So I finally got to the bottom of my introversion, perceived autism and "incelness" if you could call it that (let's call it Jow Forums syndrome I guess).
Trust issues.
I've been lied to and taken advantage of in every possible way throughout my entire formative years. Gaslighting parents, highschool bullies, cheating gf, moronic teachers, control freak supervisors, you name it. I'm distrustful of Google, Facebook, Tinder, basically everything social online. The pharma, tobacco and alcohol industries are only out there to exploit human weaknesses for easy money, and yet for some reason others find it absolutely obligatory to make an outcast out of me after as much as refusing a drink. I can't approach girls, because I can't trust them to love me and not to exploit me. I don't trust psychiatrists, and feel like they're just there to rat me out if I mention any sort of illegal behavior from my past, instead of them actually trying to help and understand me.
I want to get out of all of this. I want to be at peace, and not feel the urge to double-check everything, doubt everyone and harbor petty revenge fantasies. I've been described as introverted and childish, but in truth I am socially stunted because I've been hiding for almost my whole life. Is there a reasonable escape route left out there for me? Don't suggest "professional help" please, I'm done with that.
>"my incelness" >Two lines later >"my cheating gf"
Fuck off.
James Ward
She literally left me for another guy she had an affair with. If that's not like the textbook example of "cheating gf" then I have no idea what to tell you.
Brody Gomez
Fags have it so easy, they don't go to jail for identifying themselves.
Caleb Flores
>Is there a reasonable escape route left out there for me? Yes, but it isn't easy. You will have to accept that you just don't want to fit in with certain groups, and that that's fine. I'd even go so far as to say it's preferable. Because most groups and societies today are just cults which usurp individual strengths and abilities for the benefit of said cult. So there's a few levels of difficulty you can pick: Extreme: total isolation from society, learning to live solely by yourself. Hard: 75% isolated from society, only mingle with groups to get essentials (food, shelter, clothes). Normal: 50% isolated from society, a few groups that you provide service to and mingle with, they give you power / money / social status, which in turn brings more oppurtunity to procreate Medium: 25% isolation, you are part of most culturally accepted 'mainstream' groups like schools, jobs, friend circles, family etc. Easy: Born a woman, or a very agreeable male. Follow all social, familial & cultural paths since you are born, never or very rarely stray from 'accepted' paths and live a life created for you by said influences.
Each mode has their pros and cons, what differs is how you will have to communicate with people.
Camden Brown
You're misunderstanding me. I already am isolated at the moment. I want to escape from my self-imposed isolation, but don't believe there is anywhere safe for me to go anymore. It's virtually impossible for a western-raised person to live in this day and age without social contact, but I just can't trust anybody. I want to either learn to trust, or to live without needing to.
Jayden Brown
You referred to yourself as an incel and then two lines later said you had a gf. You're an idiot.
Xavier Scott
Yes. HAD.
Logan Harris
>You're misunderstanding me. I already am isolated at the moment. I want to escape from my self-imposed isolation, but don't believe there is anywhere safe for me to go anymore. I didn't misunderstand you, I tried explaining to you that you CAN be a part of social circles if you wish to, but that for each level there are difficulties. If for you it's difficult because you have trust issues, then you should find a group which you can trust. And as you know, trust goes both ways. >It's virtually impossible for a western-raised person to live in this day and age without social contact, but I just can't trust anybody. I want to either learn to trust, or to live without needing to. You can, I know quite a lot of people who do this through my job. I wouldn't say it's healthy though. You will have to keep moving, and try to make the first step. Maybe you can talk to someone you know about the things you posted here. There is probably multiple groups that would like to make use of your qualities. The danger is in realizing you have these qualities, and not let other people, but mostly groups, take advantage of them.
Landon Reed
You cannot be an incel if you have ever had a gf, kissed a girl, been on a date, or had sex.
Jayden Reed
>If for you it's difficult because you have trust issues, then you should find a group which you can trust. This might be a silly question, but how do I do that? >You can, I know quite a lot of people who do this through my job. I wouldn't say it's healthy though. I didn't mean it being literally impossible, but it's not sustainable and as you said, it's unhealthy. I've had a coworker suicide himself very recently. As you can already tell by seeing me post here, I'm beginning to snap these days about my self-confinement too, and I fear where it will lead. >You will have to keep moving, and try to make the first step. Moving where? What does this refer to? >There is probably multiple groups that would like to make use of your qualities. What qualities? Is "I was abused" a quality? They can't know me if I'm not reaching out to them, because I don't trust them, and if I even did, I'm too tired of worrying to do so.
No, you're thinking of wizardhood. Incelness is just a long streak of it while it being involuntary.
Ryder Collins
>This might be a silly question, but how do I do that? You're not going to like this, but the answer is trial and error. >I didn't mean it being literally impossible, but it's not sustainable and as you said, it's unhealthy. I've had a coworker suicide himself very recently. As you can already tell by seeing me post here, I'm beginning to snap these days about my self-confinement too, and I fear where it will lead. You should fear it, because it's probably even worse than you can imagine. The answer to fear isn't stagnation though, that just makes it worse. Fear dissapears as soon as you confront it, and can be replaced with other emotions. These aren't always positive, but the possibility of improvement is there for sure. >Moving where? What does this refer to? Getting a job if yoy don't have one, getting a hobby or something to fill your free time with. Make sure the 2nd one is healthy and something YOU want. The first one can be unhealthy, just make sure you'd be paid well enough. >What qualities? Is "I was abused" a quality? I get your irony, but it won't help you. I'll reply like this: Because of your abuse you have experienced things others likely haven't, and although abuse is absolutely terrible, the only thing in your control is what kind of positivity you drag out of the experience yourself. This includes 'lying' to yourself, or as people like to say 'fake it til you make it'. You have qualities. >They can't know me if I'm not reaching out to them, because I don't trust them, and if I even did, I'm too tired of worrying to do so. Then you have to stop worrying and realize stagnation is DEATH. You can do this, people better off than you make mistakes with consequences which were disastrous to their life. Mistakes you will never make in a million years. You have to see things from your own perspective, and with that I don't mean the doom and gloom one.
Kayden Morris
>You're not going to like this, but the answer is trial and error. That's still kinda vague though. Where do I start? >The answer to fear isn't stagnation though, that just makes it worse. Isolation inevitably leads to stagnation though, at the very least in my case. That's why I want to escape it. >Getting a job if yoy don't have one, getting a hobby or something to fill your free time with. I have both. I've been sick of all my hobbies being indoor activities, but usually go home so drained after work that I can't force myself to go outside, and usually nobody is calling me out either. >Because of your abuse you have experienced things others likely haven't, and although abuse is absolutely terrible, the only thing in your control is what kind of positivity you drag out of the experience yourself. Well I actually had to figure out everything by myself, especially about my parents, so that's something the average person won't "get". But I fail to see how this is a "desirable quality/skill" either, and for whom. >Then you have to stop worrying and realize stagnation is DEATH. But HOW. HOW DO I STOP WORRYING. >You can do this, people better off than you make mistakes with consequences which were disastrous to their life. Mistakes you will never make in a million years. Because they were foolish. I don't want to be a fool and make others' mistakes.
Eli Walker
>That's still kinda vague though. Where do I start? It wasn't vague. You start by trusting a group. Trial and error. >Isolation inevitably leads to stagnation though, at the very least in my case. That's why I want to escape it. That's fine, and you can do so on your own terms. >I have both. I've been sick of all my hobbies being indoor activities, but usually go home so drained after work that I can't force myself to go outside, and usually nobody is calling me out either. So, you call someone else to go out. >Well I actually had to figure out everything by myself, especially about my parents, so that's something the average person won't "get". But I fail to see how this is a "desirable quality/skill" either, and for whom. What is 'everything' in this case? Specify those things for yourself, and take pride in them when appropriate. These things might seem very normal to you, but they're probably the things people will value most in you, because they're things you do with ease now. >But HOW. HOW DO I STOP WORRYING. Maybe I was wrong in saying to stop worrying, and should've said worry about things worth worrying about. >Because they were foolish. I don't want to be a fool and make others' mistakes. No, not only because they were foolish. I initially wanted to say: 'there's people worse off than you doing way smarter things', which is basically the same, but in my head you would've taken that as personal criticism and reject it. Yoy're right though, you can learn from others mistakes. You can also learn from others successes.
Leo Morales
Don't expect good answers. He isn't preprogrammed to answer difficult questions. He was met with a circumstance outside expected input. You were supposed to say, "ok," and get fixed.
Hunter Phillips
>Don't expect good answers. He isn't preprogrammed to answer difficult questions. He was met with a circumstance outside expected input. You were supposed to say, "ok," and get fixed. Not at all, but please, if you will, tell me how OP should deal with his issues and what specific answer I gave was wrong. I know how nasty people's situations can get, I just don't like the nihilistic and defeatist attitude towards the situation because all it does is cause further stagnation, negativity and in some cases drags people further down. Your are trying to imply I am somehow not taking OP's problems seriously or am under the impression he isn't doing enough to fix it. Which is wrong. I just don't like the attitude, which is probably one of the causes of his issues. And if i'd have to take a guess, yours too.
Isaiah Price
#triggered But seriously, fuck off back to Tumblr. Your advice to op was to "trust a group." His situation is predicated on not being able to trust. You are essentially telling him to manifest the very thing he has identified as his problem. No, I don't have the answer. For me, I don't trust anyone, but I give people no reason to trust me either. It's a mutual web of distrust and hate. I have adapted to isolation and rejection. If I didn't have my closest family, I'd have literally no one except myself. And as a consequence of this, I have began anticipating my further isolation by preemptively disassociating from my family. I still love them and "trust" them, but at the end of the day if I had to, I could leave them. And, in my years of solitude, I've found it's best way to address dread is to just understand no one but me might care. Ignoring "problems" and desires until they go away is how I've made it this far. I'm more me than I've ever been. I don't place value in anything except those things that I value. I'm not fighting for any greater good, I'm not apart of a collective that is interested in me, I'm an observer and a neutral agent. If you can learn to accept this, and actually accept it, you can experience the peace op is looking for. So yes, op, just start trusting people. You will be fixed.
Colton Rogers
"Everything" is about the lies and gaslighting.
So my options are >just trust people man or >get used to it ?
Ian Wood
>Ignoring "problems" and desires until they go away is how I've made it this far. I'm more me than I've ever been. I don't place value in anything except those things that I value. I'm not fighting for any greater good, I'm not apart of a collective that is interested in me, I'm an observer and a neutral agent. If you can learn to accept this, and actually accept it, you can experience the peace op is looking for. You could be right, but it just sounds like defeat to me.
>So yes, op, just start trusting people. You will be fixed. Don't imply I made it sound easy because that wasn't the point I was trying to make at all faggot.
To OP; You can be cool like this guy and tell people they're triggered and to go back to tumblr, while in the same post telling you they don't have an answer except for 'accepting your situation'. lot of people are living (according to this guy) 'peaceful' lives, but to be honest I think they're just not up to the task of taking responsibility. But since you made the OP in the first place I don't think you're like that, since you want to actually fix your issues yourself or with help.
Xavier Ross
sounds like a fulfilling and happy life
Thomas Wilson
Shit sucks. Welcome to Earth. Either get over it or die. That's your options.
Josiah Smith
You're right. I do want to fix my issues. I finally have a name for them even, which is what I sought for the longest time and yet many people also struggle with that too. My next question is, how to fix? I even have something approaching a social life, but the anxiety and suspicion just aren't going away.
Many of the so-called "well adjusted" people didn't have it like this though. I would like to become "well adjusted" myself, but my mindset just is leagues away from it. And I'm not up to making myself gullible just to achieve that.
