So I came to the sudden realization tonight after receiving an email confirming shipment that while black out drunk after 2L of goon and half a bottle of Bourbon that I purchased a 12" silicon cock off of Amazon. What I wanna know is if you can refund and return an item that is in shipment and if not will it arrive in discrete packaging? Also, am I gay?
Pic related, its the cock
now that's a bruh moment
That sounds like you need to get drunk when it arrives so you can see what you had planned~
You can try but was it really that expensive? Too expensive to just throw it in the trash when it arrives?
Or you could try it out, you might surprise yourself. Butt stuff on yourself isn't gay, I do it all the time and the sight of actual cock makes me go flaccid faster than the sight of a dead baby.
Some dicks are like $50-75 bucks and that's probably the value of the alcohol he drank.
Are you trying to quit alcohol?
Maybe you bought it as a trophy to remind you how much you spent so you'd never do it again.
If it hasn't shipped yet you might be able to cancel the Order. It should also arrive in a generic Amazon box.
ive got room mates
it has
Hell, try cancelling the order even if it has shipped. If it hasn't finished passing through Amazon warehouses you might be fine. They probably won't accept a return after it arrives, just because it's a sex toy, but there's a used sex toy market around (I think it's mostly for bad dragon, but I don't see why your Amazon cock wouldn't count).
Why am I seeing a picture of a penis and ballsack on a blue board?????
It will arrive in discrete packaging.
You and me, we're similar people. I can tell.
If you got roommates there's always the "LOL IT'S JUST A PRANK BRO" option of sticking it on their forehead/headboard while they're sleeping
I know this is probably more of a humorous post, but my willing-suspension-of-disbelief filter is pretty much equivalent to how prescient and funny the story is, and this post struck me as both, which if it's true might somehow make me appear callous and insensitive to the issues of people who struggle with questions about their sexuality.
I assure you, I am completely callous and insensitive to some problems, because I have literally never had any interest in owning a dildo.
However: I don't think it necessarily makes you gay.
There is a difference between wanting to explore your prostate (which I can only assume was the impetus for such an order) and being sexually attracted to other men.
Maybe you should just go with it, and keep the thing, and get really drunk and see where things go with yourself.
Plus, if anyone has any problems with it (though why they'd even have to know is a question you need to work out for yourself, because like whose business is it who might judge you negatively for it - though I know privacy is a fucking joke, so you might at some point feel the need to justify it to some bigoted, homophobic jerk), there are a number of YouTube videos which show that a suction-tipped large dildo is a fantastic tool (pun intended) for removing minor dents from vehicles.
So, you have that going for you.
I don't even know what "goon" is in terms of liquor, but it sounds pretty amazing.
all it says I can do is return/replace
cask wine
$48 AUD
Guess you'll have to send it back when it arrives.
Though if you keep it, you might want to work your way up to your plastic cock. A prostate stimulator's probably a better first buttsex toy.
Aha... where I'm from we call that "two-buck-chuck," but mixing that shit with hard liquor is a recipe for a very special kind of disaster, from my experience.
You have my thoughts and prayers, OP.
Just email the vendor and explain that someone placed the order without your consent after you left your account open on a public terminal, and you're sure it's a prank, and would like to request information about returning it unopened for a refund, and apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused. Offer to cover the shipping costs and taxes, because it's not their fault you placed the order, but chances are that they'll be able to resolve the issue without your having lost too much money or pride.
But if it happens again, just buy the cock. Nobody really cares if you're into ass-play.
Also, if you have enough money that you can afford the loss, then also just buy the cock.
I mean, even if you just stick it on things that need a cock and take pictures, it's serving a purpose if you can do something with it.
And I imagine that the dildo-market is probably a pretty competitive one (pic related), so why not just take the hit if you can afford it?
How shitty are your roommates?
I'd just tell them the story and we'd laugh it off
And now they think you're playing for the pink team user
Just to get it out of the way, dubs checked.
See now, it's not that great of a story unless you really sell it.
The problem OP is having that they can't explain what made them order it.
Maybe they have roommates who are the kind of homophobic bros who would think that having a dildo makes you gay, though - they won't buy it in its present form, because it was still OP's drunken purchase.
But maybe what made OP order it is is the realization that at least one of them is probably only so homophobic because they're really afraid of how gay they are, and they wanted to give them this dildo somehow.
Like, this happens a lot. Most guys who really hate gay dudes hate how much they want to have sex with them.
I could imagine there are people for whom I'd be some kind of gay-bear-waifu, and it's really sort of tragedic, because it's probably the same experience that I have when I fall in love with someone who looks at me like some kind of automatic nope-out of a human in terms of the possibility of their ever being sexually attracted to them, and I feel bad.
But they should be able to fulfill their dreams somewhere, and so I genuinely wish the best for them.
They'd have to make some kind of production out of it - stage an elaborate prank that involves something worth having spent the money on it, and which just surrenders it to some kind of unspoken "now that the prank is over, nobody cares who does what with it" status, and then succinctly ignore what happens to it after that.
If it's found anywhere, then it's assumed that its presence was a temporary need in terms of whatever prank is next attempted, and nobody questions it anymore than that.
Of course, introducing that element into the household tacitly confers the support of gay stuff, and that's what OP is wrestling with.
So I say again: raucously and unapologetically supporting gay dudes does not make you gay anymore than fighting for womens' rights makes you a woman.
op here, worst part is from looking at my search history I went to bad dragon a couple of times and I faintly remember being outraged at pricing
why are you so afraid to tell us that you want to put these things up your asshole?
because I don't think that I do user
Lol; there's no shame in that. You should try Good Vibrations.
They're a really old company, but they've been making all kinds of vibrators and didoes for decades.
They are a bit overpriced, and you might be better off just seeking out whatever quiet porn shops you have available to you now, though.
Everything is so stupid right now.
Your search history is no more of a determinant of your being than any other part of who you think you are.
Even if you had some part of you that craved a deep cock... like who the fuck literally cares?
It means almost literally nothing in terms of what else you are.
You're gay; you're not gay; you're whatever you want the fuck to be, because you're the only one who can decide what to do with this retarded-ass meat-husk.
It's all completely stupid, and you're allowed to do whatever you want with it, and if nobody's ever given that permission to you before...
Well, allow me: you're a fucking meat-husk who has very little choice in what drives them in terms of their hopes and dreams.
You just shrug it off and keep going, though. That's all you can ever do.
We're all in this together, and it's increasingly annoying, which is the part that the HVAC repairman from Brazil didn't tell us when he blew all that sunshine up our asses.