Getting over it

I was in a relationship with a girl my junior and senior year of high school, so about 5-6 years ago. We dated just shy of a year and she my first everything. First love, first sex, first future plans, first "real" girlfriend.

She dumped me about a month before prom on the grounds of, "wanting to find herself" and "never knowing what it was like to be single." This was obviously just an excuse to break up so she can start fucking other people. This isn't speculation either, two days after she dumped me she had sex with some other dude.

I was obviously heartbroken, but I tried my best to get over it in every way imaginable. I beat up some trees with a stick to take out my anger, I talked to friends and family for advice, I tried to let time do it's thing and work my way through the stages of grief, but nothing was working. Hell, I even went to therapy for it and a couple other reasons that arose from the breakup, but it didn't help all that much.

As time passed I started to accept everything and truly begin the process of healing,but a few years after the breakup I found out she was engaged. That definitely sucked and set me back quite a bit, even though I never admitted it.

More years passed and I started to grow more depressed because of a few other events in my life. I did some outpatient therapy and when I completed it I met another girl who absolutely mad me forget about my ex, or so I thought. Everything was going super smoothly and we eve exchanged promise rings and cheesy shit like that. I absolutely fell head over heels for this new girl.

Now keep in mind that at this point I hadn't even seen my ex in a number of years and I had no clue where she was living or what she was doing or anything. As fate would have it though, I pulled up to a stoplight in the downtown area of a neighboring city only for my ex to pull up right next to me.

Continued below.

Attached: deathgrips-1514048363209-547.jpg (1920x1080, 245K)

Continued

I don't think she noticed me, as we didn't exchange any indication of each other's existence, but my current girlfriend noticed me looking at the car next to us. I told her I thought I recognized the driver and we left it at that.

This absolutely set me back to square one. I feel like she dumped me yesterday and all of those feelings have resurfaced. I don't want this to affect my current relationship as it has affected all of my past ones and made things shitty.

So how the fuck do I get over this girl who's been plaguing me for so many years? I'm am so fucking ready to detach myself from all of this and move on with my life.

Your current gf is not at fault here and shouldn't suffer because of your problems.
Your problems, however, are deep and somewhat unhealthy. Try to make yourself understand that this ex is another person now and you just feed off memories and being delusional.

Oh I know my current girlfriend has nothing to do with this and I acknowledge that it's my own deep-seated issues at hand here. I can intellectually understand that my ex is doing her own thing and I am doing mine, but I assume that I just can 't emotionally accept it. I can even admit that I see the old relationship through rose colored glasses and there were a lot of mistakes made on both sides, but I keep comparing her to every girl I get even remotely close to. As a result, I feel like I am ruining my current relationship because of my own emotionally retarded brain.

I feel for you, mate. Maybe you should try to focus your brain on something unrelated to the previous relationships at all and try to make new memories with a new girl? Like, travel somewhere, scuba diving, go skiing, idk, anything to externally ease your mind.

I've tried something like that, but the issue with focusing on stuff that happened before is, I don't have too many things to focus on. All of the stuff I did before was on my own and all of my co-ed experiences started with that girl. When I started to do new stuff with new girls, an imaginary version of my ex was with me doing those things in my head, even though we never actually did any of it. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's as good as I could word it.

Damn. I fear that maybe soon I'll be somewhat similar and your story frightens me a little. I'm sorry for being unable to help, but I sincerely hope that you will find your solution someday. Maybe you need to talk about with somebody, who is close to you - but probably not a current gf, because it would most definitely make her sad and self-blaming. However, you should be honest, if she asks something about this and your behaviour.

Actually I was just thinking about that. We are actually texting right now about what we need to do to get our relationship back to 100% like it used to be, and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to spill all the beans. I'm not ready for the relationship to end yet as we made a whole lot of plans for our future. I guess we will see what happens, my dude. Thanks for the effort though! I really appreciate it.

I hope for the best for you! Try to be open and honest with your girl, tell her the same as you told me. She will understand, if she is a good person, but don't forget that you'll probably have to work on yourself for these relationships. Maybe this will even help you with your trauma - slow and steady co-ed work, I mean.

I hope so dude. If it works then it works, but if not I'm sure you'll see me back here!