Like my new boyfriend but don't love him is this ok

I've started seeing this new guy recently. We like each other, but there's no crazy high of being in love or anything. I rlly like him and like being around him and life is going pretty great with him. We clearly like each other, but there's no crazy love or anything. Is this OK? It might have to do with the fact that we rushed into things. The high for him was there but very briefly. He would be my second real relationship, I'm very inexperienced. If its okay, how long will it take for us to love each other?
Thanks for the help.

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You sound like you don't really care about him, just the fact that you're in a relationship. Am I wrong?

Yea, you are. I couldn't care to be in a relationship. It's not like I lack people who want to date me. I do care for him but it's not crazy love. I like him a lot. He's great. There's just no spark of feeling alive or anything.

That's how fresh relationships start. Love at first sight is a meme
You're not gonna be giving a piece of your liver for a dude you've been dating for a couple months

Okay so it will develop into love right? I just wanted to confirm.

It can, but doesn't mean it will.
Your relationship will progress, and every time it progresses, it will test your feelings for each other.
Either your feelings becomes stronger or one of you realize the relationship isn't going to work long term.

How long to test this do you think?

How about you close this thread and stop worrying? There is no set time or anything really. Just live life and see what happens, stop acting like a 16 year old. If it's """meant to be""" you'll fall in love.

I don't like incertitude. I'm just asking for how it's supposed to be, chill

How long have you been together?

>second serious relationship
If you've been in love before and been heartbroken then you can't expect to feel love the same way the second time around. For starters the way you love someone is different for each person, and for another heart break is a traumatic event that alters thought patterns permanently. Comparing your second love to your first love is an unhealthy game to play because it could never feel quite the same no matter what.

Do you feel lust and infatuation? Love doesn’t start at the beginning of a relationship, but that “honeymoon” phase of getting butterflies in your stomach is supposed to be there. If not, you don’t have enough chemistry and would be better of as friends.

That honeymoon phase was there for like... A week. But we rushed things. That was a mistake. Now mystery is gone

Lol sounds like shiny object syndrome then. You’re just attracted to the idea of being with someone new. Honeymoon phase is supposed to last for a few months.

He might not be Mr. Right. But he might be Mr. Right Now. You are not obligated to marry this guy.

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It's not that. It's that logically, he would be a really good choice to be with. I guess I'm choosing him by logic.

I think it's the opposite actually. Logically he's perfect, really. I chose him with logic.

Like two weeks.
Yea, my first love and my first serious relationship ended really really badly. It's quite recent too. A few months

>Like two weeks.

Bitch what.

You don't fall in real love with a person after 2 weeks.

That's why I'm asking.
I'm just worried that since the infatuation phase passed, that it's not going to go anywhere.
Being with him is very calm. It's very chill. I don't feel... Much
It's like sunshine in winter. You can feel the warmth but very weakly.
Being with him is nice. It's nice being in his presence.
But there's no crazy spark or anything. That already passed. That's why I'm worried.

On average, it takes how long to fall in love with someone?

There is no rule on this. It's not an equation where you can plug numbers in and get your answer.

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Months, at least.

How long ago was your break up? You can't ever expect your feelings for someone to be as intense the second time around, however if your breakup was recent then that contributes to an inability to attach those types of feelings to a new person just because the wound is still raw.

I guess to follow up on this... Like I'd like to be with him, but I wouldn't drop everything. He's not my top priority by far.

My first relationship, my first love which lasted a year and a half, we did everything together. Nobody existed but each other. We only spent time with each other, and talked constantly. And I always wanted to spend time with him.
It's a very very stark contrast here. To spending time with him I'm like. Meh. Nothing special.

It's definitely nice but I also wouldn't mind if we didn't hang out much. I still want to see him, I'd miss him a lot if we didn't hang out in like a week, but eh.

October. We only stopped speaking for good a month ago. That's when the pain truly hit.
The thing is, I think I can love him, I just don't really trust him enough. So I can't trust my feelings. I feel like I'm holding back. It feels like if he cared more for me I could love him a lot.

I know damn well I sound retarded and like a kid. That's why I'm on an anonymous forum :-)

This is a fairly normal experience. The first love is all-consuming and that's part of the reason it hurts so much. Afterward, people inevitably put up a guard that never comes down again. Subsequent loves are less intense, those people aren't you "top priority" the way your first love was.

I experienced something similar in the relationships after my first heart break. I wanted to want the girls and I felt like maybe I could love them in the future, but in the present I was holding myself back from it just due to the memory of the pain and it meant that I was never all-in in a relationship the way you need to be to progress past a certain point. When the honeymoon phase has dried up after the first 6-12 months if you don't love someone it can't go much further.

The only solution to my problem was time and acceptance of the fact that two different loves in two different contexts couldn't be compared. Comparing your new boyfriend to your last boyfriend a month after your break up is unfair.

On a related note, it's too soon for you to be back out there. Girls have this tendency to search for someone new to fill the void left after the last guy and all they end up doing is hurting the new guy and then feeling guilty over hopping on the next dick too soon.

Don't try and rush your feelings. Take this one day at a time.

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A fire that burns too bright isnt meant to last. Keep this in mind,

Love cant be put into numerical you dumbfuck.

People underestimate the power of hormones and emotions while overestimating the amount of control they have over those emotions.

By any objective judgment, I probably should have left my first girlfriend and gone cold turkey after dating for a few months in the summer and then attempting a LDR for a year during my freshman year in college. I was left an emotional wreck from the periodic drama and my work suffered. But at the time I felt so determined that I could make it work and it always felt so good when we got to see each other again.

In retrospect, I stayed so long because she made my prick hard and because the relationship fulfilled my stupid need for a white-knight-style of fantasy but at the time I remembered feeling so strongly about her and about us.

So what, I should just dump him?
I like him...
I swear it feels like if he caredmore I'd be able to as well.

I only have 4.5 months left before I have to move. Not sure but yea.
Maybe I should stop wasting my time with him...

Oh and the sex with him is average ish. Was way better with my ex

Well, I suggest you enjoy it for what its worth. You can decide later what you want to do.

>I swear it feels like if he caredmore I'd be able to as well.
That's circular logic. He's thinking it too. Early stage relationships are a bit of a game of chicken with both parties attempting to not get more invested than the other. He'd be more invested if you were.

You're right.
He's much older than me though and is .. good in his head. He doesn't seem like the type of guy to believe in crazy love anymore.
I have a mirror personality. I can't stay myself, I'm always adapting to my partner's needs.
I don't want to give him everything and him thinking it's fine with me when it's not.
Dont want to get taken advantage of. Don't want to be too easy. I've been too easy already.

But a love that doesn't burn at all also kills everything

>I'm just asking for how it's supposed to be
And he is telling you there isn't a path for relationships for follow. Some take longer than others.
Seriously how dense are you?

>There's just no spark of feeling alive or anything.

Is there supposed to be? No?

That's literally what I'm asking in the thread