My birthday is soon, in 9 days in fact.
I've been thinking about committing suicide ever since I was 12.
The problem isn't my life, it's myself. My parents really love me, I have good friends, I'm from a upper middle class family, I'm tall and have been called handsome before.
I just feel no reason to be here. When I was younger I always thought I'm more clever than others, but when I was 16 I realized it's not true. I'm like a robot with a memory stick that I fill with things. If I decide to be Christian, I can read on Christianity for enough time to convince myself completely I'm a Christian. My preferences in women are like this, when I was 13 I felt bad for not having "things I like in girls", so I decided it's going to be blonde hair. And it's been like this ever since.
With social situations it's even more inhuman. I'm not innately good or bad at dealing with people, it depends on how "charged" I am. I either have energy and act extraverted, or have none and act like a complete introvert.
I don't know what the fuck I want to do with my life. Before I lost my virginity at the age of 16 I thought it's just because I'm a virgin. Ever since I have absolutely zero libido. I suspected I might be gay, but it's not that either. I stopped masturbating and haven't masturbated in 100 days now, still zero sexdrive. I'm failing at school because of zero motivation to study. I don't know what I want to study in uni. I don't know what I want to work. I don't know what I want to achieve in life, and never did. At this point my life degenerated into going to the gym, reading books on philosophy, stuffing my body with vitamins and supplements that I hope will make me feel better and be better and socializing on the weekends. I have zero hobbies, I don't even play videogames nor watch movies, I don't read fiction because I feel like it's a waste of time.
I'm stuck abroad away from my country talking in a language I hate, in a culture I hate.
Suicide on 19th bday
>have a obvious hormone deficiency
What’s wrong with me Jow Forums ;(
I've been stuffing myself with zinc, abstaining from masturbation and pornography, getting lots of sunlight, taking cold showers, lifting heavily at the gym, avoiding food that destroys testosterone.
My doctor won't do anything because I supposedly have normal levels.
What the fuck am I supposed to do? I'd try anything to make myself feel better. Am I supposed to get roids to raise my testosterone levels? How the fuck do I even get roids?
First of all, food doesn't destroy testosterone and masturbation/porn doesn't do anything either.
Second, have you considered that you might be an asexual/aromantic, or something along those lines?
Kinda feels like me except you seem to have more courage than me
More courage because you are actually still trying to counter your lack of will to live
Well I'm older though
I still haven't got the resolve to KYS tho
I lost my virginity with a girlfriend I actually loved. It was alright but sex is nothing special.
I still often think about her. I had to break up with her because my family moved here. Ever since I don't feel any motivation to go after girls. A couple of people in my social circle think I'm gay because there was 8/10s that liked me and I didn't do anything about it. Majority of girls disgust me. It's all about sex. They dress like they want to get fucked. They cheat on their boyfriends. Everyone talks about getting laid, all day every day. It's fucking terrible. I would have sex with a girl I actually care about. But where I live people date for sex. Nobody thinks about relationships. Being in a relationship means having photos on Instagram together, fucking more than twice a week and kissing in front of friends. Around September I went to a party where a somewhat attractive girl led me by my hand to the bedroom and wanted to sleep with me. I was so drunk I started screaming at her until she started crying.
I'm neither aromantic nor asexual.
I wish I knew people like you in real life. In which country do you live right now?
And as to your issue: Don't fucking kill yourself. That is the single dumbest thing a person can do. I would recommend you to just finish school and then go to some foreign country for half a year or an entire year. Just by yourself. You might learn more about yourself that way.
Are you me?
I'm 18 trough and lost virginity.
Now that I realized I don't like sex I'm considering suicide too.
Stay strong op, let the normies life their life and you yours, if you're like me you're numb but not that sad, some things can be enjoyed, vmeven if most would disagree.
Spain. I'm from Eastern Europe.
I think I'm sick of being in foreign countries. I learned a lot of things by coming here but I feel fucking shit not being able to express myself properly, feeling like an outsider and having to participate in what they do here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Spanish people are terrible. It's just that their culture is the complete opposite of mine in every single aspect.
>you yours
I don't know how to live my life. It's not only about sex, in general I have absolutely zero goals or dreams. I try to live my life thinking only about today and tomorrow, because whenever I think about the future I get severely depressed.
I'm not reading your long ass wall of text. If you have doubts about killing yourself, consider those doubts. Where do they come from? Are they external (muh family's feelins', "don't be a faggot xD," "it'll get better XD) or internal (maybe you have innate hope for the future). If, after considering all doubt, you still feel like offing yourself, only you should make that decision. You owe no one anything, unless you want to. You can stick around and end up going through life joyfully, or you might end up regretting the decision to not kill yourself ASAP.
Long story short, consider why and then if you actually want it. If you cant decide, maybe just give everything in your life up and run off to the woods for a bit
Same user.
I always knew my death will be trough suicide, I still believe that.
But eh I'm just bored, remember, your life is just a pause from nonexistence, why go out so fast? You've spent billions of years in the ground not doing much, just try to stick around a bit more before going back to the same old shit you've been doing before being born.
Just live for the sake of living.
Seems like most of your reasons for wanting to kill yourself are based on you not having traits that you think you should have.
I think you just need a new attitude about it.
>not more clever than everyone else
Is this a problem? So what if you aren't smarter than people. That's normal.
>nothing in particular you like about women.
Sounds like you are less constrained in what you'll accept in a partner. This shouldn't really effect your life unless you don't like women at all.
>not good or bad at dealing with people
Again, you are upset at being average? So what. If you were worse I could understand but this is a non issue
>no sex drive
Might want to start there. See a doctor.
>Dont know what to do with my life.
How about until you find out what you want to do with your life, you spend you life figuring out what you want to do. I didn't know what I wanted to do until I was 30. Until then I joined the military to get a lot of experience and meet lots of people.
Most people don't know what they want to do. Get a job that will enable you to find out and enjoy the journey.
>That's normal.
No, it's not about being average. I'm in no way average. I can memorize information quickly and change my beliefs easily. I used to think it's a sign of high intelligence, now I just think there's something wrong with me. My school teachers always praised me and told my parents I'm very clever.
>Sounds like you are less constrained in what you'll accept in a partner
>unless you don't like women at all
I like women, yet haven't found a girl I'd be interested in in three years. I see girls I find cute at school, on buses and trams. I can't keep my eyes off them, but I feel zero push to do anything. It's not that I don't like women, it's just I have no drive to get them.
>Again, you are upset at being average
It's not about being average. I'm not average. I'm either above average or below average depending on the day, while most people are the same all the time. It feels so weird, my friends notice it too.
I saw a doctor. Supposedly I have normal test levels. But normal in modern times can be as low as 300.
How do I figure out what I want to do? I don't enjoy the journey at all. Every day is lifeless, completely apathetic. I do things hoping it's gonna better and suffer depressive episodes like today every two weeks or so.
I feel like a robot.
Seems like you lack of gratitude. Life have give you a lot of things that others would have and love but you just seems incapable of loving them. Suicide is always not the option. Try to be more humble and thanks for all the things that you havemif you don't know that learn from other people. Seek Jesus and open your heart truly to him. God bless you don't do something stupid
>oscillating between above average and below average
>implying basic math doesn't say that averages out to be exactly average
I would say memorizing things easily is a good thing. When you say you change your beliefs easily is it based on new information or just a day to day thing. Most people are worse off for being so hard stuck on their initial point of veiw.
For someone who changes your beliefs so easily you sure are adamant about life being pointless.
Mathematically it is indeed average, but it's not average when compared to other people. Other people are either introverted, average or extraverted. I jump between the two extremes, it feels shit when I make a good first impression and then the next time like an autist. It's even worse when it's the other way around.
New information and what I do. If I started reading on occultism I'd completely believe in it after a month. If I decided I'm going to try my hardest to become a communist I'd be spraying hammers and sickles on walls in a month.
Life isn't pointless if you have an inmate drive to do things. Also today I might be like this, tomorrow I might be extremely motivated, then be depressed for a month, just to be optimistic after. It changes constantly.
*innate
So why don't you read material on being happy and then believe that.
Shit the simillitudes continues.
I had some female attention growing up and pursued few female when I was younger (around your age) but everytime they wanted to move to sex the idea would repulse me.
I'm not asexual though, I liked fooling around with my first GF but decided not to fuck her because she was truly in love with me and I wasn't, I felt like I would betray and dishonnored her if I did.
I still am a virgin in my late 20ies
I wouldn't care less but I still have this weird desire to appears normal to other people.
Even though I don't care about life I have a strong ego that prevent me from looking like a fool, do you have that too OP ?
Despite having no drive to pursue girls I still sometimes (very rarely, like once in a decade) feel love - or rather a very strong irrational desire for them -.
It took me 5 years to feel this emotion.
Worse is, this girl might very well be a little too promiscuous (I'm not sure but their are redflag) but I still am irremediably attached to her.
I think I'm addicted to that feeling, to having a purpose, I also have this kind of strange feeling that she's gonna save me from myself, fix the broken
If you want to die, then die. No one here cares about your life story. Stop clogging up Jow Forums with these shitty threads
What is your original culture? The country you are originally from?
I'd recommend you to get into philosophy if you still have the will to live
But, if you are ACTUALLY planning TO die, then you must get into the scientology, and THEN suicide
Why? For lulz, don't try to NOT do anything before you die, it's harmful