Cultural difference?

me:
30, recently single after 9 year relationship. Currently single father of 2 kids. Not that much to look at and not really trying.

We get an intern at work. She is on a student visa from Taiwan. About to complete her master's Degree. I'm in IT and she is a web developer. She starts asking me to help her and over the course of a few weeks we become friends. She has a ring and occasionally talks about her boyfriend. At the same time, she is asking me odd personal questions. "What would you want in a wife?" "Do you require that your wife works" odd stuff like that. Last week her internship ended and I invite her to lunch before she leaves. We talk about a lot of nothing.
Since then we have been texting every day during work hours. she won't text me after 5 when her boyfriend gets home. And now she is driving over an hour to just come see me for lunch. and then driving an hour home. Again without her boyfriend knowing. I can't make heads or tails of this situation. Does she like me? Is she just hiding it from her boyfriend? Or am I confused because she is Taiwanese and what I think are advances is just nothing?

(pic NOT of her)

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bump.

Come clean. I was in a similar situation to yours, not as extreme. But basically girl flirted with me left and right (rubbed my back whenever she walked by me, lie against me to watch something on my phone, smiled a bit too much whenever she saw me) had a boyfriend. I told myself a million reasons why I should keep the status quo instead of telling her my thoughts. She is still in that relationship, but it isnt a happy one. I moved away and now the "what if" has been killing me. Maybe she just wanted something in place before leaving her relationship, maybe she just wasnt happy with hers. Whatever the case is, Ill never know. Now I give her advice on her relationship because I still consider a friend but it hurts.

Make no mistake user. I believe these are advances, as i find no other reasons to hide you from her boyfriend . How much time do you two usually spend at your office? How does she act around you? How much does she know about your personal life?

She's just a cunt that wants attention when her bf is not around... If you get together she'll do the same with someone else.

Just invite her to fuck and get over it.
Single parents suck BTW

she would find any excuse to come over to the IT and work on projects. to the point where I was learning php and SQL to try to work with her. She would come over just to talk and watch me setup an apache server for her to use. She hasn't said she has problems with her boyfriend. She says he is a nice guy. So, I've just been utterly confused.

As far as how she acts? She is very shy with just about everyone else at the office. Does not talk to very many people except me. And for personal life, we have talked a lot about family history, where she is from, where I am from. Asks about my kids. She tells me stories about growing up in Taiwan, but is more interested in my stories than talking about herself.


ya, no fucking shit being a single parent sucks... but so far it's been better than the constant depression and anxiety that went with my ex.

She just wants attention while her bf is not around.

She likes you.
She hides it from his bf.

You have two choices.... Be a nice guy and keep her as a friend.

Option two, give her a dtf signal, invite her to a concert or whatever then bang.

However do not get in a serious relationship if you don't want to get cheated down the line.

God user I fell for the same thing with a foreign girl with a boyfriend far away while at work.

Don't do it the heartbreak hurts

Next time whip your dick out.

Chinese always cheat on their partners while abroad. They either then go back to marry them or try to stay abroad by marrying a local.

Why would a normal successful young woman want a divorced father with two kids? She is using you. That's the Chinese way.

I'm as confused as you. She claims that her boyfriend is nice but she hides you from him.... Something isn't quite adding up. Maybe her boyfriend suspects that she's cheating on him. From what you've said, she's simply trying to learn from the situations you've faced. She's trying to avoid your mistakes. I have a sister who faced the same problems as you. Her boyfriend suspected her of flirting with other men. That simply never happened.

If you do intend to test her, try being suggestive. If she responds appropriately, then get away from her. She's using you to get citizenship in your country. If you intend to get together with her after this, I'd highly suggest that you avoid her, she's not worth it. The way she's acting now, I'd be highly cautious of her if I were you.

OP here

I have been weighing the options and as I said, I haven't been trying. I'm not looking for a LTR. I don't want to bring another woman around my kids yet...

So, my thought is, let her know I like her, see what she says. If she responds positively, I feel like I should keep it light. As in, I'm OK being a side dish since I'm not trying to go all in and fall for someone. I guess I just need to talk to her and figure out her intentions. Besides... since she is on a student visa, she most likely will end up being forced to go back to Taiwan eventually, right?

>Why would a normal successful young woman want a divorced father with two kids? She is using you. That's the Chinese way.

Yup, I can definitely see that point. I am not trying to sugar coat my situation. Which is why I'm so damn confused.

Maybe I shouldn't be saying this, think about it a bit more deeply. Should you be getting a bit too cozy with someone else's girlfriend? You're literally dragging some virgin fuck into a predicament similar to yours. There's no such thing as "keeping it light". You're more or less screwing over someone else. You're not thinking long term. You might get a bit too attracted to her and have sex with her. If that happens, you'll all but make it worse for yourself. Personal pleasure isn't worth destroying your social standing at your workplace. Your co workers will look at you with shock and awe. People will start to hate you. The situation may get so serious that it'll make you consider suicide.

Let me back you off two steps. Her internship is done. she no longer works with me. The internship ended last week. So no matter what happens, it will not affect my work.

(from OP)
>Last week her internship ended and I invite her to lunch before she leaves.

i think she just may want to have a fling before she leaves back and gets married has kids the whole 9 yards. if you can sleep with her without affecting your sanity do it (but remember it means nothing to her). if you cant sleep with her without losing your sanity that she will leave you for her life back home dont sleep with her and just cut off all ties and stop talking to her.

I'm simply against that sort of stuff. It may cause you to fall in depression when you think about her when you're with the taiwanese girl. You said you'd keep it platonic. But then again, you might fall for her. There's no such thing as keeping it platonic. That's the mistake everyone makes. What caused your divorce in the first place? I can't help but think that you two got married without thinking it through. (apologies for being insensitive in my wording)

Be honest and blunt. That's why I'm putting this up here. No shame in insensitive wording.

I'm really not trying to have a relationship with this girl, Either keeping it platonic or as
suggested, a fling.

but I like her and apparently it seems she likes me. I feel I am responsible enough to not let it go too far, or at least know when I need to back off if it reaches that point.

My main reason for posting and asking advice is to confirm I was not taking the situation out of context. I am not very familiar with the culture, and maybe these are things normal Taiwanese people talk about and act toward one another when they are friends.

i grew up with tehse fucks i am latino and all my friends are taiwanese. for the womans perspective its taboo and like i said i think she just wants to get it out of her system. ive been there done that.

She want dick

Shes feels comfirtable with you.
But not in romantic way.
Just want attention while her boyfriend is working.

dont get your hope high.
even IF she say she likes you.. dont buy it.

It sounds like she just sees you as a really good friend, and her boyfriend is just overprotective.
Don't do anything you're going to regret.

So, an update. As I said in the original post, She drover about an hour to come see me for lunch. She does not eat lunch, so we went to a quiet room in the library.

We had a great friends talk till she started asking about my ex. Asking what happened, where is she now, asking why we didn't get married (yup, kids, 9 years together, not married) what are my feelings about it.
She had me pull up a picture of my ex and then proceeded to say my ex looked like ms. piggy from the Muppets.(not far from the truth) So, I drop a few hints that she is obviously cuter than my ex, she smiles and giggles. We 'friends' talk for a little longer, and then she starts asking about my new house. (I just moved) She said she wants to come see it in April after her classes are done. I agree because.. why not? and I keep it light from there.

I refrained from dropping a "hey i like you, duuur" moment, but I flirted a bit and she enjoyed it. We left it unsaid. We go to leave and we give each other a hug and plan on meeting again after her school work is completed.

I feel like I'm still in a will we/wont we thing and no one will commit to saying anything. It is certainly more than "friends" but no one said anything so the bucket got kicked down the road for next time.

Sounds like you might just be her only friend outside of her relationship? She sounds like she could be insecure about her boyfriend loving her, idk how their culture is but from what I've seen here in asian communities, the men can be pretty controlling and uncaring. Shes probably just wanting assurance that she is a good girlfriend, and her boyfriend might not like her spending time with friends.

That's a possibility I haven't thought of.
She has not talked about other friends. and when I probe about her life(the past week for example), she says she mainly stays at home, works on her school work, and she told me about the one time she went out to eat with her BF and his friend.

And in case this matters, her BF is white, not Asian.

Yeah, it sounds like you might just be her only friend, man. It isnt a bad thing, especially if you like hanging out with her. I would be wary of her bf though, it sounds like she might not be in a healthy relationship based on how she acts. It could easily just be her culture or personality too, though.
In any case, just keep hanging out with her. It can be good to have a girl as a friend

user has a asian fetish

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DESU sounds like she wants you to put a bun in her oven so she can get her green card.

Also don't ever, EVER get with people who solve their relationship problems by slutting up with other people. Even if they're doing it with you NOW, it's gonna bite you in the ass later.

Media likes to depict Asian women as pure, kind people but that is far from the truth. They are the bitchiest, most selfish, and materialistic women on the planet.
If you have something they don't have, they'll play nice to get you to give it up, but once they have it/grow tired of it they dump you and pretend you don't exist.

The best and nicest flat mate I've had was a chinese woman.