My long distance girlfriend has been texting me less and less - and then recently I sent her something slightly romantic/supportive because she had a terrible day and she never responded to it, and it's been days since then.
Should I break up with her? Or ask her what's going on?
I'm in the exact same boat. I asked her whats up or what's going on. zero response. Same bullshit.
She's been depressed ever since she moved away to University. She's a shell of the woman I fell in love with
Thank you. It's brutal man, she's been having a tough time which of course I empathize with and care about, but now it's at the point where I'm starting to get concerned about us because this isn't like her.
Honestly my three options are
1. Break up with her, as it seems like this might be the time to do it
2. Wait for her to text me on her own time
3. Start a conversation about us
>She's been depressed ever since she moved away to University.
haha no she's not. she just only recognizes the guilt she feels when she interacts with you because she is fucking around in college meeting new people and fucking dudes.
Communication is key if you actually care. Personally, I would never put up with a long distance relationship unless I really felt like I wanted to be with the person forever.
sad to say but this is most likely what’s going on. if she actually cared about you she would atleast respond to you. she wants you to end things so she can be free to fuck around
Assuming you two are fairly young, long distance relationships are simply difficult to maintain the more each party gets situated in their lives away from each other.
The best thing might be to simply acknowledge that neither side can provide for each others' needs and separate, unless someone is willing to simply move to the other.
I definitely would see myself spending the rest of my life with this person, and we've had conversations about living together when we graduate college. Casual sex makes her uncomfortable so I know she isn't cheating on me. I do care about her, I just know that if something is going on, talking about it is going to be difficult with her and it would require a lot of tact.
to:
don't let
ell you how to interpret your own significant others emotions based on a vague sentence's amount of data.
I mean, I don't believe that to be universally true. I would be completely fine maintaining a relationship with her, my needs for now are just knowing that her and I are in this together and moving forward with this. We have visits planned already, and skyping every once and a while is meaningful quality time to me. I just like knowing what's going on in her day. But it might be different for her - I'm just saying that you're not correct when it comes to me at least.
Not young. Even in mid 20's it's difficult to maintain LDR. She's just not the same qt I love
Don't tell yourself mid-20s isn't young, especially when you're in your mid-20s. I'm OP, I'm younger than you, and you will wish that you had considered yourself young at that point when you're much older.
Young is 18-21 in my eyes. When you start getting closer to 30, you don't feel young anymore. I'm at the point where my younger class mates make no sense to me. Completely different generation.
stop giving false hope. casual sex with YOU makes her uncomfortable. she found someone else. just face it and do the same
She's getting dicked down by a man who lives closer to her.
>I'm just saying that you're not correct when it comes to me at least.
So you say. How does she feel about your ability to provide for her needs? Is she as invested as you are in maintaining what you have or are you looking at this through a one-sided lens?
no - sex with me is pretty good actually according to her, as in the best she's ever had and the most comfortable she's ever been. we had a lot of it when we were in the same place. when she was with other people before me, and had her only experience with one night stands, she said that was not good at all and left her feeling dirty.
this would be a first in eight months, although i would not deny that it's a possibility. she would have to have met someone and gotten to know them very well, or it would have needed to be a friend of hers who she's very close with.
well when i said "not correct when it comes to me" i meant, i as an individual am comfortable with a ldr - not talking about her when i say that.
when it comes to how invested she is, her story is that she has a fear of commitment, as she just got out of an abusive/manipulative relationship for a few years when she was in high school and she's never had a boyfriend since, although she does tell me that i fill the role of a boyfriend and that she likes me as if i was her boyfriend. one time i "broke up" with her because she was treating me very poorly, she apologized and asked for me to come back and said that she needed me in her life, and that she wants to build a real relationship with me. and she just recently had a conversation with me where she said she wanted me to trust her completely to never do what she did before, which I told her I did, and then since that moment, she's been texting me less and less.
Fear of commit + filling the roll of boyfriend =/= boyfriend + heart-to-heart like that.
Unless there is a good reason, you are likely being boxed out of relationship status. You'll probably know if you ask directly and you get a canned and evasive "I've just been busy."
Has she been playing up how important your friendship is in her life lately? Have you lately been a psychological crutch for her more than a romantic partner?
i’ve been told by girls that i was the best they ever had too. they also ended up ghosting me. i’ve seen it all before. but i can’t tell you what to do. good luck :)
we had a whole conversation where i said, "why dont we just be boyfriend and girlfriend at this point? youve already said that you need me in your life, and that im the most significant romantic experience youve had in your life, so why not?" and she said the only reason was because she was scared of getting too attached and having to break up because of the riskiness of a long distance relationship. she tried to do it with her boyfriend in high school, who would never let her turn him down to spend time with him, and when they broke up and she met someone else, he called her on the phone and screamed at her and called her a whore for about an hour straight while she just cried. so i feel like she's a little damaged and there's some work to be done regarding her comfort levels. she makes sure to tell me that there's no one else in her life and that im the only person who's more than a friend in her life, and that she wants to be in a relationship if we can work through this fear and get close regardless.
but you never know, it sometimes feels like she's just confused about how she feels and she needs a story to tell that makes sense that would keep the attention flowing, you know?
ive never been like a crutch to her, we just talk about mundane things pretty often, usually its flirty.
Getting into long conversations about her romantic life and personal damage is the definition of being an emotional crutch for her, and it can be a very roundabout way of saying no.
I think the other posters might have hit it on the head. She will talk to a random Chad, and she isn't going to go on and on about her insecurities about her ex-boyfriend or working through her troubles like she has with you.
Your misgivings are warranted. I hope for the best, but your last post screams friend zoned.
not all girls are the same, and not all experiences can be applied to all situations. most people on Jow Forums give dating advice without the insight that what they really want is to control a woman into making sure that they never get hurt by them. thats why corey wayne is so popular with guys here, he makes people think that women have a secret code and that you can get them to have sex with you by ignoring them at the right times and what not. but the truth is is that relationships are mutual connections based on trust, and that each person's wants and needs are different. one woman may want to lie to a man about sex and have a lot of it, another may not, neither says something about the nature of the world in a universal sense. but if you care about someone, and they say they want you to trust them, then you do that. if she ends up being with someone else, its not the end of the world, you move on. but i dont think its healthy to perceive women's actions by thinking you know them better than they do, i think it leads to a dysfunctional relationship based on manipulation. i can have sex with other girls, but i value loving someone on that level much more than i do the idea of sexual status. i would much rather trust someone and build something that way, which i dont think is the same thing as being low status. that whole beta/alpha thing is a projection of male insecurity - the idea that theres a clearly defined hierarchy is an easy explanation, which is what people crave when they experience pain or loss. it also indulges people's poor perceptions of themselves and looks at the world in a very cynical, cold way, where "true love" that you would value is only for the lucky. its a product of people being immediately connected as opposed to relatively isolated and close knit, people compare themselves to everyone else based on superficial qualities which can be easily communicated. but true love is built on mutual respect and trust.
If she talks to someone else, I can deal with it, I can move on just fine. There's no need to protect myself from something like that - it's a part of life I've experienced before and I'm a big boy. I've dealt with worse things.
We had two months of constant sex and then we left for school, and we've been doing this ever since. It's been eight months - at some point, we would have to have a conversation about traumatic relationship experiences if this was going to move forward. She didn't have this conversation with me because she wanted me to be her audience, or because she needed a shoulder to lean on. She never wanted to have that conversation to begin with, she only had this conversation with me because I pried it out of her, and it took a long time for me to get it out of her to begin with. If she was saying no, why would she:
- plan for me to visit her
- tell me she needs me in her life as more than a friend
- tell me she needs me to trust her so we can build a relationship
- tell me there's no one else in her life
- tell me she could see us in a relationship or moving in together after college
I don't know man, I just think it's not as simple as me being just friendzoned. I think she's just confused or damaged, she doesn't talk to other guys like at all, she's extremely introverted and awkward, and she doesn't like having casual sex.
>long distance
Unless there's something wrong with you, or you're only temporarily long-distance, your problem is that you're in a long-distance relationship.
If it's temporary, and you know you'll see her again relatively soon, just tell her that you feel like she hasn't been texting you much. But if you started out long-distance and know there's no guarantee you'll see each other soon, then just break it off. The ONLY thing you can really provide from a distance is attention via texting, calling, and nudes, and if she's not even doing that then you may as well be single.
Maybe she is going through a mental change or something intense so she’s not texting as much. If it’s sudden and she seemed positive until now, then it could be something on her end. Sometimes I struggle with feelings of inadequacy but I don’t want to burden the person by telling them repeatedly, so I just stay silent. Not the healthiest I know but it’s the only thing I know to do and I’ve cut people off because of my own mental illness and internal struggle. I didn’t want to bother the other person. If seems like you really care about her, so if I was you I would say something like “hey you’ve been quiet lately. I really care about you so I hope you’re well” and then if you want you can offer to listen if she has a problem. If she never responds then we’ll idk user, but she might after some time