Been begging my boyfriend for 3 years to start cleaning his apartment more and help me out more in bed. I want to move in with him someday in the future but I don't want to end up pledging the rest of my life to someone who makes me pick up after them and won't sexually satisfy me/makes me do all the work. He just gropes me, fingers me only if I ask him to verbally (every time). Wants me to ride him and only gets on top if I ask him to verbally (every time). It's fucking sad that the 1-2 times he's actually initiated cunnilingus on his own, I've gotten briefly excited, then so guilty that I couldn't enjoy it. Every time he eats me out he loses his boner and has a hard time coming, too.
I've had multiple serious talks with him, and at one point I even put all of the stuff he had at my apt in a box and told him we're done if we don't work on these issues. He always acts like he's on board and goes back to his usual habits.
Now, my real problems are twofold: A) Do I wait until after Valentine's Day to dump him, and how long? B) How do I deal with being completely alone afterwards? I have no friends or family.
It's worth noting, he's an incredibly sweet and devoted guy. He would be the perfect partner if he could get his fucking act together. At this point, I don't even want a new man, I just want a version of him that doesn't act like a manchild but...I don't think it's going to happen.
He needs to know how much you are lacking. Perhaps give him an ultimatum.
Nolan Martinez
Did you miss the part where I put all of his shit in a box
Tyler Murphy
>no friends or family You have no friends at all? Not even work friends? Did your entire family die in a fire? I find it hard to believe you have absolutely no one. Do you at least have your own place, or the ability to get your own place? If not I think you’re stuck with this chucklefuck unless you want to be homeless
To be honest with you though, he is never going to change. If he’s tried and failed time and again it’s just going to keep happening. So either cut your losses and start looking for someone that isn’t a manchild or accept your sad eternal fate
Juan Morris
If you want my entire life story: Mom's racist and gave me bruises as a kid+guilt tripped me for getting CPS involved, Dad is also racist and denied me shelter when I was getting evicted to please my stepmom, brother physically/verbally hurt me for my whole childhood and is ALSO racist, sister cut me off when I got too impatient/angry when she wouldn't dump her abusive shitbag ex and come stay with me.
Friends from youth all went to college and stopped talking to me. I couldn't afford college, I had to work. I haven't made friends at work either because, well, I'm not that charismatic or good of a person. I'm honestly kind of a shitbag myself.
After this relationship I plan to work on myself so I can meet my own high standards, because I know I'm not cool or mentally balanced enough to attract fine ass dudes such as "The guy who actually loves eating women out" or "the guy who doesn't have maggots in his sink bc he does the dishes" or "the guy who would punch a Nazi"
Alexander Cook
It's hard to change a guy's habits. If he's sweet and devoted, then don't be a jerk and dump him on Valentine's day just to spite him. That said, you're not his mom, and he should share equally in his responsibilities.
>ultimatum Either do this or try changing his habits together. Instead of telling him: "Go do the house" like his mom would do. Tell him: "It's monday, you vacume, I mop." So you'll be teaching him new habits and he knows what's expected of him. "Take care of the house" is too vague.
As for the bedroom stuff, I can't really help you there.
Colton Martinez
Yeah, ultimatums won't work, and neither does sharing the labor. On the nights that I stay at his place, I've actually volunteered to dry+put away all the dishes he washes and play music for him so it's more pleasant. It just doesn't work. He's still miserable the whole time.
So yeah, we are in agreement that dumping him on Valentine's day is bad. But how long after Valentine's should I wait? Should I wait until March?
Adam Powell
I love eating out girls yet never keep up my boner. It goes down in seconds once I start. That shit is work and needs focus. I can either focus on the vagina or keeping my dick hard. Not both. Doesnt mean I'm not turned on. The other things you name are valid complaints but that thing is not.
Bentley Hill
hey so uh what does valentine's day have to do with anything
he sounds like a real shitbag and I'd dump him tomorrow
Gabriel Torres
>mom dad and brother are racist are you a different race or something? why does this matter
Josiah Jenkins
For me it's the opposite where I usually go down on a girl if/when my dick isn't fully hard yet. I also just like doing it even when I'm hard. Every guy is different and reacts different to eating pussy I guess.
Andrew Gutierrez
not her but likely she dated an ethnic guy and then her family cut her off for being a race traitor. It's unfortunately common.
Xavier Williams
maybe he's not attracted to you
Lucas Collins
Exactly. I really need the physical stimulation. Like I get kinda hard without it but it goes down without any aid. Whatever works. I find it ridiculous when women expect us to be always at 100% and ready for sex.
Nathaniel Gonzalez
>I find it ridiculous when women expect us to be always at 100% and ready for sex.
That's hardly what the thread is about though
John Stewart
The hard part is that he isn't a shitbag. He has endless patience and takes care of me. He leaves me snacks and listens to my problems and plans surprises. It's just that he's fatigued all the time, and he's so wrecked after work he doesn't have any energy left to clean. The bedroom stuff is shitty though. I don't think he's an asshole for having the problems that he does, but I've also lost hope of it ever getting better. I've waited for years and it's just not getting better.
I care because I'm not going to cozy up to people who are actively making the world a darker place. My mom, for one, complains about immigrants having "anchor babies" and she delivers babies for a living? You think those immigrant moms are getting good care from her? Fuck no. She's evil.
So, like, is the consensus from this thread that I wait until March, or....? The weird thing about this breakup is that I'm not actively unhappy bc I'm being mistreated, I'm just sad/anxious all the time because I know I don't want to end up marrying him but being with him day-to-day is still, more or less, comfortable. I just know that it has to end someday.
Benjamin Ross
>He has endless patience and takes care of me. He leaves me snacks and listens to my problems and plans surprises. It's just that he's fatigued all the time, and he's so wrecked after work he doesn't have any energy left to clean. It sounds like your boyfriend is not the asshole here
Isaiah Wilson
Never settle for a guy who can't keep his place clean. They never change, and you'll be forced to choose between being his maid, or living in filth. And he's lazy and selfish in bed too... just leave. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't lazy sacks of shit.
Alexander Torres
>I've had multiple serious talks with him, and at one point I even put all of the stuff he had at my apt in a box and told him we're done if we don't work on these issues. He always acts like he's on board and goes back to his usual habits.
That's what I saw as shitbag behavior. Guys who swear they can change babe, this time for real.
Jason Long
I am also fatigued and wrecked after work, you see, but I'm not prepared to do chores after work for TWO people instead of myself. If I'm going to move in with someone in the future, which I want to do at some point, it HAS to be someone who's gonna pull their own weight.
I don't think I'm an asshole for having that standard. I also don't think he's an asshole for failing to meet that standard. Nobody has to be the asshole here.
Ayden Jenkins
Oh, if you both work, then that's a very different story.
Joseph Hernandez
Being a black man myself i can tell op is a white girl dating a black man
Henry Wilson
Oh shut the fuck up, we're both white. You don't have to be dating POC to cut off racist parents. Especially if your mom made you go to Trump Tower and seemed like she was visibly getting off as she asked the security guard if "the Donald" was there that day. I hate her so fucking much
Dominic Adams
What? how is supporting trump being racist? is this entire thread bait?
Matthew King
kek, your family is based and redpilled. Your mom is right. Not common enough
Aiden Rivera
>POC Go back to tumblr Some of the more unhinged lefties actually think MAGA hats are a hate symbol, no joke. The more mundane "closed-mindedness", like "I don't want X in my house" is common among the so-called extreme right, but if you want total mental vitriol towards opposing views, that pure, unadulterated hatred blacker than the devil's asshole, look no further than screeching leftist evaluating anything outside their dogma.
So yeah, I can definitely believe this thread is real. I hope it's bait, but the possibility is there that it isn't.
Adam Flores
He will never change Make a tinder and start looking for guys Start looking for roommates online
Jaxon Baker
Did you even agree these chores need to be done at that point in time, or is it just you who thinks they need to be?
Also, a lot of people dont share the exact same sexual preferences. Don't expect him to show great enthusiasm for using his fingers/tongue if he hasn't already.
Jeremiah Cruz
you ought to actually kill yourself more and more every day
Parker Jenkins
how tolerant
Alexander Morris
everybody has their inherent threshold for when things become too messy. his is lower than yours he can't change his anymore than you can change yours if you tell him you're not being satisfied sexually, he should respond
Jonathan Perry
>I care because I'm not going to cozy up to people who are actively making the world a darker place. My mom, for one, complains about immigrants having "anchor babies" and she delivers babies for a living? You think those immigrant moms are getting good care from her? Fuck no. She's evil.
lol, this is such a female thinking process (the black and white moralization, demonization, alienation). I respect your views because it's clear you've been hurt and I can empathize with that but this is really silly shit. Politics is cancer, just stay away from it, you are not the type of person who can deal with that radioactive waste properly.
Blake Morales
You're all too busy defending my dirtbag family members (who have abused me in different ways even if I WAS willing to ignore their racism) to give me advice on whether I should wait until after Valentines to dump my boyfriend
Christian Ramirez
>Literally Hitler says something stupid >People get annoyed at it >"Wah, why are people mean to me on Jow Forums?" Actually kill yourself; you're not Peanut Beater levels of autism, but you're close enough where death is your best option.
Kevin Thompson
You clearly want to dump him. Why do you need to wait till after Valentines day? Are you so insecure about being alone on Valentines that you're going to drag him along just so you don't have to be alone that day?
Dylan Russell
No, I love him and want him to be happy some day after he gets over me. I don't want him to have horrible memories around Valentine's Day, because that will hurt other relationships he has further down the line.
Eli Roberts
I mean as long as you don't break up with him on Valentines or the day right before or after then I think you're in the clear.
Other than that maybe you should suggest he go to therapy or something. Maybe he has some mental issues going on causing his laziness, and unwillingness to take initiative in bed. Have you asked him about this?
Christopher Murphy
He's been officially diagnosed with depression, but he's said there's no way in Hell he can afford a therapist. Even if he did see a therapist, and it helped with certain things, a shrink can't magically convince him to like the taste of pussy.
As an aside, I am also diagnosed with depression, but you don't see that stopping me from keeping my kitchen free of mold
Carter Perry
I'd say look into options for a therapist. Maybe there are cheaper options out there that you two just aren't aware of. Possibly trying medication as it will be cheaper than a shrink.
Did he tell you that he doesn't like eating you out? Or is that something you're inferring from his lack of enthusiasm?
Depression affects people in different ways. I have it too, and it definitely contributes to my cleaning procrastination.
Gavin Butler
> I love him Yea? It sounded more like you want to break up over him not cleaning up when he's tired, and sex that isn't good enough.
Maybe he loves you, not so sure the other way around.
> that will hurt other relationships he has further down the line It might either way. You think it's safer to end a relationship after valentine's day somehow? It's probably not.
Well, regardless what I think of this affair - if you can't take it anymore, end it. Don't add the insult to "plan" it with a schedule.
Noah Davis
Yeah, he's said he doesn't like it. Even if I threaten to stop giving him blowjobs, he doesn't care. There's no way I can negotiate with him about sex because I'm coming from a place of weakness - my libido is way stronger than his is. He doesn't seem to care that much about fucking, and he's turned off when I initiate a lot of the time. So I have to wear my best underwear and hope he notices me on any given night. I can't demand this or that because I'm mostly just feel lucky when we do have sex.
Xavier Richardson
Some people just don't give a shit about cleanliness, and if it is a deal breaker then leave. Though I suspect he just isn't that attracted to you and doesn't really care all that much whether or not you are a long term thing.
Carson Young
It's less that he isn't attracted to me and more that his libido is pretty low. He definitely wants me around forever and loves me a lot - but mostly as a person to cuddle with and pamper with food. If I stopped having sex with him altogether, he might be a little upset, but if I stopped playing with his hair or spooning with him, he'd be absolutely gutted
Ethan Garcia
> but you don't see that stopping me from keeping my kitchen free of mold I bet he doesn't eat the mold either? It probably works fine.
Maybe you're less tired and more bored than him and feel a lot more like removing mold rather than resting.
Brody Campbell
Have you considered simply asking him if you can fuck some other guys 'cause you can't take all that pent up sexual frustration and differences in fetishes?
Ethan Roberts
>He definitely wants me around forever and loves me a lot And you know this how? Because he says so? If I could keep some bitch around by giving her hohos every once in a while and cuddling I would. Sex is sex. Or are you some kind of irresistible sex bomb or something?
Colton Rogers
Oh, he would really upset if I fucked other dudes. He might even kill me. He has a weird "I might not be fucking you but don't you dare fuck anyone else" mentality
Even if he has good reasons to feel tired, that doesn't make him more of a suitable long-term partner. It's not going to make me feel less stifled and sexually frustrated if we end up living together.
He doesn't have to be the "bad guy" to be the wrong person to spend the rest of my life with.
Colton Sullivan
Mismatched libidos can be rough. I'm definitely an at least once a day kind of person myself, so I get where you're coming from.
Also from the way you describe it I can tell that you're putting yourself down because he doesn't want to have sex.
Let's be real. He's attracted to you. He wouldn't be dating you if he wasn't attracted to you. When you're trying to get him in the mood and it's not working it doesn't mean you're not attractive. It just means he isn't in the mood for it, and that's okay. Sex is super important in a relationship however, so you need to figure out if it's a deal breaker for you or not.
Honestly I was in a similar situation as your boyfriend a few months ago. My ex left me, and moved out, so I kind of got my act together while she was gone because I had to. I was living alone then. You leaving him probably won't spark any change with his cleanliness though because he's living alone currently.
Thomas Foster
> Oh, he would really upset if I fucked other dudes. He might even kill me. While I'd suggest to verbally make yourself clear anyhow for fairness' sake, it sounds like you might as well leave now.
Probably could find someone who lets you have more sex.
John Lee
I didn't say anything stupid, though. I said something you didn't agree with, which is not the same thing (and I could probably argue on the basis of your reaction here that it's closer to the opposite, that you getting pissed speaks to its merit).
Also, nice job making this about me when I never complained about my own treatment. I don't particularly care. But seeing how assblasted the self-proclaimed 'tolerant' left can get, that's a subject of interest.
Jayden Cooper
>ultimatum
The bad thing about ultimatums is that they work both ways. Now OP knows that can't trust her slog of a bf for nothing, because he already returned to his old habits after assuring he would change. On the other hand slog bf now feels less pressured to try to improve due to the fact that the multiple menaces to leave him never concretized.
Joshua Howard
Get the outta my thread you fucktard the adults are talking
I hope I end up dating a dude who beats your ass at a protest
Angel Evans
Make me, you worthless whore. >I hope I end up dating a dude who beats your ass at a protest Kek. Normally I'd be unconcerned given the typical leftist male, but I think you're capable of jumping on enough dicks in a row to find one who actually can hold his own in a fight.
Good luck finding me, though; I'm behind 7 proxies
