I'm going to be moving in with bf of a year and a half soon. We're prepping, looking for apartments and we're both very excited..except I have a problem. I'm 22, never had sex with anyone else besides him. I was quite shy and a neet and I never wanted to look for things like that. But now I do. I love him and I want a long term relationship with him, but I want to fuck other people before settling down. He's been in many relationships and fucked many people and when he tells me about those events I can't help but feel jealous sometimes. I never got the chance to do any of that due to being socially stunted for as long I can remember. I don't want to mess up this great thing I have with him, but I also Just want to fuck other people for just a little bit. Do I break up with him? I really don't want to.
Settling Down
Aren't you a little young to be having a mid-life crisis?
I guess I am, but i really have no idea how to change the way I'm feeling. I've thought about just giving up on what I want and focusing on him.
>I don't want to mess up this great thing I have with him, but I also Just want to fuck other people for just a little bit. Do I break up with him? I really don't want to.
Then dont mess it up, meaningless sex is just that meaningless, dont mess up a good thing over something pointless
If you do this you will most likely come back to this board in 6 months with either of these threads.
>my fiance found out i was cheating, i just wanted experience
>i dumped my fiance to have some experience and he already moved on so quickly
Both ends with
>i regret it
If you are happy with it, just be happy with it. The grass will always appesr greener on the other side, it rarely is though..
I've been with my husband since I was 17. Never done anything with anyone else. I'm 28.
If you're happy, don't ruin it. But probably you aren't *that* happy if you're thinking about cheating on him.
>Just want to fuck other people for just a little bit
Why?
I had sex with a number of people, so I guess I don't really know what the feeling of having no frame of comparison is like, but still: What do you think will come of that? Do you think sex with someone you have no or fewer romantic feelings for is going to be better or valuable because it will be different?
>He's been in many relationships and fucked many people
like what sort of figures we talking here? how many, what's the number?
Damn OP I can really sympathise with you here. I'm a guy, 28, total khv. One of the things that makes me worry about getting into a relationship (yeah I know it won't happen, don't remind me okay?) is that she will be experienced while I'm not. What if I like her and want to settle down with her? I'll always be stuck with that nagging feeling of her sleeping around while I never did. It's an awful situation and I'm not sure there's a solution unfortunately. If only we'd had relationships when we were younger, so that we could be on an even playing field with the person we liked. To stick with him is to leave a biological urge unfulfilled, which is maddening. Whatever you do I hope it works out for you. Good luck and sorry I don't have any decent advice to give.
I don't understand people like you and OP.
My husband had slept around before we met, and I really couldn't care less.
You're not in a competition, you're in a relationship. I don't get the "biological urge" to whore around.
I just find it so stupid to fuck up something that makes you happy and that gives you long term fulfilment to do something that is pretty pointless.
Actually genuinely feel bad for bf if he found this post. Actually scared to trust ppl like this. Why OP? What has he done to you
while it must be nice to not worry about these things we don't all feel the same way. If I could swtich this thought process off I would.
Pathetic girl.
You have to realize that it will not make you happy. Meaningless sex is at best meaningless and will probably make you even more unhappy, especially if you have to sabotage something good for it. The reason why you think it will make you happier, is because you think it will give you a sort of approval. That it will make you more confident, since you now know that you can get other mates, the actual physical act is all but meaningless. You should address the insecurities that make you feel like you need that, everything else is treating symptoms.
>You have to realize that it will not make you happy.
I already realise everything you say and I agree with it totally. Despite this I've failed to change for the better and to get past these insecurities and so the feeling remains.
Thats because logic(intelligence) cannot change feelings.
Which is why leftwing feels better than rightwing but is logically speaking much nastier
Heres a feeling for you:
If you go through with this and even if you break up first you will be percieved as a massive whore by the people around you thinking with your vagina. Your gf's will tell you its alright(you go girl grap that power) but they will think you made a terrible choice you will be percieved as one who carries less value by all
They will joke about how you are going to be *that* crazy catlady
Good feeling? No?
On the other side you stay faithfull people will truly think your strong because in this day and age being in a monogamos relationship is discouraged. You gf's wish they had what you have. Your social worth will be incremental because your image will be one of dependable
That is perfectly reasonable and no failing on your part, pretty much no one can just stop being insecure. Have you talked with a therapist about it? If that is something financially possible for you, I can only recommend it. In the mean time just work on improving yourself and your image of yourself. Your insecurities will not magically disappear or anything, but at least I have found that continuously seeing yourself succeed, will gradually improve your self image. Another worthless piece of anecdotal evidence: A lot of my friends are nerdy IT and Engineer types and had no or very little sexual experience before finding a long term gf. While many of them had obvious insecurities about that (and at times even talked about those, while heavily intoxicated), they all have seemed to become a lot more comfortable with it once finding a partner they trusted. It seems that if you are truly comfortable with your partner those insecurities often lessen drastically and only resurface if there is other issues.
So in summary, work on your general insecurities by confronting and overcoming challenges you can master and seek professional help, there truly is no shame in that.
Why do you want to 'sleep' around? What is the reason? You find other men attractive and want their hard cocks? What is it?
okay I should clarify I'm not OP I'm the guy who empathised with her, maybe she'll get something of this if she returns though.
>It seems that if you are truly comfortable with your partner those insecurities often lessen drastically and only resurface if there is other issues.
unfortunately this doesn't seem to have happened for OP. I've tried professional therapy before, had mixed results and eventually slipped back to my old ways once I stopped going.
>Why do you want to 'sleep' around? What is the reason? You find other men attractive and want their hard cocks? What is it?
Well I can't speak for OP but to my mind it's about finding "balance" in your relationship. I feel I wouldn't care as much if I'd had previous partners, we'd be on a level playing field.
so she craves to be used by hard, throbbing cocks?
It's not worth it. Once you realize boys really don't give a fuck about you you'll regret it. Stay with your boyfriend who actually makes love to you. There's no sex like passionate sex.
I just broke up with my boyfriend because of the same thoughts. I ended up cheating. Didn't have sex with the other guy. Sent nudes. I felt extremely guilty and told my bf.
We tried to fix our relationship for months but we were both depressed and couldn't be there for each other. I have no one to blame but myself. I know I had no right to feel depressed. I just held myself so above cheating that when I did it, I lost a sense of who I was.
I'm not saying you'll cheat, but those thoughts aren't healthy for your relationship.
Having had sex with multiple partners, and knowing my mindset before during and after, you'll grow out of it. The question is, will you break up and go chase cock and end up unhappy or stay with him and freak out that you didn't break up and fuck a ton of random. Vagina feels pretty much the same across the board. Sometimes tighter sometimes looser, tits all feel pretty much the same, ass is either firm or squishy, but it doesn't matter. It's all the same, it's all just psychological as to why you need to breed more partners and get more experience.
Same boat as OP but I'm further along and I'm a guy.
Been with my wife for 7 years and we have a kid on the way. Super excited.
But yea, knowing this is the only person I'll sleep with for my entire life is a bit of a bummer? I don't know. I have a way higher sex drive than her. Also way more adventurous and she quite vanilla.
If your having these thoughts now OP, I'd highly highly suggest either talking to him about it or figuring out how important experiencing sex with another person is to you because that urge is probably never going to go away, and it will probably grow. Possibly leading to resentment.
It's hard. I think about cheating a lot. I worry about our marriage. If we had more sex and she was genuinely interested in keeping me happy sexually I wouldnt feel the way I do.
Your young with a lot ahead of you.
Why did you crave cock so much? Do you enjoy the feeling of being used?
>23 bumps to bait thread
never change, Jow Forums