How do you lower your standards without feeling like a failure?

>If I can't be the best in the field, I will rather have nothing to do with it

This sounds like entitlement to me. I think you have a little bit of growing up to do. In my childhood, my parents complained (among other things) about their work in front of me a lot and the effect that they intended was for me to work harder in school. Coming out of post-secondary and entering the work force, I've just come to the understanding that work is generally unenjoyable. It's not supposed to be fun, that's why you get days off. It doesn't necessarily have to be gruelling either but you should come to terms with the fact that work is just a means.

If you generally just hate working or studying anything (which I admittedly was in university), it's necessary to do things you dislike. That's what being an adult is; coming the understanding and accepting that, sometimes, you'll have to do things you don't want to do. The extent of which is up to you.

You shouldn't worry about being dumber or smarter than the people around you. When you get into the work force, you'll see that the bar for adequacy is set pretty low.

Holy fuck the cynical bullshit.
I can tell from your response that the psychiatrist is right - It's fucking hopeless for you.

Killing spree

Your dream is being the best at your field, and you need to give that up for a realistc dream.

This is not lowering your standards, this is understanding your standards are shit.

I don’t think I have one anymore, if studying birds isn’t it.

I don’t think I could make it as an ornithologist if I can’t make it through high school level biology.

Before that I wanted to become a paramedic, but I couldn’t even handle basic nursing.

Before that I wanted to be a writer, but ten years of not finishing a single book, it was obvious I’d be no writer.

Before that I wanted to be an artist but I was 16 and kids are fucking stupid.

I’m 25, I’ve been in the workforce. Shitty factory work. And if that’s all there is going to be to life, why bother with life at all? Why not just hang yourself? Give up and drink yourself to death? Why the fuck should you bother if you can’t thrive?

I don’t know how to let them go. What is a sufficiently big goal, then? How do you find a sufficiently small pond to be a big fish in? How is that not pathetic?

>I don’t think I could make it as an ornithologist if I can’t make it through high school level biology.

I'm seriusly asking, are you mentally retarded or something? It sounds like you don't apply. Be less lazy.

>How do you find a sufficiently small pond to be a big fish in? How is that not pathetic?

That's pathetic, no doubt. That's a sad goal.

>What is a sufficiently big goal, then?

Why does it have to be big? What are you trying to prove?

>thrive
Because that's the way life works. What is thriving? Do you honestly believe that everyone who isn't in the upper echelons of society should just fucking off themselves?

People live their lives in their own unique ways. Some people validate themselves through their jobs (which it seems like you want) or just generally, their professional identity, others validate through their friends, family, etc., or through their hobbies. Whatever it is, not everyone lives the same way and looks at their lives in the same context.

People enjoy things, i.e. Living, outside of their jobs.

I don’t know how some people are capable of memorising things they don’t care about. It’s like memorising a phonebook, except you’ve got 5 phonebooks to memorise, and you have to have all of them in the right order.

No matter how many times I pick up the book, no matter how many times I try to force it, my brain escapes and goes to fantasise about suicide.

You know what my goals are, buddy?

A fulfilling romantic relationship, at least a modest amount of free time and funds, and a reasonably clean/safe living environment.

Anything past that is just gravy.

>I don’t know how some people are capable of memorising things they don’t care about.

Why are you studying things you don't care about? And don't you care about getting the job you want?

> my brain escapes and goes to fantasise about suicide.

Then it's not about intelligence, it's about the crappy life you live and you might need to deal with that before you focus too hard on studies.

>What are you trying to prove?
Myself? Just like everyone else who has ever been alive?

> you honestly believe that everyone who isn't in the upper echelons of society should just fucking off themselves?
I’m not saying that they should. I’m just baffled that they don’t.

>Myself? Just like everyone else who has ever been alive?

Bullshit. As you admit in this same post, MILLIONS of people are not the best and still manage to feel good about themselves. You are the one with issues here.

Well, we are different people because I have all of those and they mean nothing without a personal sense of purpose.

>Why are you studying things you don't care about?
Because I want a JOB, not an english degree.

Do you know who’s your country’s top expert on cultural history? No, because he’s probably teaching kindergarten right now because nobody’s fucking hiring.

>baffled
>literally baffled
I used to be just like you, my guy, when I was in school. I wondered why people, when faced with absurdity of living, didn't just kill themselves off in droves? What pushed others to keep living despite a pointless existence? Ofcourse, the bounds of mine aren't only in a professional context but an existential one.

The conclusion I've reached is that you have a lot of life experience you need to get caught up on. You should go out and meet (and enjoy the company of) other people. The world isn't as small as you think it is.

>Because I want a JOB, not an english degree.

I thought you wanted to study birds.

>Do you know who’s your country’s top expert on cultural history?

Again, if your goal is to be the best then you are setting yourself up for frustration.

Well for starters the amount of people going out and getting a successful career is continuing to drop. The chances of getting a job you can keep for a long enough time to make a career out of it are pretty low since graduating high school or college and finding one company to stay with just doesn't happen like it did in the 50's/60's/70's.

As for wanting to "go down in history", that's a little bit egotistical to think of that as a dream if you don't even know what you want to be known for other than "success". People who do that tend to not only be passionate about what they do, but very good at it and lucky at the same time.

Sounds like you just can't seem to pick or find something you enjoy enough to stick with.

What kind of life experience? I’ve been through and seen a lot more than many people I’ve met.

Birds seemed like a sufficiently narrow field. Not many people out there researching corvid intelligence. People can’t tell that you’re shit in your field if they’ve never met anyone else in it.

And sciences are a respectable field. Biology felt like the least repulsive option. Nobody is going to give me a paycheck for writing poetry.

>Birds seemed like a sufficiently narrow field. Not many people out there researching corvid intelligence. People can’t tell that you’re shit in your field if they’ve never met anyone else in it.

So you don't actually like it. That's why everything is so hard for you.

>Nobody is going to give me a paycheck for writing poetry.

They clearly will, writers still exist.

You need to read some existentialist philosophy man. Purpose is fucking hard for people to find and that's kind of the point. A lot people do off themselves for it, the people who don't just trudge on trying to find it.

Start with Jean Paul Sarte for example, "existence precedes essence". The idea that something is useful or fulfills a purpose comes second to the fact that its existence is all it takes for it to be justified.

Being good and being passionate two sides of the same coin, you practice more wjen you want to practice.

For the longest time I thought writing would be my thing, since it’s the only thing I’m any good at, but in the end I hate writing. Five unfinished book attempts I’ll never go back to.

There's other jobs that aren't shitty factory work. Go into trades.

And being a fucking carpenter is what makes life worthwhile?

What difference does it make, anyway?

This is good job advice. A lot of people think that getting a good job requires a STEM degree or something like that, but really that's just our society's bullshit. You can find a tech school and browse the classes, then get certifications for something you like. The classes are more hands on you might find something easier than any college classes ever are while still getting a well paying job.

I’ve got a degree as a glass artisan and I failed in school to try to become an electrician.

Jesus man you suck. I'm a carpenter
>Difference
Much higher pay to live your out of work dreams and buy a house and raise a family and shit, and because it's not factory, it's not mindless repetitive work and is stimulating and teaches you cool.shit you can use at home.and even form hobbies out of.
You're mad about anything. There is nothing in life you're *supposed* to do. Your dreams die forever with you fulfilled or not.

So being a carpenter it is.

Now what do I do about this feeling of having given up?

Hey OP I she the same thing.
Just realize that you can't be the best at everything. You can be the best in your family, your state, maybe your country. And that's good enough. Stop comparing yourself to others. Compare yourself to your past.

Change your perspective on life, how people look at it is how people deal with it. Self help books are great for people who want to help themselves, but you seem stubborn. I said it above in You can just youtube that stuff. People dumber than you have done it before successfully and turn out happy, which already makes them successful. Maybe something will click.

I’d give up my whole dominant arm to just be the best in the country in just one thing.

Realise you choose to think this way. You can reframe it. You aren't giving up. You are "reassessing your options based on new information".

And believe me, it's a wise move. You will never be 100% right no matter how badly you want to be. gotta know when to fold em.

>How do you lower your standards without feeling like a failure?
Only reason to lower your standard is because you're forced to for whatever reason. Meaning you have failed to uphold your standards. I.e. you're a failure.

So basically doing the fat bitch thing where they stick their fingers into their ears and insist that they are pretty, it’s everyone with a pair of fucking eyes who is wrong?

Wtf are you talking about dude, were telling you that you can look at things different ways, and if I'm not mistaken the whole problem is you're plugging your ears and saying "lalala I'm smart! I'm gonna matter!"

Truth and reality are highly highly subjective. No two people see the world the same, and you can change your perspective without lying to anyone or yourself. It's ironically when you don't change your perspective ever you become full of shit.

The fat chick really needs to think about her health. She's as delusional as you.

Fuck, you are right.

But how do I get content with being stupid? It was the only thing I’ve ever had going for me.

Being shit at school doesn't mean you aren't smart necessarily. Not saying you are but basically you've clinged onto a term "smart" that has a super broad definition and can be applied differently in many different ways and settings, then seeing how you measure up against one of those things as your source of self value.

You've worked in a shit ass factory, and you're struggling in highschool. Given your spelling and the way you talk I'm guessing you aren't dumb, but bored, and never gave yourself a chance to consider trying some other shit, like trades, for which you do have to be smart, but it comes at you differently, and possibly in a more tangible graspable way for how your brain works.

Do you want to go to university for the sake of going to a university?
Or do you have a career path in mind that has going to a university in it?

You still hear more in the news about the guy who’s curing cancer than the guy who made a pretty good table.

I wanted to study the intelligence of birds, but if that involved memorising long lists of hormones and what glands produce them, I guess I won’t.

Who gives a fuck? You also hear about the homeless guy who sings pretty good to pidgeons a lot in the news and he'll go viral and the world will cry tears of inspiration. And Nikolabtesla died a poor, alone and crazy virgin, robbed of any chance of experiencing glory in his life time because no one gave a fuck about him until after his death.

If you were the very best, still a very good chance you'll die unacknowledged.

I just wanted to make a good, meaningful life.

That does not and should not have to be hinged on the opinions of others.

If you really want to study that and get grants or a job in it, you're probably going to have to go to university.
If you can get into a research university that'd be best. But you're still gonna have to take gen ed and other shit though

Start by stop worrying about being stupid or smart. That will change too. You don't have to feel like by changing your world view you've just nailed the words "dumbass" to your forehead. People you meet will only ever "notice" that if you get caught saying it so damn much. Even then they'll probably think you have some self-esteem issues. Lots of people could consider themselves dumb, but they don't because that's just a meaningless or counterproductive way to define themselves if they're trying to feel fulfilled.

>How do you lower your standards without feeling like a failure?

Realise that being a failure is walking around not doing anything cause your standards are high to the point of delusions.

I say that when it concerns things like girls and relationships

and reading the rest of your post I see that you're talking about your dream career and having to face the "real world".

The best thing to do is to find a good compromise. As an example, not everyone gets to be an astronaut, but there's still thousands of people who work for NASA or whatever space agency and have their role to play.

I didn't bother to read the thread but I'm sure there's tons of posts that are like "just learn a trade bro and turn your dream into a hobby" and that just flat out sucks man. You can find a well paying job that is at least within the same industry as your dream career, it's a good compromise.

Learning sucks man. I went through all sorts of things like IT and web design and psychology and anthro and infosec and whatever else and it all sucked.

I finally found what I want to do in life, and guess what? learning about it still sucks.

The difference is that I now have a motivation and a drive that pulls me through the boring-ass process of learning shit. If you really want to study the intelligence of birds or whatever else, you'll crawl through broken glass for it.

Not smart enough or you don't work hard enough? There's a lot of people who say they're not smart enough even though they're just lazy

desu universities are really competitive here. I don’t think I could make it in as even a vet, not to say any kind of an expert.

I wanted a proper, respectable career, preferrably something I’d be good at. Those two seem to be mutually exclusive.

I just don’t have it in me to learn. I just don’t. I’ll stare at the words on the page, I can stare at them for hours and retain nothing.

Maybe I’m just not a visual learner? No. I won’t remember shit by listening, either.

I can stare at the page until I’m literally crying and not learn shit.

>But how do I get content with being stupid?

So everyone that's not the best is stupid? Dude, look at your standards, they are crazy.

You can always do personality test and find out your traits. That way you'll know wether you're actually too stupid or not

>I wanted a proper, respectable career, preferrably something I’d be good at. Those two seem to be mutually exclusive.

You gotta be more precise than that man. Also sounds like you got ADD or something you should get meds, people take ADD meds even when they don't even have ADD.

>Others pls define life for me
At 25 you need to be self aware enough to know what fulfills you or at least keeps the existential dread at bay. What, are you gonna be 42 with people still putting up signs on where to go at every turn?

Fuggas like you are why games hold our hands nowadays bruh. Put a foot in the dirt and live or roll over and die, but either way please stop asking for detailed instructions each step of the way

maybe go to uni for something really hard and gut wrenching. when i was in sociology (lol) i was depressed and sucked hard and hated those boring ass books. didnt help that the average iq around there was probably 95. then i switched to electrical engineering and it was turbo learning under max pressure from day one lol. somehow this snapped me back to life. still not finished with my degree but it has become the center of my life. i will never allow this shit to defeat me and this keeps me going. so yeah, for some people the answer isnt to go a step down but rather three steps up. maybe you should try this..

You deserve every bit of misery this will bring you, and the best thing about it is that you can't see how arrogant and naive you are being.

>Put a foot in the dirt and live or roll over and die, but either way please stop asking for detailed instructions each step of the way
man this needs to be the motto for this board, so many threads are like "how do I talk to girls I am 27 years old"

>how do I do it
>everyone else seems to have it pegged!
>"Well OP, that's because we all took failures with grit teeth and moved on, knowing it would both get worse by nature and never get better if we didn't take that responsibility into our own hands"
>NO YOU'RE WRONG FAGGOTS

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