ITT: Ask the Opposite Sex Anything

Yo, how far ahead of time is it okay to ask her out?

I’d avoid asking more than two weeks in advance. For a first date, honestly, I’d avoid more than a week in advance. This is more related to pressure/expectations and wasted time than anything else though.

Im a girl and make male friends easily but sometimes im not sure if theyre flirting with me or not? Im not the best looking girl so it weirds me out. What do males find attractive that isnt looks?

Pretty much anything. Also you’re probably cuter to guys than you think. Most girls underrate themselves by a lot because they’re using their own standards or standards of other girls.

Is he handsome?

Attached: IMG_20190307_163104657.jpg (1204x1638, 355K)

144p/10

>Crush of mine mentions he loves the witch look
>Often game together with him and a handful of other people at a friends place, because he has a good place for a sort of "netcafe" thing.
>considering starting to dress up more like pic related
Too cringe...? I am mostly wearing black stuff as it is so it isnt that different to my usual clothes, just the hat and a bit more accessories and witch'y look. But while i can play video games with them just fine, I go full spaghetti when I try to flirt or anything remotely close to showing interest, so I'd rather try to target his fetish as much as possible here.

I would be open to alternate kinds of looks, but I can't go too... indecent. I am not brave enough to show too much skin.

Attached: 04e6d0a3cbcc14cd946e3a4bde2f0828.jpg (236x354, 35K)

Depends, do you have cute feet?

>is cash in a handmade birthday card a good gift for girls
Probably the worst gift imaginable.

A handmade card would be cute on it's own. Maybe if you can find a cute bracelet/necklace, go with that instead of the cash.

Hard cash is just sketchy. I always get weirded out by that kind of gifts from guys. It carries some unfortunate implications.

No

>feet
...what exactly does that have to do with anything?

And... it is feet, how are feet ever cute?

Footfags should be gassed.

>guy mentions he likes a particular look
>spaghetti girl concludes that this is his fetish and she should invest in a wardrobe

>mentions witchy aesthetic
Too vague, he could be complimenting your gothness if he's a plebian normie, or he could be talking about shit like this hot topic crap.

Attached: 536901930f4addfb6f0286c8044339e6.jpg (1024x1536, 228K)

Boyfriend every time I get upset at him he comes up with something that makes me worry/pity him
Ej
>me being upset because he admitted he was making me jealous on purpose with other girls to make himself feel better about himself
>i thought I was a bpd and felt really mad at him because of that and kept pushing conversation about one particular girl so I could get “over her”
>when he saw I got mad he said he felt suicidal

Ej today
>came back from a business trip on SF ask him excited about everything
>came with a news he was getting less from work
>tell him I thought it wasn’t fair and he kept saying is better because bullshit reason
>felt really dumb since I sincerely don’t know much about it
>he says he wants to make a game and I ask him what program/ language he will use (I studied a little bit of software not that much but know the basics)
>he kept using complicated words/ unity names that I kinda knew it was just names and that he didn’t even took full classes/studied by himself anything
>get passive aggressive remarks about him being better than me even though he hasn’t done anything with the program besides knowing the name of it
>argument continues till I show work that I made in the past (still pretty basic stuff)
>then he proceeds to tell me how he feels awful about his life and how the company is unfair even though he said moments ago it was better and how he was robbed even after I asked him about the trip and he didn’t mention prior of this and how in the café he was there was a huge fight with some customers and a glass shard flew in his shirt but he’s fine

Am I an terrible person for get more mad when he does this? It makes me feel like he’s manipulating me to feel sympathy for him
Been dating for 3 years and it’s my first serious relationship

>ex says he doesn't want me back
>we are on good friendly terms
>he talks to me every fucking day
>he doesn't really talk to anyone else, at least not nearly as much as me
>i only have to initiate 30% of the time
>he's always got something to say
>it's been 3 months since we broke up and I figured out where I went wrong in the relationship (I was the one who ended it)
>last few days I've been feeling guilty/sad over him
>let him know 3 days ago
>today, ask him how he is doing
>"I feel the loneliness creeping in, my mood has been off the last few days"

Tell me that's a coincidence...

Attached: 20181117_212900.png (500x294, 237K)

Anonymous 03/21/19(Thu)06:36:16 No.51561503

i met a girl at uni last week
we hit it off and exchanged numbers
we spent last weekend texting then suddenly she went quiet
i looked her up on fb and she's in a relationship and has a ~5yo kid
what does this mean guys? was she just using me for attention, or does she actually like me? i've been leaving her alone but i still want to talk to her and be friends. is that possible? or is it over?

I mean, it's not far from what I normally wear... so it's not really a big investment here. I'm just trying to somehow catch his attention, and I reasoned that maybe purposely trying to target his fetish would work, especially since he knows I heard him say it...

Ohhh that looks cool.

I dont think it was directed at me. Kinda feels like my gender is normally ignored when I am around them, so I somehow doubt it.

I am also not really goth, mostly because I'm bad at makeup, so I normally dont bother with it. I just stick to clothes and accessories.

sounds like a power move on his part
ghost him
and don't feed me the "but i care about him" bullshit. no you don't. women are sociopaths. accept that about yourself.

Attached: 1528734297887.jpg (600x602, 84K)

>Met what I think is a couple
>guy and girl, very close from the looks of it, keeps laughing over seemingly nothing (assuming some internal jokes), and generally smile and exchange looks quite often
>Guy starts to show interest in me
>kinda confused, not sure how to react, so I'm somewhat dismissive at first
>he asks me on a date, movie and dinner at a nice restaurant
>?????
>Tells him I can't when he is already with someone
>"oh she is just a friend, trust me, I would not date her", said laughing and with a very convincing tone.
>end up agreeing, date goes pretty well, but evem afterwards he seems to be a bit distant when we aren't around each other (texting pretty rarely, despite constantly texting the other girl, though he thankfully didnt do that while we were on the date)
>I have confirmed they aren't related somehow (cousin/sister/whatever)
This is so weird.. he has asked me on another date, but I am not sure how I feel about this...

Could I talk to her? Would that be weird? I kinda want to try to befriend her, and see what is actually going on, because this feels so strange. He seems very interested in me, but his interactions with this girl makes me feel like running away and ghosting him.

I am seriously confused over this situation... it doesn't help that this is the first time someone has ever approached me like this in real life.

how can you trust him he's obviously juggling like six different girl at the same time

>women are sociopaths

Ok retard. I would cry every time I even thought I hurt him. But sure, keep lying to yourself.

It's for sure only one other girl. And she knows we are going dating, he straight up asked me out in front of her. That's why this feels so weird.

Had he obviously been going around her back, I would have ghosted instantly, but he seems very honest about this. That's why I was wondering if I could talk to her... or would that be a dumb idea?

if he straight up cold approached you i would be wary of him

What kind of advanced manic-depressive narcissism is this? He sounds incredibly emotionally unstable. Get some classes or workshops in assertiveness to keep your boundaries and know how to say when enough is enough. Think about if being with his behavior is worth the trouble of the relationship. Tell him that if he feels so bad that he should see an expert.

Calm down. Sometimes we miss what we had, not who our partners were. I've seen this a lot with my sisters; on again, off again, on again, off again. It didn't end.

If you really want to give it another try, ask him if he wants to as well. If he still says no, then just look elsewhere. If he talks a lot, he might actually just want to be friends and not have harsh feelings over it. I mean, there had to be some kind of match between you two somehow, right? It doesn't need to be love, it could be just a solid friendship match.

spare me

Yeah, ask her. I have a very close friend and my girlfriend at the time felt a bit insecure about the fact that I give her hugs. But that's the thing, if I never got a connection with my friend, I'd never be open for any hugs in the first place. My ex also dumped me for another because she first thought that he was taken as he hung around a lot with a female friend that he knew from a previous college. The moment she found out I was treated like trash.

Just ask her, he might be telling the truth and is busy with other stuff or doesn't want to be clingy.

>that feel when you are friendzoned so hard he doesn't mind asking out girls in front of you
I feel *IMMENSELY* bad for that poor girl. I can unfortunately relate.

>friends from we were 5
>hard crush developed through my teens, but nothing ever happened
>He outright calls me sis, and laughed (and later apologized for that...) when I confessed my feelings to him
>Has no problems complimenting other girls in my presence, and even had the audacity to ask for my opinion sometimes
It fucking hurts so much, but he is still my best friend, so I let it be for the most part.

I would advice talking to her and hear what is going on. Just be careful not to step too hard on her, if she is friendzoned it could easily trigger som animosity. I try not to get jealous, but if his date is being a tad too mocking in her tone, I snap pretty quickly.

>hurr cheating option
I fucking wish. I have wanted him for 10 years, and even my attempts when he was blackout drunk didnt work. I'm so deeply friendzoned, that even a completely wasted state isn't enough to make him even touch me semi-inappropriately.

I'm trying to take this slowly because I made the same mistake with him that I made with all my past relationships. I rushed into shit and took it too seriously too fast. I have to make sure that this isn't just some fleeting desire or merely feelings of guilt.

pls respond

Attached: 1546486600920.jpg (728x409, 16K)

We worked on a project together, where he also got my number. He approached me afterwards to ask me on a date, so there had been some flirting beforehand from his side, but I just mostly didn't respond because of his... "friend".

Alright, I guess I'll try talking to her then... it makes me pretty uncomfortable though, I am not so sure what to really expect from her.
>doesn't want to be clingy
I guess that could be it... I just dont want to risk being the "date girl" while he messes around with the other girl.

Yikes, wow... I dont know what to say to that. I guess I'll try talking to her... wouldn't it be super awkward to be friends with her though...? Like... I am already imagining them potentially having sex, and her *knowing* it happens if we actually get past the first few dates... wouldn't that be super uncomfortable and awkward?

I mean, I want to avoid him specifically because the mere idea is hurting me, and I dont even know if it has ever happened or not.

Probably wants to be friends. It's pretty normal to care less about the gender of your friends when you are so deep in marriage and children that you are pretty much sealed shut anyway. Any friend is worthwhile, regardless of gender, and it's usually pretty healthy for someone married with children to have friends of the opposite gender. It helps gain some insight into what their partner might be thinking, and help avoid or reduce marital problems.

>Like... I am already imagining them potentially having sex, and her *knowing* it happens if we actually get past the first few dates... wouldn't that be super uncomfortable and awkward?
Think of it like this:

I know he will not be single for the rest of his life. He is a happy and cheerful guy, always smiling, and then it doesn't matter that he is a 5/10 guy, he will get a girlfriend at some point. So my options are:
>random girl I dont know, may not like, and has to deal with knowing she is having sex with him. Potential for being forced away from him at some point because she gets a bitch fit.
>a new friend I like, have a good relationship with, and knows is having sex with him
The second option is infinitely superior. Neither is optimal, but then him being lonely isn't a good option, either.

I dont have a version of this where I come out on top in a good position. So I am looking for the next best thing, and that would definitely be him getting a girlfriend/wife I can be friends with.

we haven't spoken all week
should i text her and ask if she wants to be friends?

Attached: 1539069474737.jpg (160x160, 14K)

Sure, go for it.

Pretty likely what she is looking for.

ok thanks user :)

How do you not kill yourself in this situation?

another thing is she's not married, and i don't think she's ever been. she's 25 and her kid looks about 5 in her pictures on fb, but she looks younger in those pics so they might be a few years old, which would make her kid about 8, which would mean she had him when she was 16-17, which is also when she told me she moved out on her own, and she said she's not close with her family. so i'm connecting the dots and it looks like she got pregnant while young and got kicked out of the house. there's only one pic of her and her baby daddy and their kid, the rest is all her and her son. her fb status is in a relationship, but i don't know what to make of this. she's the one who approached me. she kept sitting next to me in class and kept talking to me. we had a workshop together and we kept smiling and flirting and she kept playing with her hair, you know the drill, then i walked her to her car and we got the big stuff out of the way like our ages and that we're both broke college students. she lives on her own ~50 miles away from her "home town" where she seems to go every weekend, presumably to be with her son, and likely the baby daddy as well, which bothers me. what also bothers me is she tried keeping all of this a secret from me. she had a million opportunities to tell me she's got a kid and she's in a relationship, but she didn't. she stopped texting back when we got to talking about sex, so clearly she's not willing to cheat, at least not with me, which is fine. i don't want to cheat either.

so now that you know more, what do you think

Attached: me typing up a big post.jpg (600x434, 34K)

Yikes...

I dont know what to say to that. I dont know that sort of girl, so it's hard to give much opinions on it. I still think it sounds like she is looking for a friend, but it's very hard to tell from this. I dont know anyone who messed up that badly in terms of getting through a teen pregnancy, so it could be she is single and hoping for a new partner, but who knows.

Some unmarried couples with kids aren't staying together intimately, but only superficially for the kids sake. Being hesitant on sex topics could be due to bad experiences with her childs dad.

But I dont know, I would probably advice caution against dating a girl like that, until you are sure you have all the details. Being friends should be safe though.

Don't bother.

This wont end well.

ok. i'll text her and ask if she wants to be friends tonight
she's really cute and i like her so i want to see what happens. it just feels weird that we got to know each other pretty well and then we're suddenly ignoring each other heh

Yes with some girls you have to be persistent, but how do I know I'm wasting my time and should just throw in the towel?

Depends how much effort you want to put into it. That’s your call.

I don’t like my boyfriend friends am I a bad girlfriend because of this?
>first time meeting I asked about my boyfriend first impression because shit and giggles Because it’s a typical girlfriend question
>they treated me nice but started to shittalk my boyfriend to the point he went by himself to pick up the kitchen and wash the dishes
>get out of there to met my bf and convince him to go home
>once a friend ideas was to bf lie about buying a ticket over 500$ for me that i had no way to pay back so I take extra money work failed some classes just so it was a prank and my bf even though he knew I was stressing a lot about it kept it a secret until I figured it out it was fake
>first thing they did once my bf was in the bathroom was to tell me how much of a liar he is
>once my bf said he accidentally threw a pillow to another’s person face instead of passing it and instead of laughing off or something like normal people would do she freaked out and his friends made him write an apology letter to this person
>in general i feel they insult my bf instead of banter since it’s obvious which one is which

I’m not against my boyfriend being friends with them at all it’s his friends but
>after hanging out with them my boyfriend said what I thought about today about them
>I said I didn’t cared about them I only cared about him because I wanted to be corny
>he got really upset because I said I didn’t cared about his friends and I never texted them myself
>I told him I really don’t like them to be my friends
They’re really liberal which it’s fine but in a hypocrite pretentious way I don’t know how to explain it but they live really close to San Francisco if that helps and one of them got offended because I made fun of a vape pen because a friend of theirs vapes
I just feel they would bring more problems with my relationship with my boyfriend, they’re around 1 female and 2 males and I have no problems with other bf friends outside this circle

I mean, I'm blinded by desire, I want to know some signs that show I'm walking the endless road.

Honestly you just have to let him know that you and that group of friends don't click well. If he's reasonable, he won't force you to hang out with them, but that also means that you have to accept that you won't be able to hang out with him sometimes because he wants to hang out with them. Really, a group of friends attitudes and jokes can seem so wildly out of place to someone just entering and there may or may not be a lot of history between them, so you may just be interpreting them wrong because you don't have the established context or history of the group dynamic.

On top of all this, you have to recognize that it may be harder for your bf to act the way he normally acted in that group setting with you included. It's not to say that he's an entirely different person, but everyone has some level of mask swapping between their friends/friend groups/relationships.

user here. I need advice

-started talking to this girl
-We hung out. Fucked. No big deal.
-Pretty cool girl, I spend the night at her house and chill.
-Watch movies and shit. Next day she asks if I'm her boyfriend. I say sure, whatever.
-Next day I find out I'm her screensaver
-She thinks I'm cheating on her with my coworker
-Admit she's read messages over my shoulder etc. Even though it was nothing bad...
-When I said I was hanging out with my friends on my day off, she said we had already made plans. I don't remember these plans.

What do?

The problem is that there is no sign. You have to realize that sooner or later you're just trapping yourself in the sunken cost fallacy, that being that you put time and effort into trying to make something work, so if you just walk away you wasted all that time and effort. Don't trick yourself into seeing a possible relationship that isn't there.

Is she texting you first at all?
Does she give compliments back in the same fashion?

Seriously, in most cases you know for sure if she’s into you or not. You wouldn’t be confused if your affection and interest was at the same level.

Break up.

Leave immediately. Overbearing, over controlling and you've only slept together once/a few times? You probably already knew this but just needed a little reaffirmation.

Oh don’t mind if he wants to spend time by himself with his friends I encourage him to go out to get a break for himself but he gets upset at me because I don’t look for them outside of social obligations because of him
Also I understand banter but my boyfriend was tearing up although I might overthought everything still I just wanted to know if it could be a red flag for our relationship since they’re his oldest friends and I don’t really get along with them

Pretty much my boi. She's pretty much assuming everything is super bad. She's nice, but God damn. I even told her she was overbearing. Then she made the excuse of "Am I not allowed to let people know you're my boyfriend? Why are you trying to hide me?" I'm okay with you showing me off, but having me as your screensaver 4 days in is... oof

-It's about even
-Not really, but then again I don't give out compliments easy cause I want them to mean something

You're right, I may just have to give it up soon

How do I know if I actually like a girl, rather than just the attention and sex that comes with her?

There's not any way for us to really know my dude. Other than ask yourself, "Could I spend the rest of my life with this girl?"

>Could I spend the rest of my life with this girl
Haven't spent enough time with her to know how she handles many of life's challenges, but she's definitely the highest quality girl I've ever met. Am I leading her on if we keep dating while I'm still not sure?

How accurate are results on Photofeeler? I tested one that I thought I looked pretty average in, and scored very attractive in it. Then I posted one where I thought I was handsome, but was getting around the 5 mark for attractiveness?

Not necessarily. Keep dating her and if you can't answer the question within a month or two, having seen her go through problems, I would look at other options

But please don't just take my advice. Ask other people about different options

Our only real problems so far are that she says she probably wants kids one day (I definitely don't), and that I almost certainly want to move country within the next decade but she doesn't. Bad sign?

No, you can have different objectives. Don't consider that as an issue. Take that as something to talk about.

Nah, it's fine. Peoples minds change over time about tons of things. The only time it's no good is when it's fully forced on you.

I really wouldn't be too worried about it. The crying thing is just something you have to help him with. It sucks to be on the outside and not understand what's happening to make him feel that miserable, but just be supportive to him and try not to get too aggresive about your opinions of them when he brings them up to you. Sooner or later if he really is getting overly shit on in that group of friends, he'll realize it and possibly ditch them.

ABORT ABORT ABORT

>Ask the Opposite Sex Anything

something about this Q&A sounds inherently wrong to me. its like 2 alien races come into contact and they exchange information about their habitat and behaviors.

Ghost him so he misses you. Rn he's getting enough validation from you for him not to want to get back together. You tell him now and he might be fine with getting back together but he'd be mad that you hurt him b4. Or he might prefer you as a friend now. To be sure of how he feels you need to see how he reacts to your absence; if he still has feels for you he'll probably try to stay pretty consistent with messages or meet ups up to a point when he'll be mad or feel rejected (hit him up b4 then). If he don't see you that way anymore the distance between you won't hurt him too much so don't worry.
Fukin learn how to manipulate guys

Or just be honest which is more moral but you don't know how he'll react.

You have no idea how bad some groups of guys can be.

Is English not your first language?
The $500 story was almost impossible to follow
His friends sound terrible

At that point, you'd almost have to treat it just like an abusive relationship. Maybe one day they'll wake up a realize their friends are treating them like shit, but you telling them that isn't going to make the realize it. They have to come to the conclusion on their own and you have to be there to support/help them during and after.

Hello, anons.
I've met a girl online recently, and I'm starting to like her a lot but I have a few questions.
- Do online relationships really go anywhere? I plan to meet her eventually (she's in another country) if this progresses but does this sort of thing work as a start?
- Does an age difference matter? I'm younger than her by a few years.
- How long should I wait until I try and take this to the next level?
I'll answer questions, thanks anons.

Why are girls so insanely picky? Or am I just ugly? Why can’t I find any women that genuinely find me attractive in my area? I never even had a fucking date or sex and I’m 26 and I’ve totally lost my cool about it...

Attached: 78B3217D-6121-43F9-8A42-40B42027B1C7.jpg (888x1920, 349K)

Have you ever met the perfect person that you thought of as your soulmate, and imagined the future together, only to let your fears and failures get in the way and think they could do better so you let them go?

Shh brandon, we'll cam later.

If the group doesn't like her they may drive him away. Guys do this especially in competitive groups when they think him having a gf changes the power dynamic of the group (gaining a higher social standing). Their tactics may convince him he's miserable bc of her and not bc of the 'banter' in the group.

Ultimately it's up to him who he spends time with and raising a serious concern with his friends prolly would be a red flag

>be junior in uni
>have daily interactions with phd student
>graduatedtopodhisclasseachyear.txt
>makes all the girls wet
>arrogant vermin
>hits on me whenever we are alone
>mean
>possessive
>acts innocent in front of others
I hate his guts so much I want to hate fuck him. I want to degrade and humiliate him but he's not the submissive kind. How do I make him my bitch? He refuses to get on his knees or submit a little even if it means fucking me

If he's living in your head this much rent free, he's already won.
Either submit, or start ignoring him and actually not thinking about him, not just pretend to.

Yeah but it isn’t but it was 500$ dollars

>suddenly remember I'm incredibly insecure about you know what
Shit.

Yet another shitty photo. Did you not read anything that was said the last time you posted this shit? Even if you look less angry this time, you're still unshaven and look unbathed. You're still wearing a random athletic shirt that looks worn. And yet again, your photo is full of digital noise that obscures any detail of your face.

You literally look like you walked out of 2002 with a webcam and took this pic.

Kinda what I was going for. You can't make him choose, you just have to be supportive and let him choose. Same thing as an abusive relationship.

are these real church girls or just church thots?

Attached: 37ABDF8A-B024-498B-9688-6EBD93E3532D.jpg (750x1078, 501K)

Actually the group likes me fine they treat me okay (except about the tickets) they haven’t done anything wrong to me but they shit on my bf so that’s the reason I don’t like them

>Does an age difference matter? I'm younger than her by a few years.
Bump for this.

>know this guy, somewhat of a friend, play certain vidya together, occasionally chat private stuff, originally met due to a prolonged hospital visit a few years back
>recently figured out he had some anger tendencies towards women in general (not me), and is super disgruntled with dating.
>Never mentioned this to me before
>curiously poke around in our usual joking matter, and try calling him a virgin
>he flips out, and goes quiet on me for a few days
>when I finally get back into contact with him, all he says is "dont ever mention that again..." and then we go more or less back to normal
This is pretty wild to me. He is a 7/10 easily, and I have had a lot of interest in him already, but... this somewhat broke me. I can't stop thinking about him. I keep fantasizing about him, and somehow the knowledge that we would be each others first, is just making this awfully difficult to contain.

The issue is, of course, that I am not his age. He is a 32 year old, and I am... 23.. I just dont have any experience with guys, much less a 30+ guy, and despite watching a few things to get some inspiration, I neither know how to initiate this (since we dont exactly live close to each other anymore), and I dont really have the experience to carry it if I have to.

The main problem is distance, but I could go to my parents place and pay him a visit from there (as they live a 15 minute bus ride from his place), but that doesn't solve the "how to initiate" part. It would come very much out of nowhere, and I have a bad feeling he may think I'm joking, so I need an excuse for why we meet up at his/my place, that isn't related to us hooking up.

I've known him for 5ish years, so I trust him well enough, but I have never really considered anything other than friends due to our age difference. Knowing he is a virgin, however, kinda feels like it puts us more at the same level. His reaction just made me relate a lot.

Depends entirely on age range. "A few yesrs" younger than a 20-25 year old means quite a lot, while "a few years" at the age of 30 means very little.

If you are below 20, a "few years" most likely wont work unless she is specifically into young boys.

>He is a 32 year old
>virgin
>7/10
I can't tell if this is real or not.

Either way, he sounds like a child in a grown mans body. I would worry that you somehow outgrow each other in a few years.

I'm not sure, but couldn't you just ask if you could play together or something? I'd imagine that was at least something of a solution. Not sure how your parents are though, but I'd probably avoid involving them if you intend to go sleep with him.

Still... jesus girl, that age difference is not good. I know you feel closer due to the virgin aspect, but consider why he is a virgin. At that age, more than likely you'll be heavily disappointed, because he most likely death gripped himself so much that he can't get hard.

I actually think (from a girls PoV, mind you) that you would be best served starting to talk more sexual stuff with him, and slowly ramp it up, and then arrange a weekend together a month, and outright try to tell him to keep his cum in for a month. Might help him out of his death grip, and make the first time a bit less bad.

>t. Girl who tried dealing with a guy who had deathgrip issues

Probably somewhere in between.

Depends on loads of factors, particularly whether she cares. I knew a girl that wouldn't date a guy a year younger than her.

Oh also, you say you're looking at an international LDR where you've never met before. I can say from experience that this is a terrible idea, really risky, and will be loaded with problems even if it does work out.

Seriously man, try to find people within driving distance of yourself.

>I don't really know how to turn this first date into "we text in our free time" or "I can talk to her while I'm out of town and see what's going on in her life

Just text her about something you discovered you both like when you talked during the date, or just ask her how her day/her whatever her job is was that day.

Also, don't think about relationships or the world in terms of incels/chad/alpha etc... It's toxic. Just focus on being the best you can be and don't be afraid to take some risks.
If she like you it will pay out.