What is the redpill ideal for women? Heavyset woman in her twenties trying to get a dude...

What is the redpill ideal for women? Heavyset woman in her twenties trying to get a dude. Already lost over 20 lbs and going, building an active lifestyle, career, etc. Curious what dudes are actually into given all the redpill stuff is targeted at men and doesn't give much guidance to us.

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>Be caring
>Dont do shit tests
>Take care of yourself physically
>Dont be manipulative

Can go even more, but basic is dont be a bitch and be loving. Really simple.

I'd appreciate going deeper, because I've seen a lot of contradictory stuff in the manosphere and it's been really hard to understand what exactly is expected of me. I'm learning to do makeup and doing my best to lose weight, am educating myself to be an interesting conversationalist, and do my best to take care of a partner if I have one.

But some places say it isn't possible to be happy with a Western woman at all, and I want to be the feminine ideal. I know how to cook and am happy to do most of the cleaning because I know my standard of cleanliness is higher than most dudes. I haven't had many partners (only two in high school and I only slept with one of them) so I know I'm worth less to some guys...

1. Can you be trusted?
2. Can you manage an economy?
3. Can you take care of children?
4. Can you talk to people without having people cringe at your voice?
5. Can you run 10km in an hour?

If you can honestly say yes to these things, you shouldn't have problems finding a guy.

1) I've never deliberately hurt anyone or told a lie with malicious intent.
2) Do you mean just household money? I've lived on my own since I was 18 and am putting myself through school on my own dime, though I'm only going to have about 1/3 of my loans paid off when I graduate.

3) I don't know. I believe I could, but I don't have them so I don't know. I'd like to be a mom.

4) I've been told my voice is sexy, which is weird because doesn't everyone hate their own voice?

5) I'm at a 15 minute mile currently, so not yet. But I'm working on it.

>and I want to be the feminine ideal
Cooking and cleaning isn't the feminine ideal.
That is nice to have if everything else fails.
A lot of people show their love through actions, cleaning the dishes or vacuuming the floor without bitching or being told is a nice surprise that doesn't cost shit or barely takes any effort, but people love that stuff.

But in the end, (most) people don't just want a substitute mother, they want a partner. Someone who is on their team. It isn't about doing one thing.

Don't change to have men like you better. Change, if you want, because you like yourself better.
If you aren't truly yourself, you just are going to feel lonely and sad in the relationship. If you want to cater to someone else's preferences, you're going to feel miserable.

Be who you are. Find a man who loves you for who you are. That's all it takes to have a happy relationship.
If you try to change to be the feminine ideal, you'll just feel like shit.

I'm willing to do what it takes to support a guy, emotionally, physically. I don't know much about sex yet but I'm willing to learn. I want to be as low maintenance as I can, deal with my own emotional stuff so I can be there for him. I want to give more than anything else. And I want to help contribute so he doesn't have to carry the whole house by himself. That's so much pressure to put on a guy...

>>Can you take care of children
>I don't know
A good thing to try then is to take care of other peoples children.
I volunteer as a scout leader, where I teach boys and girls age 11 to do knots, follow a map, build shelter, break codes etc. It is a really great test of my patience as they don't always want to listen to what I am saying, sometimes they want to do other things.
Telling them to walk 50k is hard at that age and sometimes you literally have to drag them screaming how they don't want to walk another step.

You don't have to do this specifically, but it is a great thing to test yourself with.

Good. I think that is great once you are in a relationship.
But it seems like you don't know how to meet a guy as well or what do you want advice on?

Ok lets start with this. Any generalisation that is 100% definitive is wrong. "All western women must be discarded as wife material" is stupid, yes there are cultural trends but you should ignore any wide generalisations like that.

As a guy i can only speak for myself, and it will be off base to the norm of what guys want even at that. So lets jump into it.

First divide what you should look like/ how you should act into two categories, physical and character

1. Be fit; this is quite important. Men can look past having small boobs or ass , it doesnt mean they dont like them, but if they like you, dont feel insecure abojt these. However not being obese/fat is important to have a "good" partner that makes you happy. Everything i say in this post is about finding a good guy btw, cause finding just somebody is easy.
2. Be clean; daily showers and clean hair and soft skin, the latter two are feminine features that guys just cant get enough.
3. Make up; never go overboard with this, the "no make up" make up should be yout go to.
4. Dress feminine, essentially dont dress like a dude, dresses and skirts are good but even if sth else it should amplify your feminine features.

Lets get into character a bit
1. Be caring, try to understand what your partner wants or feels at this situation
2. Be your own person, this applies to everybody but always be secure with yourself and dont be overdependent
3. Talk openly and clearly
4. Dont assume he knows a problem exists, he might be oblivious to a thing you had been pondering in your head for days
5. Reiterating, be your own independent person that can function wihtout your SO.

Hope that helps, i am trying to be the male version of these so i can find a person who fits above, good luck to you. If you have any more questions ama.

That's a really good idea, though in my state you need a special license to take care of kids unless you have relatives with them. Even for volunteer gigs. Apparently some hicks in the boonies messed it up for everyone else. But I do have a married sister with kids that might be willing to let me babysit so she can get some couples time. Doesn't having your own make it different somehow though, like, chemically with bonding and stuff?

These threads make me honestly fucking depressed, as a woman.

I'm married, happily so. You don't need to change yourself to fit into some kind of stereotype to meet a man who loves you.
Even if you meet a man by playing the perfect woman character, he won't even love you. He will just like the person you pretend to be, if you change yourself like this. You won't be happy, he won't be happy, the relationship will be fake and shallow.

Yeah, the fit part is the thing I've been working on the hardest. I do my best to be self sufficient, though it seems like a lot of guys around here want me to "need them" or just want to fuck me once and run off, and I've heard that sleeping with someone on the first date makes you look weak and undesirable. Online dating is even worse. It sucks how long some of these things can take.

Also, my education seems to intimidate some guys. I'm going into chemical engineering because we have a number of job openings in that area and the industry has a fairly steady demand, but I'm worried that if I make more than a guy does it'll turn him off.

Meeting guys would be a good bit of advice. Most of the men I've met in college just want a quick lay or are too focused on their studies for a relationship, which I can respect (or are party idiots with little future, which I'm not interested in) but is a bit frustrating.

>you need a special license
We do here too, it is not a big deal to get one.
Basically, it is a scouting organization so we have it atomized, all I need is to give them access to my criminal record once a year so they know I am not a pedo.
And while I am a private person who would rather not give something that personal out to other people, even if it doesn't say anything, I accept that it is to keep the kids safe.
Babysitting for relatives can be good as well, but I mentioned volunteering because you get to take care of someone whom you have no reason to like, but actually get to love through genuine fun. Plus you get to meet other cool people that like the same thing as you.

Having your own will probably be a lot different, I don't have kids myself, so I wouldn't know for sure. But I think it will be more of a programmed to love them different than actually managing a bunch of kids to do the thing you want them to do. It is easy to love them if they are just doing what they are told all the time, but they have a mind of their own and that is what makes it interesting.

Trust. Figure out the rest later. Trust is the most important thing in life.

>mech engineering fag here

There is no hard and fast rule about sleeping with someone on first date, or third or umptieenth date or whatever. There are stories about marriages with having sex on first date, but also the opposite might happen where the guy thinks you are a slut. Sorry OP there is jo definitive answer here.

To be honest a good amount of guys would be intimidated about a gal amking more true, if theybare really insecure about it just let them go and look for someone else. About the needing part, if you can havea somewhat equal partnership in the relationship that would be great, at least for me. I can see how it can intimidate some dudes though.

You just need to find somebody that is fine with you being you while doing all the stuff i listed above. These will improve you as a person and a women first , aa partner second.

Be loving, caring but be yourself. Your potential partner should be ok withthat first, the rest will come later.

Lets start talking about hobbies than, what do you do i your free time? This is important for meeting new people.

I do some knitting and sewing. I'm also a gamer, though that's taken a backseat to my studies. I like hiking and mountain biking, though I can only really do that in the summer any more.

I used to love working on cars, but everything's electronic any more so being a grease monkey is getting harder. I also dabble a bit in programming, mostly making mods for games like Starbound.

I get that. It is hard to meet women you want to date too.
What guys do is try to look past that shit, because otherwise, no woman is "worth" spending time with and the few who are will crush your soul when they don't want to be with you.
People who
>just want a quick lay
should be easy to weed out by getting to know them. That kind of person gives up easily when you don't put out.
>too focused on their studies for a relationship
is a better option.
Sure, they don't have time for you here and now, but you know they will be making a lot of money later in life and they doesn't mind waiting for someone decent. Being friends with that kind of people is a good thing. Having successful friends makes you more likely to be successful yourself and if he one day wakes up, you can get a quality husband you already are good friends with.
>party idiots
I wouldn't discount those either.
A very likely reason a guy goes to parties is because he is told that is how you meet girls.
Obviously you shouldn't get drunk and sleeping with someone who thinks you are pretty that evening, but you can go with them and have a good time and see what they are like.
A funny example is someone like brett kavanaugh.
Complete rich boy party animal package if I have ever seen one. College to him was a giant party. Since then, apparently turned his life around became a respected member of his field a family etc.
Obviously not everyone turns out that way, but he is not the only one who does this.
A lot of people grow up. If you can find someone who is perfect in every way, but he parties a lot, I don't think you should discard him without getting to know him.

I suppose you're right, though most of the party boys don't have the best grades. I guess it matters what kind of connections their family has though. Part of the reason it's hard for me to deal with is that I don't drink a lot. I don't like the feeling as much as most people do. Don't like pot too much either, though I like it better than booze.

I'd love to get together with someone who works hard through school, but I don't know how to meet someone after graduation really. It's supposed to be easier to get together IN college, rather than after. Unless I want to hook up with a colleague, but I don't really think that's a good idea. It'd be nice to be with someone who's in another field so we could talk about a lot of different things rather than just one field.

Wow, you sound like a catch to be honest. Surprised you dont have a partner yet. Do you do these alone mostly? I might suggest joining some clubs that do hiking or biking so you can meet new people.

Try to become more social i guess, not necessarily change your personality mind you, but be in more different enviorements. You will most likely meet somebody you are compatible with eventually. As i said, i am already surprised you are alone..

Aw, thank you. Being heavy comes with its disadvantages. I'm a size 16 now working on losing weight to get down to a 6-8, which is supposed to be a healthy weight for me. Being thicker makes it harder to find someone, but I'm working on it!

Thats a good goal to have, as a person who lost 30+ pounds in the last 5-6 months i sympathise with your challenge. And i am sure you will get more and more male attention as you loose weight, Where are you from anyway?

>knitting and sewing. I'm also a gamer
>working on cars
That is a lot of things you do on your own.
You sound amazing, but how will anyone know that if you don't meet with people?

Guys who are intimidated by you earning more is because they don't know what they can bring to the table. Tell them, show them what you think of them. Gay shit like holding their arm with both of yours when you are out in public, taking their advice seriously and stuff like that is more important. Another thing about finance:
A guy should pay on the first date. He picks a place that is upscale of what he would do if he was by himself, but not out of his price range.
If he picks something that is cheaper than what you would have picked if you were to go through the same mental exercise, don't tell him that he is being cheap, don't tell him he is being poor and don't offer to pay to help him out of the mess he put himself into by evaluating poorly.
If he makes less than you and it bothers him but doesn't bother you, tell him that.

I know, it isn't easier when you are a fat guy.
One meal a day and daily exercises made me loose 30kg in 6 months, but it is a lot of work.
I would say though, fat people and former fat people are genuinely nice people. When you loose your weight, don't loose that part of you.

Oregon, though right now I'm going to UCal Berkeley. I'm hoping to have my Masters done in the next 2-3 years.

How late? Probably already failed
Basically, don't be a bitch, don't be overly political, want children, be faithful, and don't have a terrible history in relationships (or be a slut)

It's hard to meet people when you don't like getting drunk much. I might try the club suggestion from above, or maybe check out a Meetup or something. Between studies and trying to make time for hobbies it can be hard. I wonder if I should wait to look until I've lost more weight anyway. It can be really discouraging when you get the "you're awesome but you're not my type physically..." speech. Or just ghosted when you won't bone them off the bat.

I've been eating a really low fat, plant based diet and it's working really well for me. I've also been exercising a ton, which I put on a bit of weight early on in school because my studies took up too much of my time and I neglected my health. I've been forcing myself to make time for the gym and it's really helping.

I don't think you read the thread really..

Why would I? I'm answering the op, not replying to thread

So from what you're saying on here it seems like being fat is the only thing keeping you from having a partner- you have a great mindset and attitude for a successful relationship. Just really take the time to get to know someone before you jump into a more than friends relationship to make sure they're just as committed with similar goals, aspirations, and social/political views as you even if you're not very political or you'll end up hurt, burned out, and/or lesbian as a result of giving your all in a string of failed relationships. I'd say a year or two is a good time frame. For what it's worth from an anonymous user on this hell hole website, a woman with your characteristics and interests is potential wife material to me, and checking off a few other personal preferences would absolutely seal the deal. You'll find someone eventually that makes the wait more than worth it.

Eurofag here, thats a pretty good uni right?

You should focus on keep doing what you are doing, keep up with the sports, try to be in more social situations. I am sure you will notice you are getting more and more approached as you get more fit and take care of yourself physically.

If you want somebody to talk to in the future i can drop contact info, i like meeting with new people and i am sure we can motivate each other to improve ourselves..

It's one of the better ones for science majors. Sure, if you use Discord drop your tag and we can chat sometime.

That's good to know. Honestly I'm not that interested in politics right now, I'm too focused on getting my own house in order so to speak. I lean more toward statistics than rhetoric on the few topics I do care about anyhow.

Neat, add me up and we can be weight loss buddies.

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>It's hard to meet people when you don't like getting drunk much
It is hard when you think drinking == getting drunk.
People say they are going to get drinks, but it is basically just socializing. try going and drink a soda if you want, leave early if it is not your thing.

Wait, normies just "drink" alcohol without the intent of getting drunk? Literally what is the point? I've always wondered what the point of bars is, considering it cost $20 for a bunch vodka which can hammer me for a whole week if necessary

Yeah, most of the people around here don't get that. Everyone pushes me to drink more and its a hassle because I don't want to do something stupid or risk a hangover and fuck up my coursework.

This is what I like

If people around you don't want whats is best for you, they are not your friends.
You can always go, drink a soda and then don't care about people giving you shit for that.

That said, I have been drinking a long time and the "do something stupid" is not really realistic, the worst thing I have done is random destruction of property people told me the next day I did even though I had no recollection of it.
It never fucked up my coursework.

Dont think of bars as only places to get drunk. People use them as meeting points, where other people serve them. Like restaurants, where people serve you and you dont have to clean up and it might be in the middle of where everybody lives.

Only other thing I can think of past some of the suggestions is that if you are actively trying and being denied consistantly, you might possibly be shooting out of your league.

>i am woman, fat and single. What can i do to get bf?
other woman
>you dont need to do a thing, look at me i am married and bla bla bla bla

Have you ever even read your post? What have you tried to tell? Did you just want to humble brag? Is this your brain on estrogen? You didnt even tell how you met your husband...

>redpill for women
Dont be fat, dress like a woman, have long hair, hide your tatoos, take out your piercings, hide your mental disorders (veganism, feminism, depression), lie about your body count (3 bfs max, 0 oneNightStands) and learn how to cook. The surest way how to seduce any man is to cook him dinner after sex.

How many boys have you "asked on date" OP?
You as a woman arent exactly expected to hit on men directly, but you still can alter the odds in yoir favor: FORCE THE MEN TO HIT ON YOU. How? Eye contact. Smile. "accidental" shoulder touch. Ask them random question like if they are single. Give them your number. Tell them they look handsome. Force them to think you are into them.

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>so I know I'm worth less to some guys...
I wonder how much time will pass before your self esteem is non existent, and you realize you have no personality, and that you're not happy.
You're trying to mold yourself into some Jow Forums ideal wife based on the collective interest of a tiny group of random guys.
If you're into cooking and cleaning, want to lose weight for your own good, and have an internal interest in being more feminine, then do your thing. But don't do it if you just want to impress some poltard and be "redpilled".

Getting in shape is not something that you should do in order to find a man, it is something you should do in order to be happier with yourself.
If you feel like someone's love for you is conditional to how you look, you probably shouldn't date them.
I'm not arguing against getting in shape, I'm just saying that doing it for the wrong reason is bad for you in the long term and is not sustainable either.

>What have you tried to tell?
That it is stupid to change yourself or hide who you are in order to find a relationship.
I tried when I was younger, got a boyfriend who was amazing on the paper, and I was so fucking unhappy all the time because I wasn't being myself and the guy I was with wasn't someone I genuinely clicked with and liked. It was shallow.
I got my husband, who is my best friend in the whole world and an amazing husband, when I decided to be myself and stop worrying so much about how "valuable" I was in an objective manner.
The best way to be happy with someone is finding someone who loves you for who you are. If you pretend super hard to be someone you're not, you're not going to be happy.

Your idea that you should lie about everything you are (dress like this, do this and that, lie, etc) is stupid. Might land her a boyfriend, won't land her happiness.

it's not THAT much, be good looking (make up and losing weight goes a long way), maybe some fitness, then support him and be demanding so he stays faithful.

He should want to try to keep you, but never fear that you might leave him. That part is probably the hardest.

Show him that you love him and support him, but expect things of him don't just accept anything he does or doesn't do.

To be desirable you basically only need a good personality (agreeable usually, supportive, helpful), look good (not beeing fat or anorexic already goes a long way), Do the stuff for him he hates to do (cleaning maybe?), but don't let him be lazy, don't be a complete yes man, and ur good to go :).

Only thing missing is probably similar interests but that's different from person to person

Not her (am a dude) but what if i havent found someone by being myself, hence i am trying to be a better person. I dont think i am not acting as myself, i am just trying to improve.

What domyou consider about that? Asking genuinely..

Yes to all, but I’m opting out of kids. life is just too fun to have that level of commitment. Otherwise I got my own house. I paid for my own studies, that I dropped because of work. Started my own business. Now I got no debt and live basically on passive income. Live pretty simple. Love being in the kitchen cooking up food, or hiking. My voice is fine. I just don’t talk annoyingly.
I love vidya, but hate anime and neets. Hard to find a guy..

Calling bullshit on you, you must be fat or sth. Whats wrong with you user?

you are dumb as balls, we are social beeings and need affection and affirmation, it's as basic as a need as hunger and need for stability.

It's better to change yourself to fit in with others than be alone just to be """"YOURSELF"""", you in particular don't even know what that is.

It's fine to change for the sake of others, actually it's quite a noble reason to try and be as great as you can be in the eyes of those whom you are trying to court. Just make sure it's sustainable, and check every now and then if you like the direction you are heading.

It's great to try to improve - improving should be all you do all your life user. Striving to be better is what moves us in life.
But don't mold yourself into being something you're not, or something you don't feel comfortable being, just for the sake of finding a partner.
Be a better version of who you are, not a whole different person.

I'll give you a very silly but simple to understand example.
I was always a huge tomboy. I hate being at the centre of attention, I like wearing simple clothes and being comfy. I hate make up, I hate doing my hair.

When I was 20, I dressed in a way I felt super uncomfortable with to find a boyfriend: cute dresses, feminine shoes, handbags, make up, hair perfectly done. I hated it so much, it was nothing like me. I felt shitty in my own skin.
Guys liked me more, because those things enhanced my features, but I hated myself. Every time my ex boyfriend complimented my appearance I cringed because it wasn't who I was and felt uncomfortable.
Now I wear jeans and sweaters, sneakers, don't wear make up. I wear nice stuff, stuff that complements my figure, but stuff that feels like me.
My daily outfit is something like a nice pair of jeans, a cute cachemire sweater and a nice pair of sneakers. No make up, simple braided hair. This is an improved version of what I always liked and felt comfortable with.
When my husband says I'm hot, I do feel hot. When he says I look good the way I'm dressed, I do feel good about myself. I'm so confident and feel so good in my skin that it really shows. I'm more confident in my relationship with him, too.

Getting affirmation and affection based on a lie doesn't make you feel good. If you pretend to be someone you're not and get love for that, it makes you genuinely feel depressed.
And it isn't better to change in order to fit in than to be loved for who you are. I'd rather have less people around who like me for who I actually am than a ton of people who like me for something I'm not. It's a no brainer to me.
The alternative is not to be alone. The alternative is to have a smaller niche of people who like you.

And no, it's not fine to change for others. It doesn't work in the long term, either.

Well, i hope i find someone like you femanon. I just dont get any flirtatious behaviour directed towards me, so i am thinking it 8s because my appereance is unattractive.

I need to look like someone attractive and still be myself, i find it q bit hard to be honest.

Well, you can do a lot to improve your appearance while still being yourself! Just give some serious thought about what your style is and think about improved versions of things you feel comfortable in.
You like wearing jeans? Find a fitting pair of jeans that make you look good. Do you like wearing tshirts? Find a nice basic one that suits your figure. Do you like wearing a beard? Go to a barber and have him teach how to trim it.
You can improve your confidence by improving yourself, too, which will get you more attention.
Also, guys are often a little clueless. I flirted with my husband so hard and he didn't get it for so long. Maybe you're just not seeing the flirting, or not flirting much yourself.

Good luck user!

Thanks, there is a good chance it is because i am a 5'3" manlet, bit overweight too(but i am working on it).

You are right about the barber thing, it just is a slow process trying to improve everything. I do try to get better fitting clothes, i just am loosing weight so keep needing to find new clothes. Got new glasses too.

But i know main issue is character, i need to be more up front when it comes to this stuff, it just is hard when you didnt do anything about a total aspect of life for 20+years. Be more brave and all..

There's no quick fix to this kind of thing. Take your time, improve as much as you can, and yes, definitely take your chances and risks. It's scary but all good things in life are a little scary at first.
Don't stress about being perfect, finding yourself and improving yourself is a process. You'll get there.
Just don't force yourself to be like everyone else if you aren't, it's a fool proof recipe for misery.

Be feminine, don't be fat, have a sense of humor(maybe watch some standup to get the hang of it) and overall as personality try to be pleaseant to be around, also don't have a ridiculously high partener count oh and you know be intersting to talk to, maybe have some hobbies (seeing girls on their phone 24/7 is a huge turnoff). And that's pretty much it

Thread is about finding BF, not about happiness or self suficient adult grown up mature person.

Pic very much related.

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What's the point of finding a boyfriend if you're unhappy with him and he makes your life miserable?

Cheers user, i wish you the best for you and your hubby. Hope i find somebody nice like you.

I can answer with same tone: whats the point of anything? OP wants bf. Let her fullfill her dream.

You're implying that she can't find a boyfriend unless she fulfils the ideal of some losers on reddit. While she can, and she probably will be a much happier person and it will be a much happier relationship.
It might take a little longer to find someone who appreciates who you are, but it's worth it every single time.
I genuinely think that having a man who unconditionally loves you is the best asset you can have as a woman (and viceversa), and you can't find that if you pretend to be someone you're not.
I get that you all want to craft a girl to be your ideal waifu, but it's bullshit and it won't make her life better.

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