Why does this still keep bothering me?

I’ve been in a relationship for 8 months now and it has been great so far. Although there’s something that bothers me a lot. When my boyfriend goes out with his friends for example he doesn’t tell me beforehand, for example when I’ve messaged him he messages me back 4 hours later and says ‘Oh hey, was out with some friends’, I’ve confronted him about this because it really upset me, if he actually told me he won’t be available for some hours instead of letting me ‘wait’ and coming back and act so chill about it. He said he wasn’t going to do it again but he kept doing it and each time he was really sorry when I confronted him about it again and again, I told him that I’ll just give up on it and accept it.

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>I told him that I’ll just give up on it and accept it.
You told him that, men are forward creatures. He will continue to do so because you told him that you will accept it. Yet here you are.

Do you tell him every time you go out to set an example?

are you his mom? You dont need to know where he is at all times.

Shock horror that people have lives outside their relationships.

So next time he does it again I just have to confront him about it? And yes, I do tell him if I go out somewhere and I’ll be unavailable for some time.

You’re missing the point, I don’t like it when he doesn’t let me know he’ll be unavailable for a long period of time. Of course I don’t have to know every place he goes to and that would be very controlling of me to do so.

Also, I told him that because I didn’t wanna be annoying confronting him all the time about it.

You either accept that you will be annoying him or accept you being uncomfortable with it. Tell him that you have trust issues and you need some trust building, and that just a "im going to see the boys see ya" message is allright. Tell that you're worried about him and that him going missing automatically redirects to you thinking something bad is happening and he's in trouble. If neither of these are the case, just thoroughly think about what is bothering you about it, then tell him everything in detail. Don't outright blame him for doing something "wrong", give him a solid reason why you're not comfortable so he can remember it.

Not him, but it's the same thing to guys. No guy wants to have to text his girl every time he's about to go hang out. It's controlling.
Send him a text or leave a message and he will get back when hes available. You have to learn to manage your emotions.

4 hours is not a long period of time.

If he goes a more than 2 days without contact then sure.

and even then, 2 days is still not that long.

The thing that bothers me, is that he also immediately gives an ‘excuse’ for it whej I confront him about it, which I also told him. Told him that a single message that he’s going out and that he won’t be available for some time for example is alright but he doesn’t even bothers to do that even if it doesn’t take up more than 10 seconds to do so, which again I told him as well.

If he doesn’t let me know, it’s weird. He has classes pretty much the whole day and I’m aware of that, when he has classes he’s unavailable at least until evening. But if it’s something I don’t know and he’s not unavailable for some time that’s unusual I start to worried.

you sound like a stalker.

You do not want the bitch of a man youre are trying to make your boyfriend.
Do some soul searching and figure out why you even want this and then ask yourself if it's really important. For your own self growth you should let this go.

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He doesn’t hang out very often with his friends because he’s busy with university so it’s very unusual for him to be unavailable in that matter without letting me know he will be. I just have no idea where he is when he’s unavailable without telling me because it’s such an unusual pattern for him.

We are currently in an LDR so I find it important to know what is going through his day so we don’t grow apart.

I try letting it go and at the end I was close to it until he gives me those ‘excuses’ every time.

>LDR
For how long?

3 months.

Alright, you are going down the jealousy route. Break it off if it will go for longer than 5 months. Not worth the nerves on both parties.

People have lives other than you, OP, and that includes your BF. I can’t believe we have this thread twice a day. Are there really this many super clingy psychos or is it just bait? The world may never know.

I had this problem which was remedied by my girlfriend simply saying, "I just want to know where you're headed, because I worry about you." (Our city has had a lot of rising violent crime over the past decade and I travel a lot by night, so this was completely reasonable)
We later crossed the 'it was partly because that, but also partly because I'm just that kind of person who needs to know.' But the worry is also still there anyway, so.

If they're not willing to hear you out-- IE you have to 'give up and accept it' despite it clearly eating at you-- maybe you either A) haven't expressed this properly to him or B) haven't realized he doesn't care.

I’m not jealous.

>I try letting it go and at the end I was close to it until he gives me those ‘excuses’ every time.
that does sound like the jealousy bells ringing

What does him giving excuses has to do with jealousy though?

So I guess I’ll just have to accept and that this is his ‘flaw’, there are other things I love about him so I’ll stay focused on that.

LDRs dont real
If you aren't talking in person you are not in a relationship
You are not living together you do not need to know when he will be home
I would have been fed up with you in a week

"excuses" = presumed dishonesty
dishonesty breeds jealousy
this is my thought pattern

Fair enough.