Advice for falling for older woman

>Woman is 36
>meet one another and hang out near exclusively
>back to apartment, movies, everything but intimacy
>Out in bar and get clingy when seeing her with other men
>Try to arrange next meetup during dinner
>"I will let you know"

She has just moved here 3 weeks ago. 99% of that time was us two together. I understand that she likely wants to network and meet new people but am concerned about trying to display affection without compromising the relationship.

The current advice i got from friends are

>she is out of your league, play the long game
>DO NOT ask if she likes you or state interest unless the timing is perfect
>watch her reaction and interactions with others on our "downtime"
>if she likes you, she will come back if she meets a bad guy. If not it wasnt meant to be

I am comparing notes but advice here would be appreciated. She is beautiful and i am a small dorky guy. Smaller than her.

But she came out in a towel only from the shower when i stayed over and we got decent chemistry.

How should I proceed?

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watch for good signs that shes into you:
>lots of physical contact
>goes out of her way to talk to you
>laughs at all your jokes
>her feet are pointed towards you when she is talking
>her arms aren't crossed when talking to you while sitting
also if she came out from the shower with only a towel on it means two things. either she is trying to tempt you, or she doesn't even see you as a male. yeah so two extremes on that one.
But id say you should try to gauge to see if she is interested by hinting your attraction to her.
And yes you definitely should only ask her at the perfect moment. don't just spring it out of the blue.
Although id still be careful, as I said she might only see you as a friend.

Also since there is a large gap in age she might see you as a child. But if you show her your good parts, and hint your interest it might help her view you as something more

Women don't date down in age very much. They are hyper-aware of the maturity gap between age groups and you're a couple of age groups below her. That doesn't mean it's not possible or that she'd never be interested, it just means that you need to play your cards carefully to avoid naming and shaming yourself as an immature boy who is beneath her notice.

Those bits of advice from your friends are good. She's only been in town a little while and you already seem to have lost track of the fact that feelings don't necessarily develop easily. You're into her but that doesn't mean she's into you to the same degree. The fact that she's physically out of your league should already be sending up warning flags in your mind that you might not be able to pull it off. Those women who do date down in age are already accepting a boyfriend who is automatically lower status than one her own age, so asking her to date a guy who is lower in status in several ways is a tall order.

Your best bet is the long game. Be around, be her friend and spend time with her, and most importantly contain your spaghetti when she talks to other guys. You don't have a monopoly over her and behaving like you do is only going to make her like you less.

Maybe I'm a little inexperienced, but if a woman, older or not, spends an excessive amount of time with you, and then invites you back to her apartment, doesn't that mean she's interested already?

I feel like the context of your time together would help illuminate us a bit more.

It's not that much older. My mom was 24 years older than my dad. (and now I'm a fatherless poor bastard on welfare)

It really doesn't. Women have a switch that they can flip (or you can flip it) which only has two positions: you are a sexual/romantic prospect or you are not.

A girl who doesn't see you as a sexual prospect will be your best friend, spend every day with you, cuddle on the couch while watching netflix, then be absolutely gobsmacked when you ask her out because she never saw it coming. They have a special blind spot, which is surely at least partly intentional, when it comes to things like this.

And the fact that she's older is actually relevant because it makes it far, far more likely that she doesn't see him as a sexual prospect. Not just in OP's case, but in general, older women don't see younger guys like that.

My point though is, if he's not a sexual/romantic prospect, why would she hang out with him in the first place?

To be friends mate. Unlike dudes who mostly wouldn't be friends with girls that aren't passably attractive, girls are still fine being friends with guys that they don't find attractive.

I'm not that person but im dating an older woman, relation is great. Almost more than a year. Got a question though, how do you know if this is a person you should settling down with. She has a good personality, fun in bed, okay career, only has friends that are girls and she doesn't talk to guys so I'm safe there. But yeah, I've never been in this stage(long term I mean)

You should really make your own thread instead of hijacking this one.

I guess I find it more plausible that an older woman would seek out a much younger sexual partner than a much younger friend.

If she is already spending that much time with you, lay the fuck off. You already got it in the bag. Relax before you fuck things up. Just let it happen.

I don't really have an opinion on that, but remember OP is saying she's only recently moved to town. That makes a big difference. Moving somewhere new is scary because you have to go about making friends all over again and you're unlikely to turn down a nice enough guy who seems like he'd be a stable friend.

I (27) actually do have a much older friend (40+) who is married. I'm pretty good at reading cues but I go back and forward on what she wants from me. We get along really well which makes us good friends but I do have an inkling that she's got me on her backburner. She likes the attention she gets from me because I'm okay looking and naturally flirting and close to half her age. Who knows which way it leans with her.

Beats me but we hit it off extraordinarily on her first day about, of ALL things, Mario Kart. My colleagues were shocked and id make it a point to talk to her when I could. My attraction was obvious to everyone.

One say we arrange to play kart and next thing i know she brings me to her place.

user i am 29, on Jow Forums and single AND a dork. Tell me as you would a socially inept idiot how to compose myself when she is around guys.

You've found yourself in a weird spot. She either really likes you or really doesn't see you that way.

Do you guys flirt at all? And when you say you were at a bar and you saw her with other men, what do you mean? Like she was off dancing and drinking with other guys?

Thank you for the clarity user. One thing I held to religiously was look at her less during conversation. This ended up working TOO well to the point one of our colleagues returned to work solo while she waited for me.

However since my return i think there has been a recognition to slow it down. Declined to play battle tetris, arrange next date (we went for dinner after work yestetday) But what has caught my heart was 1. She demanded, insisted I was handsome and "I must accept that" (context: came back from visiting home country and was feeling down and talking) and she said something i was too awkward to say myself: "I missed you".

I nearly died. That and during our more intense conversations we realized both of us being foreign raised Asians was also a mutual attraction point (socially). I like her, a lot and though i am kind of high on endorphines, if something happens i am willing to stay abroad.

>socially inept
Act possessive around her but not in front of her. Give a questioning "settle down and back off look" make some obvious communication with her in order to cock block. I really think you got this bird, don't squeeze too hard. Just start assuming that you're the man.

A bit. We openly insult one another during tetris i.e FUCK YOU, or "You suuuck" etc. Before i went back home green lights everywhere. Pushing against one another during tetris, watching love movies, letting me freely stay at her place.

For the bar, she asked for a smoke. Lads invited her to the table. Then she asked for a lighter from another table and hung with them for a few. Being a social inept i could not stop staring. But she then invited me over to show her how to play a dice game. So i did and spent the rest with the guys and her.

But i feel i showed my hand as next time she was a bit grouchy with me, but still pleasant (if that makes sense). But the dinner she was fine the following day.

I guess im just so used to being with her, winding down and with the bar night has made me paranoid cause, again, social inexperience.

Thanks man but yo emphasis
>Socially inept

I am. Explain what you said in very simple but direct ways. "Assume im the man". Legit talking hispanic to me friend. Bear with me. I never had a gf nor positive attention from a genuinely beautiful and quite frankly lovely woman like this in my life.

Im like a guy thrown in to fight Tyson in his prime without ever done boxing before. That is not an exaggeration.

The other advice i was given slightly contrasting was "If you love her, let her go". As in give her space and don't dominate her sherever she goes.

Cause my friend said im a dork. I am. She is like a Stacy. 10/10, guys LOVE HER. She dont want this 5'3 guy cramping her style. My friends words, not mine but its true i feel.

>However since my return i think there has been a recognition to slow it down. Declined to play battle tetris, arrange next date (we went for dinner after work yestetday)

Yeah dude you are blowing this so far out of proportion that I can tell you're a huge dork through the screen.

Let's run through this:
1) you've known her for ~3 weeks
2) in those 3 weeks you've become good friends who hang out
That's all good but then we get to:
3) you spent time together YESTERDAY, and because she refused one invitation and didn't immediately lock down your next date/activity, you've decided that she's now disinterested in even spending time with you?

You need to slow your roll. You're getting upset over 48 hours worth of developments in a very new friendship. At this rate you're going to freak her the fuck out and she really will stop talking to you. One of the things that you need to be extremely cautious of when trying to catch a woman's attention is being overly possessive. Women experience a natural paradox where they like guys who are a little possessive but also hate guys who are a possessive. What this means in reality is that you being possessive of them is only okay if they want you to be that way. When a relationship is new or maybe non-existent, getting possessive too quickly makes them dig their heels in and get offended rather than flattered.

My best friend experienced this recently. He went on a date with a girl and it went down really well, so a couple of days later he tried to set up the next one for that following weekend. She already had plans on the day he picked and told him they'd have to do it the following week. He freaked the fuck out thinking she was never going to talk to him again and called her on the phone next day and got her to commit to a date the following weekend. What happened was that even over the phone she picked up on his panic and was put off by the fact that he was being so uncool about a situation out of her control.

Thanks brother for your time and advice. Yes I am a dork. 5'3, glasses, Asian dude. Small and skinny. She legit looks like a model but would to god the chemistry was unreal. Explosive.

Thanks for the anecdtote of your friend but wtf do i do following this? House warming in hers next week. I got a million things like


You know the drill man. I know I need to take it slow but fuck man, its hard. Give this social defect a straight forward step by step WHAT to do and HOW to do it.

Ok. So grab your balls and tell her straight up.. "I know you just got here but I'm calling dibs for when you're ready."

Is that not a legit way of fucking up the repationship and scaring her away?

>Give this social defect a straight forward step by step WHAT to do and HOW to do it.

1) It IS hard. Everyone knows it. Even me who is too cool to ever admit it when I'm the one in your situation. It's okay to find it hard to keep your emotions in check.

2) Focus on maintaining perspective. You're spiraling out of control based on almost no data. Dinner yesterday was good, you have a house warming coming up at hers, you work together, you will get to see her in the near future even if you don't go out this weekend for lunch or a movie or whatever.

3) Practice self-control. Do something else. Read a book, watch a movie, bake some muffins. Keeping your brain occupied is a good way to stop spinning dramatic scenarios in your own imagination.

And always remember that we're talking about a woman whose life is as vivid as your own. She has her own problems and friends and errands to run. Sometimes even your wife of 10 years will be too busy to text you back right away. It's just a fact of life that you cannot monopolise the time of another person indefinitely. In your specific case I would also say that it's useful to give her the opportunity to make other friends. If she never really makes any friends other than you, regardless of whether or not you two end up dating, she will begin to resent you. To her you will represent her lack of other friends or social prospects. Hanging out with you and only you will become a chore and things will go very wrong.

Thank you bro. Sincerely. So i will stick to the long game plan. But seriously, thank you. I will do my best. But ive never felt this composed in love with someone before. She is something else.

I just wish God did not spit in my face. We are both in the ESL industry, her of course being a DoS and me a grunt. I lack the looks, occupation and status. Yet here she is, the woman lifted from my fantasies, we become friends yet I am in no realistic way capable of providing with her.

It hurts. And to clarify im not talking siciopathic "HURR DURR I GUNNER WIN DIS WUMAN", no. Nothing like that. I just regret i am not in a position to properly try. If i had the resources, made the right decisions, and was more mature, id have swooped this woman off her feet and give her the children she really wants (we talked very personally together). I am high on endorphines, not teenage tier but its there. But it saddens me thats the reality. She is a good woman who could have any man.

And i am just an indecisive nerd who cammot decide what he wants.

But thank you.

Keep us updated user?

I will but due to the time period, will probably be another thread another time.

Tell her that you like her before she starts to think of you purely as a younger brother than she can hang out with

Or at least arrange a meet up and unsubtly suggest that it's a date

I suppose before mopping up, how do i "show my interest" without blowing my cover? If any is left.

This runs into conflict with my initial OP. If I tell her I like her, I bomb the relationship potentially and id be rendered useless functionally and would mess up our office atmosphere.

Hence why i asked

You have to learn to walk the line. Flirt, but not too hard. Maintain that sexual potential between the two of you.

You could be friends with a girl for years and she will still see you as a potential romantic partner if that's how you position yourself. Your flirt with her without creeping her out and you are her friend without being the kind of friend that she talks to about her boy problems.

When your older you spend less time thinking this. Be more upfront, she is an adult and most likely know what she wants.
This teenage romance, dies she like me shit gotta go.

Referring to my previous post I am

>Socially inept

Please, walk me through the what and how to skirt this line. I got NO experience.

Sorry dude there aren't really steps for it. If you're socially inept it's gunna be hard but practice makes perfect. Mostly it's about flirting gently and reading the room. You tease, get in some light physical contact (hugs, touching arms, a hand on her knee to get her attention, a hand on the small of her back if you come up from behind), maybe the odd compliment as long as it's a little indirect. The goal is to flirt without being a nuisance about it and without taking it over the top so she tells you to stop. Really you need to be able to read cues from her very well to pull this off.

>36 year old woman
>29 year old man
>she's out of your league user
Fucking kek. You're out of her league if you ask me. We're talking about a woman who has hit the wall and will have nearly zero sexual marketplace value left within just a couple of years. You on the other hand are right around the prime of your value as a man. And your friends are telling you she is out of your league?

I would rather ask you why you'd even consider dating a post-wall woman. What is it you're looking for in her? Do you just wanna get laid or are you looking for a committed relationship?

Might play it safe then.

She is training for a high level position, director of studies. She also is quite beautiful and could have any man she wanted.

I would be looking for a long term thing. I hate the idea of a quick lay thing.

>I would be looking for a long term thing
Building out a long term relationship with a woman who is significantly older than you is complicated. Do you want to have children someday? This becomes a questionable possibility given her age.

>She is also quite beautiful
She is at the age where her beauty is in steep decline. If you build out a LTR with her, there won't be much time left to enjoy her beauty.

I would like children yes and she does too. I don't mind if in 2 years we try assuming things happen.

She is also of SEA descent and her looks are the type whivh will last. If not that, her personality certainly will.

Also I am just a simple ESL teacher. I am pretty low status as far as males sre concerned, never mind my physique.b

Don’t rush it and also don’t keep posting here telling nerds what your constantly doing. Keep on trucking, this isn’t a gossip site.

I won't constantly be posting. I will only post till i need further advice. That said, I probably should have contextualized it, she is leaving my office within 2 months, reducing our daily contact to near nill from then on.

No more lunches or dinner during work days. Hence my initial concern of hurrying things. But if she does not move too far I can maintain contact just far less frequently.

I understand you don't consider yourself as a particularly high value dude so for you, this woman might be a good catch. But please, understand what you're getting yourself into and don't get blinded by her pussy (you probably already are).

If you want to have children with her, you'd have to do it within a few years because her reproductive window is closing. There will be an increased risk for birth defects and having children with certain mental/physical disabilities. Added to that, having children with someone within a few years of a relationship is usually risky anyways. A few years really isn't that much time to properly judge how suitable your partner is to spend the rest of your life with her.

>She is also of SEA descent and her looks are the type which will last. If not that, her personality certainly will.
You don't know that maestro. These are just random assumptions you're making because you're pussy drunk. You don't know this woman nearly as well as you think and you definitely can't determine how well her looks will last.

Thanks for the info user, don't worry I am aware of the risks dating an older woman. I also cannot argue that I am not high on endorphines. I even dreamed of her the last few nights and cannot stop thinking about her. I am infatuated or in love.

I am aware though of the sensitive time scale too, 2 years is not enough to know someone but I am keeping an open mind and willing to try. We are also, surprisingly, strikingly similar physically in some ways. Maybe I have some SEA blood in me.

The chemistry was explosively positive so we will see. Time will tell.

>Out in bar and get clingy when seeing her with other men

>Being insecure.
>Not making her insecure.
Hook-up or start seeing some younger girl. She'll come back running to you.

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One advice my friend saud if she "friend zones" me, I push back twice as hard. That said I got no game but guess it is not too late to try.

>Being insecure

Does me being 29, nerdy, small, asian on Jow Forums not kind of put 1+1 together?

>Does me being 29, nerdy, small, asian on Jow Forums not kind of put 1+1 together?
Doesn't matter, women can smell insecurity and they hate it. Even if you're insecure, don't let it show. Fake it till you make it.

I get that. I showed some weakness to her when I came back. What I said was I felt anxious and concsious from being back from my home country (I am based abroad). The truth was I was struggling to compress my feelings for her. So there is that.

I am trying to fake it till i make it but the demeanour got balled during my trip back from home back to asia but its coming back.

Whatever happens, don’t get disheartened. In fact, it’s a learning experience you can apply to many other interactions with people and the opposite sex.

Easier said than done friend but I will try.

At her age, you gotta make your intentions clear. Ask her, before it's too late, where are we going with this relationship?

Thing is that she just recently moved AND got out of one long term relationship and had her heart broken too. Bad experiences man so timing could not be worse. From the tone of thread I feel asking is most likely to see me dumped full time in terms of social. I understand the view of coming out to her but context implies im walking onto a minefield with no safe spot.

Hey OP I remember your previous thread. Everyone here was telling you to ask her out and make your intentions known. How come you didn’t do that?

For the above reasons which I failed to convey before. She has come out of two bad relationships where she got a hard ass hand. Second, she just moved here and also needs to build her network and focus on her very high stress job she is training for.

Between that, comparing notes of my friend who said besides THE PERFECT moment (I massage her, things going godly well), I am setting myself up for failure.

That and, to be brutally honest, i wpuld hate for my relationship to die due to a failed early confession. We still both work in the same office so taking all the above into account, I felt it to be bad timing.

Lastly I also did not know how to say it until I came up with after pep talk with a friend "Id like to get to know you better". Even then i am socially inexperienced so judging timing wrong could be a disaster

>She has come out of two bad relationships where she got a hard ass hand
Look I know girls give the excuse that they just got out of a relationship and don’t want a new one, but if she hasn’t actually told you that then it’s not really a problem
>Second, she just moved here and also needs to build her network and focus on her very high stress job she is training for
That’s just an excuse for you not to make a move. I’m sure you’re busy and stressed too. Everyone is.
>besides THE PERFECT moment (I massage her, things going godly well), I am setting myself up for failure
There is never going be a perfect moment. You are setting yourself up for failure by never trying. And this whole idea of waiting for the perfect time is like thinking that there’s a secret cheat code to get women. Either she likes you or she doesn’t. What specific moment you choose won’t affect things too much.
>i wpuld hate for my relationship to die due to a failed early confession. We still both work in the same office so taking all the above into account, I felt it to be bad timing
It’s going to die anyways in two months if you never do anything. You’re just making excuses because you don’t want to be rejected. But to be honest I don’t think you have a chance with her at all if you don’t make any sort of move before she leaves.

She didn't explicity say no relationship and I understand what you are saying. Better to get my interest known than her moving on. I believe however she is leaving my school but not relocating to another part of the city till 6 months.

I know you have read a lot of anons saying similar but man, I am scared of losing the relationship. Really scared. Timing too I know, never perfect or ideal but at the very least AFTER her house warming party.

I will make a "move" but I just don't know how without fucking it up and being discreetish enough without her cutting contact cause I know that would FUCK me.

Are you the guy that wanted to hire a Chinese prostitute? How'd that go? I'm happy you found someone who piqued your interest.

Yeah just realized the same image as befoee. Of course I didn't go through with it. I was feeling low but I have had better upbringing than to do so if it came down to it and an user pretty much highlighted the issue and helped me.

Thanks though but in my heart I feel I am setting myself up for heart break. But we will see.

>back to apartment, movies, everything but intimacy
>Out in bar and get clingy when seeing her with other men
>Try to arrange next meetup during dinner
>"I will let you know"

Either you already blew it and did not notice or she is not interested in you that way. Older woman usually know what they want and don't play so many games about it.

t. 27m dating 39f

I hope neither is the case user. I really hope not.

I know its not what you wanted to hear. I think since she is new in town she needed a friend and you came along.

I still have hope user.

>she comes out of the shower in only a towel

She either is trying to say "bend me over and fuck me all night" or "you aren't a male in my eyes" im betting on the former if you have actual chemistry. just straight up ask her, be straight