Like my new boyfriend but don't love him is this ok

Do you feel lust and infatuation? Love doesn’t start at the beginning of a relationship, but that “honeymoon” phase of getting butterflies in your stomach is supposed to be there. If not, you don’t have enough chemistry and would be better of as friends.

That honeymoon phase was there for like... A week. But we rushed things. That was a mistake. Now mystery is gone

Lol sounds like shiny object syndrome then. You’re just attracted to the idea of being with someone new. Honeymoon phase is supposed to last for a few months.

He might not be Mr. Right. But he might be Mr. Right Now. You are not obligated to marry this guy.

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It's not that. It's that logically, he would be a really good choice to be with. I guess I'm choosing him by logic.

I think it's the opposite actually. Logically he's perfect, really. I chose him with logic.

Like two weeks.
Yea, my first love and my first serious relationship ended really really badly. It's quite recent too. A few months

>Like two weeks.

Bitch what.

You don't fall in real love with a person after 2 weeks.

That's why I'm asking.
I'm just worried that since the infatuation phase passed, that it's not going to go anywhere.
Being with him is very calm. It's very chill. I don't feel... Much
It's like sunshine in winter. You can feel the warmth but very weakly.
Being with him is nice. It's nice being in his presence.
But there's no crazy spark or anything. That already passed. That's why I'm worried.

On average, it takes how long to fall in love with someone?

There is no rule on this. It's not an equation where you can plug numbers in and get your answer.

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Months, at least.

How long ago was your break up? You can't ever expect your feelings for someone to be as intense the second time around, however if your breakup was recent then that contributes to an inability to attach those types of feelings to a new person just because the wound is still raw.

I guess to follow up on this... Like I'd like to be with him, but I wouldn't drop everything. He's not my top priority by far.

My first relationship, my first love which lasted a year and a half, we did everything together. Nobody existed but each other. We only spent time with each other, and talked constantly. And I always wanted to spend time with him.
It's a very very stark contrast here. To spending time with him I'm like. Meh. Nothing special.

It's definitely nice but I also wouldn't mind if we didn't hang out much. I still want to see him, I'd miss him a lot if we didn't hang out in like a week, but eh.

October. We only stopped speaking for good a month ago. That's when the pain truly hit.
The thing is, I think I can love him, I just don't really trust him enough. So I can't trust my feelings. I feel like I'm holding back. It feels like if he cared more for me I could love him a lot.

I know damn well I sound retarded and like a kid. That's why I'm on an anonymous forum :-)

This is a fairly normal experience. The first love is all-consuming and that's part of the reason it hurts so much. Afterward, people inevitably put up a guard that never comes down again. Subsequent loves are less intense, those people aren't you "top priority" the way your first love was.

I experienced something similar in the relationships after my first heart break. I wanted to want the girls and I felt like maybe I could love them in the future, but in the present I was holding myself back from it just due to the memory of the pain and it meant that I was never all-in in a relationship the way you need to be to progress past a certain point. When the honeymoon phase has dried up after the first 6-12 months if you don't love someone it can't go much further.

The only solution to my problem was time and acceptance of the fact that two different loves in two different contexts couldn't be compared. Comparing your new boyfriend to your last boyfriend a month after your break up is unfair.

On a related note, it's too soon for you to be back out there. Girls have this tendency to search for someone new to fill the void left after the last guy and all they end up doing is hurting the new guy and then feeling guilty over hopping on the next dick too soon.

Don't try and rush your feelings. Take this one day at a time.

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A fire that burns too bright isnt meant to last. Keep this in mind,

Love cant be put into numerical you dumbfuck.

People underestimate the power of hormones and emotions while overestimating the amount of control they have over those emotions.

By any objective judgment, I probably should have left my first girlfriend and gone cold turkey after dating for a few months in the summer and then attempting a LDR for a year during my freshman year in college. I was left an emotional wreck from the periodic drama and my work suffered. But at the time I felt so determined that I could make it work and it always felt so good when we got to see each other again.

In retrospect, I stayed so long because she made my prick hard and because the relationship fulfilled my stupid need for a white-knight-style of fantasy but at the time I remembered feeling so strongly about her and about us.

So what, I should just dump him?
I like him...
I swear it feels like if he caredmore I'd be able to as well.

I only have 4.5 months left before I have to move. Not sure but yea.
Maybe I should stop wasting my time with him...

Oh and the sex with him is average ish. Was way better with my ex

Well, I suggest you enjoy it for what its worth. You can decide later what you want to do.

>I swear it feels like if he caredmore I'd be able to as well.
That's circular logic. He's thinking it too. Early stage relationships are a bit of a game of chicken with both parties attempting to not get more invested than the other. He'd be more invested if you were.

You're right.
He's much older than me though and is .. good in his head. He doesn't seem like the type of guy to believe in crazy love anymore.
I have a mirror personality. I can't stay myself, I'm always adapting to my partner's needs.
I don't want to give him everything and him thinking it's fine with me when it's not.
Dont want to get taken advantage of. Don't want to be too easy. I've been too easy already.

But a love that doesn't burn at all also kills everything

>I'm just asking for how it's supposed to be
And he is telling you there isn't a path for relationships for follow. Some take longer than others.
Seriously how dense are you?

>There's just no spark of feeling alive or anything.
Kek

Is there supposed to be? No?

That's literally what I'm asking in the thread