So I hear everywhere that I need to be happy with myself before any girl will like me. And I was happy with myself. I would spend every day going to the gym, reading, practicing guitar, looking for work, focusing on classes, all that crap. I was at peace.
And then all that stopped. I started feeling horribly lonely and I couldn't keep that positive attitude up any longer. Now I just want someone to hold me before I jackknife out my fourth story window.
How can I reclaim that feeling of being content with myself and actually KEEP it? I think I lost it when my friends all got girlfriends and I wasn't able to spend as much time with them. Also I'm a gigantic fucking sperg so flirting is really difficult for me and it makes me feel pathetic and worthless.
Stop worrying about women so much. Itll happen, just keep putting ourself out there. Also, stop making your self out to be a victim. Remember, you’re in control of your life
Nicholas Long
What you are experiencing is normal for everyone at some point in their life. Right now, your imagination is pumping out the lie of “I will never be happy” and you are choosing to believe your imagination. The truth is that a girlfriend cannot make you happy, it’s impossible. Being single cannot make you sad, it is believing your imagination that is telling you being single is bad. Also look at all the problems that come with being in a relationship, you are avoiding those at the moment. Be thankful about that.
Cooper Harris
that doesn't change the fact that I AM sad and I DO want some kind of romantic intimacy.
I don't know how I can just stop myself from wanting that. Is it really possible for me to decide to be happy? because it sure as shit doesn't feel possible
Lincoln Sanders
Your sadness isn’t coming from being single, it is coming from your thoughts that being single is bad. It is impossible to be harmed by not being in a relationship. You are believing your imagination that happiness comes from romance. The only thing between you and happiness is realizing that being in a relationship will not bring you peace, it’s impossible. Being in a relationship will bring about other problems, and you will feel suffering about those new problems.
Mason Sanders
Nigga it's just that it hurts knowing you are no one's first choice and that you are not enough for anyone. And that is pretty fucked up if you haven't felt what it's like before.
Sorry to tell you this OP but it never goes away. Even when I've learned to love being alone there is always that little pain inside my head... Just learn to live with the pain and use it as a motivator to do some badass shit like mountain climbing or drive motor bikes or making awesome music. Good luck
The reason you dropped all those things was because you were doing it for someone else and not for yourself. You arent happy with yourself if youre forcing yourself to do things to impress others
Luke Brown
Because, contrary to popular belief, it is impossible to keep yourself eternally happy if you are involuntarily celibate
Unless you're asexual, you do NEED some form of intimacy, relationships and/or sex. That's just a biological need. It should be pretty obvious
Kevin Cruz
Iktf too well
Grayson Davis
>not enough for anyone And, back in the renaissance, they called DeVinci stupid. Was he?
Xavier Thompson
You mean a want. You're not going to die without pussy. Hell, I just fuck hookers and cuddle with my pit bull. Couldn't give a shit less about being alone. and if i do get a girlfriend, i 1) am really good at sex from getting the hookers to teach me, and 2) the dog has taught me how to care for another living being. So whatever happens, i win.
Elijah Hughes
You're not going to die without relationships/sex, no. But you are gonna feel like shit all of the time. No matter how much you bury it, if you're a normal red-blooded guy with sexual urges and intimate needs, you're gonna reach breaking point eventually. You're gonna have a breakdown and want to cry and want to die. Being an incel is true hell. The worst thing is, no one has any concrete advice on how to escape it.
Julian Morales
You only did all that stuff to get a girlfriend instead of just simply caring for yourself is why this happened. Seriously, i dont understand other incels. You talk about how horrible women are but then talk about how miserable you are without one and how theyll magically make your lives better. Make up your fucking minds.
Jason White
Dude, how the fuck cant you understand this? Being involuntarily celibate is fucking horrible, no matter how much "self care" you practice or how many hobbies you take up. Sitting there knowing that no woman has ever been attracted to you and you can't do something that 99.9% of humans do without effort, is fucking suicide inducing. Seriously. Even coming on Jow Forums is suicide fuel at times because there are still loads of people on here who mysteriously have gfs and complain about their gf problems. Why can they get gfs and I cant? I want to die.
Jaxon Roberts
Hookers make your sexual urges irrelevant. And i never understood this stupid shit about intimacy. All itimacy is is connecting with anyone on a personal level, not just a girlfriend. Hell all a girlfriend is is a roommate you sleep with. You get a girlfriend to start a family, not to make your life better. Theyre partners, not fucking prizes. You cant get one because youre emotionally unstable which will result in nightmarish outcomes for children. Yes, that's why they don't want you. Yes, theyre thinking that far down the line.
Levi Perry
You're probably autistic and dont value human connection. For those of us who are mostly normal and have normal urges, intimacy is a need. We need human touch, kindness, affection, lust, cuddling, hand holding, kissing, the small things in life that make us feel warm inside.
Luis Thompson
Read thisLol do without effort? Are you fucking stupid?
Jack Roberts
Crack heads have"urges" for crack, do they need crack? You dont need shit.
Colton Perez
>hurr just get a hooker
Doesn't solve the fact that no woman wants me, retard.
I just want to be desired by someone. Why is that too much to ask for?
And yes it's without effort. 99.9% of people dont even have to think about the difficulty of getting into relationships, they just do it.
Fuck off. You're an autist who doesn't understand human connection or intimacy.
Joseph Harris
Didnt even bother arguing the rest. Youre a bunch of narcissists.
Evan Bennett
And youre a narcissist. :)
Dominic Smith
Why cant you understand that most human beings need intimacy?
It wouldnt be normal or healthy for someone to go their whole adult life without having any friends. Likewise, its not normal or healthy for someone to go their whole adult life without having any romantic relationships.
Just because you can handle being alone, doesnt mean everyone else can.
What the fuck are you supposed to do when you crave intimacy but you're an incel? You can't just shut your urges off. It's not possible.
Benjamin Bennett
The answer is that you need to stop being an incel. Stop going on Jow Forums.
Michael Brown
I dont go on r9k. Still an incel. What now?
Camden Robinson
Because a relationship isnt about you. Youre a narcissist who doesnt care about others, you just want to feel better about yourself.
>Want to feel desired >need attention to function >ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!! Relationships are about starting a family, not about stroking your fucking ego.
Angel Allen
Are you mentally challenged? Incel = involuntarily celibate. I am an incel until the day a girl is kind enough to let me go out with them.
>Hurr you should be totally 100% fine and happy with being a man who no woman is attracted to, no woman desires, and is alone forever
Jaxson Evans
He still denies guys get rejected many times before landing someone. His ego's too great to be threatened.
Noah Scott
Yep, narcissist
Alexander Johnson
Of course they get rejected. But most people just develop relationships naturally, without much effort. How many times have you heard someone say "I dont know how we got together, it just happened"? A lot. For most people, it "just happens".
Jayden Ortiz
Being an incel is a choice. The one and only definition of an incel is someone who identifies as one. To stop being an incel, stop identifying as one. You are actively doing everything you can to avoid getting a gf.
Chase Ross
I dont identify as an incel. But that doesnt stop me from being involuntarily celibate. How cant you understand this?
Kevin Hernandez
Because they're more preoccupied with just getting the fuck on with their lives then crying about being alone cuz "muh feewings"
Luke Allen
How can you not understand you are choosing to be an incel? You were given lots of ways to stop being an incel but you refused them all. Because you want to continue being an incel.
Leo Lee
Okay. Tell me, how do I "stop being an incel" and start dating, experiencing intimacy and living life as a normal human?
Camden Mitchell
Get over the facts that relationships aren't about you, and that your "problem" isn't a problem.
John Kelly
If your solution doesnt involve me being able to date and live as a normal human being, its not a solution.
Please. All I want to do is escape this horrible fate. I would do anything to stop being an incel
Adrian Torres
>stop blaming everyone else for your own problems >stop being perpetually angry and negative >clean yourself up, get your life together >create account on tinder, bumble, etc >start going to social events from meetup >when feeling lazy and sexually frustrated visit an escort But you will angrily deny all of the above, so why bother. You want to be an incel.
Parker Anderson
>clean yourself up, get your life together >create account on tinder, bumble, etc >start going to social events from meetup
And what do i do if I did all those things and still can't get a date?
Why assume that because I'm an incel, I must be some stereotypical r9k hermit who never leaves the house? I have a social life, I just cant get a date.
Lucas Mitchell
Yep, narcissist.
Andrew Murphy
Then you keep fucking trying.
James Stewart
Did you really? How many matches did you get on tinder? How many girls did you message? Ask on a date? Go on a date with?
Andrew Perry
A lot of matches. Cant ask girls on a date, I'm too scared of rejection.
Hunter Hernandez
Lol who would have fucking guessed. Too arrogant to let his ego be threatened. You now show 6 of the 9 symptoms.
Elijah Walker
I didnt choose to be like this. You don't know what it's like to desperately want and crave intimacy, but be unable to get it solely because of a fear of rejection so strong that it ends any chance you have of ever developing a relationship. It took me 3 years of trying to muster up the courage before I could message a girl on Tinder again, after the last time in 2016 where I tried to message a girl and she stopped responding to my messages.
Dominic Reed
I think you need more that a Jow Forums thread in the middle of the night to fix this. I suggest you make an appointment with a professional therapist, and get to work on this.
>I think I lost it when my friends all got girlfriends and I wasn't able to spend as much time with them. Yeah, that happens. I really feel you there. Just find some new friends instead and put your old friends on the backburner just so you aren't completely out of touch with them. Their relationships may not even last, and if they do you should feel happy for them if you actually like them at all. They'll likely go back to being their regular selves after the relationship calms down, assuming their gf isn't a harpy bitch that tries to change them.
Try to get involved in mixed group activities. You ain't gonna meet a gf in men-only groups. You're also never going to get better at flirting and socializing if you don't practice it and stop having a shit attitude about it. Practice makes perfect, can't make an omlette without cracking a few eggs, etc. etc. Don't beat yourslf up for mistakes, just promise yourself to do better next time and leave the embarrassment in the past.
Ethan Hughes
Yep, figures, it's the same guy again. When will he get the therapy he needs?
Dominic Perez
Therapy won’t directly free me from inceldom.
Adam Williams
It will indirectly when your insecurity issues will be solved.
The reason why many people myself included say, that intimate relationships came easily and naturally is because people are forging connection between each other based on friendship. It's very easy and natural to find a soulmate, when you are actively seeking for friends regardless of their age, skin color, gender or physique. Because if you have lots of friends, you will find at least a couple who are extremely compatible with you on personal, "live-together-as-a-family" level. So the more you grow shallow and egotistical the harder it would be to find love. Learn empathy, respect for other people and free yourself from prejudice and assumptions and you will find many people in your life inevitably.
And if you're a moron please continue your quest for a "GF acquisition" or "a score" because I don't want to have people like this pretending to actually want friendship while in reality they care little about anything else except themselves.
Justin Perry
Also, to the self-proclaimed incel who has done nothing but whinge and feel sorry for himself this entire thread, suck my balls. I'd be glad to take your virginity if it means that fucking much to you. You won't like it.
This, nacissist. Just this. The "friendzone" is a lie other narcissists tell themselves. Relationships aren't about you, theyre about the people youre with. You called me an autist. Im actually a psychopath and even i know all this shit.
Jonathan Baker
I would like to point out, that healthy relationship are a team effort. They are never about just you or just the other person. I had plenty of one sided connections in my life and they never stood the test of time.
Blake Collins
Well if the relationship is healthy then shell do the same. Thats what dating's about. Its not about finding someone who will love you, its about finding someone worthy of loving.
Carter Hill
And how do you actively seek for friends?
Henry Edwards
By just getting out in the world and doing whatever you love doing, then you'll meet people similar to you. Try using the meetup app sometime. Hell, you scoffed at hookers, but my two very best friends are hookers. You never know just who the hell you'll connect with out there, thats the beauty of it all.
Bentley Ramirez
I'm not OP. I do what I like and never meet women anywhere. Not being into the same things as you are does not mean that I don't respect other people or don't want to connect with them.
Ethan Murphy
You don't live life for others, you live life for you.
Angel Murphy
What does that mean?
Henry Thomas
Means live life for you, not for the approval of others. Go out, experience the world, discover who you are, build your character, and become a true man so you can care for others when they do come along.
Benjamin Young
>when That's the thing. You assume it just happens for everyone when it obviously doesn't.
Nathan Wright
How are you even able to leave the basement? It's a really scary world outside!
Elijah Williams
OP here
That incel who was venting wasn't me. I went to sleep and woke up to see 70 replies lol
I understand the whole "live for yourself" thing, but the truth is that I've never liked myself and probably never will. All of my friends in relationships are almost as severely depressed as me and they still managed to find someone, so there has to be more to it than that.
If it's really just luck, then I might as well put my head through a rope and jump now because luck is not my game.
Dominic Edwards
Because youre still obsessed with being validated. But go ahead and sit in your room and cry because then you'll definitely find someone. Which is fine i guess since your ego refuses to be wrong. I really don't give a shit though. Ive wasted enough time on you so im going to bed. Youre your own problem.
Lucas Lopez
*not find someone. Im exhausted from dealing with your bullshit
Wyatt Brown
I'm outside every day. I have hobbies, a master's degree and a job. I have male friends that are also permavirgins like myself. Your entire premise still relies on the fact that everyone who's not a NEET gets into relationships, when it's not true.
Hudson Davis
Just keep at it. If the stuff you do doesnt make you happy then find other stuff. And stop going to bars and clubs if thats what you do.
Nope. I'm an extrovert and I regularly seek friends and connections. But I cannot find a girlfriend or even a date, because I'm terrified of rejection. And no girls will make the first move no matter how much I wish for it. So I'm alone forever.
Jeremiah Smith
Permavirgins are very rare. They are spergs with mental issues, such as yourself.
Jackson Morris
You should probably leave this thread as it is a shit show at this point. My last advise would be to find a social hobby you enjoy and find people through it. I literally found most of my friend and later a person I started dating and eventually married through pen&paper RPGs.
Tyler Rivera
You are like me op I got rejected in 2016 by a girl I loved for more than 5 years, since then I couldn't ask any girl out because of fear I don't want to live the same situation again and at the same time I'm suffering from loneliness
