>have a nice figure
>work out, in shape, eat well
>boyfriend keeps pointing out small things
>get insecure about them
>he doesn't want me to be insecure
>keeps teasing me about things
Am i being too sensitive? Is he trying to hint at something?
I've tried asking him, but he mostly dodges the question.
I'd like some outside perspective
Get off your period
Give examples
He'll point out moles, birth marks, or stretch marks very often
I was never insecure about stretch marks in the past. I grew a figure pretty quickly, so there was no avoiding them. I'm very pale, so they're hard to see unless you're up close. I thought they weren't a big deal, but he'll point them out regularly.
Sounds like he’s trying to help. He’s pointing out flaws, whatever those might be, and you can use that info to improve yourself. Take it positively.
These aren't issues I can fix though.
I can't get rid of birth marks and stretch marks.
If they were things i could improve, i wouldn't have made this thread.
Most insecure guys must run you down so they can feel better and in control. Cannot have a girl with a good self image because she my flee.
He is just fucking with you, thats what my chad friends do to me too
You didn’t say the issues before so I had no examples. Sounds like he’s nitpicking to piss you off. If it seems like passive banter, take it as it comes or tell him to fuck off with it.
He's my boyfriend, not my bro
He should see me as a direct investment of himself, not a friend that he makes physical bants about
I don't think he's insecure. If he is, he hides it well
He doesn't really seem malicious when he does it, but he does it so much even when I tell him it makes me feel bad.
Sounds like typical boyfriend shit. I was sometimes an asshole to my girlfriend and she’d be pissed a little but then we’d make out or fuck. It really depends on how you react to it.
>I don't think he's insecure. If he is, he hides it well
yes he is. there is no other reason for him to pick out the type of normal blemishes we all have. Its working isn't it, the making you feel like shit despite the care you take.
How does he point them out? If it's just something genuinely playful and lighthearted rubbing them or calling them cute you might be insecure. I don't understand how everyone can instantly say he fucking hates you/is intentionally putting you down without even knowing context.
This is at best immature and at worst a little cruel. You need to put your foot down and make it very clear that you won't tolerate comments like that. He says something about your stretch marks during foreplay? That's it, he turned you off. If he really goes too far, leave and go to your own place. You've tried talking. Time to try something else.
Depending on how good the rest of the relationship is I would also reconsider if this is the man you want to be with. Sure it's not the end of the world in itself, but saying negative things about your body just because is a big red flag, and you pointing it out and asking him to stop with zero results is an even bigger one. This is very disrespectful. There are men in this world who would rather bite their tongue off than rub a beloved girl's imperfections in her face. You get to set the standard for what treatment you want to receive in your life.
I don't get angry, I get sad
If he called them cute i wouldn't have made this thread.
He'll walk up to me, grab a part of me, and point blank say "your thigh has stretch marks"
He'll take a few more looks, then walk away.
>/is intentionally putting you down
The moment where this went from potentially light-hearted and playful to unpleasant is when he didn't bat an eye at her expressing that it makes her feel like shit.
>I don’t get angry I get sad
Tell him to stop and if he doesn’t dump his faggot ass.
>roastie has shit taste in men
colour me surprised
Everything else is really good. He's really caring in other aspects. He's supportive of my choices, encourages me to do my best, generally understands my feelings, cares about my feelings, and we genuinely enjoy each other's company. I know he loves me, so leaving is an absolute last resort.
If this is a self esteem issue, i'd rather get him counseling or help him feel more confident than leave.
This is really the only disconnect in an otherwise fantastic relationship
He’s probably trying to get you to initiate a break up or just doesn’t have a filter
Drop him. Find an upgrade ;)
Counseling is probably the best idea
Then you have to give it to him straight and make it clear that you're offering a chance for something you NEED fixed. You don't have to spell out you might leave over it to let him feel you're not fucking around.
Don't label his behavior and don't talk circles around him. Tell him "when you say things like that about my body it makes me feel bad about myself ["but that's not my intention" -> doesn't matter, it's the result] and it bothers me that you're still doing it despite me asking you to stop - what do I need to do or say to make you stop?"
He's probably going to brush it off. The important thing is following through on your word, taking yourself seriously. Next time he has some comment, look him dead in the eye and tell him "why are you doing this, again?" If he doesn't want to answer seriously you go home.
I can tell that you are young and afraid to damage a relationship that makes you happy. That's natural and not a bad thing. But please take this from me: if you have to tiptoe around getting him to please not treat you in a way that detracts from your self esteem, then the only logical conclusion is that the guy is showing himself to not be as great as you thought he was. There's three options you have: breaking up/giving an ultimatum, shutting up and taking it, or actively arguing him every step of the way that this is not how it's going to be if you're to date. You need to look after yourself and set a precedent, not just for this relationship or his future relationships but also for your future relationships. It can be a slippery slope accepting comments that make you feel less.
Also just realize I haven't been answering the question why he's doing it, because it's not as interesting to me as whether or not you can accept him doing it.
BUT while insecurity is definitely an option, it's more complex than that. He could be negging you, which means actively chipping at your self esteem to make you less likely to leave/cheat/argue him on points, whatever he thinks will happen. It's possible that he is mirroring behavior familiar to him, for example that he grew up with parents pointing out everything like that and it's a compulsive thing. He could resent you for having these "flaws" and consciously or subconsciously want to give these digs as "punishment" for disappointing his expectations. He could be really hung up on this idea of a relationship full of banter and jokes that would make outsiders gasp, to the point where he can't see that you're not feeling that vibe. There's more. Only he can tell you and, especially if he's quite young, chances are not even he can tell you because he just feels an urge to do it and does.
I'm thinking it's the second one. We just started renting a house together, so I doubt he's trying to get me to leave.
You're the worst poster on Jow Forums
This will likely be something i talk about with him soon
Thank you for the input
I agree with a lot of what you're saying. I'll have to sit down and clearly explain everything. I don't want to just "stay and take it" and don't consider that an option. Hopefully he'll take my words to heart
how do I get a girl il with tiddies as big as op, srs
You sound young and so is your bf. He’s just being childish, so open up to your feelings with him.
If that doesn’t work then he just enjoys bullying you and you might enjoy being bullied too
He's negging you. If you don't know what that is then look it up. He's doing that to lower your confidence. I'd seriously consider breaking up with someone who does that. It will continue and get worse if you allow that to keep happening.
Become one with asanagi
yes yes yes op please listen to this.
guys won't outright say they are insecure.
think about if a woman did this to you.
this is how you know.
The next time he tries to passive-aggressively tease you about your body, tell him that he had better be perfect before he judges anything about you. Unless he's a perfect in every way, he needs to shut the fuck up. Remind him that it's HIS honor and pleasure to be with you. Moles, stretchmarks and all.
Everybody is after the same cow. You gotta be the most attractive male among the heard to get the udders, friend. Hit the gym.
Listen to this, OP. Don't let him use you as a verbal scratching post. You deserve better and he better recognize that.
>You gotta be the most attractive male among the heard to get the udders, friend
fuck ;_;
>t. 5'9 and only making $50k pa
If he's doing it often, he's not just poking fun at you.
You have to tell him to simmer it down
fpbp
Actually, I think laser treatments can deal with stretch marks.
He's kind of being a dick though.
This is ridiculous. Some idiot in the 70's came up with this explanation to comfort people that get picked on. It has no basis in reality.
The guy is giving her a ribbing like a bro, just like she said. There is no deeper meaning to it. It's just a type of bonding then men do. Women don't understand it, and that's fine, they don't have to because they're not bros.
She needs to learn to say "Every time you treat me like a bro, I'm going to treat you like a bro for a week. The only physical contact you are going to get is high 5's." or "Don't like it? There's the door. Good luck finding something better." Despite her own insecurity, she sounds like she takes care of herself and he sounds pretty immature so she's already out of his league.
Hit the gym. You'd be surprised at how petty all people are when it comes to having a toned body. That can get you further than being a neckbeard with a dad-bod.
Two possible things could be happening.
1) He's trying to get you to accept your flaws so you learn to own up to them without feeling the need to change them. You can do so, but it takes a while.
2) He's just being too critical
Either way tell him to cool it down since part of being your partner is accepting them.
He's not trying to help. He's literally pointing out things she has no control over.
what the fuck did I just read
he is a nut who cannot accept you or the fact that he is living in a imperfect world. Dump him, he needs to be humbled and mature.
You need to someone who will not keep sapping your energy and happiness.
you have shit taste in men. I can't believe you're actually more worried about what the neighbours will say than about your own happiness. do you even have a personality of your own, or do friends make your decisions for you?
why are you on Jow Forums asking us where have all the good men gone? for fucks sake OP if you can't figure this out then there's a life of slavery ahead of you
Get rid of the chubs, you fat bitch