tl;dr GF found out I've been "hiding" my wealth, is pissed at me and refuses to talk to me
>had wealthy self-made parents who died when I was 19 >money was placed in a trust and managed by family's lawyer in Switzerland >mostly involves shares in business my father owner and rental properties >I gained access to all of it when I was 25, but I just let it sit there and I have a card that I can use for it >parents taught me all about the value of money so I hardly ever use the money and instead work full time and pay my own way >every quarter I receive a letter detailing the account balances, the dividend amounts and an update on how the money and properties are managed >been with GF for 6 years, never told her because I never saw a reason to >she is TERRIBLE with money, I own the place we live in and the understanding is that she pays the bills instead of rent >frequently forgets to pay, spends too much money on buying things/going out and is in about £15k of credit card and overdraft debt >have tried helping her and giving her advice on how to manage it, she never listens >work full-time to keep busy, but also working on a start-up idea which takes most if not all of my personal money >letter gets delivered to the house, she opens it and the argument begins >says that I can pay off her debt, tell her I won't do that >tell her if I pay it off for her she'll just bring it all back again and worse because she knows I'll bail her out >says that I don't trust her, that I don't care about her and that I hid this all from her
What do I do? The argument was on Wednesday, she hasn't spoken to me since then and hasn't returned home. One of her friends says she's staying with her. She doesn't answer her texts or calls and I got a text today from her friends saying some people would be round to collect her stuff on Monday.
If she breaks up over you over this money you already know you dodged a bullet. It sounds like your parents and yourself worked long and hard for this and you shouldn't feel bad about not wasting it. Because thats what you'd be doing, and you already know that because you're not stupid. Hate to add this but have you thought about talking to a lawyer about this? Just to be safe. You never know what the future holds. Be safe friend
Owen Ward
I have a disorder where a symptom is similar money shit. Tl;Dr it's a pre frontal cortex and dopamine issue leading to a delayed a delayed gratification problem I won't get into it, but I promise you it's legit so let's leave it there... I learned to manage it and I do fine now but its insanely difficult.
Anyways, as an outside person who totally understands your gf, you're right here. If you paid her debts you're removing consequences for her actions, she won't learn and will have even less incentive to control herself. Shell run that debt up in a few months. But from her perspective, if you just help her she'll never do it again, and since you've been together 6 years she feels like you should share and help each other..
Hate to say it dude, but if she can't see why it's unreasonable to just ask you for 15,000 straight up, so much so she leaves and ignores you, she really can go fuck herself.
Juan Sanchez
You're an asshole. How much money was it?
You may be able to reconsile things and convince her you were trusted to manage the money for other family members. But you're going to have to stop jewing out on her
Brody Watson
HAHA! This is funny man. I mean, how fucking desperate must a girrrl in that situation feel. But it sounds like a massive fake, because ANY girl would be trying to hunt you for good instead of being all bitchy if she found out you were rich. Or maybe the girl in your story is just plain retarded and can't even think a mid term strategy. Anyway, letting a girl open your mail equals to not having the pants on, at all, in the situation.
Isaiah Sanchez
>Hate to add this but have you thought about talking to a lawyer about this?
We don't have common law marriage in my country, but even if we were married she'd have no access to it as it's inherited wealth in a trust. My father spoke to quite a few lawyer so that we could avoid paying inheritance tax
Thanks
Ethan Perez
>I have a disorder where a symptom is similar money shit. Tl;Dr it's a pre frontal cortex and dopamine issue leading to a delayed a delayed gratification problem I won't get into it, but I promise you it's legit so let's leave it there... I learned to manage it and I do fine now but its insanely difficult. I know you think you're real special but that's called a personality trait.
Jose Lewis
A disorder is defined by personality traits..
Noah Thompson
The amount is meaningless, it's enough to warrant having a lawyer on retainer and a swiss bank account. How am I an arsehole though? Let's say I pay off her debt, she'll see that she's got a safety line and then just rack it up again.
Think of those shitty poker games on phones. After 20 minutes don't you get bored and just start all-ining or raising huge amounts with 27 off suit? Why? Because you don't have to worry about it being real money
Caleb Garcia
A disorder is a genetic condition that directly impedes your chances of survival / procreation
Being cheap is not a disorder
Jackson Young
Also.the point wasn't about what you want to call it, just that I understand ops gf, I get her sidez I sympathise, and still think she can go fuck herself.
So we probably agree and yet you gotta break formation and comment when you don't know what I have and that it comes with a thousand other unrelated symptoms.
Not having to worry about money is a beautiful gift he was keeping from her
Daniel Diaz
No, it's not. You can go check. A disorder is a personalty trait or set of traits that deviates from the expected norm and causes difficulty or decreased quality of life. This is just one symptom of a lot, and my disorder isn't even chiefly defined by the money management portion.
My disorder also comes with a tonne of positive traits which I use very much to my advantage. I have a bachelor and have had a very normal dating life, and I'm married so.. so much for can't procreate, amirite?
Asher Walker
OP, whatever you do, dont let her ruin you. Please. Too many good men in the world ruined by gold digging succubi.
Brody Morales
She'd run it right back up. He already lets her live rent free as it is minus a few bills, but she could have torn through his fortune if she let him.
Joshua Lewis
You misunderstand. He should be handling her payments, giving her an allowance, etc
If she decides to take out debt for some reason he needs to make it clear that's her problem
Hudson Garcia
She has debt and it is her problem. And I'm telling you as someone who beat this problem, removing all consequences with outside help will make her worse.
Elijah Carter
It's time to sit down with her and have an honest talk on feminism, empowered self sufficient womyn, not depending on your man, the patriarchy and all that.
what the fuck no, he should not give her an allowance. That enables retarded spending and teaches her that she doesnt have to do shit to get rewarded. Why the fuck should he take responsibility over someone elses actions? If shes mad that he kept inheritance to himself, shes nothing but a gold digger. OP wants to make it himself, by working and being focused on a start up thats all done by HIMSELF. OP is completely in the right here. Ditch the gold digger OP
Grayson Cooper
You sound like you’re doing it ok. My first wife was bad with our money. My current wife and I keep separate accounts, and split expenses like your arrangement. This has prevented a lot of fights over our spending choices, since we do it from our own funds. I can see you’d like to have her home with you, but you need to give tough love on the money question.
Isaiah Ross
beggars will tell you sob stories, ask and pester you until you give in
Bentley Martin
Poorfags are a blight! Say you donated the money to charity to gauge her reaction, slap her around a little bit and ditch her.
Logan Harris
>6year gf
There's you problem. If you haven't made her a waifu by now you should have already left her
Isaiah Moore
>>tell her if I pay it off for her she'll just bring it all back again and worse because she knows I'll bail her out
You are right
>>says that I don't trust her, that I don't care about her and that I hid this all from her
She's also right though.
The two of you sound like a couple of assholes.
also this.
At this point you're just in the relationship out of habit. The person you were, and the person she was 6 years ago aren't there anymore.
>gold digger.
She had no idea he was wealthy.
Josiah Edwards
Initially, I felt a bit sorry for ya lad. I felt it's great to be instilled the concept of wealth and didn't turn into a preppy cunt.
As someone who came from a family that was from absolute poverty (single mother who was unemployed, spent about £30 on food for a week, ate on about 4 days average a week and thus had severe malnourishment), I'd suggest you hide your wealth.
I dated a minted lass from overseas. We chatted, laughed, eat out a lot. I'd never had McDonald's till I went 16 since we was that poor.
This lass offered to pay for me. In all cases. I felt guilty until I realised was on a £2,000 per month scholarship. This was after rent and what not.
The relationship fell apart, I was essentially draining money from her in exchange for her company. In the case of your missus, you're absolutely certain that the debt will literally just stack up/she leaves you after.
In regards to the law down here, chat to your lawyer. I did my degree in finance and economics but I don't know how effective you can be protect yourself from divorce proceedings.
Also you're like the third minted lad from the UK on Jow Forums where the fuck are you guys coming from
Benjamin Garcia
OP, let it end. After all the effort you put I trying to help her and she hasn't changed yet. She probably won't change at all. She's manipulating you, let them take her stuff. You deserve someone who can value your lifestyle. I understand why you hid it for so long. I'm sure if it was another girl with other characteristics you'd have told her. I'm sorry, it might be hard, but let it end. Don't reconcile. And if you do, make sure she's in therapy for her money spending issues AND budgeting/money handling class. And DON'T give her ANY money. Please. ; _; I speak from experience, I'm somewhat I the same boat as you. (Paying for my bfs everything..) it's not good. It breeds resentment and many other feelings. It even made me deeply depressed. You deserve better OP.
Adam Torres
OP she is not entitled to your parents money, absolutely do not fucking let her have access (if at all) until she grows up.
Anyone who says otherwise is just resentful about their debt and wishes someone would save them from their mistakes.
t. Debt-free
Wyatt Davis
Pretty sure OPs money is safe. Not married, no common law marriage (even if there was its usually 10 years I think and they are at 6), and wealth is in a trust. For the most part he is secure on that front.
But OP has some issues. You should have told her about this once your relationship was secure enough to talk about finances. This isn't a matter of money but rather trust which is the foundation all relationships are built on.
Jeremiah Ramirez
This. I have seen this thread so often...
That said, as a philosophical exercise: If you care about her deeply then pay half the bills. She isn't entitled to your money unless you have an agreement that she is a stay-at-home mom or something like that. You are right to suspect her being unable to handle wealth if she got into 15k debt on her own.
That said: Jow Forums is not for philosophical questions.
Kayden Rogers
OP requires a situation in which he has made no errors and requires no advice comes to advice anyway
sometimes they just leave, its horrible but its the only possible outcome
Asher Myers
>women need to he treated like children Yep. Sounds about right. But don't give her money. Some women are at least intelligent children.
Jonathan Ward
OP, from the post it seems like you're a decent guy who's done well for himself. But I can't help but feel like you've attracted a shit person, personally I'd let it go. She doesn't sound like she's got her shit together.
But you've been with her for 6 years so she must have some good qualities right?
Logan Kelly
Break up with her. She clearly just wants betabux.
Juan Nguyen
Kys
Adam Flores
This is a bait that has been copy pasted for 3 years at least. Please stop replying to this bait.
Cooper Bell
Hiding your wealth is bad considering you have been together for 6 years. Not paying for her debts is a good call, ideally, you would make an agreement so you can share finances in a way that benefits both of you. The easy solution would be to have a shared account that pays for everything and then you both put money into it. Then you both can do whatever you want with the remaining money. You can also renegotiate from time to time what you want to have paid by the shared account, what each person pays etc. Let's say you have a bunch of money and she have debt. None of that is directly the concern of the other person. If you want to save money and she wants to spend money, that is usually the direction things take. If she wanted a loan or something, that is a different thing. Simply having her paying more each month into your shared account in exchange for some money up front is a good way to solve this. She gets a better financial situation and she isn't taking advantage of your dead parents.
Gavin Howard
You did the right thing in hiding your wealth. I would immediately break up with her just for the reason of her going through your mail, she’s probably tried snooping your home for other things as well. It’s not gonna end and she will try to find a way to gain access to that money and guilt you into it like forcibly making some high end purchase in some dumb attempt to leverage you.
Nicholas Morgan
Jesus fuck how come god lets you get that cucked OP?
she's not your wife, you did nothing wrong by hiding money from her. let her go op. i dont know how much wealth your talking about but i guarantee you if she comes back its going to be for getting in on it
Xavier Jones
I honestly can't believe you faggots get baited by the same shitty copypasta every 3 days.
you're 100% in the right whatever you do, make sure you have sole control of the money
Jaxson Rogers
6 years is too long to keep secrets this big from your partner. Why are you even with her? It's clear that you don't trust her or think very highly of her. Sound to me like you're wasting time for both of you.
Henry Howard
record your phonecalls. get an app that records calls. soon she will say that unless you pay she's going to fabricate some story about rape to the police. she doesnt care enough about you to stick around. we find out next how badly she wants no debt. contact legal advice and prepare. dont take her back. finding out your boyfriend is wealthy is good news. if she treats it like this shes a psycho.
