>In relationship with amazing girl for 3 years
>I stay in tonight, she goes to bars with friends, I have no issues because I trust her and have met most of her friends
>One of the people in her group is an orbiter who's been going after her for months
>I've told her I feel uncomfortable around him because I know he likes her
>She tells me she doesn't think he likes her, he just had a brief crush on her last August before he found out about me
>Fast forward to January
>She starts being weird about her phone, turning it away from me every time she opens it and changing apps every time I see it
>He starts Snapchat messaging her every day
>I tell her that's weird, she turns on message auto-save to allay my worries
>A couple weeks pass, still weird about her phone
>She's texting me from the bars, puts up a few Snapchat stories
>I see him in one of her stories standing next to her
>Hmmmm.jpg
>She gets home, I ask her how it went
>She says it was fine, no mention of orbiter
>She shows me some pictures of her girl friend and her
>She falls asleep after putting on a Spotify station
>The music starts getting worse so I go on her phone to change it
>She left her picture gallery open
>I see pictures of her and orbiter alone with one of them favorites
>Suspicion at 99%
>I open her Snapchat, see him at the top with a lightning bolt emoji next to his name
>Weird, Snapchat doesn't have a lightning bolt emoji
>I find out he actually has best friend status with her and she changed the emoji so I wouldn't notice, also went ahead and muted all his notifications
>I look in their conversation
>Lots of "harmless flirting"
>He talks about "Are you going to tell [girl friend] about us?"
>She says she might, she wants to know girl friend's reaction
>He jokes about how she has a crush on him, she says "It's just a LITTLE crush ;P" and then "Ok it's a little more than a little"
>They flirt more until she says that she's at the meeting place for tonight
I'm fucked, aren't I?
In relationship with amazing girl for 3 years
Red flag, a talk needs to happen, user.
no question, yes you are but this train has been headed towards you and you stood there till its too late. If its your house pack her shit up nicely and set it by the door. If its her house pack your shit and leave before she comes home.
I tried, man, I really tried. I've done the whole "talk about how you're feeling and what's making you uncomfortable" thing several times and have gone out of my way to spend extra time with her in case she was feeling lonely, but I just don't get it. She just kept saying "He doesn't like me, he may be a little weird about messaging but we just talk about class stuff". I trusted her because this has happened with other guys but she just blew them off, why this guy? Why this random fucking guy who came out of nowhere?
Goddamn it
Op, follow this advice.
Secondly, did you honestly trust a woman? I mean, come on my dude.
Listen to Jesus user, whether she's cheating on you physically or not, she has done so emotionally. You need to tell her that. And if it needs to end either way, let it do so.
Welcome to women, user. Jow Forums and Jow Forums didn't lie to you. They don't understand loyalty and commitment.
The only thing you can do now is dump her and get the fuck out of there. You're lucky your "relationship" even lasted that long. Next time, you'll be on the lookout for these signs and dump the bitch the moment she starts this shit. Oh, and she will inevitably start it, by the way.
Don't tell her. Do NOT tell her. She'll know why, but him leaving without telling her he knows what she's done will make her out herself as a cheater and apologize, thus proving OP right.
Get out ASAP
>I trusted her because this has happened with other guys but she just blew them off, why this guy?
Don't worry about it man you can't go down that road it'll ruin you. She's trash.
I'm going to sleep, it's 6:30 cause I've been up all night thinking about this wreck.
I'll decide between full-on scorched Earth by telling her parents and friends or getting out silently and leave a note why when I wake up
Thanks anons, this is some shit but y'all are keeping me afloat
Keep us in the loop, please. Sweet dreams
Do you really need to ask?
This is done. Sorry she broke your trust.
post results
Dump her immediately, she's disrespecting you badly.
If it was me I'd go and beat the shit out of the other guy. At least you'd get some revenge before they run off together. Or she might have a new found respect for your authoritao
That could also get op in trouble with authorities. Best off just cutting off all contact with her.
This. Engaging her on that matter will only allow her to spin a victim narrative for herself about you being “controlling” and “spying” on her so intricately that you’ll end up being the villain in all this.
Leave. Don't talk to her. Block social media and move on. Don’t expect an apology or explaination. It’ll only salt the wound. Leave and find something to distract you until it stops hurting. If you bump into her, just be a grey stone, don’t offer any explaination, just make your excuses and leave.
She’ll say some inflammatory shit in a bit to get an emotional rise out of you, just say “I guess so...” and keep walking. Don’t engage.
It’ll be healthier.
You fucked up by not nipping this in the bud when you heard she was going out drinking with the orbiter, and you chose to stay home. I know you trusted her but you should’ve gone with her anyways because it’s more of a matter of distrusting him than her. It seems to happen a lot where the bf stays in and let’s his gf go party and get charmed by the guy who’s actually there for her. And then he wonders how could this have happened, that his girl was stolen from him. It’s not even about trust issues, you should want to hang out with your gf and her friends.
People in relationships need their own space and own time. You can't be with someone 24/7
Well you know where this is going. Like, if the plane runs out of fuel, it's going to coast for a little while before falling into that dive. No matter what happens, you know the end.
SO.
You may as well have fun with it. Deliver a jar of peanut butter to the guy's front door with a little message "You may be creamy, but I am crunchy. You will know the crunch"
Meanwhile spread peanut butter all over your girlfriends phone and stick it to the ceiling in her bedroom.
Then kill her dog.
that aught'a do the trick. Good luck OP!
OP you miss the point. It could be any guy. She was out there as a single woman and didn't care at that point what you said. The point. When a woman starts acting single your relationship is done and its just a matter of time before you get it through your skull.
Telling on her is stupid. Who cares, sounds butthurt and is and it won't bring her back. Nothing will bring her back.
I know, I’m not trying to say that OP should go out with his gf every single time. But he already distrusted the other guy, and it sounds like he had an opportunity to go with his gf but chose to stay in. I’m also not trying to say it’s OP’s fault for his gf’s shitty behavior. But there is a happy medium between going out with your gf every time and never going out with her at all.
>I'm fucked, aren't I?
Kind of, emotional cheating is still cheating as far as I'm concerned, I would break up with her if I were you.
I wouldn't go full blown scorched earth, it feels kind of juvenile to me, I'd just go for the note bit.
Keep us updated OP
Op here
I slept for a few hours and honestly feel a lot better, I'm way more calm now. The scorched-earth thing was a dumb idea that I wanted to do because I was bitter, thanks for talking me out of it anons.
So I did it. She knew I was acting weird so I started trickling information to her like "I saw your pictures with him, what are those about?" and "So why'd you change the best friend emoji to a lightning bolt?". I tried to get her to just come clean so I would feel a little better knowing she doesn't lie to me THAT much.
It didn't work, she kept coming up with "Oh well he was just the person closest to me and everyone was taking pictures together" and "I felt weird seeing a golden heart next to his name so I changed it". I tried to get her to admit it by saying "So this is all one-sided, right? He's just a flirty guy" but she never brought up the "big crush" part and "what to tell [girl friend]", she just agreed with me.
I told her I had seen the messages and she just sat there for a second saying "What? Wait, what?" before going into straight up ugly crying. She told me he's just manipulative and he does this to a lot of girls, she's mentally messed up and she needs help. I told her that it wasn't just a one time thing, she and him flirted multiple times and she recognized that they were a "thing", regardless of whether it was physical or not. I told her that was a deal breaker for me and that I couldn't give my 100% to someone who isn't.
My friend is going to pick up my stuff from her place later tonight, right now I'm just at a friend's place with my laptop, a few changes of clothes, and my school stuff. I blocked her on all social media and hope that I don't see her on campus.
I'm just going to go the Jow Forums route and do a bunch of things I wanted to do but didn't have time to, considering now I have a shit ton of free time.
Thanks anons, hopefully this will help you all as well.
I'm glad you didn't let the bitter faggots circlejerk you into sperging out, you've handled it the best way you could, you confronted her, didn't let her bullshit you ("he's a manipulative person" my ass) and from the sound of things remained calm about all this.
I'm sorry you've gone through this, a lot of people think they can get away with emotional cheating because it doesn't look like cheating, I hope you find a better girl, OP.
you deserve better opie, see how she tried to play the victim there?
hope you have a good life
Good job brah, she got caught lying and is now paying the price. DONT GIVE IN. Stand your ground and don’t let her crawl back into your life.
Only "SINGLE" people go to bars OP. Sorry.
This sounds like something Peanut Nigger would say.
Congrats OP, it probably hurts but you won't regret standing up for yourself
>"he's a manipulative person"
holy shit she blames her behavior on him. well when you know someone is manipulative you stop meeting up with them but she didn't and defended her relationship right to the point you told her you knew she was lying the whole time. So in the end she picked him right with no more than some ugly crying for being cautht? By saying they were a "thing" even before you guys weren't any longer made it easy for her to let you walk.
Sorry OP. This is a hard lesson but when a girl acts single she is single in her mind despite what she tells you.
A womans logic is a black hole for the male intellect Dont even bother trying to understand it just move on and forget before you get sucked in
Damn, this hurts just to read. But it sounds like you handled it maturely given the situation. Let it be a lesson without getting hung up on it and move on. Best of luck.
I don't get it. Did they get physical or not? The Snapchat chat makes it sound like it, but everyone in here is just talking about emotional cheating.
There’s no direct evidence of physical cheating, so we have to assume it hadn’t gone that far yet. Their snapchat flirting seems pretty innocent anyways
You did well, user. You'll find someone who actually appreciates you. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
Sucks OP, but stay positive and you’ll turn it around. I went through a divorce with me first wife after a similar thing went down. I’m honestly better off for it even if the first few months after were kinda sucky. As long as you make some goals for yourself and work for achieving them you can turn it around
Dump her and don't look back.
>But we can talk!
And? You WANT to keep around someone who keeps other men on speed-dial?
Son, you know what's up.
Silent but deadly
Never start shit because someone will always come to finish it. Leave and if she pulls anything just tell her to go to him like she wants, you don't need excuses or this 'BUT PLEASE' act. Just sell it and walk.
Sorry user, this situation sucks. I wish you luck, and I hope that you are able to move past this.
Straight alpha male move bro. Best idea is to work out and surpass this silly cunt and find someone better. You're already way above her bro things are looking up. Any girl that will succumb to an orbiter is shallow, insecure, and weak. Dont need that in your life.
Literally just leave her. Don't even debate or talk about it
>alpha move
Eh, it's like 6/10 alpha
If he'd gone and moved all his stuff preemptively, then we'd be in alpha-tory
Based user. Literally perfect advice
>He talks about "Are you going to tell [girl friend] about us?"
Not one of you paid enough attention to realize that OP is a female also.
There are certain contexts and activities that are and are not appropriate for personal space to happen. I’ll have a drink after work with a female friend and it’s no big deal to my wife. If I met the same girl out for a drink at 11pm on a Saturday she’d be rightfully mad. If my wife wants to join a softball league with a male friend that’s fine by me. If she wants to go running alone with him in the mountains I’m going too or she’s not going.
You hit it out of the park bro, now let yourself grieve the relationship for a brief while and then move on. Honestly don’t even use her as morivation. Don’t flee the past, instead chase the future. Don’t even think about her.
This. She'll find a way to make herself the victim and make you feel even worse.
Awesome read homie , you did the right thing , never let yourself be trapped by their so-called emotions , she was keeping you in case things didn't pan out the way she thought she would with him, ignore her and move on.
Congratz user, you handled it well.
You might feel somewhat guilty for snooping on phone. But her response of "he's manipulative!" is simply disgusting. Just from that sentence you can judge that she is bad news. She would have cheated and blamed you for "not being there enough for her"
You did good OP, you are not a faggot this time.
funny how these two groups that are predominantly male and have on average barely any interactions with women, even on a superficial level, have come to understand their psychology the best
This thread is disgusting. Imagine being such a controlling freak that you stop supporting a woman because she is following her sexual interest. The incel meme is real
Think that means her friend
Nice bait
I mean, they met up at "the spot", and they're a "thing", so... My guess is they've at least kissed.
dumb that bitch asap, life's too short for this kind of shit, dump her and move on