>playing the martyr part by complaining about the efforts and pain, not noticing my commitment and my pain just because I avoid making him notice and making him feel bad >constantly complaining about the fact that I do not commit myself to improve the situation, even if I do so >"you should do this because I'm sick" (no matter how I feel, even if it's about having friends or private space) >answering "yes you really did... kek" to sentences like "I did this wrong lol" (for example) making me feel even worse about it >lying to me, from small to important things >morbid attachment (24/7 call, "you ghosted me, I feel ignored" if I don0t reply within few minutes >no trust in me >focusing only on my mistakes, telling me what I should do and complaining about them >"I feel less loved" because I feel insignificant and he contributes to it and I can not talk to him without fear of being hurt >telling friends about my problems and personal trauma without asking me first >telling people our discussions by highlighting some parts and cutting others to make me wrong >answering me in a sour and offensive way here on Jow Forums trying not to be recognized >"do not claim respect from me if your ex (who I left for this reason) has not respected you" >"I don't want to break up because I'd be sick, it does not matter if you're sick while we're together."
I feel like being toyed with, no matter how much I do love him.
Dear femanon, your post is painful to read. Other than that, what advice are you seeking?
Isaiah Gomez
Ikr, I put it to be complicated How to make him love me genuinely to be honest This shit hurts
Kevin Taylor
too complicated* lmao
Nathaniel Long
Have you even thought that maybe he genuinely loves you, but he's still toxic for you?
Asher Gray
If there's something I know is that relationship issues are rarely one sided. Do some self-analysis and report back
Matthew Rogers
wtf is even going on? can you give me a quick round down pls and first and foremost why do you think your bf replied to your thread here? could have just been some random user. i feel like you got a small case of paranoia. where do you come from? (curiosity)
Ryan Howard
Hi honey Round down? I know he replied because I asked him and he said "yes", simple as that
Josiah Walker
sry i meant run down. like a quick summary on wtf is going on. also someone could have just said yes to troll ya
Benjamin Sanders
I've got a lot of issues too, and I want to solve them by myself. I don't want to drag anyone into my problems and make him suffer, but I do not want any other problems from him or to have mine worsened either
James Price
>Hi honey
Hi to you too femanon, l was serious too
Dylan Hill
*Tho
Jaxson Gomez
Are you still in touch with your bf? Are you still in touch with your ex?
Robert James
If he loves you it's a given that he'll suffer for your issues, same goes for you. You're a couple, you work on things together. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor will your issues be solved like that. What kind of issues do you both have? Have you considered couple therapy?
Kevin Price
FUCK YOU
Jason Williams
I'v got many issues I'm trying to solve, he complains about them, but on the other he doesn't seem to love me for real, I love him but I want to be respected and loved too and I don't know what to do I'm from Italy by the way, sorry if my english is really bad, I'm pretty nervous too right now I asked him through a PM Sorry user, I'm being paranoid and believed you were him By the way, I don't really know The fact is that my mental health is getting worse due to this situation and I can't accept it anymore
Thomas Lewis
We all anonymous here could you pls share with us what those problems are? I think the best for you is to tske a break. Not talk with your bf for a while. If its affection and love that you need you dont. At first the anxiety will feel like hell but try to find someone yiu can talk with it will help you. Get thersoy if you can if not talk to a friend you can trust.
Jeremiah Foster
Yes Yes I perfectly agree with you, but the fact is that he acts like everything is up to me, the only problems that bring the relationship down are only mine, I'm doing nothing about it and he's the only suffering Couple therapy could be a solution but right now he's in another country
Nathan Ross
Chances are he isn't going to change. And probably shouldnt. Some people mix like oil and water. Breaking up would be healthiest. It's better to be alone than to be miserable with someone. Best advice you're gonna get.
Gabriel Long
He usually replies to my posts, and I often can tell when it's him We broke up by the way, and I'm going to therapy
Jose Mitchell
>Sorry user, I'm being paranoid and believed you were him >By the way, I don't really know >The fact is that my mental health is getting worse due to this situation and I can't accept it anymore
But I wasn't defending him, what I was trying to tell you is that he can love you while still being a toxic presence in your life. My advice is to leave him if he makes you feel bad, love by itself isn't always enough, and there are things that you cannot simply change in another person without changing the person himself.
A parte questo, sono italiano anch'io anonetta, buona fortuna per tutto
Benjamin Myers
As far as I understand from your post you both are at fault. Listen to me Anonette. Wall of text but yea.
I don't know what happened in your relationship but, speaking from my own experience (which is quite a lot actually), there are problems in a relationship that are perceived as such only by one of the two an vice versa with other issues. Recent example as follows:
My SO (me M and she F) had a guy trying to pick her up with lines etc and she didn't notice it and basically ignored him. She didn't tell me about it because she didn't feel it was a problem since she just ignored it completely. But I found out by seeing some messages (to which she didn't reply) by him trying his way to her again. I got angry at her for not blocking him from social medias and for not telling me and we didn't talk for days. Then after a whole year the same guy messaged again and once again she ignored him. She didn't tell me, again, and not even blocked him yet. We almost broke up because I felt joked upon but she genuinely didn't give a single fuck about that guy. Point is, I felt that as a greater problem than she did, and there are other instances of the opposite, where she felt things were much more heavier than I perceived them.
What I want to say is that there are things you consider important problems that he doesnt, and there are things that you don't feel like problems while they are to him.
If you love each other truly, and I hope so because love is wonderful, please consider analizing the whole situation not only from your point of view, and if he's available, talk with him about all of it. Express BOTH of you all of your concerns without fear of hurting each other, without paranoia, without the fear of feeling guilty of anything, without secrets that are toxic to a relationship.
Also if he told his/yours (I didn't get that part sorry) friends about your personal problems, to me it only shows that he cares about you and your wellbeing.
Jackson Russell
Have you ever given him any proof that you're working on your problems? Like, things overall improving. Also, you said that you avoid making him notice your commitment, so I don't really get what you're expecting him to do, read your mind perhaps? Why do you still talk with your ex? Anyway if you really love him that much I suggest couple therapy as soon as possible, it does miracles
Bentley Bailey
You can't make someone love you and you can't make someone be honest. All you can do is put yourself out there and hope that they meet you half way. If you can bring yourself to do that and they don't reciprocate then it is what it is and you should move on.
Jaxson Bennett
It hurts a lot because I love him, but maybe breaking up is the best solution and I should just accept it I know you weren't and I totally understand your point of view, I was focusing on the fact I feel bad even if (maybe) the feelings are true. We do have a lot of individual problems to face, and I believe that trying to fix them together, in some cases, is just bad I love him as he is, I don't want him to chnge, but some things just don't seem to work
Grazie mille user, ti ringrazio dei consigli
Yup, we totally give different importance to different problems, which is something that I think happens to all couples, more or less But I believe that seeing things in different ways is okay, if it's not too stressful, but the solution of them comes from both of the two parts I'm working on my depression and my issues, I'm giving my best, it hurts both of us, but it's ok. I just want my commitment to be recognized. He has depression too. He isn't the only one suffering from this. I want him to work on his problems (which he has) and not only complain about mine. If he thinks I'm shit and we can't stay together because he's better than me, I'm okay with that. But I'm not okay about being treated by inferior. We are a couple, we should share happiness and pain together. I'm probably talking to him, when both of us will get better.
I hope your relathionship is going well, hope you the best user
Logan Cox
What problems does he have? Considered he could actually be trying to keep the boat afloat no matter what he's going through, and that you're the one trying to sink it instead?
Nathaniel Gutierrez
Holy shit use a spell check for fuck's sake. It's like reading an Ikea catalogue.
Ian Ramirez
Yes, I tried to get better. Obviously there are relapses, but it's okay. Simply, things you see as problems (do not answer right away, have friends and private space) are not for me, and I want to be respected. We are on call 24/7, I need my private space and to talk with my friends (I'm socially anxious tho so this would help) without scenes of jealousy.
I talk to my ex because we are friends. We have put aside the past and have many friends in common.
Julian Perry
Sorry, you are right and I'll do it next time, too nervous at the moment However, I believe it's still understandable, so whatever
Oliver Lewis
[Sorry I don't know how to quote yet]
My relationship is going great thanks, we have a few argues here and there but we've been together more than 4 years now. As for you, the only thing that comes to my mind with him complaining about you is that MAYBE (as you said he has depression too) he sees you as the strong one in the couple and he'd like to have a solid rock to hard when falling down the cliff, but maybe I'm just comparing it to other couples I know. But best advice, believe me, is always to dialogue to the maximum extent that you both can reach. If dialogue doesn't seem to be an available option (there may be many causes for it, like anger or dishonesty etc but for each their own) then you need a pause and eventually a break up. But love is complicated and so are relationships. And don't forget that having others involved to help is not necessarily bad, talk to your friends, talk to his friends, as much as you can bear without it being negative. There's no point in stressing over, do what you can without exhausting yourself, keep your energy under control. I'll be around here replying for a little longer if you reply but just in case, wish you good luck, wish you can overcome this and, if it's the best thing for both, i wish you can make it together
Luis Hall
I'm not talking about trying to get better or not, but rather showing him that you did. Can you tell me what do you mean by private space? And about your friends, have you tried including him in your group? Or maybe just asking him if he wanted to be friend with them too 24/7 calls sound pretty bad though, why do you do it? At last, how does your bf feel about the ex? I could easily see this being ground for lots of issues, mostly insecurities from his side
Samuel Foster
every time >bf is so insecure snd doesn't trust me!! >of course i talk to my ex! we're just friends!
you both probably need to get out of this relationship. neither of you sound emotionally stable or mature enough. it seems like you think he's entirely at fault but are clearly leaving out details too. it's more likely that the main problem is that neither of you are communicating sufficiently. have you tried telling him 90% of the things you put in the OP?
