Do you want crappy things to happen to people who hurt you?

Sometimes when people really treat me like shit and hurt me so, so much, I find it funny when something kind of bad happens to them -- for instance, on Facebook I saw that someone who had been EXTREMELY emotionally abusive towards me in the past gained 90 pounds, and it kind of makes me happy because she was always bashing everything about me and pretending everything about her life was better. Now she's so unattractive her social life has taken a blow and she has to dress in stupid clothes that my grandma would wear because they don't make any pretty, flattering ones in her size.

Same goes for a guy I know who tried to sexually assault me at a party. I managed to get away, but I've despised him after that. When his girlfriend cheated on him, he was devastated and I thought it was really funny.

However, if either of them were to get cancer, I'd feel awful about it. It's like, I like seeing shitty things happen to people who hurt me horribly, but I don't want something HORRENDOUS to happen to them. Is this normal?

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No, you just sound like the typical petty, shallow person. Nothing new to see here.

You should've reported the guy to the police.

The police would not have cared about a failed sexual assault, especially at a college party.

Google "schadenfreude"

>Do you want crappy things to happen to people who hurt you?
I can't think of anyone that's hurt me maliciously.

Yes, someone treated me like shit and attempted to spread false rumours about me. So I used my best friend who is very popular to spread around all shit I knew about her and people started to hate her. She's completely socially isolated now and I love it. I wanted to hurt her physically, as well, but I don't want to do anything illegal. At one point, I'd probably laugh if I saw a truck run her over.

Revenge feels great.

>Not finding it hilarious when someone who wronged you gets cancer

You are like a little baby

Are you really thrilled about the fact that she's **completely** socially isolated? I wouldn't wish it upon anyone to be 100% friendless and alone, just like how I wouldn't want them to die from cancer or get run over by a truck.

I guess I find it funny to see someone who hurt me horribly and isolated me when I was incredibly vulnerable gain 90 pounds because now she doesn't get invited to parties as often and people don't find her as cool as they used to, but I wouldn't want her to be incredibly lonely.

Why would you want someone to die if they didn't ruin your life permanently?

>Are you really thrilled about the fact that she's **completely** socially isolated?
It's what she wanted to do to me, so yes, it makes me feel pretty good. I don't manically laugh over it every morning or anything, I'm just glad. If she actually stopped ignoring me and apologised to me, I'd forgive her and would be willing to restore our former friendship, but she keeps digging a hole for herself with her shitty behaviour.

What you're feelling is 100% normal. It's not virtuous, but it's definitely normal.

>he was devastated and I thought it was really funny.

It's a normal primitive reaction, you shouldn't feel like an 'awful person' for these thoughts just popping up in your head.

What you should do though, is to start viewing these kind of thought rationally and manage them so. Christianity has helped me a lot with this particular thing and it was one of the most liberating thing I've ever felt. It's not easy and it takes a lot of time, but overwriting hatred and anger with forgiveness is worth every second of battle.

Okay, I guess she should be nice to you if she wants you to be nice to her.

>It's what she wanted to do to me, so yes, it makes me feel pretty good.

When I was 15, I had a new classmate who told me that everyone hated me, so I stopped talking to her. As time went by, I started noticing that people kept gossiping about her, so I was pretty pleased to see that she wasn't very popular either. But then after a couple of months I realized that **everyone** hated her and she didn't have friends, she was all alone and she was getting humiliated by the people who thought they were her friends. Then, I started feeling sorry for her.

So if someone really hurts me, I guess I like knowing that I'm thinner, prettier, more successful and more well-liked than they are, but I wouldn't want them to suffer from crippling loneliness, to become homeless or to become chronically/terminally ill. I just like knowing I'm doing way better than the person who hurt me...

Isn't this the way the average person thinks? Like, I think the average person wouldn't wish cancer upon their enemies, but they wouldn't mind watching them become fat as fuck or anything.

>Why would you want someone to die if they didn't ruin your life permanently?

Not just die, but suffer horribly. And to answer your question: because fuck those who would hurt others just to make themselves feel better. “Die of a tumour, you cunt” I thinks to meself as I raise a glass of scotch to their suffering.

Where do you draw the line? Would you want a passive-aggressive co-worker who's just generally shitty but without actually causing you deep, deep pain to get a tumour and suffer horribly? Have you never made mistakes that caused people great pain? Wouldn't you want to be forgiven?

I wish more than crappy things upon the people that gave me shit in school. I wish cancer and death upon them. If I could kill them and get away with it I would, but I can't.

How old are you now?

There has to be a “Men’s Rea” to accompany an “Actus Reus” for my standards to be met for wishing a horrible death upon them. Anyway, this is all theoretical until I can create my “Cancer Ray” to mete out on wrongdoers.


Wtf are you talking about?

You'll get over that, I had that too when I was 19. As time goes by, the pain will fade. I'm only 24 and things worked out fine for me.

It's because it was relatively recent, that's why. I live in sorta a small place so I do see them every now and then, every time I do I feel the hate boiling inside me. I wish I could do something about it.

Latin terms used in the legal profession

Mens Rea: The proven intention to commit a crime/transgression

Actus Reus: The proven act or transgression performed

To wit: They have to have committed the crime, and been shown to have intended to commit said crime before my standards are satisfied for revenge.

Thanks for your response

Have you tried practicing mindfulness? It really worked for me.

So then you would want someone to suffer horribly even for something small?


What is mindfulness? Look, I don't really want to go through all this "forgiveness" stuff, I can't forgive them for ruining my high school experience.

As time goes by, you will, because they were suffering as well - perhaps even more than you. My worst bullies came from extremely abusive households and were super suicidal at the time (maybe even still?). Even "minor" bullies I dealt with had some issues - I came across a blog post by a girl who had bullied me a couple of times and it was about how she had never felt like she was part of some group (she was 21 or 22 or sth when she wrote the blog post). You'll get there.

Also, forgiveness is something you do to make yourself feel better, not to make them feel better.

Most of the people that bullied me were popular people, who went to all those parties and had good social lives. I saw one last year and he still tried to give me shit, that's why the hate is so raw. Thanks for your advice though man. you seem like a kind dude.

I had a shitty neighbour once, she was annoying, everyday she would turn the music up, her kids were cunts too, doing everything so that others would suffer. We couldn't do anything, nothing was working. One day, she and her lover drank a bit too much and died in a car crash. Kids were taken away. When I heard about it, a big grin appeared on my face.

I would say that it's normal. However, it is a bit pathetic. Those people shouldn't have any influence on your emotions - be it good or bad.

I understand why this made you happy. But by proxy, you were also happy that two kids lost their parents and their lives were decimated. Need to exercise empathy from all angles of parties involved in a situation to gain some enlightenment

I ran into one of my former bullies last year, he was the most popular guy in class when we were 12-13 years old. He told me he never felt at ease when he went to that school and he constantly felt on edge - as if he had to prove something to people. While he had more superficial popularity (going to parties and stuff) he just hung out w/ certain people to look cool and he made fun of people because he didn't want to lose his status. He had actually wanted to befriend some of the other nerdy kids because they seemed more authentic to him.

So even the people that appear to have very socially succesful lives are not necessarily all that happy at that age. It may seem as though they are/were (that's what I used to believe) but it's a very rough time in people's lives.

I seriously recommend you to look for information on mindfulness, if not therapy, you can google tips or buy a book on it. Worked wonders for me.