I dated a girl for a few months and the entire time I was able to play the confident, happy bad boy who never had any problems or worries in life even though I was seriously unhappy with my work situation and drank heavily. She was extremely sweet and selfless but she had anxiety issues of her own so I hid mine so I could help her. She knew about my drinking but had no idea of the scale of it or the reckless things I did while intoxicated until I got drunk one day and tried to kill myself and my (now former) best friend fucking told her. I was pissed at him because now she would think I'm some sadboi instead of the rock she fell in love with. He assured me that it's okay but for the next few weeks she kept asking me if I'm okay and she'd act suspicious when I told her I'm fine. What should I do in my next relationship if I want it to last longer? I feel like the relationship was a lot stronger when she trusted me to look after her.
How emotionally open should you be with your girlfriend?
Idk mang that's a shitty situation but I think the main issue is that you're a suicidal alcoholic and might want to consider some counseling. Definitely not something your friend should've blurted out but the cat is out of the bag so you might as well talk to her about it so she doesn't think you're bottling it in.
>I feel like the relationship was a lot stronger when she trusted me to look after her
This is anecdotal evidence so take it as you will. I have a female friend who has a thing for strong stoic military guys, but whenever one of them shows a fucked up hidden emotional side, she falls for him even harder. Some girls like it when their guys are secretly damaged because they want to fix them. It’s their motherly instinct. And it’s definitely an ego trip for my friend when the guy starts doing better because of her.
I'm not with her anymore and my drinking or reckless behavior wasn't a problem until my friends and family started meddling in my affairs.
Being an alcoholic and attempting suicide would probably classify as a "problem" in anyone's book.
I honestly don't fear death so it isn't a problem.
It depends. Is this gonna be the girl you marry? If so, be open and honest with her. If not, keep your emotions to yourself.
My wife and I talk about everything that bothers us or keeps us awake at night and it does wonders for our relationship. But then again we were friends for 10 years before we got married, so..
Don't show your frail side.
Why would you ever do this? Too afraid of coming off as something other than a "man"?
You might as well tell someone not to talk about their mental health issues with someone that they consider a long term partner - which in fact you just did.
You're shit, lol.
This guy is clearly a beta bitch boy who thinks he's a pro at snagging girls because he once had a 3/10 gf lol
It is a problem when you're talking about relationship you idiot. Most people don't want their partners to kill themselves.
Except I'm married with two fwbs on the side and my number right now is higher than you'll ever achieve with your garbage attitude my guy.
I would post a picture of my wife just to see you squirm but this is a sfw board and I'd rather not get banned to prove a point to some 20 year old shithead who still gets his mom to remind him to pull the skin back when he gets a bath.
Its fucking pathetic how you believe in the “rock” concept. Are you some dumbass boomer?
Never be. She’ll think you’re a beta and run for the hills.
Even when my mother died I pretended to be neutral in front of my girlfriend.
Women hate weak men even more than men hate weak men.
You are each other’s rock. If you can’t reach that dynamic it will never work. Women have a nurturing side to them that you should embrace. Showing weakness won’t drive them off it’ll only make them love you more.
>Its fucking pathetic how you believe in the “rock” concept.
>Are you some dumbass boomer?
Your best friend did the best thing he could, and you turned him away. Dude, you are a powderkeg and you'll drag your girl down with you.
Stop lying to him. Women nurture kids, not grown men. A man endured suffering quietly with strength and dignity.
A woman cries and everyone comes to comfort her. Because she’s fundamentally no different from a child. That’s how things work.
Do you really expect to hide depression and alcoholism when you're trying to enter a relationship? Can you imagine having kids and a wife when you wander around the house every evening drunkenly screaming and terrorizing everyone? You'd only be hurting everyone. Fix your shit first and stick to hook ups until you do.
Don't take this as an insult, but I simply can't understand people like you. You are looking for a girlfriend, a women who loves you for who you are, with all your positive and negative sides. You look for someone that accepts you the way you are and would help/take care of you in bad times.
And yet you fuckers still hide behind a fake mask, get yourself into a relationship, eventually the truth comes out and it goes to shit. And then you cry about it "Where did we go wrong? What happend?" Well, there's your answer.
You wanna know what you gotta do? Be honest, tell her about it and show her the person you are, you truly are and then go with the flow.
God damn.
This is toxic masculity, and this is why OP drove himself to suicide. You are going to kill OP.
If you get drunk and scream at night then you’re an overly emotional bitch who can’t be a man
So we’re still right
He tried to kill himself, does being a "man" stop you from reading?
>a women who loves you for who you are
That’s called a MOTHER, not a girlfriend. Women only love you for as long as they can get something out of you. Be it status, emotional validation, oil changes, fun, money, or squishing the scary bug in the shower. As soon as you can’t offer these things anymore you’re done. A man ENDURES. We are the ones who bear the brunt of suffering in life, and we persevere in silence.
As long as he did it quietly it’s fine. Each man bears his own cross, and drops it when it’s too heavy.
>You wanna know what you gotta do? Be honest, tell her about it and show her the person you are, you truly are and then go with the flow.
yeah thats fine in theory but 9/10 cases end up with her losing interest in you because the roles end up being reversed, she gets the male role and you the female role
best keep your feelings to yourself unless you want to marry her, its not worth it, you'll just be giving your most private to a future stranger
That's the difference between you and people trying to help. OP killing himself would mean we didn't help him, but for you that's a logical thing to happen.
What you really want to say is it's not MY problem
Which is shitty faggotry because come on guy
You are an adult, you know it's a problem. Stop selling us the bullshit or else just clean fuck off
It's true but still, you should look for someone who loves the person you are. You could provide all those listed things, but when shit gets serious, that's where it always comes to. Let's say you were an asshole. You could have a god-tier job and an 8 inch dick with a bigass house, lots of women would love to be your gf but you remain an asshole. Ofc you would get into many relationships but when your partner hates you charakter/personality it won't last. And when it's only about the money etc. I doubt it's a healthy or happy relationship.
>We are the ones who bear the brunt of suffering in life, and we persevere in silence.
You love playing the victim, right? I bet you also think men are capable of love but women aren't.
I look after my boyfriend though?
I constantly rub his shoulders when his stressed and his temples and cook his favourite food when he’s sad and give him advice about his day and just generally try to do anything that can help relieve his stress. I love him so much and I want his life to be as comfortable as possible. I’ve seen him cry a few times and I’ve never thought any less of him it only makes me love him more and want to do anything I can for him. I also still see him as a really strong man, even more so because he chooses to open up to me.
I strongly believe that we take over our partners parents role when we marry someone and it’s our responsibility to nurture each other.
Well, he wouldn't be in this situation if he had been honest in the first place. If he wants the realtionship (I assume that) he should confess. Hiding feelings never worked for me though. If he doesn't want the relationship he should keep it for himself.
We’re not victims. It’s simply our lot in life.
You’re a man roleplaying
My bitch gets TMI from me all the time.
We're years into our relationship though, so we've built up to this level gradually.
The best advice I can give you op is to remain a rock in a relationship no matter what. Ignore the other anons telling you to open up to her. Its a sign of weakness, one of the biggest turn ons for women is security. She is emotional, you are rational. If you open up your emotional side you enter feminine energy. If you need to solve your problems vent to a 3rd party,preferably a friend that doesent know your gf.
I think the best thing for you to do right now is keep up the attitude of being the rock in the relationship, and whatever happens, happens.
This is not noble, it's sad.
>toxic masculinity
Oh look, it's my favorite retarded buzzword. It's a well known fact that men who express the inner turmoil are viewed as weak.