Girl I'm in love with who lives 6 hours away while I finish my last semester of grad school just fucked another man...

where did you guys meet? how long have you known each other?

>Girl I'm in love
>We aren't technically together
>I love her and she said she loves me too

So are you a couple? Are you in a relationship? How do you know she loves you the same way you love her?

1.) Yes we are a couple/ex and we promised to stay celibate until we were together again
Then yes you have the right to be mad, although understandable, not cool, she should’ve asked if you have done the same before something happened

2. No we’re not lovers/couple/in a relationship, we’re just friends but I’ve always liked her and I was waiting to finish school to ask her
she doesn’t owe you shit as an individual she can do whatever she pleases, if you’re just friends technically she doesn’t need to inform you about her sexual partners

There’s the family love, friends love, significant others love, if you’re not together it’s pretty complicated to have a long distance relationship, it is possible but shit, everyone needs the human touch, and if you haven’t cleared out what you want BOTH of you then this sorts of things happens.
If she wasn’t aware of your complete intentions you have nothing to expect. Sorry

We met at community college 5 years ago or so, we had sex and then i moved away and we didnt talk for a few years and then we hungout again and it was amazing and we were in love

so you fucked this girl 5 years ago, hung out with her once after not speaking for years, and youre getting married now? that sounds like not a good idea

if youre in love and getting married why do you say you guys arent together? are you sure youre not being taken advantage of?

It is if you're not an ugly beast.
Being in love=/=Relationship

Well i fell for her this time around. She just works at a restaurant and I am almost done with grad school and for some reason I am willing to give like everything to be with her, but the idea that she was with someone after me makes me sick. Even though i know she was with several people after me the first time, I actually care this time i guess

im sorry dude but you dont sound very in touch with reality

It’s odd that she say she sleeps around if you guys have said you love each other. Would think the topic of poly or sleeping around for funsies wild come up.

But you sound pretty retarded. I bet you just love her and you don’t really know how she feels or have talked about it and you pictures this whole life together and she dosent even know. And she’s been treating you like a friend and now your surprised. Good job dummy.

This guy is hurting and you want him to jump into some kind of soulless fuck session to feel better and then exponentially worse once it's over? Not everyone is a narcissist like yourself, not everyone is capable of using and discarding human beings as if they were objects.

Op's gf is though.
Why can't they have a shared intrest?

>We aren't technically together
>I was gonna buy an apartment for us when I got out of school

You're a fucking retard and brought this on yourself.

I have a question, this was a question I had before I read anything beyond the first post a couple of hours ago, and is now a very pointed question now that I have:

Did you guys ever actually discuss your relationship in any concrete and definite terms?

I by that I mean NOT indefinite and conditionally conversations like “it would be so cool when to do when I get back”, I mean concrete and certain conversations like “I’m done in X months, let’s move in then. I think I can get a job with Y in your area. Why don’t we start taking a look in Z neighborhood?”

I’m guessing, No.

You’ve got some communication problems user. You can’t just assume to be onesidedly true without going the extra step to explicitly confirm that the other person is on the same page.

That is how probably 80% of all disputes start in relationship and if you were ducking up this badly *before* you actually got in to the relationship to begin with, it wouldn’t have boded well for your future.

Stop making one sided, blind assumptions borne out of romantic fantasies of how you wish things would work out and realize that reality requires you to work at it a bit and have real, sometimes very awkward, conversations.

I respect the point here, the answer is no, there was nothing concrete or definite but I thought it was understood. I guess technically we werent together but we are talking and have all the intentions to be. It just hurts she got with someone else. She keeps saying sorry and telling me we can start over but the question is how do I get over this shit. I want to be able to but how do you get over someone getting with someone else after you?

WAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA mmmm imagine being the guy. She took all she learned from practicing with you and did it on him. On his dick =)

>how do I get over this shit
Accepting that you have a major flaw in communication and need to make yourself clear. By not holding this against her like she had been cheating on you, because in actuallity she wasn't. By not freakishly expecting a loosely defined intrest to not seek sexual reprive for a few years with no contact, that's cruel, and doing that to yourself without clarification was your fault.

That fucking gif is art

>there was nothing concrete or definite but I thought it was understood

Never do this in a relationship.

Hell, even when something *is* concrete and EXPLICITLY agreed upon, never assume it will stay that way forever.

Doing that only leads to you being an asshole who either ignores the reality of how things are changing, or an asshole who ignores the way your partner feels, inevitably resulting in some stupid drama that would never have come about if you tried to keep more on the level and in touch with one another.

If you want to move forward, take this as a lesson on both your ends.

Take this as no ones fault, and at the same time, both your faults. You didn’t communicate. Consequently assumptions got made. Those Assumptions were then proven wrong.

The fault here is the lack of communication.

If you want to move forward, use this as a hard earned lesson to build a foundation of communication that’s stronger and more stable moving forward.

If you can’t get over it, then I’m sorry but, perhaps the truth of the matter is that maybe you were just stuck living too long in your fantasy that what you had was never based or grounded on anything real.. You can’t build up a foundation on what was never there to begin with.

who is this girl whos saying she loves you and is gonna marry you after she's seen you once for the first time in 5 years? assuming this love and marriage stuff isnt all in her head i think you might be being taken advantage of dude

Walk away. You say you both talk about marriage and how you love each other, speak everyday, you are planning to move to where she's at and buy a place for the two of you to live. She's fucking other guys. She says she assumes you were having sex as well. What exactly do you talk about everyday?

Sounds like you have a lot more invested emotionally in this relationship. Sounds like you are putting a lot more planning into the future in this relationship. Sounds like you are going to be putting forth a lot more to be together in this relationship. Moving, finding a job, buying a place. Sounds like you will doing a lot more of the work and sacrificing in this relationship. See the pattern here.

Forget about her, read No more mr nice guy, by Robert Glover, make yourself go out more - even if you don't want to. Don't put ANYBODY on a pedestal (an specially women of you're a man), and start following this old man called Coach Red Pill on YouTube. He's got good advice on anything, an specially on women
You're welcome user

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Walk away OP

You weren't together, so she didn't do anything wrong, but you should move away. It's going to hurt if you don't. I don't know how cucks can do it, either.

You need to read Jow ForumsTheRedPill ASAP

So I'm in a situation similar to but not suite the same as OP's; there's a girl who I've got a crush on, but we're just talking for the moment until she gets back from an exchange. She's on exchange so obviously it's a possibility that she's getting some dick, but I don't know if she is and I can't really do anything about it anyway. I would be disappointed to find out that she had been getting dick, though, and I'm hoping that's not the case. Since I'm hoping she'll wait, I'm also waiting. I can't expect her to and then not do the same myself. We haven't discussed it, so I'm completely banking on hope. How do I prepare for the possibilty of being disappointed? Is this a reasonable thing to hope for? We've already agreed to a date when she gets back, but that's in a few months' time. Please assuage my insecurities

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I think you would have to be a man to really truly understand it.

Compare it to emotionally cheating. Imagine being tricked by a guy who totally pretended to love you, led you on; the works. And you're duped. Then he's like, well I'm still here! And hey, I kinda do like you, what's the problem?

There's no perfect equivalence across the sexes, but I think that's the closest example I can give to understand how men feel.

Oh and OP, learn you lesson and get to know your women better. Don't fall for lowlifes. Have standards. bla bla bla

She is not your girlfriend. While you have a promise to get together once she gets back, she is free to do whatever she likes while there. If her saving herself for you is something you're so worried about, you're going to start the relationship off on a bad foot. To a degree it's none of your business if she doesn't willingly share.

Don't waste your time trying to explain this to a woman. They will never understand how much easier they have it

For OP and all of us that have dealt with this and will have to deal with this.

It doesn't matter what the circumstances of the fucking someone else are or if you are in a relationship or not or male of female. If you're not fucking around and the other is then they don't feel about you like you feel about them.

They can say they love you but they don't love you the same as you love them. No amount of discussion or justification or crying or begging changes that fact. Therefore the question is not why did they do this or how could they do this, that is answered, but are you ok with staying with someone that does not love your back the same. It doesn't mean they are bad people or you too demanding, its just not a good pairing so why waste your precious time and emotional energy.

OP, I know you have all these future plans but she has different plans for the future and already living them. Bad pairing.

All day long your man is texting a friend of his who is a woman, constantly complimenting her and listening to her problems, saying he loves talking to her and that he can't wait to again soon. Then when he's off the phone, he turns to you, asks what's for dinner, sits on the couch in silence while watching a show with you, seems slightly distant during sex, and give you a flat I love you before dozing off.

I know all that. My problem is with not worrying about her waiting for me. I don't know how to not worry about that. I do know it's rooted in insecurity, but admitting that is as far as I'm able to go. I want to eliminate the insecurity. As it stands, if it gets out when she comes back that she had been seeing another guy, that's validation for my insecurity, and my way of dealing with it right now is to tell myself that I have no way of knowing whether she would or wouldn't do that. Thus I'm hoping that she doesn't. But I don't want to just hope; I want to completely be okay with whatever the reality of the situation is, because right now I may or may not be, depending on what the situation actually is. She seems like the person who wouldn't sleep around, but that's just an assumption. I've only known her for a few months and am not intimately familiar with her psyche

Yeah that's probably a better example. thanks user

>I've only known her for a few months
holy fuck. all this angst over someone you have known a few months. you need to let this one go

Honestly in 2019 it's beneficial to develop at least a mild cuckold fetish.

You're not gonna find a girl who hasn't taken miles of Tinder chad cock, or who isn't already fucking other people.

Might aswell have fun with it.

you must be some weird lizard person with no emotions. kys

I have emotions, just no jealousy.