Boyfriend flirts with other women. Its annoying me and he blames me for being just insecure. Am I overreacting...

Boyfriend flirts with other women. Its annoying me and he blames me for being just insecure. Am I overreacting? Which mindset do I have to adapt to solve the triggers it gives me? Or is he the problem? And if yes, what do I teach him so he stops thinking its just me being jealous? Cause I think that flirting only happens with special intentions, its not just complimenting. Is he unhappy with me and didnt found who he wants yet? Or does he maybe enjoy me being "jealous"? Can one of you guys relate and explain me from a mans persective? Thank you

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Give three different scenarios of him flirting in as much detail as possible please.

Most people can't honestly distinguish flirting from just being friendly. There was a double blind study done somewhere about it.
yeah, spill

So first of all he always changes the tone of his voice into a deep, slow, romantic one and puts on his sly look. He then says things like "Wow you look SO sexy today". And when beautiful women pass by there is no chance he is not commenting on that. He always says things like "wow, look at the way she walks" or "she looks especially beautiful today". He explains his behaviour by saying that in the past he has been always afraid of women and showing his emotions. I mean its good he is so honest to me about what he is thinking, but i wonder if the fact the he has these thoughts should make me sceptical. I dont expect him to dont find any other women attractive but me, but for some reason I think that looking so much at other women means that you arent really interested in your current girlfriend. Cause most of the time you should have only eyes of your current girlfriend, or am I just unrealistic? When he would be seriously into me he wouldnt watch out for others right? The other possibilty (which I hope is true) is that he just wants me to be a bit jealous, because I can be a bit cold and distant as well and since he got a lot of insecurities too this could be a good method to see that i still care and love him.

I can relate a little bit as a guy, I used to be with my girlfriend and say stuff about other woman like “god damn the girl is fine” and do a really obvious stare that showed I was checking her out. It’s make my girl upset and I thought that was beyond hot. It made me feel very wanted that she was a bit jealous but she never talked about it beyond the moments that type of thing would go down. The whole afraid of women wants to show his emotions thing is very strange and weird like what the hell lmao. It’s okay to express your concern user as long as you aren’t constantly complaining every day.

and I actually think that he is convinced that the problem is my insecurity. He is so convinced of this that he even intentionally tries to provocate me that way till I change my mindset. But do I really have to change my mindset? Is it wrong to let this behaviour bother you? For sure if you are the absolute most confident person and think you are the best anyway than you wouldnt have any insecurities and just let him play a little bit since you know he wants only you in the end anyway. But how do I teach him and open up his trapped mind where he blames my insecurities for everything. What would be a logical and understandable reason why flirting is wrong when you have a relationship?

This is a perennial problem and as likely to bother guys with flirty girlfriends as the other way around. On the one hand you don't want to stifle the friendly personality that is part of what attracted you to him, but on the other he should be more sensitive to your feelings.

Ultimately it doesn't matter who is "right." The fact that it bothers you is a fact, regardless of whether you're insecure. And the fact that he means nothing threatening to you in his friendliness is also a fact.

BOTH of you have to make partial adjustments - you have to take his word that it means nothing and give him some freedom to be himself, and he has to try to tone it down at least a little, to avoid hurting you.

Also id like to add dude as a guy ofc we find other woman attractive like ofc i mean that girl is fine as hell but the fact that we don’t act further than that is where the care is shown. I might of found other woman really hot but my girl was always number one, 10/10 in my mind because of the emotional attachment and love we shared, don’t stress it too much.

This guy/gal summed it up very well listen to this.

No I havnt complained about it at all yet, he already realises it probably without me having to say anything. I hate that since i dont want him to know that it bothers me particular because I know it could be just for that reason. To give him this pleasure of me being jealous. But how do I stop him or what would be the best way to deal with that? What made you stop doing it? CAUSE IT INDEED BOTHERS ME

But I never tell him that it bothers me. And okay there was one lie I told. We aren't in a relationship yet but there is lots of romance already going on. I just thought its easier before people say "you arent even in a relationship so why do you bother" and think im that type of crazy girl. But trust me when I say that we are really into each other. And nobody of us admitted yet due to big egos I guess but both know. Does he maybe just want to test me by saying these things? Does he want my reaction to his flirts as a proof? Or fuck maybe I am really just delusional and he is actually just not into me and thats why looks at other women so much. Man Im so dumb. I should show my feelings but I am so afraid to get rejected or being inferior. What is problem

Okay sorry for being retarded, but thank you guys for the answers. I think I know what I needed to know. Next time I just indirectly (we always talk indirectly to each other pretending meaning someone else) will find out if he is just doing it because he likes feeling needed by my jealousy or if he in reality actually isnt into me and just keeps searching for others. We are very childish I do realise that. But it makes sense that he just keeps doing it till i admit or show that it bothers me. He even tells other in advance when im around what he said this day to another woman etc. He really wants me to be jealous and admit it. But I CANT. I have to keep pretending i dont care but then he will keep going, right? How do i stop him and why does he play these shitty games with me and why do i participate

He's pulling your strings on purpose. Do it back.
>Cause most of the time you should have only eyes of your current girlfriend, or am I just unrealistic?
Idk how to tell you this, but monogamy and only lusting after one person actually isn't natural to us. It's overworking the nesting mindset, and usually triggers a lot of anxiety/insecurities.
>When he would be seriously into me he wouldnt watch out for others right?
Again, he has made his social contract of monogamy with you. That's what you should trust about each other. Open up to him about what you find attractive in other men so he knows what you like and can appeal to you.

I see you often around Jow Forums. Who are you and how can we become girl friends? Thank you for your answer

Civilization isn't natural either.
There's a reason every advanced society developed some marriage system, and if women keep flooding America with fatherless children, you are really not going to like your first encounter with a truly natural world.

Guys have weird emotions. They do stuff like that when they don’t feel like they’re getting enough attention. They want you to be clingy to him and to realize that he’s worth your time. He’s probably intimidated that you’ll leave him. At least that’s what I think.

I think Polygamy isnt good for children either. Children need one mother and one father. It will get confused and stressed when the father changes all the time I guess. Thats not how its naturally sopposed to be

I love him, I just dont want to contribute in this gameplay which in the end would just push his ego. And for him it would be easy to deny that this is his intention

>isn't natural
Why is this an argument? Lots of things humans do are unnatural yet them being so isn't an actual argument against the behavior.

Seems like immaturity... I don’t know you and him but it seems immature to act that way to someone you love. If he really saw you with respect he would show it, actions speak much louder than words. Maybe he’ll learn through your emotions how much it hurts you. Simply my suggestion

I'm just here forever, like a designated board mom. I come here to flex my skills at humaning, but also to have fun with the larpers and bait threads.
>you are really not going to like your first encounter with a truly natural world.
You probably don't even know what I want and are assuming I'm a monogamous normie.
You can have all the systems in the world, and there will still be people that choose against them. Intellect that overpowers Instinct is a disorder.

He is older than my father. Maybe he is just very insecure due to our age gap? My insecurity is being the naive and easy little girl, so thats why i dont want to make the first step. Why should be an older, wise guy seriously interested in a young girl? I mean interested in a serious relationship. They hardly can be on the same level, so all the girl is good for is being the naive, helpless, easy to get pleaser for him

Do you want to flex your humaning skills by being my personal psychologist to who i can chat my shit all the time?

>Designated board mom

No, no one here designated you and you don't act very motherly, especially being here. More like a lonely boring 15 yr old girl with daddy issues.

I'm here most of the time, if you see me in other threads I usually am looking at several.
You don't choose your mother, ya grumpy fuck. Take a nap.

just ask him straight up if he still wants to be together and if so what for.
Dont do tic for tac
dont go spy
be honest avoid feelings in convo

Tell me how to get gf pls mommy.

A behavior that is observed in a relatively large proportion of humans is natural by definition.


Hey sorry for the late reply OP, I stopped when she told me it made her feel very inferior to the girls I would admire from afar I really only did it to tease her but she did speak to me once when we were alone about how it made her feel and I stopped because I wanted her to be happy, also I didn’t realize he wasn’t your boyfriend already he might actually be wondering if you are even truly interested in him just like you wonder if he’s still playing the field go establish a relationship with him and then move forward from there

Please stop acting like OP

Thank you. I will establish a relationship and hope this behaviour stops by itself, otherwise when he still keeps doing it and really just believes my insecurities are the issue, how would you declare flirting with others in a relationship as wrong? What is the true reason why it bothers me? I dont want him to stop just simply because it bothers me. I want to understand why it does and give him a rational reason why this isnt good for a relationship. For example because it could show that your relationship lacks in something and thats why you keep looking for others. This would be a logical explanation. But maybe i should just adapt the mindset of a highly confident person and just believe that he just wants to flirt around a little bit and have fun while i know he wants just me in the end anyway. Okay, yes maybe I really have been just insecure. Wouldnt it be hot if you would make all these flirts while your partner doesnt care because they are so secure in the relationship? Yeah I should change myself a little bit more in that direction. Thank you all very much for your help

I think it's a perfectly normal standard to not flirt with others while dating someone. I think it would bother anyone to see their partner visibly attracted to someone so close by, I can't relate but thinking of myself in a similar situation sounds irritating. Also to answer your final question, I personally don't think that would be hot but different people are attracted to different things. There are definitely people that are into that somewhere in the world.

>designated board mom
You don't get to decide that, however much you want it. There are decent helpful anons on here that can be recognized through their voice, if you want to be like them do that. Namefagging is kind of laughable.

I've been on here for years as the only female tripfag. There is no competition. user is not one consistent person.

>You probably don't even know what I want and are assuming I'm a monogamous normie.
>You can have all the systems in the world, and there will still be people that choose against them. Intellect that overpowers Instinct is a disorder.
I'm assuming that you're a first worlder who enjoys shit posting on the internet, raging against a machine you don't understand, instead of wondering if you're going to get one last meal before you're raped to death by your local warlord.

A stable house is built on a stable foundation. A stable society is built on a stable family. Your bastards are pariahs with a lot of anger and a lot of things that they will not be able to enjoy in life, and if you continue to create them irresponsibly, you WILL turn the gears of history again.
Young men who are not brought into the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.

I've seen your tripfagging enough to know what you are. You're a pretentious little woman from a comfortable life, and you should be praying that no one pays you or people like you any heed. The intellect's ability to accept evolutionarily novel concepts is not an argument for these perversions of human nature. The devil is commonly depicted as an intellectual force for a reason. Whether it's a little bearded coffee shop philosopher railing against the bourgeoisie, or an art student who thought long and hard about what the "real" problem in Germany was, or a psychologist who found a way to use his uncle's method of psychoanalysis for more capitalistic ventures, the absolute WORST in humanity is brought out by a smart person who believes they just know better.

4 things:
>You know nothing
>Associating Devil to Immorality
>Implying Joy isn't subjective
>Thanks for proving my point anyway

You’re thinking to far ahead no girl, just focus on making it a real thing and don’t think past that, once you know he’s willing to take you serious enough call it an official relationship and after you’ve seen him stick around, then you can start to address things that you don’t really like and he will more likely comply, just don’t come off demanding/bitchy with whatever the issue is

Fr tho I haven’t been on this board in years so all these tripfags are new to me but like don’t hijack OPs thread to argue with people man that’s not cool, if you really care enough to stick around for years to give your 2 cents I think you can easily over look the people who reply to you and just stick to helping out whoever is in need

I really do my best to dont appear bitchy. Inside it just bothers me so much. Especially because we arent together and nobody can really admit their feelings. So I guess its just one of these games we play on each other. I guess I indirectly just wanted to know how to win this game he plays right now because I am close to loosing it and open up to all my feelings first shit

Sry for lying in the first place and telling a story which is half true. I just now realise that all I wanted advice for was only for this dumb irrelevant thing going on between us right now. Sry for using your advice, time and thoughts for my unnecessary dumb, naive girl behaviour. But anyway you helped me, so thank you!

It’s fine boss, just act natural and be positive I know girls gotta lot of feelings and mind games they go through just do what you can it’s not the end of the world whatever happens

None of these are points.