Realizing its not even worth trying anymore

Bettering yourself doesn't work for some people apparently and i am one of them.
>be me
>19 and virgin at the time
>skinny fat
>everyone from highschool hated me
>nothing to do except easy college
>decided to better myself so i go to the gym and dieting
>hoping i would at least have a chance at a 5/10 since my social skills were not helping me.
>lifestyle changes were too drastic
>digestive problems appearing
>ignoring and keep going
>month later started shitting blood
>doctors couldn't tell what the problems was
>in the end i got some irritable bowl syndrome meds and some painkillers
>family thinks i am retarded and imagining things
>anxiety of not knowing whats wrong keeps increasing
>even people i was gaming with isolate me for being too worried and ruining their fun
>everything is falling apart
>depression kicks in
>being mad because i am weak for 6 months straight
>quitting gym in the meantime
>back to square one + health problems
>now 21 and more suicidal by the day
Sometimes you just have to stay low, not everyone can do transformations so stop trying if you know your shortcomings.

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If people "hate you", there must be a reason to it. Why do you think they did?

You're barely an adult. You don't know shit about the world. Giving up before even experiencing life.

You put in much more effort than I did, and yet we reached the same conclusion.
Some people are meant to be alone.

the opposite of depression is gratitude. we all expect good things so they go unnoticed. count your blessings and realized things could be worst. in life we must except all things. get back on the horse

Lol look at hippie

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i accept that lol :)

>dude it could be worse XD
I'm not sure "hate" is a strong enough word to describe what I feel towards people like you.

sounds pretty toxic. hopefully ur not suicidal

I wasn't, but you reminded me why I should be

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generalizing pelple like that must leave you with a pretty dark outlook

Dark is relative to light, and ive seen neither. Just a twilight of low expectations and low hopes.

come on now

well i guess u cannot expect much then. it is your choice

>it's your choice to not manifest the light so you can see it
I wonder how that works

then you are in the dark and might trip over something


if u focus on the shit... then everything is shit.

This isn't worth my time, but I'll explain this in a different way.
I'm not suicidal, first of all. Second, I don't "focus on the shit." Yes, I acknowledge when there is shit and comment on that, but my life or outlook doesn't revolve around what's bad.
Third; there is nothing good enough in life that I want to achieve it, other than eternal peace. The only fantasy I hold onto anymore is the idea that maybe one day society will collapse and I'll be able to kill my enemies. Otherwise, not much motivating me. I hate working, I don't like people enough to want to be around them, I do like college but I can't be here indefinitely. I've given up the thought of family because it was a silly idea to begin with. I just observe what happens and take whatever comes my way with as much indifference as I can muster up. Of course, I try to laugh at as much as I can

there is a word for that. nihilism keep laughing cause its the best medicine. hate will consume you, trust me you ever have a close family member murdered and cut into peices and scattered accross the land? i have


well thats great. count your blessings. its all im saying.

Oh. Ok.