I've been in therapy for the last 6 months to deal with depression and anxiety. While my therapist is a really kind woman I think being in therapy is actually poisoning me. I have quite a few issues and one of the big ones is my fetish where I imagine myself as a woman (usually pregnant). The problem is I've looked into this shit and reading how psychologists describe this fetish is so fucking disturbing. They all seem to believe it makes you transgender and you need to transition to be happy. Also just reading into psychology and psychiatry in general and there just seems to be fucked up ideas like the way mental patients are treated in asylums or the way they treat suicide like a crime. I've been having so many paranoid thoughts about being forcibly sedated and made/coerced into taking estrogen pills. Basically all of my anxiety right now is just about the mental health system destroying my life. I have a feeling that just getting out would be like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulder. I already know what I need to do to fix my life for one go out and join clubs/activities in my area and stop masturbating/masturbate less will probably fix half of my issues right now.
I'm pretty sure therapy is destroying my life
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>or the way they treat suicide like a crime
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Anyway, just tell that that you believe that psychoanalysis makes more sense than radical behaviorism which they're espousing, and that according to psychoanalysis, this kind of behavior (the fetish you mentioned) is a manifestation of a narcissistic neurosis. Also, tell them that narcissistic neurosis includes what is labeled as melancholy, schizophrenia, and so on. This is nothing more than a manifestation of the same underlying abnormality, which can be corrected through therapy.
Given the present laws, they can force you to take estrogen pills if you're a danger to yourself (feel depressed and suicidal). According to their perverse reasoning, this is because you have a female gender identity, which is a completely unscientific theory, and has nothing to do with scientific psychology, nor neuroscience at all.
Radical behaviorism is perverse, and it's a shame that mediocre politicians made it their agenda to promote such perversion worldwide.
Also, one of the typical manifestations of narcissistic neuroses is excessive masturbation which has the underlying themes of sexual fixation on oneself. The libidinal energy is looped back to yourself, inflating your ego, making you cut off from the outside world and not investing libidinal energy in the outside world.
Extreme narcissism almost always leads to psychosis. And psychosis is almost always a form of extreme narcissism.
A few months of therapy is enough to treat this.
I think the fetish comes from childhood trauma mostly. Honestly though I have enough insight into myself to recognize when I'm being an idiot usually. This experience has only really helped me in the sense it showed me sitting around all day feeling bad about myself is a horrible way to live. Also if they can really force you to take estrogen that's fucked up and should be made illegal. the mental health field is pretty fucking disturbing when you look into it.
The thing some therapists don’t understand is that they don’t need to pry out your deepest and darkest secrets on a thing. My crack theory is that they break down a perfectly fine person with a few minor problems into depression so they can get you on big pharma and make their pockets fatter.
Some therapists, most therapists, genuinely do not know when to stop trying gutting a person from the inside out and it ends up more harmful in the long run. I guess my question to you op is why you would stick around someone like this.
Actually most of this was probably on me. I just brought it all up because I was insecure about it and wanted her to help me with it. The thing is she really didn't have much to say that was useful except just saying it really sucks I have to go through this. I'm starting to realize I can't expect anyone to help me with most of these issues because nobody really knows what is going on in my head except me. But I do agree I think I shouldn't stick around because it seems to be making things worse and is expensive as fuck.
You need to acknowledge the darkest, dirtiest, and most unpleasant parts of yourself, and stop suppressing them, even if these things make you feel guilty or at fear of being punished. Then, you need to force yourself to go outside and start interacting with others.
It's that simple.
Eh that's some of the stuff I find disturbing about psychology. The idea of "repression" is kind of toxic you could just say anything a patient says or does is just repressing their true self. Same with denial, if a patient says they don't want to do something they can just say you are in denial. In the end there is no proof or any way to validate the psychologists claims but it is given value because of the apparent exclusive knowledge the psychologist has that the client doesn't. In my opinion we shouldn't have psychologists instead just wise sages or something like that.
Look for another therapist. And know what you want to achieve before going in otherwise they'll try their little sick experiments on you just to see what the results are.
Honestly just looking into the problem of my fetish and it seems to be believed by psychologists to be a sign of gender identity issues. My psychologist is probably the best I could get because she just accepts what I say to her and doesn't usually challenge it. Most psychologists would probably suspect some kind of gender issue for me. I don't believe it since I love being a man but like you say if I let a psychologist have complete access to my life they could start performing fucked up experiments on me as you say. I'd rather just fuck off and live my life the way I want to.
You are likely spending waaaay to much time thinking about this.
Fetishes are just that, what goes on in your head to get you off is your business. Unless you think you might do something crazy or violent acting on your fetish then enjoy you fantasies.
As for the therapist, just be busy and stretch the appointments out. This is supposed to help you, not put her kid through college. Talk about stuff that is going to make you life better.
Garden, grow some watermelons..
>I'd rather just fuck off and live my life the way I want to.
Finally, a voice of reason appeared.
With my fetish I definitely feel like shit whenever I indulge in it. I've tried accepting it but it never works. I think I'm getting off to it exactly because it makes me feel like shit. Kind of like a masochism. I think the best thing is to just work towards NoFap but not rely on NoFap to cure me. As far as therapy though I just don't feel like it's that great. I also think I get to attached to her saying nice things to me as the main thing I enjoy from it. Which doesn't seem healthy to me.
>I've tried accepting it but it never works
You don't need to accept it as a part of yourself. You need to accept it as a perversion produced by perverse state of mind.
If it makes you feel bad - deal with it, this is the real world. The real world is harsh and brute.
What you're doing here is looking for attention to inflate your ego even more, though. Which is a part of the underlying problem. And that problem is perverse neurotic narcissism.
You channel your libidinal energy back to yourself and not others, and only use others to drain their libidinal energy to further inflate your ego. This cycle needs to stop if you ever want to recover.
Go outside, start interacting with others, and give them attention and consideration. Stop thinking about yourself so much, most importantly. You are just one among billions of people, and you don't stand out that much.
This is why treating narcissistic neuroses and perverse narcissists so hard, that even Freud didn't want to do so. It's because there's always almost zero willingness to cooperate with treatment. Excuses and rationalizations will always be made, and the subject will manipulate others and even the entire political system if there are a lot of deranged subjects like him to get a perverse reality the subject wants.
Honestly I think most of what you said is true but that's kind of what I'm trying to do. To let go of the need for validation from my therapist and just fucking live.
Could you tell me more about narcissistic neurosis? I don't have the same problems as OP nor are my issues as serious, but I can see myself in some of this. What is the relationship between being narcissistic and having anxiety or depression?
And is a good self-treatment just trying to get my mind off myself? I think I really spend way too much time worrying about myself and my identity and such; I always thought it was a good thing I am so introspective, but maybe not really. What sorts of thoughts should I be having versus not having?
I'm OP I think some of what that user said is crap. You do need to have a little self awareness to survive in the world and be self confident which I actually am lacking in. Narcissists are usually over confident in themselves. He is 100% right about needing to focus on yourself less but he doesn't give any advice on how. That's my experience with psychology they don't really tell you how to do anything you have to figure it out yourself, which is actually fine but do you really need a psychologist to tell you that? Also if they do give you advice there is a chance they will be a psychologist who is manipulating you for their own intrigue/curiosity. I think one way to focus on yourself less is to just try looking around at others when you are out and about and acknowledge them. Maybe even narrate what you see.
Therapists don't have very much power over you as an individual and what happens to you outside of your session room. They are not evil people trying to "fix" you, they are just people who you can talk to about your problems. They don't work towards changing you - but they help you work towards self acceptance. I think you should keep going with therapy, but only when you feel ready and with a provider that you trust and like.
Other areas of psychology, psychiatry, neurobiology and whatever other concerns you had do not apply to talk-therapy. You can tell your therapist you are paranoid about those things and they can work to make you feel more comfortable with the process.
You might be right about therapy but it is still really expensive and I don't feel I'm getting much out of it.
If you are holding back information from them then they cannot help you process it. So then if you are not ready then you don't need to force yourself to go.
I'm sorry that money is a concern for you.
If I told her everything she'd probably just say I'm transgender. I'm not transgender but it won't matter if I say that or not it will just be seen as denial. So why even bother if we just reach that impass? I think I'd be happier just dealing with this shit myself.
They don't look you in the eyes and tell you how to define yourself. That's not their job. Their job is to further provoke your thoughts and give you support while you do this so that you don't have to feel completely alone.
Yeah well I look at shit online and granted they are internet communities like reddit which probably are hiveminds but people will talk about having the same fetish I have and everyone tells them their transgender. And they all say you have to transition it's the only way to get better. It's just fucked up to me I'd rather not deal with that.
No offense intended OP but when I was a teen I had similar thoughts and I read this young adult novel called "Freak-boy" and it was written from the perspective of a gender fluid person exploring their identity through dreams and then how they handled that in their daily life. Fiction and written for teenagers.
But the story still holds up with what you are saying about having intrusive thoughts or dreams about your gender. You can be gender fluid and without identifying as transgender. Hope this helps.
Are you letting people on the internet tell you how to live?
Well I look things up to try to find clarity.
I just want to be a man not gender fluid.
gender is a social construct - look that up for clarity
I don't want to have different pronouns or any of that. I know it shouldn't bother me I have this fetish or whatever it is but it still does.
Let me tell you about my experience with psychologist
>long ago
>I was ME
>in psych class 101 for collage
>the rest of class are tards/jocks I knew from highschool
>teacher gives assignment
>"Write me an answer on how to mow your lawn without doing it yourself or hiring someone"
>da fuck.jpeg
>whole class just wrote hire someone else or mow it themselves
>I wrote having sheep graze on it, then sheer sheep for wool to sell
>teacher looks surprised
>gives me an A
>fuck yes you tards
>teacher halted me though
>"user, am I also able to have sex with the sheep?"
>MFW
>"Yeeearrrhh sure whatever"
And he was one of many psychologists I have met that are just sex driven maniacs. I don't trust them at all