same time, then dont judge. It just creeped up on me, i had no idea what is happening. I didnt experience teen love like others cause i was stuck in a stupid relationship(stuck as in emotionally blackmailed by her and my family, yes mine), so now i'm a retard. I dont want to be a sociopath, i dont want to hurt no one. I just want fucking happiness... this situation has tormented me, i cant sleep, i cant eat, work is going to shit...
Justin Wright
So keep sexing both til you make up your mind or one of them makes it up for you since you're weak
Austin Barnes
>come clean i will forever ruin vanillas 1st gf's trust in men and love... I haven't read all yet but you shouldn't come clean. There is no reason to damage the girl. You sound like a smart guy and I hope you can see through the inexperienced answers.
Andrew Wright
The reason i didnt break up is that i have no explanation other than i love B too and i want someone perfect forever, A is almost perfect, but i owe it to myself to pursue happiness... I tried but when she cried and i found out she lost 12lbs in 2 weeks of starving and crying i caved. I tried losing B, but she went into a depression too.
Nolan Richardson
I had a talk with B a while back and she said she is sure she will end up hurt. I somehow knew i will be as hurt whatever way it goes. I was already deep. When im with B im happy, when im alone im sad because i need A. When im with A i am safe, but think of B.
I hate being a fucking manchild. I sincerelly want to be helped solve my problem in the least damaging way for all.
Cooper Barnes
>strongly doubt that you'd not mind Not OP. Remove yourself to give effective advice. I can see your wisdom. Done let your stupidity stand in its way. If OP doesn't know, there is no way he could care. That's pretty much just math.
Ian Hughes
Op here. Ofc i'd mind if I KNEW. I mean, anything might have happened while i was away for 8 months last year. But i have no reason to doubt, so it doesnt hurt and i dont care.
Easton Murphy
Clarify for me. Did you tell A that you fucked B? Yes or no?
Jeremiah Richardson
No. I did tell B i met A and she got really sad.
Ian Reed
Do not say that you cheated on gf to gf. No matter what the trolls say. It ain't about if you are a bozo or not. Do not destroy the girl and all those in her future. It is about her. If you decide to breakup, a simple "I'm confused" I'm not sure if I'm happy" will be sufficient.
Blake Ortiz
Yeah if you break up with girl A then don't her you cheated. It'll just cause unnecessary emotional damage to be honest.
Austin Miller
There is something to be said for a history. For one who has stuck by you through the ups and downs. A good family and education are things to consider. If your gf lacks experience: I have seen (more than a few) who will eventually cheat on husband for wonder of what the grass is like on the other side. It doesn't seem like she would be the type to do that. I'm just letting you bounce your thoughts off of something. You are in a tough predicament. You are thinking this out well. I had your chance in a similar situation and stuck with the first girl and have no regrets. I am not sure what is right for you but will also agree to never tell.
Oliver Fisher
Shes not really into sexual stuff, that my prob in the first place.
