I've been interested in my current boyfriend for years. I was in a toxic relationship at the time, which lasted 3 years. My ex-boyfriend sexually harassed me (though it was also my fault, I was paralyzed and terrified and didn't say "no" the first times), but apart from that, he was a nice guy. They (my ex and my bf) were friends. We chatted in a group chat. My current boyfriend has never had an interest in me. I felt guilty for the fact that I had a crush on him. I never filtered with him, I tried to fix my relationship and be in love with my ex boyfriend. I put an end to the harassment. Everything got better thank to my commitment. I was trying to convince myself that I loved my ex. however, even if I repressed it, felt something for my current boyfriend. I was hoping my current boyfriend would notice me, but he never did. I have always been clinically depressed, I'm really insecure and I have many other problems I will not talk about. I have always been shy, and I could make friends with others only through my ex. In the end, my depression got worse and I left my ex. I almost died. My boyfriend helped me, and I got better. He finally fell in love with me. We got together. However, I'm now ruining everything. I'm not on his level. He is fantastic. It is intelligent, charismatic, sweet, caring and beautiful. Everything you could wish for. I'm his first gf, and he seems to be really in love. However, here I am. A ill scumbag. I'm just a mess. Mediocre and mentally unstable, a burden on the shoulders. Not even phisically decent. He won't just admit it. I know he thinks this about me. I know he's lying. If he doesn't, he will in the future. He has high standard, and I'm pure shit. He will meet healthy and beautiful girls, and he will abandon me, or he will betray me.
I always feel intimidated. I know that if I did something wrong, or if he knew me and saw better, he would feel disgusted. I can't talk to him without this anxiety. I often talk with my ex (he doesn't love me anymore) because he is the last friend left to me. I have social anxiety and can't talk to anyone I don't already know. He's pretty much on my level and I don't feel the need to be appreciated by him. However, my bf is pretty jealous and feels ignored if i don't reply in 20 mins. If I don't talk to him, he feels that way. If I talk to him, he conplains about that and I can't speak with him without anxiety. Either way, he doesn't feel loved, and it's all my fault. I just don't know what to do. I'm terrified and can't sleep anymore.
Sorry about the long post. Inb4 >you are a slut Yup, I already know that and I'm ashamed of it.
Chase Myers
Break up and fix yourself before you drag others down with you. This is what we tell males in our society and females are sheltered from these harsh advices for a lot of reasons. Doesn't mean it still applies.
Dylan Brown
It still applies*, sorry I'm quite tired.
Oliver Johnson
I told him about a break (a real one) to fix me and get back together. However, I believe it would take some time. If we break up, I would hurt him. I'm already hurting him now. The only way to get out of it is for me to get better, but I'm not succeeding and I'm dragging him into my shit.
Ryan White
Who says that if you take a break and fix yourself you'll get back together? Maybe fixing yourself means moving to alaska and having intercourse with wolves, if that's what it takes. >The only way to get out of it is for me to get better, but I'm not succeeding and I'm dragging him into my shit. Try again weakling and succeed this time. Otherwise just give up and kill yourself already. If you're not ready to be brutal to life, that's fine. But you can't stop life being brutal to you.
Jaxon Scott
We'll get back together because otherwise he would be sad. And I'm going to make him happy. The point is, how do I get better? Just doing it? I'm not a weakling and I will succeed. It takes time by the way, and I don't want him to be hurt while I'm getting there.
Elijah Cox
>We'll get back together because otherwise he would be sad. And I'm going to make him happy. Seems like a pipedream but who am I to judge others peoples dreams. >The point is, how do I get better? Just doing it? Not sure, maybe you never will fully recover, the point is you should keep trying. >I'm not a weakling and I will succeed. It takes time by the way, and I don't want him to be hurt while I'm getting there. He's already hurting, so just keep being weak and selfish because clearly you dont care enough to actually face your own real problems yourself before jumping into disfunctional relationships.
Adrian Johnson
Learn to love yourself before someone else
Carter Adams
>My ex-boyfriend sexually harassed me >but apart from that, he was a nice guy Hey that sounds like my uncle, he'd fuck me in the ass when I was 14 but he was ok otherwise >it was also my fault Sexual abuse is NEVER the victim's fault. You didn't ask for it, nobody does >He won't just admit it Have you given the thought to the fact he doesn't think that? He's with you, not with someone else. Stop thinking about useless what ifs and just accept the fact he loves you. Love sees no beauty nor ugliness or other shit like that, if he's with you even with your problems appreciate him and make him a statue or something, don't just go think he'll randomly leaves you >he doesn't love me anymore Bullshit, if you broke up with him and he still talks to you either he's still in love or you're leading him >feels ignored if i don't reply in 20 mins. Do you have any good reason for not answering him in 20 minutes? Having someone wait that long during a conversation is pretty fucking rude, that's not even jealousy related >If I don't talk to him, he feels that way. If I talk to him, he conplains about that and I can't speak with him without anxiety What? >I just don't know what to do. Literally just make him feel loved. Show him you're working on your issues, bring him on a date, do shit together and don't fucking ignore him >>you are a slut Why would you even be one? >otherwise he would be sad Not because you love each other? Christ >how do I get better? Different ways, get out of your comfort zone and get used to it or ask for professional help >I don't want him to be hurt while I'm getting there The longer you wait, the longer it takes. The longer it takes, the more hurt he gets. Leaving him won't change shit, you'll lose your reason to improve and since he loves you he'll hurt anyway, just without someone on his side to make him feel better
Ethan Evans
Hey I’m in a similar situation. I was in a violent relationship and after I got out I started dating a really nice, smart and charismatic guy. I’m still feeling a lot of self doubt and fear of rejection. But I’ve been working on it and it gets better. If you truly love this boy and want to be with him, make it happen. Your self doubt will only sabotage the relationship. If you don’t think you’re good enough, BE GOOD ENOUGH. Work on yourself. Eat well, get a job if you don’t have one, exercise, practice being a good person by trying to empathise with other people before you act. Educate yourself, learn new things. If you want a life with this person you must aspire to live at his level. You also need to trust that he is into you. If he wasn’t, he simply wouldn’t be there. I understand you are depressed and dealing with trauma, you need to embrace your life and ensure that you are fit and healthy so you can move on in a healthy way instead of letting it stew in your mind and becoming all of this fear and irrational thought that you are experiencing
Angel Phillips
>My ex bf raped me constantly, apart from that he was a nice guy
Audibly kek'd, women, not even once!
Robert Murphy
I was your current gf once. Keep it up and he will dump you. Dont expect him to fix your shit or be able to deal with your fucked up mind. Seek professional help. It's not fair for both of you.
Eli Carter
I can’t even read that shit. Learn to write paragraphs.
Luke Perez
Your problem is that you hate yourself and this impacts your self-confidence to the point you cannot be open with people.
You engaged in sexual activity with someone, because you never told them you didn't want to. You don't tell yoir boyfriend the extent of your issues because you feel your problems don't matter and are burdensome. It wouldn't shock me at all if the reason you have no friends and cannot make more is because you cut contact with them thinking yourself a burden when they like you.
You need to love yourself and consider your needs important too, you need to actually tell people about your problems instead of bottling them up cauaing more hurt down the road. Instead of a break see a psychiatrist, you badly need to start some sort of treatment. If you take a break you will just resort to your old ways, because there is nothing to motivate you to stop ruining your own life with your self-esteem issues.
William Richardson
Don't break with him, it won't bring you anything and actually worsen your problems. Talk with a therapist instead
Thomas Brooks
>My ex-boyfriend sexually harassed me, but apart from that, he was a nice guy. what the fuck is wrong with you
Lincoln Fisher
You not stable for a relationship at the moment and your current bf doesnt seem interested you enough to reassure you otherwise. If you have such deep premonitions about the guy then you should probably break off the fact that you dont is because you cant stand the fact being by yourself.
Christopher Howard
>your current bf doesnt seem interested you enough to reassure you otherwise She barely talked about her bf tho, so I don't know how you got that idea
Ryan Gray
>Having someone wait that long during a conversation is pretty fucking rude, that's not even jealousy related people got things to do wtf. clingy motherfuckers are pathetic
Gabriel Gomez
you dont even love your current bf kek
Liam Richardson
I'm talking about ignoring out of the blue, she didn't gave enough details so I'm just making assumptions
Charles Gutierrez
if the girl is that insecure about herself and constantly thinks about the guy moving on someday its pretty clear that the guy isnt serious about it. I have been with mistly insecure girls in the past and all it takes is to hang out with them, listen to them when they need you and make them feel loved. Thats it.
Juan Sullivan
>My ex-boyfriend sexually harassed me (though it was also my fault, I was paralyzed and terrified and didn't say "no" the first times), but apart from that, he was a nice guy. Yeah yeah le me too. You thots yell sexual harassment in every occasion.
Liam Morgan
>My ex-boyfriend sexually harassed me (though it was also my fault, I was paralyzed and terrified and didn't say "no" the first times), but apart from that, he was a nice guy. What. What is wrong with you? Why.
Matthew Morris
How about putting the same commitment you put with the ex you didn't love in your current relationship?
Daniel Garcia
>However, my bf is pretty jealous and feels ignored if i don't reply in 20 mins.
Wtf there is no fucking trust going on in this garbage relationship of yours abort now and try to love yourself before you wreck yourself.
Ryan Morgan
You can't love another person until you learn to love yourself.
Juan Cook
False, you can learn to love yourself by loving someone else
Blake Rivera
This is why we have unstable kids because fuckers like you who think you can jump into a relationship with tons of personal problems around. If you dont even know yourself then you dont know what you truly want and if you still feel this miserable despite being in a relationship then there is no point.
Jordan Lewis
What happened to your ex you broke up with?
Justin Martinez
Talk to a therapist, and try to develop a healthy self-image. You seem to have a lot of hate that you direct towards yourself, and this isn't good.
Also, you need to understand that your ex's actions are not your fault. He was predatory, and took advantage of your passivity, using it as a justification for his actions.
