Feeling an almost overwhelming need to end it all, but I also don't want to give up and go out like a bitch...

Feeling an almost overwhelming need to end it all, but I also don't want to give up and go out like a bitch. I know that suicide is wrong and evil, but I still am about 30 minutes away from downing a bottle of meds or throwing the toaster in the bath. I think I need help. I can't call a suicide hotline, there are other people in the house with me.

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Me too bro. Thinking about jumping in front of a train. Quickest way to go. We don’t have guns in this country or I would have shot my own head off with a gun already

Op here. Same, but there's no trains nearby and a car isn't a sure enough bet.

Do you have any money? I have about £700 and I can raise another £1000 by next week. Maybe we can go to Goa or somewhere and just take heroin until it all goes dark

I'm broke as fuck, jobless student. Travel isn't really an option, enough people know me that questions would be asked or police would be called.

You don’t even have a passport?

I have a passport, but people might question it if I just don't show up to classes suddenly and disappear.

Also just kinda want to get it over with, no need to make a spectacle.

Is there really nothing you could do before? Like eating some food or unleashing the kraken to the sweetest babes out there? You know something that makes you think "damn feels good to be alive".
Can't be that hard, even crime (nothing too immoral that could affects other people's life). You just gotta delay that shit, turn it down for the better. You ain't done yet, don't be lonely anymore. Just let the night pass... You guys have to stop this. There is nothing manly in it, you are cowards, it doesn't look as bad as you think or as people told you it is. You gotta have rules, fuck everybody.

If you’re a lot younger than me then don’t do it, life will get better for you. I’m already old and past it.

You will one day graduate, and have money. Then life will get better. I made too many mistakes and I only have myself to blame. Maybe you’ll learn these lessons earlier in life in factnyou’re Guaranteed to do that.

Forget committing suicide, leave that to the used up old shit heads like me.

I don't have time to do things I enjoy. School is over, I go home, and instantly my family is on my back about every little thing (no girlfriend, no job, no ambition, etc). I try to get together with friends and they are always too busy (they aren't, they're playing video games at home) and when I finally managed to convince them to get together, they all flake. Because I'm not with friends, my family assumes that means I want to be with them and get verbally shit on all day. When family isn't around, which is about once every two or three months, I'm so exhausted by everything else that I just stay in bed. Don't read or go on my phone, just lay there, it's all im able to do.

Also I know this is the cowards way out. I'm a coward.

Shit man I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it a lot, it just all feels so tiring.

Fuck man, idk. Every choice I've made so far has been bad, why's the future different?

You ever tried arson?

Yes, very cathartic. Set off my fire alarm tho, and outside is literally deadly levels of freezing, and I don't feel like going all matchstick girl on this.

Dude if they do this it's because they only want to see you succeed in life. I would do the same to you by reflexe because I don't like to see you the way you are today. It's not you and it's not forever, you simply gotta believe life is way easier than it looks, easy money and easy good look (get fit, get fashion, get hot dates..)
Just get easier by saying it.

And don't forget to do it all for yourslef and nobody else.

Go try to help other people. Helping others will give you the answer to help yourself.

Parents have told me multiple times that they only want me to succeed to pay for their retirement home. Brother is very successful, he fulfills their expectations while I leech.

I don't like myself, and I don't think I deserve success. I think this comes from being told I'm worthless (indirectly) by my parent's a lot. This is stopping me from making any meaningful progress.

Again, I appreciate the attempt to help, and I know I'm being a bitch coward about this whole thing, it's just... Ahhhhhh.

This may be a dumb question, but how?

Help people on here, help random strangers, help family. Everyone needs help, all you have to do is ask. Just don't give money, that shit is a scam.

Alright, I'll try this and give it one last shot. Gonna wait it out one more week, see what I can do. Maybe find the time to call a hotline. Anyone know if police are contacted when you call a hotline? Don't trust cops at all.

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Or does it go on a record anywhere or something? The worst thing that could happen if I make it through this shit is that nobody will hire me or I get institutionalized for this.

Don't worry of it. No it doesn't unless you make a too big of a scene. Just live and things will be okay. You already at your lowest point, there is nowhere to go but up and there is no one that can stop you going up.

And I know I'm piling up the questions here, but anyone ever tried getting high on weed while feeling like this? I have a little bit left (it was legalized here a few months ago) and kinda don't want to waste it. If it's going to send me into a depressive or anxious episode I'll just throw it out tho.

Thanks user.

you are already fighting your own mind, why cloudy it up and give yourself a disadvantage?

Last few times I got high I just felt better for a while, even a few days after the high ended. The two or three hours of not feeling worthless really helped. To be fair tho, I wasn't feeling nearly as bad then as I am now, I'll probably just play it safe and avoid it.


For the good of humanity
Kill a nigger or Muslim first

OP here.

No longer want to kill myself, as I now realize how lucky I am that I'm not you.